let's make a deal

so there's this new promo from the News-Press called Deal of the Day..you can sign up for free and get discounts, so I checked it out...I tried to sign up for fun but it took so long to find out where to do this online at newspress.com...then I finally found the deal!! I found the deal!! I was so excited...

78% off a brief exam and blood test for a cat or dog! (this is like a Lifeline Screening for your pets!!!) Is your cat losing weight or is your dog gaining weight? It could be a problem with their thyroid. Is your Pal drinking too much water? It could be diabetes or kidney failure. Does your Pal have a hidden infection?

A blood test will diagnose all of the above conditions. A blood test will check your pal’s thyroid, kidney, pancreas, muscle enzymes, liver, red blood cells (anemia), white blood cells (infection, cancer), cholesterol, triglycerides, and more. Be sure your Pal is doing fine. We also include a brief examination of your Pal with this offer.

Can’t bring your pet to Summerland? No problem! Our concierge service is here to help. For a $25 charge (roundtrip) we will pick up your pet in a climate controlled vehicle and bring him or her to our hospital for medical treatments or for grooming and return your precious cargo to you at the end of the day. This service is available from Carpinteria to Goleta.

a concierge and climate controlled vehicle for a dog?? a fucking dog?? a cat maybe but a fucking dog?? are these people catering to the Lehman Bros and AIG punks who created the global financial mess...and now they are living high on the dog with taxpayer bailouts?? who else would need their pet to ride in a climate controlled limosine?? and now the Greeks are doing the same thing and they want me to go to a festival?? oh Mon Dieu!!

Fine Print
$35 for Initial Brief Exam and Comprehensive Blood Test for Your Dog or Cat at Your Pals Pet Hospital ($162 value).
Voucher expires 12/31/11.
$35 paid for value never expires.
One voucher per person to be used on a dog or cat.
Offer for new clients or existing clients with new pets only.
By appointment only (call our office).
Not valid with any other offers.
No cash value/cash back.
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ok I need to STOP here..... there's a long long list of terms here from the provider and I can't copy them or they will put me in jail for criminal copyright infringement! why does everyone want to put me in jail.... I didn't do anything wrong, they did!!

but by signing up for the Deal of the Day, you pretty much have to sign your life over to the merchant rep, called Analog Analytics..can they sue me for printing their name?? maybe..
you have to let them send you promos and emails, have to sign up for an account..and on and on....so you tell me..is this the deal of the day? or just another attempt by Wendy to covertly spy on you and hack into your private lives??

don't let your deal go down!!

school's out forever!

no more pencils... no more books... no more teachers' dirty looks..

I don't know what the problem is between Russian comrade Andreea Serban and the new SBCC Board, but it appears Andreea pissed them off for one reason or another....I think Andreea told Marty Blum Yeb vas ~ Yeb vas...

SBCC is a great school in a great place, but I think it should be razed for a hospital or condos (Harbor Heights??) or a giant surf museum...and then all theses folks can all do other stuff and the young people can join boot camp for the summer and learn some self discipline instead of interior design...I mean really... all this fuss over a junior college??

and I got nothing personal against Serban....she's probably a wild animal in the bell tower!
the biggest problem I have is the track.....whoever put a fake surface in there should be gone..if that was Andria's fault, I say send her back to the USSR.....I mean really, didn't the red grass give her way...

poor Andreea should have known that support or endorsemnet from the any member of Team Wendy is a kiss of death....when you have a slumlord Lanny Ebenstein leading the charge to recall the trustees, the same Lanny Ebenstein who got sued by 16 neighbors in Eureka for operating a grow house, a guy who can't pay his mortgages in Humbolt County, writing repetitive fact-challenged editorials in the News-Press about fiscal issues and trashing the newly elected trustees, well, you know who he's working for: RED SISTER WENDY!! Wendy wants to control everyone in Santa Barbara...but I don't know why...

more News-Press blunders: A Thursday story on the Kiwanis Club of Santa Barbara's 60th Fiesta Pancake Breakfast mistakenly reported Sid Smith, one of the event honorees, as being dead. In fact, Mr. Smith is very much alive. We sincerely regret the error. • • • A Thursday story about the St. Vincent's Golf Classic fundraiser misstated the amount of one of the cash prizes. The correct amount is $15,000.... these mistakes were corrected by the News-Press, who regret themselves very much...

Andreea, you hitched your wagon to the wrong sputnik.....but you did get some money for nothing.....just like Wendy did!

as the late great Dan Fogelberg sang: lessons learned are like bridges burned, you only need to cross them but once.....

keep an eye on summer

so I heard that the News-Press meltdown rally would be held Thurday at noon in De La Guerra Plaza...this has been one weird summer but still my heart aches for Rosie...

it's just something I'll have to deal with....

and however blind love is, horses wear blinders too...sometimes...

I heard Frank Hotchkiss wants to put the Lance thing on the council agenda next week...Frank was frustrated that cops were being maligned and the council couldn't say much about it..well, I think agendizing it is a very fine idea, Frank.....good for you! Americans should never be afraid of speaking freely....but they should be afraid of lying freely!

so I went in to see what the rally was all about and lucky for me the city was doing major rehab on the streets in the middle of summer...what a mess! If I was drunk there is no way I could navigate through all the barriers...but I'm not drunk baby cos I'm a real man.... and there's Paradise Cafe..councilman Rowse owns it and it sure could use a good cleaning on the outside..tourists like clean people AND clean buildings too, Randy!! do I have to call the Health Dept on you??????

so De La Guerra Plaza is buzzing with about 50 -75 folks in support of the fired reporters from the News-Press....some guy was singing folk songs and some Dylan songs and sounded real good...way to go keeping the music alive!

hey there's Barney and Starshine in her porkpie hat yelling at Lou Cannon....writers are so eccentric!

Craig Smith was there and introduced the speakers including ex-News-Press reporters Melinda Burns and Dawn Hobbs who gave Wendy hell....I thinkWendy won't come out because she's afraid of Dawn!

there's Scott Steepleton, looking somewhat dejected, in a straw hat, limping along...the media wars are taking their toll, huh, Scott?

but the spirit of free speech and democracy are alive and well even if the free press isn't..when we have newspaper owners spying on people and hacking into their private lives for stories, that's not a free press, that's a criminal press...

the speakers rallied the crowd and reminded them that Wendy is an anti-union tyrant and there are still good people held captive in the News-Press building....well, I think Wendy's just dumb....but then again I've never been fired by her...I had a News-Press newspaper route back 1970s but it lasted two weeks...too many complaints about me missing the houses....well what do you expect at three o'clock in the morning....from a kid...

liar liar

pants on fire!

ok so Scott Steepleman covered the Lance DUI trial and his first lie was calling the two kids who testified "men".....believe me, they were boys, not men..

now I don't want to beat up on college students, but we seem to have some parenting skills that need attention.....spare the rod, spoil the child... and we must stop this epidemic of drinking and lying...adults are modeling the wrong behavior to the kids....

and when you defer that responsibility onto the taxpayer like me, well, it pisses me off!! if you want me to be their daddy, then let me spend a few hours with their mommy (blow harder!!) so I can feel like part of the family!

and college drinking issues......of course the majority of students aren't getting drunk and driving, but why is alcohol such a huge drug in the collegiate environment..and who's pushing it...Brooks Firestone is one, I know that..he's a wine and beer maker catering to the college crowd...I really don't care if people drink themselves to death, just stay off the goddam roads!!
and I know drugs are a part of the culture, but in institutions of education, why don't they teach about alcohol abuse....instead we have parents trying to protect their drunk kids from the cops who are DOING THEIR RIGHTFUL JOB, arresting them and keeping them off the road..for their own protection and mine..this tolerance for drunk driving amazes me..do you want to end up at 63 years old in court doing circus tricks like Peter Lance because you were caught drinking and driving....where did this attitude come from...ignorance, that's where..

so the next few kids will testify next Monday and I think they should get a lawyer before they speak..I would hate to see anything bad happen to them..especially one gal..I think Rosie was her name..she should be on the cover of Latina Vogue.....she was stunning in blue!

a bizarre instance in the Tues hearing was a skinny guy about 25 years old claiming to be a lawyer... he kept trying to talk to the judge..the guy was not even part of the hearing but Judge Hill let him ramble on about how he's lawyer from LA, up to check out the proceedings, and saying he would represent any of the college students if they wanted!

I couldn't believe this...it was so unprofessional and sleazy and another waste of time..I don't know why the Judge didn't tell him to get lost...Hill actually encouraged the guy..but none of the students took him up on his offer....what a weird way to get a lawyer..and this guy looked like he was selling magazines subscriptions door to door! and not once did Judge Hill use a gavel...geez dude STEP IT UP..control your courtroom!!

I find it amazing that the judge would consider testimony from kids who were arrested for drinking alcohol and driving their parent's cars....and on a school night, too!

our lips are sealed

pre-trial questions...

Is this America?? do we have a justice system? then where the hell is it??
it barely showed up Tuesday... instead I got to see a three ring circus!

so I show up at the Courthouse at about 1:00 PM for the 1:30 PM trial..actually it's the preliminary hearing..it's a hot and sunny day and I wore pants.. I'm trying to keep cool but there's no way...the first beads of sweat start dripping....why am I not at the beach??

there's Cam Sanchez's pal Wayne Scoles in shorts..the first words outta Wayne's mouth when he talks to someone is the "SB COPS ARE CORRUPT AND I PROVED IT" and he was carrying on about other cops in the lobby....ok dude, relax, the whole world is corrupt, deal with it....

hey, there's Paula Lopez coming out of hubby Frank Ochoa's chambers...don't worry Paula, our lips are sealed!!

next I see Scott Steepleton from the News-Press who was limping, very polite and sans beard...he was looking at me like a little kid looks at cotton candy at a carnival...then I see a bunch of babes..hot babes..there's Kasi Beutel..she's a very good looking woman and I can't believe she frightens these grown men...there is no way she's a "rogue cop" running around abusing drunks as I concluded rather quickly...discipline maybe, but not abuse.
this is a just a very sloppy story cooked up by Lance and the News-Press...

it's time to go inside the court room..but first you have to pass through a metal detector..empty the pockets..I stand in line gabbing with some folks..some short skinny gal with stringy hair starts telling me her life story and how Kasi Beutel is a liar..she says she was stopped by Kasi but never filed a complaint and doesn't know what to do now..then she starts in about her rent being too high...WTF am I supposed to do about it?? who are these people??

Scoles is still gabbing about how wonderful the News-Press is until I tell the skinny girl that the News-Press sucks and will print anything..Scoles hears me...looks confused and shuts up... we all go in the courtroom.. I look around and there's the college girls sitting in the front row....turns out they are witnesses for Lance..oh my this should be good..

My Cousin Vinny

well the judge comes out and sits down..Brian Hill is his name...boy, this guy really knows how to waste time...he rambled on and on about the gag order and the T-waivers...and the alleged forgery by a Santa Barbara cop.....when Hill tried to explain, in very lengthy fashion, the gag order he orally placed on Lance and the News-Press, Lance jumped up and started yelling at him.... bringing up the Pentagon papers and the First Amendment..for the first 15 minutes, Lance and his attorney Darryl Genis steamrolled the judge..Genis claimed he couldn't get a word in edgewise and the judge was filibustering....

Judge Hill just sat there and took it..and finally wimped out on the gag order, declaring that since Lance got sealed information legally from the Courts, he could print it.....actually the series in the News-Press may come back to bite Lance in the ass as it contains so much hearsay and BS!

well, Hill was losing patience with the antics of Lance and Genis..they were smiling and looking back at the audience like a couple of middle aged frat boys....and Lance with his black cowboy boots looked like Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny...it was really quite funny!

but after a while, and more Lance interruptions, Judge Hill finally told him "enough" or "I'll throw you out of the courtroom"...Lance kept quiet after that...
but these guys spent all their energy showboating in front of the judge and audience that they fizzled out at the end of the day and Kasi's lawyers took full advantage of that....

4&20 Blackbirds

Lance and Genis are trying to prove that Kasi or some SB cop forged their signatures on a DUI ticket waiver, so the next session revolved around the handwriting experts... Lance had about 4 or 5 college kids, guys and girls, who were busted for drunk driving as witnesses...

after the questioning, the kids had to write their names TWENTY TIMES on a waiver form so the handwriting experts could at some other time determine what signatures were forged..these examples were called "exemplars" by the court..well, should the kids have signed twenty times drunk, as they were on the night of their arrest??

this was Hill's idea and he messed up bad..this whole notion of forgery should be thrown out..it was a silly exercise and many judges today are simply not dealing with handwriting experts anymore..it's quackery!!

so two college kids took the witness stand..without lawyer representation!!! Judge Hill advised them not to speak without a lawyer and warned about perjury, but they said they didn't want one..the first kid said he blew a .15 after having a few drinks when he was arrested...he said his dad called Lance to include the kid in the News-Press series..

the second kid also said he didn't want a lawyer but after Kasi's lawyers peppered him with questions that confused him, he said that Darryl Genis was his lawyer...at least he thought so!! Genis and Lance were wincing more than once while these kids were on the stand as was the judge..it was a major blunder asking them to testify....Kasi's lawyers caught them in at least two lies each!!
I swear to God these kids looked absolutely clueless and scared and simply not credible...and the slacker parents want to blame the cops for their kids' DUI!! I mean really, junior out joy riding in mommy's car drinking VODKA and it's the cops fault....Lance et al are just the worst enablers..

the prelim continues Friday at 9:00 AM.....if it gets to a trial, I hope I'm on the jury..really! but at this rate with Brian Hill as judge, it may take forever....

Molly Hatchett

I could see me using a hatchet to smack drunkards.....I could see me doing that to guys who can't tell their ankles from the rest of their feet....that would take the burden off DUI cops....me helping out....like my hero Carry Nation..

In 1900 Nation believed that God told her to go to Kiowa, Kansas, and close the bars there. Rather than use hymns and prayer, however, Nation threw bricks. She continued her destructive tactics in Wichita, Kansas. In Topeka in 1901, someone handed her a hatchet.....

Carry Nation was a famous leader and activist before women could vote in America. She believed that drunkenness was the cause of many problems in society. Nation fought with fierce and witty words to make her case that people should not drink alcohol or use tobacco. She gained national attention when she started using violence. Though she was beaten and jailed many times for “smashing” saloons, Carry Nation remained opposed to drinking and smoking throughout her life. Her crusade against drinking contributed to the passing of the Eighteenth Amendment.

After the war, the Moores returned to their farm. Carrie, now twenty-one, married Charles Gloyd on November 21, 1867. Gloyd, once a boarder at the Moore’s house, was a young physician who had fought for the Union. Carrie did not realize that Gloyd, whom she loved dearly, had a severe drinking problem. Soon Carrie became pregnant, and it was clear that Gloyd could not support her because of his excessive drinking. Heartbroken, Carrie returned to her family home.

In 1874 Carrie Gloyd married David Nation, a widower with children who was nineteen years older than she. David Nation was a journalist for a Warrensburg newspaper. He was also a lawyer and preacher. Together, they lived with their children in Warrensburg for a few years. Then they moved to Texas in 1877. While her husband practiced law, Carrie Nation managed a hotel in Columbia and then bought and ran one in Richmond, Texas, for ten years. She was a deeply religious person and started having visions and dreams during this period
Nation organized a chapter of the Woman’s Christian Temperance Union (WCTU). The WCTU had helped pass a Kansas law against selling alcohol. In Missouri, each county could decide to be wet or dry.

this was back when Christians were worth something! here's more about this fascinating woman.... carryon

now.. off to the DUI trial today....with my hatchet!! every drunk and enabler will be crawling out of the woodwork like cockroaches to cheer each other, hence the hatchet...

they tried to make me go to rehab

I said no no no...

persecution complex
The central belief of every moron is that he is the victim of a mysterious conspiracy against his common rights and true deserts. He ascribes all his failure to get on in the world, all of his congenital incapacity and damfoolishness, to the machinations of werewolves assembled in Wall Street, or some other such den of infamy. ”—H.L Mencken

is there a conspiracy among cops against certain citizens?...yes, it's called "law enforcement" and if you can't obey the laws that our society passed to maintain order, then you're gonna get bopped! but Lance and the News-Press can't shut up about their conspiracy theories...so Judge Brian Hill issued a gag order for good reasons..he didn't institute a "gag law" restricting freedom of the press as the News-Press claims..and what was the hurry getting this story out before Lance's trial? so Lance could try his case in the press before his trial ....

gag order
n. a judge's order prohibiting the attorneys and the parties to a pending lawsuit or criminal prosecution from talking to the media or the public about the case. The supposed intent is to prevent prejudice due to pre-trial publicity which would influence potential jurors. A gag order has the secondary purpose of preventing the lawyers from trying the case in the press and on television, and thus creating a public mood (which could get ugly) in favor of one party or the other.

and now ironically, thanks to the News-Press paranoia, any serious investigation of Officer Beutel will be impossible because of Lance and Wendy's recklessness..Beutel has already been found guilty in the News-Press, therefore cannot be treated fairly....neither Lance nor the News-Press filed a complaint against Beutel....instead they decided to try her in the paper before Lance's criminal trial....if you can't see through that smokescreen..you need some Visine...(thanks Dr. Laura for that line!!)

ok... so here's the list of characters Peter Lance uses to support his conspiracy theory that the SB cops are running around arresting innocent people ....

these are the people he wants us to believe

Mike Kenny..resisting arrest and previous DUI
John Thynne..DUI and violating probation
James Blanco.."handwriting expert" kicked out of his professional organization for ethics violations..settled the case but was not allowed to stay in the AAFS and was barred from suing them again....
Robe Roblinski....retired cop from the Isla Vista Foot Patrol....Robe is gay and wants to marry his boyfriend, but guys like the Rev Thomas James, another witness and homophobic man of the loin cloth, won't let him!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer...hey..how'd Buffy get on the list??
Taurino Torres..driving with an expired license and claiming that a temporary license was back at his house after Beutel arrested him...well, duh, why didn't he have the temp license on him..oh I see, another poor little ignorant dumb Mexican victim...PULEEEZE!!
Sarah McLachlan ...did this chick get busted for drunk driving? no, she just annoys me and should be in jail...I don't believe anything she sings
Cruzito Cruz..if you read the local online publications, Cruzito is everywhere writing long one-paragraph stories about his victimization by the cops....really, this guy is a jackass...he's been arrested nunerous times, resisted arrest, and according to the Daily Sound story, had an incident at O'Malley's Bar that escalated to violence when the bouncers said he was smoking dope in a pipe and tried to confiscate it..Cruz got violent and the "bouncer put pipe smoker in leghold until police arrived.."

Case Facts:

On Aug. 3, 2003, plaintiff Cruzito H. Cruz, 30, a youth counselor, was in J.J. O'Malley's Bar in Santa Barbara. While on the back patio, he lit a pipe and started smoking. Bouncer Seth Woodhill tried to stop Cruz from smoking, and a fight ensued. Woodhill ended up putting Cruz in a leghold for 15 minutes before the police arrived and took Cruz to jail, where he spent one night.
Claiming physical damages, Cruz sued O'Malley's and Woodhill for battery, false imprisonment, negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress.
Cruz claimed that he was smoking "ceremonial tobacco." He also claimed that Woodhill gave no warning before choking him until he lost consciousness.
Plaintiff's counsel claimed that O'Malley's was negligent in failing to properly train Woodhill.
Plaintiff's counsel also claimed that Cruz spent a night in jail due entirely to the negligence of O'Malley's and Woodhill.
The defense disputed the allegations, contending that Cruz was smoking marijuana.
The defense also contended that Woodhill warned Cruz before grabbing him, and that Woodhill acted reasonably at all moments.
Police witnesses testified that Cruz was belligerent, and that they had to use mace twice to subdue him.

Injury:
Cruz claimed soft-tissue injuries that he treated with chiropractic manipulations and massage therapy. He also claimed a lost tooth, lost consciousness and a burst blood vessel in an eye.
Cruz claimed about $15,000 in medical specials, adding an unspecified demand for pain and suffering.
Defense counsel disputed the treatment, saying that it was unnecessary as Cruz didn't start his therapy until about five months after the incident.

Verdict Information: The jury returned a defense verdict, finding that Woodhill did not intend to harm Cruz and that there was no unlawful touching.

ie, he lost the case....poor Cruzito, another victim of circumstances..all these guys are their own worst enemies!! and Lance forgot to include this info about Cruzito in his story!
as a taxpayer shelling out money for these silly trials, I demand these losers be locked up and throw away the key....bunch of little cry babies!

tomorrow..the trial of Peter Lance for DUI....let's keep our eye on the ball, people..Lance is hiding behind Wendy's skirt and her ex-husband's money running a fool's errand....which is what I'll be doing if I get to the court house on time!

coat of many colors

Could switching to GEICO really save you 15% or more on car insurance?....does Dolly Parton have trouble seeing her navel?

Could switching to GEICO really save you 15% or more on car insurance?....is the News-Press run by morons?

days before his trial for DUI, Peter Lance is laying it on pretty thick..with the help of the News-Press..both defying the threat of gag order sanctions...this isn't about the First Amendment....freedom of the press comes with responsibility and Wendy has no idea what that means, obviously...hiding behind the First Amendment to influence Lance's upcoming trial is worthy of a legal body slam which should be forthcoming..."willful and knowing misconduct" that "rises to the level of malice"..... if the judge has any balls...

if Wendy is really concerned about freedom of the press, where is the story about public official Joe Armendariz getting sued by Montecito Bank and Trust..or Lanny Ebenstein getting sued for pot house issues in Eureka? oh, I see..freedom of the press when it suits you..got it!

ok.... so Lance interviewed the Rev Thomas James and his seamstress wife, who apparently listen in on each other's phone conversations...to at least get their stories straight...did Kasi call the Rev fourteen years ago and cry to him about backdating the marriage certificate?? ask him to commit fraud? well, if he can produce a tape of her saying that, that might be the evidence needed to fry Kasi..but a sworn declaration is all they have..a he said ~ she said sitch....knowing this reverend's character, what he says is just not believeable, your Honor

now as far as Kasi's money issues, it's all hearsay..but I remember when I was broke, my goal was to get a job so I wouldn't be broke anymore..and it worked!! and can anyone remember the exact details of a phone conversation they had fourteen years ago? I can't but the Rev and his wife can!! praise Jesus!!

so Lance writes like he's doing a novel... another article about fraud supposedly committed by Officer Kasi Beutel...the article is long and rambling, darting here and there with details that don't matter to a tree frog! the only reason he prints them in the NP is he knows the judge won't allow them in court..It's unbeliveable what this guy is conjuring up....the vast conspiracies by the cops and justice department to get him and protect Beutel! that's what happens when you can't accept responsibility for your own reckless behavior....

ok, Peter, lay it on me, bro...and the good thing about the article is gay-basher Reverend James gets a front page advertisement for his wife's seamstress business and for his wedding ministry, which will attract homophobic rightwingers from as far away as Texas!

there is one thing that Lance forget to mention on Saturday..how many emmys he won!
tomorrow, I'll take a look at Lance's witness list...most of them have one thing in common: RESISTING ARREST!!

you got two more days Peter ampersand Wendy....keep digging

Wedding Bell Blues

"kisses and love won't carry me, til you marry me, Bill"

ok, everyone is so confused no one knows who's telling the truth, who's real or who's lying...this is good... this is very good

so there's news about a Reverend, a wedding minister, who supposedly signed a "sworn declaration" that Officer Kasi Beutel pleaded with him to lie for her on a marriage document to get more money....this info is gleefully being supplied by some guy over on the Independent in the comments section....he seems to be a flunky lawyer who claims he has the goods on Kasi...

well first of all, there's only two reverends in America that I trust and that's Rev Al Sharpton and Al Green...all the rest are punks...and they lie all the time about an invisible guy in the sky who you'll visit when you die if you're good and give money to the church...reverends are not to be trusted AT ALL!! they are like witch doctors!! or pastors!!

and this guy is Reverend Thomas James from Ventura.....now I wanna know why he didn't sign an affidavit or why he won't appear in court....A sworn declaration is just more hearsay..an opinion that the judge could throw out without any supporting evidence or foundation..Kasi is not on trial but Lance is..so they are trying everything to show Kasi is a crooked cop....the only way to tell is put her on trial.....instead there's a circus of lawyers defending DUI!!

and now they pull up one more jackass for "testimony".. check out this letter to a Ventura County Star blog:

Re: Steven W. Thrasher's May 26 commentary, "Prop. 8 promotes hate":
Once again, The Star prints an article saying, in effect, that people who don't agree with gay marriage are haters and bigots.
First, while I am sincerely sorry about what happened to the people mentioned in the article, Harvey Milk and Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover, calling people who don't agree with their agenda haters and bigots does nothing to further toleration. In fact, it just makes people angry!
Indeed, there are many things in this life that I don't agree with. I realize that there are many gay unions, and while I don't agree with the lifestyle, I realize it's something I'm going to have to tolerate. However, that does not mean that I will promote it or sanction it in any way.
In essence, Proposition 8 asked me what I believed in, and I said so. If someone asks me what I believe, I'll tell them, "I believe that a marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman." If they don't like that answer, then they are going to have to at least tolerate it. If they start calling names, then they are haters and bigots and no better than those who disagree with them!
Society does not tolerate hate crimes. In the cases mentioned above there were countless numbers of "straight" law enforcement people who supported the law, if not the lifestyle, and that's exactly the way it should be. My advice to those who are promoting the gay lifestyle and beliefs is to avoid making people angry.
-- The Rev. Thomas James, Ventura

ok so this Reverend Thomas James is a rightwing homophobe ignorant bigot POS with ZERO credibility... he voted for Prop 8....remember Proposition 8 (ballot title: Eliminates Rights of Same-Sex Couples to Marry....a DISCRIMINATORY proposition that had the church illegally involved in the election! any "sworn declaration" by the Rev Thomas Jammes should be tossed out the window and I predict the judge will do just that..Kasi was nuts to use him!!

but on Tuesday, July 26.... it's the People vs Peter Lance.... Peter Lance will be on the stand defending his DUI in Santa Barbara..I hope the judge will see through all these smokescreens and get to the gist of the matter..drunk driving....that's the issue..getting in your car and driving while impaired..like a moron

07/26/2011 - 1:30 pm 1366485 Peter A Lance R&S/Settlement Conference Brian E Hill SB2

leaving las vagus...

I had a dream I was flying to Indiana with Meryl Streep and we were in the cockpit...we were landing and everything looked so vivid and clear and beautiful....I never knew Indiana was so visually stunning!

but before I nodded off, I was watching tv and surfed to the religious channel and these two ladies were talking about sex..they warned the viewers that the subject matter would be sensitive so send the kids and parents out of the room..so I guess I was the only one left watching....ok..I offer you the same warning...LEAVE NOW

so there was the blonde church lady named Jonette and the ugly as sin Ph.D in physiology lady who started talking about sex like no one I've ever heard....first they said the pill was a bad thing which I don't disagree with.....but they went on to say any sex other than between a married man and woman was evil..and dangerous....ungodly...but look at Jesus in the background....is he choking the chicken behind pretty prudish Jonette??

that's a serious question but I'm watching and learning then the sinfully ugly Ph.D lady says something that made me stop what I was doing, too...women who play with themselves are more prone to depression...so I guess when Christian beauty queen Carrie Prejean sent a video to her boyfriend of herself jilling off, she was depressed!

then the ugly as sin lady said something about a "vegas nerve"....when you play with yourselves ladies that there nerve isn't stimulated properly or something and you need a husband for it to work right or something...is that true??

I never heard of a vegas nerve....I've heard of all the other stuff which if manipulated properly will induce the desired response, so they say..while I've studied the subject I have no way of knowing if I've masturbated it..whoops, I mean mastered it...I mean, women have screamed at me for one reason or another..is the reason the vegas nerve....I never hit it??? or I look too stupid to hit it??
that is unnerving.....

the Pelican Brief

well, I guess I'm supposed to be a detective, like Dick Tracy...ok fine...

but I'm a little worried..I read the News-Press today oh boy, about a lucky man who made the grade...but nowhere man did I see the continuation of Peter Lance's series! Peter promised, saying he would do the story even from jail....maybe he's busy??

anyway, why should I care, I got better things to do..or do I? so I'm reading the News-Press and the front page story of a car crash..wow...four teens stole and crashed a car on Mountain Drive....we never stole cars as teens but like riding our Honda 90s and trail bikes at night under the bright moonlight, in the hills..with no lights on..godalmightly that was fun!!

so anyway I'm reading the News-Press and the front page story when I see a name..an new name...Merrill McCarty..Assistant City Editor...hmmmm..I know Scott Steepleton is the City Editor, but why does he need an assistant editor? maybe he's getting a promotion or he's in the hospital with Lanny and the doctors are trying to surgically remove their noses from Wendy's ass!!

I dunno....maybe he's on the outs..maybe Wendy's in a firing mood with all the Lance nonsense...like I said..I dunno..how long has Merrill been at the News-Press? I know she was an editor at the Riverside Press Enterprise and got laid...off..with a bunch of other employees..her NP front page story was real short and she concludes that the four teens "were believed to be gang members"..with no evidence to support that!

I think I got a picture of her.....it's either the blonde from Facebook with her boyfriend or the old broad with the pelican..

but here's little something about Merrill:
McCarty went from a reporter to news editor in 1987, and managing editor in 1989. In 1995, Thomson sold the Dispatch to Freedom Communications Inc., owner of the Orange County Register and the Daily Press in Victorville. With a publisher working out of Victorville instead of Barstow, McCarty became the Desert Dispatch’s general manager in 1997.
When Freedom bought the Desert Dispatch there was no need for a press room, printer or a press crew in Barstow because the newspaper would be printed in Victorville. Once that happened, the Desert Dispatch began to operate more efficiently and it saved money, McCarty said. But Barstow residents, worried that the paper would reflect the Victorville community, had their misgivings.
“It was sensitive and touchy,” McCarty said. “(The publisher) had to manage the Desert Dispatch but at the same time remain independent and still serve as a local voice. We wanted to avoid the idea that people in Victorville were running the Barstow paper.”

now Wendy, if you hire a new editor, why not introduce her properly to Santa Barbara, to me..apparently she's been at the NP for a few months....why wasn't I notified??

the pretenders

a circumstance beyond our control, oh oh oh oh
the phone, the tv and the news of the world
got in the house like a pigeon from hell, oh oh oh oh
threw sand in our eyes and descended like flies... Chrissie Hynde

it seems that there is a war on journalism going on....real reporting has been replaced by tabloid sensationalism and unethical hacks..like the News-Press..and NewsCorps...that's Wendy and Rupert...we see that Rupert Murdoch's media empire is under scrutiny for unethical behavior....their brand of investigative journalism is to hack into peoples' private phone records to get stories; their brand of journalism is to bribe politicians and police brass...and I watched as poor old ruppie tried to deflect responsibility, pretend he didn't know about these events at his paper "News of the World"

....there's some correlation between News-Corp and the News-Press... I don't understand how Rupe got a hot young gook wife...but there she is...and it appears the News-Press sent a gook reporter named Ms Catherine Shen to get dirt on a cop for Peter Lance's NP stories (which have stopped..did McCaw finally obey the law..the gag order??) while pretending to be conducting an interview....damn gooks, I was taught to hate them for the Vietnam invasion, so why are they here?? altho Ruppie's wife is pretty fine, she's still a slanty eye gook, in my book...a commie...

ok so I hope NewsCorps falls like Enron fell....Enron you'll remember tried to screw California, but failed..well actually, they may have succeeded because the people panicked and elected Enron buddy Arnold Schwarzenegger..TWICE..this is a part of California history I will never understand..the people turned into sheep and stopped thinking....and started watching FOX NEWS and other Rupert Murdoch crap, reading his tabloid papers..all the while, he trying to fuck England and America..hacking into phones, bribing cops, brainwashing the followers who allowed this to happen....corruption as a way of doing business....

I did enjoy the hearings in Britain where Ruppie appeared drunk and got hit in the face with a Gillette pie...considering all the damage he did, I think it's a fair exchange..and I liked watching foxy Rebekah Brooks...she with the flaming red hair..red heads, shouldn't we go to war against them, too? I feel they are a real threat to my freedom fries!

Murdoch's and Wendy's war against journalism will end..and the dominos will fall....and their lemmings will too...and all their pretenders

vices and spices

is that a store? then go visit them!

I looked in Monday's News-Press for another three part series from Mr. DUI Peter Lance, who promised one this week..nothing...just a Terry Tyler editorial sucking up to Ty Warner and can someone please tell me WTF "rehadombilitated" means.....I get confused by smart people who use big-ass words....or maybe Tyler was TUI..typing under the influence

also some couple got married..that's front page news?? marriage???
I was married...many people get married..many people get divorced.. I got divorced...that's life, that's what all the people say, flying high in April, shot down in May...
all these folks want to keep gays from marrying....why? why is there a Defense of Marriage Act? why do you have to defend something that is doomed to fail by all accounts....I'm sorry, but marriage is a mirage..in fact I suggest you change the name from marriage to mirage..hey baby, let's get miraged..at least it's more truthful....

and what about the the crazy American family...look at this picture of Stephanie Seymour and her 17 year old son..this is healthy?? mom gives son a hard-on?? I dunno but I got one lookin' at her right now!

marriage is an institution..and that's why I'm here..to catch all the babes trying to escape! hahaha..like a bear catching salmon.... I'm sorry, but I can't be rehadombilitated....it's too late for me...

Miami Vice

episode one: "the Letter"

when I read an opinion/letter in the News-Press on Sunday, the words seemed strangely familiar to me...I've seen and heard those words before in various Peter Lance interviews, in News-Press editorials...same style of writing....where's an honest document examiner when you need one!!

the letter to the NP was allegedly written by a "retired police officer in the Santa Barbara area"....Ronald Rodriguez is the name attached....

now, I got my suspicions that the News-Press printed a made-up letter from a fictitious cop in order to support their DUI stance and to circumvent a gag order

I am certain that there is no such person as retired cop Ronald Rodriguez.. I think one of Nipper's writer friends thunk him up..maybe Eringer or Lance himself....maybe even Nipper! if Ronald Rodriguez is a real cop I'll send $100 to #69's Animal Rescue Team!

but the evidence is overwhelming he's not real.....the fake cop writer supports everything Lance has said and casts doubts on everything officer Kasi Beutel has said/done.....hmmmm, and he even pads the opinion with a segment about cops being racists, bigots, sexists, liars and so on..strange words from an ex-cop, who never said a thing about these issues while he was a cop in uniform???

and the reference about Miami's drug wars in the 1990s was the key..Lance wrote or co-wrote some episodes of Miami Vice..a series that ran from 1986 to the early 1990s and

in keeping with the show's namesake, most episodes focused on combating drugs and prostituiton by two weird cops who dressed in pastel suits!

I think Lance wrote the letter using the fake cop moniker Ron Rodriguez.....and at the end of the letter he minimizes DUI as "only a misdemeanor"...what cop worth his/her salt is going to minimize DUI??

so what does all this mumbo jumbo about Miami this have to do with Lance's DUI?? NOTHING!!

the News-Press has a history of unethical behavior, so it wouldn't surprise me in the least that this is a continuation of their anti-gov't hysteria..this opinion by "Ronald Rodriguez" is a perfect example...let'see if I can find this dude and let's see if I can find out why KEYT and the Daily Sound won't touch this story.....I think the reason the News-Press can't stand the cops is they can't be bought by Wendy....like Wendy's hero FOXNEWS owner Rupert Murdoch bought the London Police Chief...this story is getting dirtier by the minute...

to be continued....

heard it through the grapevine

grapes of wrath

...I think I've been barking up the wrong tree..the wrong grapevine..the wrong end of the rainbow.....it's obvious people are gonna drink and drive no matter what so why don't they just teach it in the driving courses..

and put it in the vehicle code under
Section 0.08...Drunk Driving...How to Navigate the Road while Under the Influence..
while most responsible people who value life choose to drive sober, we understand that a growing number of Americans enjoy driving while inebriated...hey let's face it, driving buzzed is a blast! If you can pass this simple written test after completing Section 0.08, you can drive drunk!

1. You may drive off of the paved roadway to pass another vehicle:

If the shoulder is wide enough to accommodate your vehicle
I go flying so high, when I'm stoned
Under no circumstances


2. You are approaching a railroad crossing with no warning devices and are unable to see 400 feet down the tracks in one direction. The speed limit is:

pedal to the metal mutherfuckers!!!
20 mph
25 mph


3. When parking your vehicle parallel to the curb on a level street:

Your front wheels must be turned toward the street.
Just get out while it's moving slow
One of your rear wheels must touch the curb.


4. When you are merging onto the freeway, you should be driving:

At or near the same speed as the traffic on the freeway.
Into the exit ramp!
The posted speed limit for traffic on the freeway.


5. When driving in fog, you should use your:

Fog lights only.
High beams.
Jim Beam.


congratulations .....you may now drive drunk!!

scotch and soda...

cocktails?? people still drink cocktails??

ok so it looks like Peter "Mr DUI" Lance has hired an image consultant who is guiding him to the local Channel 17 conservative shows...his latest appearance was on "One on One with Jim Worthen aka Mr. Wimpy...

Mr Wimpy actually claimed that driving with Blood Alcohol Level of .20 is not a problem...no evidence that drunks are a problem on the road and Lance didn't even wince at that statement....well, how about Travis and Joe or that lady who killed a District Attorney on the Chumash Highway of Death...and countless other examples of drunk driving...drunk or DUI...same thing in my book...IMPAIRED! and they cried about all these people like MADD who want a zero tolerance for drinking and driving..they said that means you can't have a beer after work, or wine with dinner, or cocktails with friends...cocktails, do people still drink cocktails?? well, here's to you Mrs Robinson...

this Worthen guy is an absolute moron who can barely finish his sentences.. and when you have grown men trying to defend drunk driving, showing such abject ignorance, then you got a problem...the DA should use this episode as evidence of aiding and abetting MR. DUI....

so Lance is truly desperate now....going on these silly shows, telling his life story, the sob stories, his vast educational background, how his investigative journalism prowess has saved lives and on and on ad nauseum...he padded his resume to elicit sympathy.....but I axe ya, WTF does all this have to do with a DUI....these guys are alcohol ignoramuses! and just the kind of guys who look the other way when Catholic priests are molesting little boys..pathetic clowns

Lance is on a tear to clean up his image but he is also oral expulsive..talks talks and talks...the dude can't shut up..now I said last week that we need a Hanging Judge....someone to muzzle Lance and the News-Press and that's what Judge Brian Hill did...put a gag order on Lance and the News-Press! GOOD!!

Lance can cry all he wants after his trial but he says he's gonna print another series in the News-Press next week with the bloody Red Queen's money as protection although he claims it's his First Amendment right to print the stories..even though there's now a gag order..obeying the law seems to be a major inconvenience for these guys who I hope end up in jail for a spell...so we'll see if the News-Press is dumb enough to run the stories...and believe me they are stories...not an investigative report....Lance is afraid of the upcoming trial, afraid to face the music, afraid of Zona Seca....

I wonder how he's gonna feel about a big slobbery cell mate??

the Dubious Brothers...

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance. Will Rogers

ok so the News-Press is circling their Segways and dumbing down in efforts to prove they are right about publishing Peter Lance's DUI series....and saying they won't retract any of it even though the story was shot full of holes by Kasi Beutel's lawyers!! I can't swing a dead puppy now without hitting a lawyer!!

unfortunately for the News-Press, they got idiots running the place and writing editorials, with Terry Tyler calling Lance "inherently biased, a rat and a snitch"....while trying to defend him!
"The recent series of investigative articles regarding a Santa Barbara city police officer's character have been dismissed by many because the author had previously been arrested by the officer in question. The inherent bias created by the author's prior arrest, and pending court case, were prominently disclosed each time an article on the issue was published. Since the series ran, there have been hardly any comments from the Police Department, city officials, or the District Attorney's Office. I have made inquires regarding this situation, and the response has been....

but Lance didn't disclose in any of the articles that he was biased......in fact, he said he "had no vendetta and his probe began as a dispassionate exercise in truth finding".... but he did try to sell his books in the pages of the News-Press... this is all pure inept salesmanship

another gem from Tyler is he wants the cops to use Segways to patrol the streets of Santa Barbara...in this day of budget concerns would you want the cops on bicycles at about $500 per bike or on brand new Segway scooters where you can expect to pay in the range of $5,350 to over $6,900 each!

and then he goes on to say he talked with a "guy who works for the Downtown Organization cleaning the sidewalks and maintaining the planters" about the psychological makeup of homeless people!! he says the guy told him that 5% of the street people are mentally ill and conveniently, a homeless guy walked by and started cursing at them while they were discussing the homeless..now Tyler is full of shit and of course a homeless guy didn't curse them out...but he uses the homeless regularly for the Wendy's ultra-conservative herd political mentality...

always drink upstream from the herd....

a man of constant sorrow...

I, Mick Von Caw, hereby issue retractions and apologies to everyone for everyting I've ever said and done in my life... my little life...I'm berry sobby...

for those of you who are drunk....I'll say it again

I, Mick Von Caw, hereby issue retractions and apologies to everyone for everyting I've ever said and done in my life... my little life...I'm berry sobby...

got ADD??

I, Mick Von Caw, hereby issue retractions and apologies to everyone for everyting I've ever said and done in my life... my little life...I'm berry sobby...

little sister

little sister don't you do what your big sister done...

I needed a break from the wet and reckless knuckleheads who have been usurping my time, so I was reading a catalogue and they had these Ernest Hemingway shoes on sale so I bought a few pair.. I like the Cuba vibe and the marlin fishing and the beach bum thing....a man's man, that was Hemingway....I pulled out the "Old Man and the Sea" and read it again in ten minutes....now, I like Hemingway although I think he writes like a 5 year old sometime.."the man saw ths fish, the fish saw the man, the ocean was dark and wet".....geez

but the real interest in the Hemingway name was the beautiful grand daughters..Margaux and Mariel....too bad the older sister died (drugs) so I just focused in on Mariel, who was cute in Woody Allen's film "Manhattan"...

but the thing is Mariel Hemingway is a total babe and now I'm wearing her grandfather's shoes...I'd much rather be wearing her panties but I gotta settle for papa's shoes and in my mind that gives me a chance to have sex with her...I can just picture us together and believe me my heart races when I think of her... like the the running of the bulls in Spain....that fast!
...i wonder if she likes polo.... i wonder if she reads this blog....why doesn't she get invited to the Film Festival? Instead we get Sandra Bullock...Sandra Bullock???

I think Mariel Heminway should be honored publicly...look at her....she's stunning...and last night I honored her privately...hehhehheh...

I had a dream last night...

what a wonderful dream it was

...that blonde woman was playing flute in the woods while I pranced around in a loin cloth like Tarzan.....

and that the News-Press issued a retraction on the Peter Lance DUI series after Kasi's lawyers cut Lance's story to pieces....

the retraction went something like this:

to our readers (if we have any left)

over the past month, I, Wendy Pee McCuckoo allowed my mutt editor Don Katich to publish a five-part series written by washed up jouralist Peter Lance...you see Peter was busted for DUI and decided to try to create a distraction while his trial was pending by smearing the cop who busted him..after a few mintues it was evident to nearly everyone except dumbass Don Katich that Lance was on the make, looking for a pigeon, a patsy, a lackey, a stooge and he found one in Don Katich....after some sweet talk by Lance, Katch got all googoo eyed and printed the story without checking anything, trusting that Lance must've been telling the truth because of all those Emmys he won and all those books he wrote .....

Well, Nipper and I fell for it too but we really couldn't do anything because we were in the middle of the Red Sea on my big yacht with Michael Douglas..Michael and I were doing some coke and Nipper was jerkin off in the corner..as usual, the last things on our minds was the News-Press!

so anyway, if we hurt anyone's feelings or ruined their careers, we're very sorry..we're very sorry that we have no ethics...can you teach those?? as publisher and owner of the News-Press, I promise I will provide more local stories and give fair and unbiased reports on issues that matter to you..

sincerely,
Wendy Pee McCuckoo

Amperslander Productions

Poison Ivy

it's gonna take an ocean...of Calamine lotion..

well there was a post over at EDHAT and some guy was screaming about how everyone is threatened by the Cape Ivy that has grown on his property....

the dude has a full blown case of Non-Native Species Hysteria, sometimes called "bionativism"...

"Have people noticed the "cape ivy" spreading everywhere?? It is the pointy little leaves of ivy all over the place. It is green; it is non-native; and in my property, it is threatening to kill all of the native plants we have planted to provide a wildlife-friendly garden.

a wildlife-friendly garden?? WTF is that??

Because of the amount of rain this past year (a very good thing for our water table) DUH!!; this horrible scourge (it's a plant dickhead) has reached monumental proportions!
It threatens all of us. (no, it doesn't) This vine (native to South Africa) (and all them darkies) smothers all our native flora. It can take down an enormous oak tree. And it does. Thousands of native plants have been smothered by this vine.....and a real fire hazard is create by the dead ceanothus, lemonade berry, and other plants killed by this invasive and destructive vine"

as you can see, bionativism is rooted in racism and xenophobia

now please stop the bullshit.. Cape Ivy grows for a reason....it grows forthe same reason you and I grow..because it's alive...I'd post this on EDHAT but I'd have to subscribe and deal with the board nanny, ie censor...I can't have censorship, I can't have people trying to engage me in civility..I can't have it and I won't!!

now listen fuckbrains, just because it upsets you fussy native-only dickheads doesn't mean it will stop growing..well it will stop eventually, but Nature will stop it...not you...

Cape Ivy is beautiful...it grows after big rains and some plants get covered by it..so what....just because the plant are labeled "native" doesn't mean they are going to thrive here..what is with these people??
there is no need to panic..the ivy doesn't threaten me..at all..in the least....it grows up the trunks of some trees but seems to find the weakest ones..and that's good!
the thing is.....the more these knuckeheads try to kill these plants like ivy and thistle, the faster they grow back..this thistle on Highway 150 was killed by Caltrans..a total waste of tax money because the seeds will spread and the thistle will grow elsewhere..and it always grows back..
the point is leave the non native plants alone..mass removal of them is a waste of time and resources..they were meant to be here and if they really bother you..cut then down ONCE a year because the more you cut the faster they grow!

the biggest threat to plants and animals is LITTER.... discarded by PEOPLE!!!

fennel, ivy and all the bastard plants dispersed by the wind..long may you grow...

and this isn't fucking Disneyland..Nature decides what will grow and thrive, not you fucking yupppiehippiemuppiefuppie trail gnomes!!

god I love nature!

gag me with a spoon...

THANKS NEWS-PRESS..for letting a drunk driver walk free!!

so a mistrial was declared in a DUI case because of the News-Press and its pro-DUI pro-Peter Lance stance and now a possible drunk driver walks free?? ahh, let's wait until he kills someone..the judges need to stop recusing themselves, stop declaring mistrials and put a muzzle/GAG order on the News-Press and Lance until after the trials...Judge Eskin, stop being such a pussy!! Hannah Beth, talk to your husband!!

so I 'm waiting for Peter Lance's series that he promised on the Rant TV show..he's gonna go after all those cops "protecting" the DUI officer who arrested him....a quick psychological profile of Lance would be alcoholic and narcisisstic..it's all about him....
but I don't see a continuation of the series in the News-PRess, maybe they decided that trying a case on the front page was not exactly a bright idea

but I do see a front page story by correspondent Michael Elseth....the headline reads: "Agencies follow basic rules in DUI stops..but many drivers don't know what they are required to do"...
this was a more tempered story and maybe the News-Press is backtracking its support for Lance... but duh..how about not drinking and driving for starters..

now I know that some drinkers like to say it's legal to drink and drive in California, up to 0.08 blood alcohol..but if you stop and think about it, you see this is an excuse....the road is littered with people who have drunk and killed believing that one beer is no different than seven beers...but even one beer, one Coors or Bud, can mess with you motor skills....that's why you get pulled over, because you're weaving and slightly paranoid....then when you get roughed up by the cops, you start crying to Wendy...hey is it legal to drink and fly a helicopter??

there's lots of things that are legal in California..it's legal to hit yourself in the head with a hammer.... and here's some other things you can do in America:
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.

There are currently no federal laws governing or restricting the ownership of flame-throwing devices. Some states have laws restricting possession of flamethrowers, with violations only considered to be misdemeanors, but 40 states have absolutely no laws whatsoever concerning flamethrowers. Only in America would a device capable of launching rivers of fire at people be less regulated than marijuana.

Salvia divinorum is a member of the Lamiaceae family, which makes it a cousin of the mint plant. When properly prepared, salvia can be smoked in order to bring on incredibly intense, at times paralyzing, hallucinations. Most salvia trips are short in duration, but very powerful and jarring. All side effects of salvia are gone within an hour, and it doesn't show up on standard drug tests.
Depending on the amount of smoke inhaled, users of salvia may experience hallucinations on par in intensity with those caused by drugs like LSD or DMT. Since most users lose consciousness and drift off into a world of fractal shapes and green women as soon as they hit the pipe, it has not gained much popularity as a 'party' drug.

speaking of cousins, it's legal have an incestuous marriage in Alabama...

we need a hanging Judge in Santa Barbara!!