Lipstick on your Collar....

Well..I didn't start this....

Sarah Palin did....if folks in Alaska put lipstick on their dogs, that is their bidness...if folks in the deep south put lipstick on their pigs that's their bidness.. that's why I'm so thankful I live in California where women wear lipstick, not the family pet as our model Wendy shows us...

& Eyebrows... have you noticed that people are fidgeting with their eyebrows nowadays. Especially pro baseball players...they look creepy...women are doing it too..I saw a woman on TV last night whose eyebrows almost went all the way around her eyes..she was a conservative commentator, a good looking woman but the brows just made her look like a liberal!
and then there's this new magazine out called "Health and Beauty"..it's a freebie but the guy publishing it has got the eyebrow thing going. I swear to God I did not draw those on!

The magazine has a bunch of resources about how you can look and feel your best..very important in today's vainglorious version of Santa Barbara.. there's spas, plastic surgery, skin rejuvenation, teeth whiteners, cosmetics, even a certified sex therapist!
Low self -esteem is a huge business! So go and knock 'em dead with whatever face you think looks best..we're all actors wearing masks anyway..what's the harm in treating your face like a pin cushion or a Betty Davis movie..who cares if you have self-mutilation issues?


I think this issue may raise a lot of eyebrows...

special bonus..Ty Warner buys 40 million dollar invisible house!

http://www.walletpop.com/blog/2008/09/30/beanie-baby-mogul-buys-as-yet-unbuilt-pentouse/?icid=200100397x1210445321x1200611430

Craig'sList...

the day the earth stood still...

I was star gazing last night.The September sky is in full blazing Milky Way glory. Sometimes the fog obscures things and you just have to be patient... Jupiter and her moons are clearly visible in the southern sky..directly overhead you'll see bright stars, double gold and silver stars, and constellations abound...Cygnus the Swan is a favorite. You can see this mind boggling starfield really well with a good pair of binocs..15X70 ...and a basic 700mm telescope..The last time the sky was this wondrous was when Halle-Bopp was passing overhead and all those folks in San Diego decided to hitch a ride with an elixir of drugs and vodka..Godspeed mi amigos!
Well..this morning there was no fog. This was a rare event in September at 6:00 AM...normally it looks like pea soup outside..so I stumble out of bed, go to the kitchen to start the coffee, gaze out the living room window and see a bunch of stars in the south, over the ocean! There's a bright one, a few double stars in rungs like a ladder, and one cluster that absolutely blew me away..a Nebula that sent shivers down my spine and got me to thinking...maybe Craig McCaw was right about the aliens coming down and how we are going to deal with them...this is where all our energies should be..not the war, not the economy, not the hosers in Alaska..the answers are evident..all you gotta do is look up..if everyone on earth did this for 30 minutes, we would have world peace, which is my ultimate goal...

Gort.."Klaatu Barada Nikkto"

California Girls....

Heather..I'll help ya!

http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/heather_locklear_arrest#27378

If Heather Locklear showed up on my front doorstep looking like her mugshot: ditzy confused sexy blond and drugged out...well, it would take a stronger man than me to fight the feelings of wanting to do her right then and there...but that's pure fantasy..I would be kind and gentlemanly with her...she likes guitar players so I'd play her a tune..then I'd fix her a spot of tea..then I'd take her shoes off and kiss her feet..whoops, fantasy again....let's see..I got a psyche background like Dr. Laura...I'll be Dr. Mick and impress Heather with my awareness and insight..I'll tell her I do weekend workshops at Esalen in Big Sur for girls like her..in other words, I'd gain her trust...slowly she would see that drugs are not the answer..acting is not the answer... guys from 70s hair bands are not the answer, Montecito is not the answer..botox is not the answer..I'm the answer to her problems... she needs structure and a simpler life away from the spotlight for awhile.. so Heather..stop wandering around in a purple haze and come see me...I'll fix you and I'll fix you but gooood!

special bonus: did Jill set up Heather?

This is the craziest story ever. The woman who called 911 on Heather Locklear is a former Us Weekly staffer who was under investigation by the FBI -- and she's the one who tipped off the paparazzi!
http://www.tmz.com/2008/10/01/heather-911-caller-up-to-no-good/3
http://www.popeater.com/television/article/was-heather-locklear-set-up/196787

Sunday Morning Comin' Down...

and my delusions of grandeur....

Saturday I made two new friends..Al Paca-cino..and Dolly Llama!

The Carpinteria Triathlon is in full swing after I EXPRESSLY ordered a boycott!

The NewsPress is missing an opinion..Where's Travis..I haven't seen hide nor hair of him recently..I credit my blog for shaking things up at the NewPress..are they huddling trying to cease and desist me?

Dr. Laura is STILL crying about her dog and abortion rights!

Still no more full page anti-Teamster ads. Instead, Nipper has written us a half-page ad explaining how the negotiations are going. Now he says everything is hunk dory and the paper is bargaining..he says he wants to move forward and direct his energies to enhancing the NewsPress!
Maybe that's why Travis is MIA!

and you can thank me!

special bonus! http://www.wendy-mccaw.com/

Dead

...done with the work of breathing


Americans have the only culture who thinks people shouldn't die; then when they do, we have long funeral processions that create traffic jams...
but death happens..Paul Newman just died...he was 83, but Cool Hand Luke could never grow old...mothers die; fathers die;aunts and uncles die..brothers and sister and cousins die; friends and enemies perish, too.
Some folks go out creatively: Gram Parsons' friends took him to the California desert and burned him after he od'ed on drugs; some folks commit suicide, I guess because like Vincent Van Gogh, no hope was left inside on that starry starry night; but I remind my unhappy friends there is always hope..
Now, I see death as a competition. You gotta hang on..sometimes just to annoy people. If you outlive everyone, you win!
So it comes down to this: it's either you or me....I wish you no ill will but I'm very competitive and I hope you die before me...RIP

Ozzie and Harriet...

As a rule I don't pick on old women...

but Harriet Miller is the exception. Miller was elected mayor of Santa Barbara in 1995 and served until retirement in 2002. She was mayor on 9/11...she was responsible for the horrendous carousel and skateboard park. She is cozy with the NewsPress, a mommy figure to Wendy, and who knows what gifts Wendy lavished on her while she was mayor. Obviously not a gift certificate for a visit to the beauty shop or a facelift or wax job....
During her tenure on the Santa Barbara City Council, she voted for State Water and Desal....together! State water opened the sluice gates to more development...A few folks on the city council back then voted the same way..now they are on the Citizens Planning Association, who are anti-growth and want your money to help fight development!
Now I hear she is being honored for a Lifetime Achievement Award...I give her an award..for the worst mayor in the lifetime history of Santa Barbara...

http://biz.yahoo.com/iw/080925/0437717.html

Hal Conklin presented her award. He was her partner in crime in the halcyon days of the1990s..

Congrats Harriet!

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said "Oh, am I driving?"

Free Markets & Free Willy....

People are Strange....Beam me up..Wendy!

Says Craig McCaw: "The orcas swim in space that we don't very well understand and of course in outer space we will face some day the moral dilemma of how to deal with aliens who land on earth, perhaps, if in fact what people believe is true- and we will have the same moral dilemma in exchanging people or creatures back and forth with them for understanding.
What is right and to what degree should it be voluntary or not voluntary or for the good of society, theirs or ours? So we're on the cusp of some very difficult issues that we frankly aren't going to escape very easily. But it's quite clear to us that these are extremely intelligent creatures. That dolphins and killer whales are very much like us only with fins and there is a certain amount of mutual understanding that comes from this exchange. But I believe in taking risks to make the right thing come true. I have a wonderful moment in the TV show Star Trek where Captain Kirk says, risk is our business and makes a compelling case for why the purpose of all of this is to explore and as it were find what is possible".


That sounds like President Bush trying to explain America's money meltdown: capitalists are like whales without fins and sometimes they need our help... he wants to give billions to gamblers on Wall Street.. and I don't get it. Am I the only clod in America who sees that this is like trying to keep a pet whale... capitalism is not sustainable....I hate that word, but it is true..

There is a bright side to a money addiction....If I'm feeling down, I can buy some things that are sure to cheer me up.
Like these:

a marshmellow shooting bazooka....what is this.. a sex toy??

a $1400 Swiss Army knife..look at it! If the Army had these in Iraq, we would have won the occupation!! I feel better already....