Champagne Wishes...

and caviar dreams!!

Welcome to Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous...

hey now... if there's any celebrities out there who are planning a move to the area, I want you to email me..specifically any actresses with big tits lots of money and no morals...how many more celebs are gonna come here and then we gotta put up with that insufferable Minneards guy fawning all over them ad nauseum..look, these people are no different than you or I...maybe cash-wise a little more advanced, but they sit on the crapper like eveyone else..oh, they don't I just heard..they have someone do that doody for them?? oh fuck me then..that's very cute...

do they have someone who saves their little neurotic dog's crap in the morning and puts little sweaters on them and parades them down Coast Village Road like it's fucking Rodeo Drive...they go to the gay salons and dine out at Lucky's and sit around the back tables doing lines of coke then they go get in their brand new celebrity show cars and speed away..what are they trying to prove?

ever since I started this blog, celebrities have moved in to try and capture some of my glow and I'm getting sick of it...why is Santa Barbara now a destination for the rich and famous? It's maddening I tell ya...so now when I go to the beach, maybe I'll see Drew Barrymore walking her dogs with the wind air-brushing her hair just right, so I'll snap a picture and what does that make me?? a pussyhound, what else..see, I haven't changed, everyone else has!

ok Drew..I know you've had a troubled past with the drugs and the rebellion, but that's normal...and you beat it because you're a big girl now...In the 1990s, Barrymore was frequently described as bisexual, although she stated in a 1997 interview that she had not "been with a woman in about two years". In 2004, she was quoted as saying "A woman and a woman together are beautiful, just as a man and a woman together are beautiful. Being with a woman is like exploring your own body, but through someone else. When I was younger I used to go with lots of women. Totally. I love it". In March 2007, former magazine editor Jane Pratt claimed on her Sirius Satellite Radio show that she had a romance with Barrymore in the mid-1990s.Barrymore was formerly a vegetarian, but has since begun to eat meat....
until next time....uuhh..keep reaching for the stars??

free fallin'

I'm a tree fallin...

wow..I scarcely believed my eyes when I read the News-Press editorial.."Preserve the eucalyptus trees on East Valley Road"..this is the stand of eucs outside Birnam Wood you may have heard about...the Montecito Journal publisher James Buckley and his pal Bob Hazard have been trying to remove these giant eucs citing imminent danger of falling or catching fire or eating babies...all bullshit from these two bozos..unfortunately, several trees have been chopped by the homeowners..the continuity on East Valley has been disrupted ..so the question is: should the rest of the trees be saved??

now the recent storm has toppled many trees... most were native pines or oaks and at least one euc fell...trees fall sometimes for various reasons....if you don't take care of them, they may fall..once a year trimming is a good idea....fear and ignorance is no excuse to chop down the urban treescape... especially in Montecito..a drive up East Valley to Mountain Drive is always a pleasure..the tree canopies are awesome..imagine all those trees gone!! the creeks are flowing, the wind is blowing.. the leaves are swooshing around like snowflakes....it's fantastic and nobody is up here today except me and some hawks!

back to the News-Press...it's an Our Opinion piece, so I don't know who wrote it but it was write on...(get it??) the opinion was well written, factual with none of the usual BS the News-Press delivers...I especially liked the part about "there's a lot of fear-mongering about these trees and people are in a panic for no reason".... well wait just a doggone minute, if a euc fell on my house or car, that would be a reason for panic, I suspect! maybe they need to rethink that editorial!! how would you like one of those monsters falling on your house?? they could conceivably wipe out your family, your precious little Montecito family!! Well Wendy, what about private property rights??

ok here's my theory about the new attitude at the News-Press: Wendy is in love with me! I won her over, I rubbed off on her (get it!!)...finally! lemme see Wendy, my B-Day's coming up, I need a new truck, the mortgage paid off, at least 5 new guitars..we'll talk later babe!

and as an added bonus if I can pit The Montecito Journal and the News-Press against each other, that's a cherry on top and 2011 will start with a bang..get it!!

reservoir dogs...

some days you eat the dog, some days the dog eats you...

ok so the Padaro Beach Grill closed and what do you do..cry! I think some of you gals have penis envy but that's not what this post is about..I'll tackle that another day...another Windy day...hey I was driving around and things are falling on Santa Claus Lane ..the native plants that Caltrans planted are slipping down the slopes, I saw a native pine resting on a chain link fence, about to fall..I called Caltrans District 5 and alerted them to these safety issues..more on Caltrans District 5 later...but the Padaro Beach Grill closed down again...this little restaurant has changed hands many times and the last time I ate there was during the Santa controversy..I had a burger and it was good but expensive....that was when Paul and Gene Archambault owned the business..they toiled very hard to build it up and gain a following, but the out-of-town landlord decided to triple the rent and forced the guys out of business..the landlord's son tried to carry on with a restaurant but that failed, too..and now, it's going out of business again...and I hear there's a new law that will allow dogs on restaurant patios..people and their dogs... I swear they treat dogs better than kids! why are they turning restaurants into zoos??

the last thing I want is your stupid mutt shaking his fleas all over my food in a restaurant, barking, licking his balls, crapping..oh, what a lovely site..your dog crapping next to my Chef's Salad!! geez, who came up with this dumbass law ..dogs in restaurant are a health hazard!! we've been over this before about the separation anxiety that pet owners suffer..mainly dog owners who are very needy and wimpy...and the Padaro Beach Grill was dog friendly..oh...I can see this new law doing wonders for the restaurants all over town....
what next, a dog menu with the Milkbone Deluxe Burger??

gutter balls

and cocktail napkins

as an award winning writer, I've tried to maintain some standards and keep this blog from becoming just another crude Juvenalian satire, but some of you people have driven me into the gutter, the political gutter, the sexual gutter, the gutter..soooo, did you know that Elvis and I used to be friends...oh yeah...he came into a bar in Ventura one night where I was singing and we hit it off..we talked about the future and he came up on stage and did a few numbers with me..the folks in the restaurant were too drunk to realize that Elvis was singing to them...kinda like I feel when I'm blogging now..so after the gig, Elvis and I found a little corner and wrote this little song on a napkin, a prophetic song, which rings true many years after we wrote it...it's called " In the Gutter"...hope you like it, if you're not too pissed....

In the Gutter

by Presley and Von Caw

As the snow flies
On a cold and gray Chicago mornin'
A poor little baby blogger is born
In the gutter
And his mama cries
'cause if there's one thing that she don't need
it's another little smart ass mouth to feed
In the gutter
in the gutter
People, don't you understand
the child needs a helping hand
or he'll grow to be an angry young man some day
Take a look at you and me,
are we too blind to see,
do we simply turn our heads
and look the other way

Well the world turns
and a bratty little boy with a runny nose
plays in the street as the cold wind blows
In the gutter
in the gutter
And his hunger burns
so he starts to roam the streets at night
and he learns how to sing
and he learns how to write
In the gutter
in the gutter
Then one night in desperation
the young man breaks away
He buys a computer, steals a domain,
makes fun of Wendy, and becomes real fam-ous
And his mama cries

As a crowd gathers 'round a well hung man
face down on the keyboard with a mouse in his hand
In the gutter
As her young man ties his shoes,
on a cold and gray Chicago mornin',
another little baby child is born
In the gutter
And his mama cries...

thank you..thank you very much.....

pin the tail on the donkey...

it's howdy doody time!!

I was listening to River by Joni Mitchell, and then saw Sarah McCacklin' do it on YouTube..it was cute but she should get down on her knees and thank Joni for turning weepy self- indulgent masterpieces into gold!
but I was thinking during Christmas about women and why I get attached to some...I think it's got to do with the weird yet endearing faces they make during sex..now I know relationships have a shelf life and I think mine are doomed because of some childhood trauma but that's no reason I can't enjoy them, is it? But I was thinking of a way not to get so attached and I came up with the idea of using blindfolds..I could wear a blindfold when we're doing it and that way I wouldn't see her faces...because if you think about it, if a woman came up to you on the street and started sticking out her tongue or rolling her eyes, what would you do? You'd call the cops, right?

now the reason I was thinking about this is because I was watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and an actress named Alison Doody was sticking her tongue in Harrison Ford's ear...I tell ya, Ford works with some fine women...lucky SOB...holy shit, this women was blonde and beyond gorgeous and I would fall for her like a eucalyptus tree in a wind storm..but would I fall for her if I was blind-folded? I suppose I could experiment but I'd probably look kinda foolish jerkin' off blindfolded with a glossy picture of Alison Doody taped to the car window!

anyway, Alison...my aim is true....

Drive My Car...

awright..Christmas is over..enuff with the sentimental hogwash..let's get down to business!

GOOD!!! the Republicans killed the pork that was supposed to fund the Highwyay 101 widening project thru Carpinteria...the project can't be completed unless the the Carp Creek bridge redo is included..see the clairvoyent feds are worried that in 100 years a flood will take the bridge out..so what, I'll be elsewhere...and Carp city councilman Joe Arnemdariz acts like he's surprised! what a joke this guy is! now he's been appointed chair of the unnecessary SBCAG body and he's going to Washington to lobby again for more pork! As head of the SBCTA, the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing..these guys don't care about the taxpayers, they care about preserving a few rich folks standard of living and bustng unions..they don't care squat about waste!

the News-Press refers to the "Carpinteria Creek Bride" project and quotes Joe who calls removing all earmarks "penny wise and foolish"...it's penny wise and pound foolish, Joe..get your adages correct!!
what is Santa Barbara County Associations of Government? a bunch of gov't entities get together and spend money...

Transportation Planning
SBCAG is responsible for all regional transportation planning within Santa Barbara County, including identifying and funding major infrastructure improvements, determining transit needs, creating and updating bicycle and pedestrian master plans, determining the feasibility of and planning for enhancements to the passenger rail system, and developing and implementing ongoing efforts to reduce traffic congestion throughout the region...

well, if that's the charge of SBCAG, they've done a lousy job over the last ten years...it seems they've spent a lot of money but for what? landscaping, electrified crosswalks..pissing away money left and right!! I guess I gotta check into this body to see what is up with these people....attend a few meetings....and Carp has already spent over one million dollars on a crazy huge footbridge spanning a little creek...one of the biggest problems with these people is they OVER-ENGINEER.....and this brown bridge is starting to corrode already!!....Lois Capps is also to blame for porking Carpinterians....the widening project through Carp was way too extravagant...this was explained to me by the current head of Public Works, who, a few months ago, said the project will happen and there will be extensive landscaping, planting natives and ripping out non natives..now, what has that got to do with freeway widening...NOTHING.. forget the bridge and widening in this area because just down the freeway less than a mile around Bates Road, it turns into three lanes!!!

and Caltrans has just spent millions on landscaping and irrigation in Carpinteria that has had negative effects...so I applaud the Republicans for taking away the credit card from these people who don't understand the value of a dollar! or how to add a few freeway passing lanes!
now, will the trip by Armendariz, Carabajal and Joni Gray be paid for by the taxpayers? why do all three have to go? and again the trio will ask for funds...the problem is these political leaders couldn't wheel and deal their way out of a paper bag!! they need to tell the feds to take a hike!
the highway project can be done by attention to details: maintain the highway, stop wasteful projects like native-only plantings, some areas don't need three lanes, so it's time to move on and widen only where it makes sense...details which these folks don't seem to understand....ya know Joe, if you spent more time studying the issues instead of attending private parties for the well-heeled zombies in Montecito, you might be an effective representative instead of a puppet for the rich...pull some strings...

do you see what I see...

Rincon Creek is flowing like a ribbon..but what's that little blueish circle yonder??

have you ever noticed that Wendy can't quite get up the gumption to wish you a Merry Christmas personally, so she relies on old News-Press editorials from way before she owned the paper..I predict that within one year, the News-Press will be sold..then WTF will I do?? I'll become a folksinger!!

Yo soy un hombre sincero De donde crecen las palmas Yo soy un hombre sincero De donde crecen las palmas Y antes de morirme quiero Echar mis versos del alma Chorus: Guantanamera Guajira Guantanamera Guantanamera Guajira Guantanamera Mi verso es de un verde claro Y de un carmin encendido Mi verso es de un verde claro Y de un carmin encendido Mi verso es un ciervo herido Que busca en el monte amparo.... I am a truthful man from this land of palm trees.. Before dying I want to share these poems of my soul.. My verses are light green but they are also flaming red...like my pants!! round yon virgins.. round yon virgins.. round yon virgins. round yon virgins.. round yon virgins..round yon virgins.. round yon virgins.. round yon virgins.and have a Merry Christmas!!!

a river runs through it..

runs through what???

ok..Caltrans comes into my neighborhood, trashes the landscape and takes off..and now I gotta deal with it! is that fair?? well, is it? I mean, how many times do I have to repeat myself..how many angry blogger posts do I gotta post? these restorations are scams..expensive scams and now I learn that someone in Ventura sold ag land to the Coastal Conservancy to restore areas along the Ventura River to native status....more money down the drain.... UPDATE: I just heard that the deal fell through with the Fish and Game and Coastal Conservancy! another entity bought it which has no intention of "restoring" it....Oh joy...rapture even!
so after the rains, Mother Nature confirms my convictions..it's like she's setting up a little lab and showing Caltrans and other nativists the error of their ways, the folly of their behavior...but do they listen to me? no..no they don't...well, maybe now they will..first we got a little hillside on Padaro and Santa Claus..do you see what happened? it's slip sliding away..do you know why? because Caltrans hired an outside landscaper to rip out the ice plant, and put in native plants to stabilize the hillside..did it work? no!!! and there's the proof!
next, we got Caltrans ripping out non-natives and weeds, planting natives and pouring tons of WOOD CHIPS onto the land, from Santa Cruz to Carpinteria...wood chips were used to suppress weeds...now look, weeds have a place in nature, they are not evil, they are beneficial especially at roadsides where survival is difficult...but Caltrans and nativists want to kill weeds and they will poison the land to achieve their stupid goals!! and cover everything with wood chips..this is a bad idea..wood chips are ok in small areas like your yard, but in large area applications, unintended consequences will happen..like this: after the rains, weeds are sprouting as is normal but the wood chips have also allowed mushrooms, poison mushrooms as big as moon pies to sprout! big poison fungus that will kill your dog and mess with your allergies when the wind blows the spores around!! the bottom line is this: instead of fixing the roads, CALTRANS IS TRYING TO POISON YOU and your little dog, too !!! and on Christmas!

True Grit...

One day you will rise and you won't believe your eyes

You'll wake up and see,

A world that is fine and free

Though summer seems far away

You will find the sun one day

ok, so I'm scooting around the condo in my cowboy hat with the radio blasting, vacuuming and cleaning like a good little housewife when the phone rings..rrrinnnnggg...I pick up and the voice on the other end was Sheriff Bill Brown! He called me back ladies, tee hee hee!
so I say thanks Mr. Brown for calling back, did you understand my message about Lanny Ebenstein and his pot house issues in Eureka? He says yes and goes on to recap for me..Lanny was sued by 14 neighbors for allowing a grow house to operate..the neighbors won a six figure settlement but Lanny is appealing it...Sheriff Brown was surprised about the settlement but if I remember correctly, the facts are indisputable....he was sued and ordered to pay...it was a civil trial...
Next, I asked Sheriff Brown if he used Lanny as a consultant and he said yeah, for Measure B and the jail tax issue..he said he wanted a conservative voice for balance and since Lanny used to be president of the SB County Taxpayer Association, he thought it was a good fit...I cautioned the Sheriff about the SBCTA..how shady they are and he went, uh huh...I said: Well that's my opinion, anyway...then Mr. Brown said Lanny writes editorials for the News-Press..I said, they've dropped off in the last month and he said no... he thinks the News-Press hired Lanny! This confirms my suspicions that the mystery OUR OPINION editorial writer is Lanny Ebenstein..now on Wendy's payroll, but not on the masthead! sneaky..he's hiding behind Wendy's dress!!!
I offered Mr. Brown a way to build the jail: get the Chumash to fund it..he chuckled, I chuckled....
I asked Sheriff Brown if he planned to use Lanny Ebenstein for any further consulting and he said: it's safe to say, no I won't.. I won't be using Lanny again...
good! the Sheriff was cordial throughout our little talk and wished me a Merry Christmas and holiday, and I him...a guy with True Grit...
now, let's see how long phantom editorial writer/doper Lanny Ebenstein lasts at the News-Press..longer than liar Travis? longer than cheater Dr. Laura? well, I got your number pal, wherever you're hiding...

green day....

the hydromulch scam....
it seems I can't look down at the ground without seeing some bright artificial green color..it seems I can't look at the hills without seeing the same...horticulturists are spreading hydromulch everywhere, to stabilize soil..the thinking is native plants now can't compete with the native seeds after a rain, so they apply hydromulch to stabilize the soil until the chaparral natives can grow again..
that's right, now it's native vs native!!
After the fires, the county sprayed the fire areas with hydromulch, a mixture of wood...paper and some other gluey green goo slurry..they'd load up planes and send them off to drop the load in strategic locations where the slope wasn't more that 60%......the mulch is supposed to prevent erosion..and it's flourescent green..oh, and a while aback, the County Parks Director used mulch with PLASTIC bits in it..sprayed that shit all over the hills..if it was a windy day and you were riding your bike in the hills, you probably took a few gulps of the stuff...
now, this whole project sounds so nutty to me, expensive too at around 5 million dollars...the biggest issue is hydromulching is designed for small landscaping projects...do what you want in you own little garden, but leave the hills to regenerate on their own....the chaparral needs native weeds and non-native weeds that Nature provides...if people would stop restoring these wild landscapes, we wouldn't have so many erosion problems. but we keep fucking with the soil!!
...another odd county idea was to put a little cabin or two at Lookout Park in Summerland to rent to vacationers..the County held an open house last month and got an earful from Summerlanders...most were against the idea so the cabins were nixed...
it's Wednesday and Sheriff Brown still hasn't called me about Lanny Ebenstein's pot houses...girls, what are you supposed to do when a guy you really want to call you doesn't call you?

Drive By Shooting!!

bang bang...

I went out in the rain checking some theens out..I went out in my truck with my camera and shot some theens..I guess that makes me a drive- by shooter! but really, I was wondering about the recent gang attack on the poor side of Carp..over where the tract houses are..over there by Malibu Drive and Aragon...some lady was shot over here by a jealous boyfriend years ago...I think these houses breed violence or stupidity...first of all, they are too close together to be a real house, so it would be cheaper to buy a condo...next, the paint schemes are conducive to madness... dull whites and Mexican oranges are not good shades to paint your houses with...I dunno..something over here scares me..what lurks in those houses anyway? I hope I never find out!
so I'm driving around and they got 192 closed below Arnold's ranch..a tree fell over..was it native or non-native..I don't rightly know...upon closer inspection I find it is a native pine!! oh no..let's cut down all the pine trees in Carp before they kill someone!!! I also heard a huge tree fell in Oak Park..I wonder what kind of trees they have in Oak Park??
next I go over to Santa Claus Lane and find Caltrans recent native plantings are slipping down the slope..see, they removed ice plant, a soil stabilizer, and planted some whimpy native theens... must they think my tax dollars grow on trees!!!???
next, I whiz down Padaro Lane and shoot Kevin Costner's house on the bluff...one thing about Kevin, he is a minimalist!
well, I sure enjoy this rain and all the fun it brings and I hope you do too!

train in vain...

squeaky wheels..

a ballet dancer sent me this article about the BBB which I found fascinating..have you ever tried in vain to rat on a business that sucked, like the News-Press, for example? The natural inclination would be to call the Better Business Bureau, right? not so fast...remember America? mom, baseball and apple pie...well, mom's a whore, the apple pie has worms, and now the non-profit BBB we learn..is corrupt!!
slate
Busted Watchdog
Is the Better Business Bureau a protection racket?
By Timothy Noah
If you want to check up on the bona fides of your plumber or your electrician, you contact your local chapter of the Better Business Bureau. Lately, though, news organizations have been questioning the BBB's own bona fides. The BBB's rating system, they say, is at best uninformed and at worst corrupt.
Until recently, the BBB had a reputation on par with motherhood and apple pie. The Better Business Bureau is a national network of local nonprofit groups that evolved during the early years of the 20th century to expose fraud—initially mainly patent medicines and stock swindles—in America's burgeoning advertising industry. From the start businesses were encouraged to join, but the imperative was that honest businesses had an interest in cracking down on dishonest practices that gave unscrupulous competitors an unfair advantage.
Until the 1950s member businesses weren't permitted to publicize their BBB membership; BBB ratings ("satisfactory" or "unsatisfactory" and then, starting in 2009, letter grades) came later still. The BBBs recognized that such publicity might corrupt businesses into using their membership fees to bribe local BBBs. Worse still, it might corrupt local BBBs into using membership fees to shake down businesses, effectively turning the BBB into a protection racket.
That's not far from what has happened, according to a January 2009 article by David Lazarus in the Los Angeles Times and a November 2010 story by Brian Ross of ABC News' 20/20.

Most hilariously, Ross reported (as The Big Money's Mitchell had earlier) that a man who goes by the pseudonym "Jimmie Rivers," says he's a former CBS affiliate news director, and runs a blog devoted to lacerating the BBB teamed up with some buddies to pay $425 to register Hamas with the Southern California chapter of the BBB. The terrorist group got an A-minus. For the same price, "Johnnie" scored an A-plus for the white supremacist Web site Stormfront, registering it under the name "Aryan Whitney." Cox replied, "We made mistakes."
mistakes?? is nothing sacred anymore??

my cherie amour...

lovely as a summer's day....

years ago I used to give to the United Way until the CEO was busted for using funds to remodel his house and enrich his family...fool me once, shame on you...since then non-profits have been on my radar..unfortunately, we've seen many break the public trust with unprecedented fraud..the City of Bell would have made a great non-profit! Locally, nonprofits ask cities for cash...you wanna balance the budget, stop giving tax money to them! Peoples Self Help Housing have helped themselves to the City of Carp to the tune of nearly half a million dollars, mostly thanks to councilman (and Andy Breitbart fan) Joe Armendariz..you know, I wondered how Joe could afford that silver Lexus SUV on a councilman's paltry salary...I'm just sayin'...then we got the Botanic Garden..this incredible resource was plundered by the board who recently scattered when people caught on to them, led buy ex-con, ex Arizona gov, and UFO seeing nut-job Fife Symington (a News-Press pal)..and the SM Natural History Museum is going down the same track....
here's an interesting little story about a non-profit called the "Coalition to End Family Violence"..it appears the CEO, a gal named Cherie Duval, who was was making about 100 grand a year, is accused of using the agency's credit cards for personal use....so that means if I were the CEO of a non-profit and I saw a cool shearling shirt-jacket in JL Powells for $2495. I could just charge it!!
　
Duval is suspected of using the agency's credit card for personal expenses from the end of July 2003 until she resigned in February 2008, overpaying herself for almost a year and a half, stealing an agency van that a board member said was used to take victims to shelters and improperly authorizing documents with the names of board members Read more: vcstar-
it seems Ms. Duval may have had gambling addiction so she kept writing herself checks and the board of directors looked the other way even when former employees brought up their misgivings about Cherie...
　
and more: (Dec. 17) -- A bone marrow campaign went all out to make potential donors an offer they couldn't resist by spending $60,000 a week to hire models in short skirts and heels to ask people to sign up for the lifesaving registry, investigators say. But what the Massachusetts registry didn't tell unsuspecting do-gooders is that its costly operation was billing insurance companies up to $4,300 for each DNA swab. Most labs charge about $100. James Boffetti, New Hampshire's senior state attorney general, told AOL News today that he's worried Caitlin Raymond's business practices would discourage people from donating to other registries.Boffetti said the nonprofit registry, an arm of UMass Memorial Medical Center in Worcester, Mass., engaged in "an aggressive marketing program" by instructing its models to wear heels and skirts to find donors at grocery stores, malls, sporting events and colleges.
fool me twice, shame on me...

a Christmas Prayer...

Amy..

my pretty salvation...
when are you gonna leave

Vince Gill, that fat- ass husband of yours,

and marry me???
well, Amy, whatcha gonna do??

cheeseburgers in paradise...

I love cheeseburgers..and fries...a big juicy cheeseburger is almost better than a juicy..a juicy...well you know what I mean... really...the meat~ the bun~ the tomato~ the lettuce....protein and veggies...it's health food and I don't want anybody from the guv telling me I can't eat one!
ok, that is outta the way...now I gotta deal with some political realities that don't really affect me too much, but there ya go...first, we got a burger flipper appointed to the SB city council...a foodie biz guy..his name is RONALD McDONALD!!!
naw, just kidding... he's Randy Rouse and he owns Paradise Cafe, a place I've NEVER been..my Paradise Cafe is IHOP...but the conservatives are in another frenzy about him...the News-Press says he's going fix all the pension issues in the city..no he won't unless he wants to have a mass worker exodus....nobody is going to reform public employee pensions..the unions ain't going nowhere...if you work 30 years and have been paying into your own retirement, the News-Press thinkers have blamed you for the global economic crisis..they call your working career a communist plot..why do they do this? because they are idiots and they have idiots writing their editorials...Lannny Ebenstein and Nipper....the only way to remove pensions from the equation is to privatize the city operations..the water, wastewater systems, etc. But since the city owns these facilities, it makes more sense to hire workers who are career professionals with some smarts and pay them accordingly....do you want guys like Nipper anfd Lanny treating your water??? these fucks are afraid to get their hands dirty let alone turn a valve!!
I've said this before: public employees and private employees are not the same..you need more brains to work in the public sector due to some specialized skills needed like chemistry, nursing, hydraulics, plumbing, microbiology, psychology, mechanics, public administration, engineering..and on and on...what kind of skills do you need to work at the News-Press when the owner got her vast wealth by divorce...not by smarts, but by marrying a rich guy.. working at the News-Press as it is right now, requires NO SKILLS!!
next we got county CEO Mike Brown who is retiring with a big pension after plunging the county into huge debt and a wake of discrimination lawsuits against him. He's going over to the private sector to work for COLAB with Andy Caldwell! COLAB is a lobbying group that helps protect wealthy interests in the North County from regulations..when Greka was spilling oil all over itself, COLAB was making excuses because their valley pals Firestone and Cowboy Wille own the property that Greka leased!!
those guys still can't figure out how to build a bigger jail for all the criminals up there!!
...well, you know Sheriff Bill Brown has consulted COLAB pal Lanny Ebenstein on a number of issues.... I called Sheriff Brown for a comment on Lanny's grow house issues in Eureka, but he doesn't have a voicemail and his secretary was out of the office and the person who answered phone was just a temporary and on and on, excuse after excuse..I left my number, maybe he'll call!! well, his secretary finally called back and said Sheriff Brown was outta town and would be back next week..at that time he'll look into Lanny's grow house issues and give me a comment...
meantime, I'm having a Big Mac attack!

my dinner with Andre...

well, not quite...
so I decided at the last minute to go check out the Wednesday luncheon bash at the Montecito Country Club honoring Andrew Breitbart....and I kinda have to kinda look conservative so's not to arouse suspicion..I'm white so that's a good start, then a nice marled sweater and slacks..not too fancy...then I'm off in my truck at about 11:15 AM...I get into Montecito and they're cutting down a bunch of trees at the corner of Hot Springs and Olive Mill Road in front of Casa Dorinda...what is up with these new Montecitans..they hate trees!!
I arrive at the Montecito Country Club...oooowwwoww, Christmasy decorations...and I park in the guest area...I get out and head inside with my trusty camera....I got my shades on and I scope the joint out..lots of older rich white folks all dressed up..milling about... there was a warm cozy glow of Ty Warner's billions creating a nice ambiance throughout the rooms...I don't think any of these folks has ever worked a day in their lives and the women had this weird musty odor to them....funky!!
hey.. there's Loren Mason, school board loser dude...I see Mike Self and start snapping pictures, but the light is so bad some of the shots suck..and I didn't want to bring too much attention to myself with a flash..so on I go and there's Breitbrat in the hall talking to some ladies...oh my gawd, Mike Self is hitting on Andy Breitbart..."I wanna do dirty things to you" she says..what a little slut!!
..then more pictures... BUT THIS GODDAM CAMERA keeps acting up... WUT A P-O-S!!!

then an old blondish lady who says she's president of the Lincoln Club intecepts me: "who are you?"..I say I'm Mick and I'm from the the '"Coy Review" in Carp..(I was being coy as a coyote)...she says "where's your press pass"...I pause for a minute.. "press pass, I don't have a press pass, I don't have to show you no stinking press pass!!!
then I capitulated: it's out in my truck...I said I'll go get it when the lunch starts..then she says she's really worried about security because Breitbart has been getting death threats from ACORN!!..I said: really..well, I don't think the ACORN folks is gonna be here today, no suh ma'am!
I think she had me pegged for an assassin!! these country club folks were SO NERVOUS..pacing and following me around, worrying about Andrew...it was hysterical!!

Then I walk away and start with the picture snapping again..there's James Buckley, skinny little dyed- hair Montecito Journal owner and the guy who will introduce Breitbart today..then another intercept from blondie..she really needs to see my press pass....I said ok, just a few more pics please..then another lady rushes over to me as I was trying to get a picture of James Buckley and puts her hand up to shield him!! geez, these Republican women are tough as nails but the men are wimps..the roles have been reversed here!!!
The lady's name is Priscilla from Santabarbaraseen.com...and she was starting to fume...I said: "aww, c'mon, just a few more shots"..then she starts railing into me...this is a private club, a private event, it's sold out...you can't be here!
"but I'm white!!" I screamed....
Then I ask if she's gonna call the police, she says yes..so I say, well, I'll be gone by the time they get here so 'bye!...out the door I go..
geez, I felt like I just got kicked outta high school again!! I haven't had this much fun since my uncle took us to Coney Island when I was a kid!!
so I go out to my truck and as I'm getting ready to leave before the cops come, I see Carp councilman Joe Armendariz..Joe was so polished and spiffed up, he didn't even look like a Mexican! His Carpo gal pals were waiting for him inside! Then I yell, "hey Joe, let me take a picture"..he walks over and says "who are you"....I say I'm Mick Von Caw.. he turns around and mutters "oh, from that horrible blog"..and walks away, head down...I shout back: "have fun, man!!" but he just keeps walking away, head down, like I just stole his candy or hurt his feelings..sorry Joe..I was just trying to be friendly!! say hi to June and Janice for me! and Merry Christmas!!
what a funny day this was!!

as the world turns..

sloppy joes

there's this creepy guy named Joe Guzzardi who writes opinions for Noozhawk about Mexicans and how they are hurting Aryan folks in California..he's part of the Californian for Population Stabilization (hollow earthers) although he lives in Pittsburg...Joe Guzzardi has written editorial columns — mostly about immigration and related social issues — since 1990 and is a senior writing fellow for Californians for Population Stabilization (CAPS). After 25 years as an English as a Second Language teacher in the Lodi Unified School District, Guzzardi has retired to Pittsburgh..
the News-Press ran one of Guzzardi's anti-Mexican rants but they chose to put the wrong picture associated with the writer..they put another Joe Guzzardi, the guy who ran for county Second District supervisor awhile back...he was a slow growther but I don't think he was ever part of CAPS...and the News-Press endorsed him in 2006 so they should kinda know kinda who he is...and they issued a correction for the umpteenth time saying they got their Guzzardis mixed up!!
　
now, CAPS is a very interesting non-profit..with an unusual cast of characters from Joe Armendariz to Randy Alcorn...both affiliated with the Wendy McCaw at one time or another....
but the funniest of the CAPS lot is a gal named Marilyn Brant Chandler DeYoung, who served on the Board of Population Crisis Committee for 23 years (now called Population Action international), and on the board of Population Communications Inc., for seven years. She was a key supporter of the Entertainment-Education program which used soap operas and other entertainment to motivate changes in reproductive practices...soap operas?? have you seen a soap opera...everybody is sleeping with everybody!! ha ha!!
caps

I swear these folks is straight out of the backwoods of Alabamy!! back in George Wallace's day!! CAPS is a part of an anti-immigration network formed by a guy named John Tanton: According to Tolerance.org, a project of the Southern Poverty Law Center: "The organized anti-immigration 'movement' is almost entirely the handiwork of one man, Michigan activist John. H. Tanton." In June 2002, it listed thirteen groups that formed part of the "loose-knit Tanton network." The following groups were founded and funded (through U.S. Inc.) by Tanton: Center for Immigration Studies, Federation for American Immigration Reform, NumbersUSA, Pro English, Social Contract Press, U.S. English, and U.S. Inc. Others, such as American Immigration Control Foundation, American Patrol/Voices of Citizens Together, Californians for Population Stabilization, Project USA, are part of the Tanton network because their funding has been channeled through U.S. Inc
a memo by Tanton was leaked, but it confirmed his racism: In 1988, shortly before a referendum in Arizona to make English the state's official language, a private memo written by Tanton was leaked to the media. In this memo, he expressed concerns about the potential political, cultural, environmental, and demographic impacts of continued high levels of Hispanic immigration into the U.S., especially if the Hispanic fertility rate remained higher than that of other ethnic groups..
while over population of ALL may be an issue, it won't be solved by watching soap operas... the only real way to solve this problem is to poison everyone over 60 because they're always bitching and moaning...``If they would rather die,'' said Scrooge, ``they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population...

not too bright...

local conservatives get wet dream....

what if I got a tape in the mail that showed Wendy McCuckoo, Montecito Journal editor James Buckley and his dog, both talking to Andrew Breitbart at the Montecito Farmers Market..then, in a moment of connivance, I decided to edit the tape showing Wendy, James and Andrew having sex with that poor dog..then I could blog I got some proof that the editor of the Montecito Journal, the co-publisher of the News-Press and hack Andy Breitbart like to have sex with dogs...well, that's similar to what sleazebag race-baiter Breitbart did to Shirley Sherrod to score political points and end her career because she was black...a lowbrow attempt to say the least...and conservatives invited him to SB!!
now, do Wendy, Buckley and Breitbart have sex with dogs?? probably but who knows and it sures seems beastly that Buckley would be proudly introducing this punk Andrew Breitbart at a Lincoln Club (SB's version of the KKK) luncheon. Breitbart will be the guest of honor and speaker at the function to be held at the Montecito Country Club......now it's no secret that these folks are racists and the only way to get back at the Bush haters is to be an Obama hater..that's what they do..no matter what Obama does as president, these folks will try to get him....and Obama makes it easy when he keeps falling for it!!
what's also queer is Breitbart is on the front page of the News-Press in a story written by Christopher Santarelli of the Young America Foundation..the News-Press owner, Wendy McCaw has given over one million dollars to the non-profit YAF, but no mention in the article about that....Santarelli is a frat boy whose mommy and daddy paid for his college: Activities and Societies: Kappa Sigma Fraternity (President, Recruitment Chair, Fundraising Chair), Daily Free Press, BUCR..... and mommy Wendy's got these little dudes in a frenzy with all her ill-gotten money!!
　
consider the Shirley Shirrod fiasco:
if Andrew Breitbart took Shirley Sherrod’s speech and edited it to make her look like a bigot, then he is evil and a criminal. If, as he claims, he only received the edited clips, viewed them, and then without asking any questions, slapped an ill-informed narrative on them and introduced them to the 24-hour news cycle, then he is a moron. TMZ and the National Enquirer look like models of journalistic integrity by comparison. Since he has a pattern of disseminating heavily edited videos, the burden of proof is on Mr. Breitbart....well, Breitbart appeals to the non-thinking monkeys at the N-P, MJ, and Young America Foundation...there's still some good Republicans in Montecito who don't buy all this cheeze whiz political faux- journalism served up by FOX NEWS....but there are alarming numbers who think that guys like Breitbart are heroes....and I'm not surprised the Montecito County Club now owned by Beanie Baby nut Ty Warner would allow these little jerkoffs in...the old club was about golf, not politics!
amazing what passes for heroes nowadays...

on a clear day....

you can see..forever and ever

what a Sunday...on Santa Claus Lane..the sun was hot..blistering hot...I stood outside for two hours...my skin began to turn red..my eyes stung..I saw a red winged black bird on a wire...I met a strange lady, she made me nervous...she stopped, got out of her car, took her sweater off revealing an awesome set, looked at me for 30 seconds, got back in her car, and drove away...I was too dumbstruck to snap picture..but there I stood waiting for the sun....suddenly, a small child walked up and asked.."where's the Santa that used to be here?" I said "some bad people took him away to increase their sales"......"did it work?" asked the child...I said "I dunno kid..what am I ..an auditor???" then she says "are you Santy Claus?" I says "no, I'm not..but..but..but"......then the kid ran away...
so there I was standing in the middle of the road watching the motorcylists with toys get ready for the Toy Run to Goleta..the cops were there, a few lookers, but mostly bikes and riders...nice bikes, choppers, scooters and everything in between...no signs of any washed up celebrities trying to squeeze a morsel of publicity into their sad little lives..no, this was about toys for kids..no politics, except mine..and more bikes than I've seen in a long time.. and the roar of the greasepaint!! BRAVO!!
　
so even tho global warming is likely gonna kill us all, it's 90 degrees on Santa Claus Lane in December, and just because you neocons can't put 2 and 2 together so you can just keep shopping..well, that's no good reason the rest of us have to suffer this heat....but try to remember what this holiday season is all about...the beach, surfing, cool cars, money, bikes and girls girls girls!!

What Lips My Lips have Kissed...

WTF happened to Kelly LeBrock's Lips????? Kenny's eyes?? the Unity Shoppe Telethon??? is Santa Barbara a sanctuary city now??
well, in an effort to create some credibilty for the paper, the News-Press enlisted a guy named Peter Lance, a five time Emmy winner from ABC News..Peter Lance..sounds like a porno name like Rod Long or sumpin..anyway, Lance had a two part investigative series in the News-Press on the messy real estate brawl between the Unity Shoppe and Ensemble Theatre and the Victoria Street Theatre they shared..you'll remember in the end the Unity Shoppe had to buy another place to hold their "non-profit" telethons ...the price tag was in the millions and you bought it for them!!! expensive

but man oh man was this N-P story poorly written..I could have done a better job..it was disjointed, full of non sequiturs , lets go hunting, and emails from the folks involved that Lance tried to read every possible shady motive into...and it was full of old news! It's like this guy resurrected Harriet Miller's body to tell us shes dead!! (sorry Harriet)...um...I mean I didn't think anyone with this guys alleged journalist pedigree could write so bad...maybe that's why he was in TV news instead of print media...at the end of the article, the News-Press said that their employee Don Katich had no part in editing the story due to his past work producing the Unity Shoppe telethons with KEYT...wow, they must really trust Don!!
Basically, the Unity Shoppe directors are so spoiled when they don't get their way, they cry to the media..in this case their new mommy Wendy and the News-Press...and as no surprise, right next to the Peter Lance story was a story about the poor litte Unity Shoppe and a plea to give more this year because of all the hardships they have had to endure!! I mean, it is so obvious that the News-Press and Unity Shoppe are begging for your money so they can keep paying the non-profit directors big bucks.. they blame the economy for a decrease in donations instead of blaming the malfeasance of the directors... believe me.... this ain't about the poor folks, this is about more money for non-profits!! oh I see, in the public sector, the N-P says it's the gov't fault; in the private sector, the N-P says it's the economy's fault!
one thing is certain: as long as people lose at the casino, the Chumash will be able to kick in 50 grand for the telethon!
the Unity Telethon, since joining forces with the News-Press has been mismanaged and has gone downhill..pure and simple..they need to fire Executive Director Tom Reed and send him to work at the News-Press....
but really, what is the message of the Unity Telethon? it's this: SOCIALISM!! once a year, over-privileged creepy white Santa Barbrans will give poor undocumented Mexicans a chance to get almost anything they want for free..they just come into the Unity store and pick up a bunch of stuff and leave without paying...that's the message.... and that's AMNESTY in my book!! and you illegal aliens who shop at the Unity Shoppe, don't be fooled..these white botoxy people who are gushing all over themselves about how charitable they are ... well you can bet tomorrow they will want you deported..and no more pinto beans for you!!!!
Un éléphant ça trompe énormément