sweet home, Alabama

you know, if it wasn't for Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, I might be working for Wendy, too!

ok there's three things I found objectionable in the News-Press on Thursday...the sensational story about protesters on the front page....the ad by Andy Granatelli professing love for his wife Dolly..and Terry Tyler's limpdick analysis of union money to candidates...

I swear to God if Wendy sells her paper, I won't have anything to do! but I did start this blog to expose her bullshit during the Travis error, I mean era..ok so now she picks a few guys to take his place..two mutts..Tyler and Ebenstein...and Tyler wrote about the big union money machine buying candidates...in other words, the N-P is frightened of guys like me giving money to pro-labor candidates...and thinks there should be a law against public workers supporting people who run for office...they want to take away collective bargaining rights, too..WTF..is there a confederate flag flying over the News-Press building??

wellm Massa Tee, I's be votin likes I wants to, you see here....we slaves been done set free long time ago!!

Tyler suggests that if I support a candidate, then the candidate owes me a favor...really? so if I vote for Michele Bachman she owes me something...hmmmm..now what shall I ask for??
why, that's just silly...the unions give money to candidates just like the Koch brothers give money to candidates..the only difference is the Kochs really do try to buy guys like
Scott Walker, who willingly snuggles up to them...

the unions on the other hand represent workers..many individuals who have joined forces to keep the workplace from becoming another News-Press..if the union gives $50000 to a candidate and there's 500 people in the union, then that works out to $100 per person..not at all extravagant....so as usual the News-Press is full of baloney and Tyler is, too....the News-Press is worried that its pet conservatives will lose in November because Mike and Dale's focus has been on benches and bulbouts!!

next we have story about the "corporate greed" protesters who according to reporter Morgan Hoover were "arrested for suspicion of staying in a city park past 10:00 PM"...I think Wendy was afraid all those hippies were gonna occupy the News-Press building since Wendy is a big supporter of corporate fraud and greed while blaming the workers instead of likes of Enron and the banks and AIG and Madoff and on and on....

but it is easier to arrest the protestors than the white collar criminals who hide behind lawyers and ill-gotten capital gains..but their day will come..and soon...

now, Team Wendy gets all uppity when the cops arrest Peter Lance for DUI, but I see no such sympathy for the protestors...you see, Wendy supports your right to drink and drive, but not your right to peaceably assemble...because it scares them..and that is very good...

and lastly, there was an ad in the paper from Andy Granatelli to his wife Dolly, professing his love after 55 years of marriage....these two are just plain sick... I mean really who cares..the only reason he put this ad in the paper is to get money for something or other....I wish Andy would just go away.....mafia goon!!

12 angry men

pick me! pick me!

I wanna be on the jury! if I get a summons for the Lance DUI trial, I will cherish it, I will hold it, I will frame it...I won't do what I normally do and try to get out of being a juror using my stock list of rather brilliant excuses..no sir...this time it's baby I'ma want choo...

and thanks lawman for the clarifications...

you know, the strangest thing about the Lance hearing so far is when Kasi Beutel was ready to testify last week, it was Genis who, after clamoring for weeks to get her on the stand, suddenly says he doesn't want to hear from her!! the judge insisted but Daryll said no... I wonder why

now, my experience with jury duty has been good and bad....I don't like the cattle call, I enjoy the interesting trials, the getting out of work..I'm set up for life due to sound fiscal management, and I don't need to work anymore so it's not an issue...but for some of you poor slobs, it is..and I feel for ya!!

then there's the sit down interview with fellow possible jurors whereby the judges and lawyers ask us questions to determine if we're fit to sit in the box...
that's when I'll let 'em have it! you wanna see street theater...you just watch when they get around to asking me questions...

let get hypothetical for a moment and pretend the judge is asking me questions:

Judge:

Mr. Von Caw, is there any reason why you shouldn't be a juror in this case?
Mick: why no your honor..I've never even seen Mr. Lance..never read a thing he ever wrote! I didn't read his fictional account of his arrest for DUI....
and I'm a big defender of freedom...the freedom to do whatever you want like our founders wanted..even drive drunk...or wasted or whatever you want to call it..

Judge: Mr. Von Caw, haven't you been blogging about Mr. Lance and his predicament and sitting in this very courtroom, writing down your rather silly observations
Mick: why yes your honor..but not because of Mr. Lance..the reason I'm here is to witness the fine and stunning women in your courtroom who come and go like visions of Joanna...
Judge..yeah I see what you mean...

Mick: but seriously your honor..let's stop bullshitting each other..I could save the court some time and money and cut to the chase...Lance is guilty and the officer who arrested him is innocent...that should should be obvious to anyone not trying to get a spot on Wendy's gravy train..that should be obvious to anyone who's not cheerleading outside the News-Press building dressed in a grass skirt and waving pom-poms...Lance has admitted he blew a 0.09 already..and his novella in the News-Press was a sad attempt to impress a select group of morons that he's an investigative reporter who won five Emmys 100 years ago...didn't Homer Simpson win an Emmy, too??

Judge..forget golf for a few days and make a ruling..slap a fine on Lance and send him to Zona Seca....

and then we can let the real trials begin....

this land is your land

this land is my land, from California, to the New York island, from the redwood forest, to the Gulf Stream waters....

well there some things I don't understand...Chaz Bono, Pastor James Blanco, Mr. Wimpy...I don't get those three at all....

and some things I do understand..like Rick Perry and Michele Bachman who are in the process of canceling each other out of the presidential race!!

yup..I think people are finally getting hip to those who would bullshit them....

like relocating sea otters, creating a no-fly zone for golden eagles at the Channel Islands, restoring bald eagles at the Channel Islands by killiing thousands of other animals, and then when one bald eagle flies in to visit the Santa Barbara zoo, biologists panic and relocate him to..to...Shasta??

the Parks Service and Nature Con (SUPPORTERS OF BP WHO POLLUTED THOSE GULF STREAM WATERS) are chopping 2000 eucalyptus trees on Santa Cruz island to "restore" a wetlands....removing those trees will destroy valuable habitat for raptors, butterflies and many other NATIVE species, but the mindset of the biologists over on the islands is to demonize and destroy plants and animals that don't fit their whacked out vision of what the California used to look like.....of course, they ignore that fact that they shouldn't be here, either

well, the islands should be for hunting and ranching, for flower watching, for hiking, for natives and non natives, for pigs and elk, golden eagles, bald eagles and foxes...

so the otters are in the news and Wall Street greed is in the news..I love the protests!! Capitalism is no good unless honest people are involved....environmentalism is no good unless smarter people are involved....relocating otters was a dumb idea...we can't control the ocean...but there are folks working to reduce ocean pollution and exploitation....

because this land was made for you and me...

play misty for me

ok while I was being subjected to intense boredom by the Lance defense line of questioning of Uncle Jim, my mind began wandering.....

why was Daryll Genis starting to wear clownish ties? why were Mr. Wimpy and Mr. Mesa squawking like a couple of old ravens about the DA and the cops until the bailiff told them to be quiet....twice

how is it that palm readers can pull in $300 per hour??

why don't people in the court culture learn time management? WTF is a "Divinity degree" that Blanco claims he has?? why did it take four hours to explain what a habit is? my God people, just look at the apes in the room..what do you think we do in our spare time....what do you think the number one male habit is??

well, I was dreaming about all sorts of things and scenerios..there's something about the courtroom..the way the paintings just kind of pull you in...like the place is haunted...or I'm being haunted....by her haunting blonde beauty...

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee--
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love--
I and my Annabel Lee--
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me--
Yes!--that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we--
Of many far wiser than we--
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee:
And so, all the night-tide, I lay down by the side
Of my darling--my darling--my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea--
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

bless the beasts and the children

thank God the horror classic "Freaks" is on tonight because it's the only thing that could possibly make any sense on this Monday...

first, the News-Press had a story about the blessing of dogs at an Episcopal church in Los Olivos...what is this madness?? next, I got up and got going to the Lance DUI hearing/ pre-trial thingamajig in Santa Barbara....I don't really know what this revival has become other than a thingamajig....

then, Genis shows up twenty minutes late...this is the only profession where you can show up late and unprepared and make tons of money...second bummer was Judge Hill says no cameras in the courtroom and now, none in the court house..no pictures can be taken of the folks who are part of the trial...WTF?? basically what he did was issue a gag order on photo journalists..every picture tells a story..and yet he won't issue a gag order on the News-Press or Lance who are free to write whatever they want about the hearings..and this was because an unnamed media outlet complained...this is hypocrisy pure and simple and I'll let the Judge know one way or another..it's outrageous!! I think that even the News-Press is growing weary of the Lance reporting...

but ok no more pictures of important people, here's picture of the court house ceiling..notice the water stains..or are they tear stains from the Saints of Boredom over these long tedious proceedings?? or how about a picture of the court house ashtrays...why would they put these ugly things in such a beautiful building??

so the hearing finally starts and forsensic document examiner Sandra Homewood spent three hours on the stand sparring with Genis...Homewood won the fight and Genis was reduced to bringing up hypotheticals to defend Lance because he ran out of facts, which were mighty scarce to begin with.... the only thing that Genis did was tell us how much Homewood gets for testifying/$200 per hr on the stand..which is irrelevant...

but Genis adding to her bank account by asking stupid questions over and over again and trying to get Sandra to answer as he wanted her to...she was a seasoned veteran who would have none of it as she often corrected Genis and rolled her eyes when he asked a dumb question..one thing that the defense couldn't understand which should be clear to anyone who's operated a copy machine, is that copies don't contain any original ink from a pen!!

we broke for lunch and returned at 2:00PM and the attys took another conference for 45 minutes...they go in one room, come out and go in another room like they're playing hide and seek..meanwhile I'm sitting there falling asleep because they got the air conditioning on....bad air makes me sleepy so they should use fans like in the south...

so finally the defense calls James "Uncle Jim" Blanco to the stand....before Blanco I guess they had his ex-nephew as a witness ...his name was Merydith and did document examinations and Blanco was related by some sister wife thing....

I don't fuckin know and I don't fuckin care.....Genis called him to the stand hoping to get some help, but the kid, Merydith, was of no help and there was no reason to call him...

ok, so Blanco gets on the stand and proceeds to bore the shit outta me to almost a criminal level..he was so caught up in unnecessary details, and measuring pixels, and using infrared when it wasn't needed, that nothing was resolved other than he couldn't say that Kasi Beutel did anything wrong...

and get this, Blanco charges more than Homewood for testimony....$300 per hr and yet he says he's doing the Lance case for free except for a $250 retainer and lodging at the Canary Hotel courtesy of Genis... Blanco so far had turned down about $25000 (!!!!!) worth of fees because he says he does about two freebies per year...and the Lance case just happened to be one of them...

how strange is that, I thought..something is up there...

then after asking the same questions over and over, Horowitz, who's looking more and more like Pee Wee Herman, finally goes to the Blanco ethics issues and Judge Hill stops him...why?? Hill says there's no need to go there like he didn't want to hurt Blanco's feelings...I would think that if you examine the ethics issues and the nutty document examining Blanco did, you'd find he was incompetent...and not credible....

but I suspect the motion by Lance and Genis to dismiss was denied, right Bri??

I swear to drunk I'm not god

ok so let's accept the premise that Mr. Lance was not drunk that fateful night in January 2011...he blew a 0.09 but insists to his pals he wasn't drunk.....

maybe he was....

happily wasted?
minorly fucked up?
a beverage malfunction?
moderately sober?
anti-sober?
Hooched Up?
Blootered?
one tequila two tequila three takillya ..floor

never drink on an empty head....

runnin' bare

well while I was out looking for justice, a bear was hanging out in a Sycamore tree a few blocks up from 7/11 in Carp..over by the ranches! how cool is that....

my guess is he came down from the mountains by the channelized creek.... something freaked him out, maybe a Republican, and he scampered up the tree until the liberals called the cops...of course, the independents would have just let him be to go back to the hills on his own....and a teabagger would have shot him!

I always leave at the wrong time it seems anyway...and I left a bit too early on Friday from the Lance DUI hearing....I read Lara Cooper's story in Noozhawk which was outstanding, especially the picture of Lance who looked like he was not too thrilled with the day's proceedings...Lara not only reports, but takes her own pictures, too...a multi-tasker with a bright future..a stark contrast to Scott Steepleton from the News-Press who has to have everything bottle-fed to him from Team Wendy members...and then writes a story that is always pro-Lance! geez, this dude Steepleton has some backbone!!!

Homewood Bound....
ok... so I left at the crucial part when the prosecution introduced a professional forensic document examiner named Sandra Homewood who proceeded to shred James Blanco's testimony... to be fair, I checked her out and she's clean:
Q: Have any of your accreditations ever been investigated, suspended or removed? (if yes, explain)
A: No

I heard she clobbered the Lance team but good....well duh, what did you expect...we know the ethics issues with Blanco who really should be selling used Yugos instead of pretending to be a forensic professional...
so that's good...Ms Homewood outed him in court! and alsoI heard Ms Homewood was sooooo good that Genis tried to hire her last week, but apparently she said no....what's up with that...did Genis and Lance consider benching Blanco??
and Scotty forgot to mention this in his Saturday News-Press story..you can forgive me for that because I'm no reporter, but Scott gets paid to report, doesn't he??
come Monday, we get another round....start time: 8:30 AM....8:30!!?? I don't know about that...

maybe I should rent a little cottage by the court house..it's a delightful neighborhood..and I could just leisurely stroll over to the hearings, like a bon vivant....