Happy Halloween!

SCOTT..your mother sucks cocks in Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NIPPER..your mother sucks cocks in Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
　
so the News-Press wants you to call them if you are concerned about anything suspicious, like porn on the company's computer or fraud in this year's elections...of course, the only reason the N-P wants you to call them is they fear their pet candidates will lose big, so they can blame it on election fraud and the student or illegal immigrant vote...
So if you suspect any fraud or anything unusual anywhere, you're asked to notify the News-Press?? If someone perpetrated fraud on me the last one I'd call is the News-Press!! but I'm sure the crack reporters will investigate and give an honest review of whatever people complain about...like...eeek, there's a liberal voting..or eek, there's five students voting....or eeek..a Mexican just voted!!! or someone just offered me $100 dollars to vote for Meg Whitman!!
please call the News-Press at 564-5273 and encourage their delusions with any reports your imagination can conjure up..for example: one ringy dingy, two ringy dingy..um, hello...News-Press? I would like to report a donkey driving a Mercedes in Hope Ranch, please help...
let's keep 'em busy this election season!!
that's 564-5273....again 564-5273.....remember 564-5273....don't hesitate, it's 564-5273....

Coffin Joe....

cuckoo ca-choo...
knowing that I will ridicule them, the News-Press freaks have buried the monthly coverage of the Wendy Pee McCuckoo round table luncheons on page 4, instead of page 1..but alas, I wasn't fooled! You can't slip this stuff by me anymore, I got too many scouts out there!!
This month's speaker was a zombie named David Limbaugh, a conservative columnist like me..but I've never heard of him! oh wait, he wrote a book called " My Irrational Fear of Obama" or something...and he wants conservatives to revive American values....American conservative values are on display by two teabagger wimps: Joe Miller and Rand Paul..values like "arrest the press" instead of freedom of the press...and "beat up women and stomp on their heads" if you don't like what they say...
Andrew Coffin, the director of the Reagan Ranch Center and VP of the Young America Foundation, was simply a cheerleader at the lunch and you know, those conservative values belong in a coffin!! Coffin is a religious rightwing fanatic and it's a shame the Reagan Center has been hijacked by these punks from YAF....his words have appeared in publications like Christianity Today and National Review..they tell you what movies are ok to watch...these are the same guys who take the good parts out to "clean them up" and show you the sanitized version...
in 2005, Coffin critiqued "March of the Penquins"...To Andrew Coffin, writing in the widely circulated Christian publication World Magazine, that is a winning argument for the theory that life is too complex to have arisen through random selection.
"That any one of these eggs survives is a remarkable feat - and, some might suppose, a strong case for intelligent design," he wrote. "It's sad that acknowledgment of a creator is absent in the examination of such strange and wonderful animals. But it's also a gap easily filled by family discussion after the film."
Rich Lowry, the editor of National Review, told the young conservatives' gathering last month: "You have to check out 'March of the Penguins.' It is an amazing movie. And I have to say, penguins are the really ideal example of monogamy. These things - the dedication of these birds is just amazing."
that's right, the conservative movement looks to a movie about penquins as the model of monogamy!!
ahhh....gays can't marry, but penquins can..is that it? and besides, I'm sure there are plenty of penquins who sleep around like that conservative slut Christine O'Donnell!!
it looks like the Young America Foundation, a tax-free non profit that pays its president $500000 a year, merits some further investigation...

woke up this morning..

with tears in my beer..

first,
I start my computer and get the blue screen blues...so I have to restore it again..then I go to my other computer and it's slow as the mental capacities of a News-Press reporter, ie. it's retarded...
then I get dressed and break a friggin bootlace...then the radio plays a stupid song and I'm getting fed up!! whoever is responsible for these little plots against me..STOP IT!!

scream...

having my baby...
I was watching a religious channel and actor-turned-wacko-Christian Billy Baldwin was being interviewed by some old evangelical dude...Billy was saying that Satan runs Hollywood, but Billo's trying to change that..he's got a new movie out about a young Christian girl who gets raped, decides to have the baby, visits her rapist in prison to "show him the grace of God" and they all live happily ever after! That's the message they send: if you rape a young Christian girl, you will get a roof over your head, three meals a day and visiting rights with your kids! and there are a few Tea Party candidates who say you must have my baby if I rape you...or if your uncle or dad rapes you...
so let me get this straight: Ken Buck, the teabagger Republican running for Senate in Colorado who wouldn't allow abortions in rape and incest cases..well, he has a daughter, I understand..so, let's say, for the sake of argument, that I make a trip to Colorado and start stalking his daughter..you know, parking my car outside her house, watching her for a week or so to get her schedule down...maybe go to Burger King for a whopper, then back to the daughter's house...well, after a while, I see my golden opportunity to start a family...she enters her house alone and I sneak up and bust in after her...Hi Ms. Buck, I'm here to stick my dick in your mouth and then fuck yer little white pussy...be nice or I'll kill you..then I push her down on the floor proceed with the deed...RAPE the shit outta her!!! the neighbors hear her screams and call the cops and I'm busted...
ok...but I got her pregnant and according to the teabaggers, Ms. Buck would have to have my baby! I would be the proud papa and Ken Buck would be my dad-in-law!
the mother of my child., his daughter, would visit me in prison and that would be Christ's grace bestowed on me and my beloved...and these folks want less government intrusion??
whew.. I can tell ya, the religious wacko teabaggers need to be stopped in their tracks..so vote accordingly or you too could be "having my baby"....

the one that got away...

carp, the fish..not the town...
　
when I was a youngster in Illinois, me and my friends and I would fish in Diamond Lake in the summer...the lake was a wonder...we'd torture little worms by impaling them on hooks; we'd take frogs and blow them up with firecrackers (we decided later that was not cool) and we'd make spear guns and nail grasshoppers...but fishing was #1 on our fun list...we'd see the fish at the shore, drop our lines and play with them until they bit...these were small fries compared to the legendary fish that lurked in the lake..the carp! and they were big and kinda scared me because they swam like dolphins..slow and graceful...
we caught perch and carp and brought them home, cleaned them and cooked them..awesome!!
that was the mid-sixties and the carp, for some very silly reasons, is still causing fits among Americans.....it's evil, it's invasive, it'll wreck the eco-system...there's a huge panic now in the Great Lakes area and you can bet "scientists" are gonna spend millions to get rid of this fish..of course, the main reason is economics..these folks are afraid the fish will eat into the lucrative fishing industry...locally, bow fishing of carp was ok'd due to irrational fears..but they are fish, so why not just catch and eat them....they are good!! and this nonsense about destroying habitat is just that..nonsense....nature has a way of controlling any population and carp die-offs happen, so the threat is mostly in the heads of the native-only freaks...the best way to control a population is to hunt it, or in this case fish it...nothing better than casting your line into the lake and watching the red and white bobber drop and then feeling the pressure on the line when you catch one and reel it in....these Asian carps or any carp are fish, not aliens from another planet...it's true some get big, but the ones here aren't the giants depicted in other media....once I caught a marlin in Florida so big we had to call a tugboat to help us bring it in!! really!!

anyone for tennis?

wouldn't that be nice...
I had a dream last night that a bunch of lawn bowlers were coming after me in the rain, some slithering on their bellies like in the movie Freaks... geez, I didn't know they were so rowdy!!! they are...they are worse than the Teabaggers and I think they are trying to form a new political party... so you heard it here first: the Lawn Bowl Party!!

odds and ends

rightwingers want to keep pot illegal and keep throwing money at the war on drugs; leftwingers want to legalize pot and risk creating a new generation of stoners...hey, the sheriff busted more pot farms..now there's a smart use of tax money!! When pot is legalized, will they have Weed Lights like Marlboro Lights or Bud Lite? it's all marketing, folks

Christine O'Donnel has a new ad out where she insists she's not a witch and says she's me! well, she's not me I'm me..she can do me, but's she's not me....

Teabagger Tom Watson stated that he'd even come into union halls to debate shy Lois Capps...for a guy who says he only hires people with advanced degrees, it's refreshing he would lower himself to speak with the rank and file, the backbone of California..the folks who provide services like sewer cleaning, water and wastewater treatment, cops and fire, truck drivers and backhoe operators...wowie..thanks Massa Watson!! I think the reason Lois won't debate is because she'e busy trying to pass legislation to stop the new yuppie lawn bowlers from picking on old people...
　
the conservatives and teabggers want to privatize (for profit) city services like fire, but maybe they should check this out: Firefighters watch as home burns to the ground by reporter - Jason Hibbs, September 30, 2010OBION COUNTY, Tenn. - Imagine your home catches fire but the local fire department won't respond, then watches it burn. That's exactly what happened to a local family tonight.A local neighborhood is furious after firefighters watched as an Obion County, Tennessee, home burned to the ground.The homeowner, Gene Cranick, said he offered to pay whatever it would take for firefighters to put out the flames, but was told it was too late. They wouldn't do anything to stop his house from burning.Each year, Obion County residents must pay $75 if they want fire protection from the city of South Fulton. But the Cranicks did not pay.The mayor said if homeowners don't pay, they're out of luck.In Colorado, however, totally privatized Fire Departments are working. For people who pay.
Some homes threatened by a wildfire in the Colorado foothills west of Boulder were protected by a private team of firefighters hired by an insurance company to look out for its clients' property.
Currently, there are restrictions on what they can and cannot do...
They aren't allowed to fight fires if the homes ignite, and they're required to get permission from firefighting commanders.Three homes insured by Chubb were destroyed and at least 10 others in the fire zone were spared, the newspaper reported.
And the elephants are dancing on the graves of squealing mice.

Anyone for tennis, wouldn't that be nice?

Bowling Green...

the dumbest story ever told...was on the front page of the Newz-Pruss...

if you ever wondered why Arnold is the dumbest-ass governor ever, this will explain..and it will explain why the News-Press is owned by a drunken moron and is run by a bunch of drunken morons...first, the story was about a guy who, in efforts to increase participation in the dumb "sport" of lawn bowling, came up with the bright idea of selling liquor at events sponsored by the Santa Barabara Lawn Bowling Club..a nonprofit..it is legislation he cooked up to allow nonprofits more freedom to sell alcohol and dumbass Arnold actually signed it into law according to the N-P..so now you can gather with your friends on astroturf, and roll a little bowl ball around and get drunk!! how much fun is that??
the idiot who came up with this stupidass idea moved here three years ago and his name is Tom Hajdu... he says golf became more popular when people drank so he hopes the same thing can happen to Lawn Bowling!! WTF?? look, if you're drunk enough, even Sister Janet would look sexy!! Golf became more popular because Michele Wie, Lorena Ochoa, Paula Creamer and others added some class to the sport!!
well, Hajdu looks like the kind of simpleton who spends his time drinking and lawn bowling...the fact that Arnold wasted time signing this nitwit's idea into law is EXACTLY what we don't need in government...these special little interests that increase the chances of someone drinking and driving...real sports don't require alcohol, but demand fitness to excel...
I couldn't find any info on this new law since we have about a billion assembly bills on the books, so I'll look into it and ask Arnold WTF he was thinking...
and Scott Simpleton Steepleton, who wrote the story and informs us that the object of the game is "to roll your asymmetrical balls so they end up closer to the jack, a small white ball, than your opponent's....Hajdu says "it's a real hard, complicated sport"....well maybe it is if you don't have any balls...geez, instead of promoting alcoholic drug use, you should be teaching kids to engage in sports without having to drink booze...and the City of Santa Barbara Parks Dept should end its sponsorship of this silly nonprofit!! and if the folks at the News-Press would stop drinking Tequila for a minute, maybe their online site, newspress.com and news-press TV would be coherent..see ya tomato, er.. tomorwo.. er.. tomaty...