American Woman

stay away from me....

would a French woman send me a vacuum cleaner instead of a guitar??? NON!! MAIS NON!!



too bad American women..this one's for the French girls!!

that's why I will only deal with French ladies today...

instead of dumbass American women

Bad Moon Rising

I see trouble on the way

so I win a guitar auction on eBay and the seller lady sends me a fucking Hoover vacuum cleaner!! do you know how disappointed I was when I opened the package? you have no idea...I cursed that stupid woman straight to HELL and started wailing a cry a hyena would be proud of...

a proper buffer to development

 

then I start a relationship with some Dell technicians from Mumbai who try to save my
Dell computer..I tell them to send me a new hard drive but they are very insistent it's a software issue...they mock me and call me "just another stupid American" well, I guess

 

Church of the Nazerene


but the Dell keeps bluescreening, then it's fine, then not, then ok...meanwhile I got a Gateway and oohhhh I love this little thing....cost less than the Dell and is fast and quiet...

so the Dell Mumbai terrorists will call next week to see how I'm doing...it's a call they may want to reconsider

and some retired military dude wrote into the News-Press urging Lanny Ebenstein to run for public office because he likes Lanny's editorials..the guy used to be Lanny's teacher and he must be senile...Lanny will never run for public office....never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never ...never....and we know why....get a clue old military dude!!

ok so now I hear some developers want to build two three-story hotels on Via Real on the Church of the Nazerene property, next to the Camper Park...

that's funny guys....and it's not gonna happen..I like the Church of the Nazarene because it's a buffer to over zealous developers

Carpinteria has a nice balance of business and residential...and natural resources like the Salt Marsh and the Bluffs....and the beach and the mountains..and the churches.. I like the churches, they are cool..not the Reality church but the others like the Church of the Nazarene, the little Baptist church downtown..St Joseph's church is nice....

and agriculture..while a few growers are as loony as a bag of tea, I suppport all of them..I love the flowers, the greenhouses and the buffer they provide that prevents over-development....developers are constantly trying to squeeze in huge projects and if they could, they would fill the flower fields and avocado orchards with hotels...

in Carp we got enough hotels and motels...if the church goes maybe one motel in that spot but traffic is always an issue here.... especially when they try to overbuild....we don't have the infrastructure or the water to keep adding more people here...

can you imagine what would happen if we ran out of water?? the only thing that would make me truly happy right now is a building moratorium....and a guitar instead of this stupid vacuum cleaner...and you want me to be happy, don't you??

she's not there

well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked....

News-Press workers on STRIKE!! a WILDCAT STRIKE!!

so I go to get some coffee and a paper and there's no paper..no News-Press..so I go to another news-stand and no paper..then I repeat this three more times and same result: no paper...

so I conclude that either an act of God or a strike has stricken the News-Press this morning...

because a day without the News-Press is like a day without sunshine which is why there is no sun out that I can see....just gray...

what's black and white and not there? the NEWS-PRESS!!

like a bird on a wire

like a drunk in a midnight choir

 

I was watching this dirigible float by towards the marsh, it stopped and teetered on a telephone wire, then slid off and tumbled into the salt marsh, never to be seen again...

Heaven is in Your Mind

You ride on the swing in and out of the bars/Capturing moments of life in a jar

on a cool clear summer California day long ago, I was riding in my truck, coming back from Monterey....I'd go up there alot and come back through Big Sur....I'd stop at Esalen to groove on the vibe and catch some rays and human potential....well one day I was coming back through Big Sur and I passed a grove of tall green trees in the distance, I looked over and was overwhelmed by a sensation of joy and harmony..I felt a white light pass thru my body and started weeping with happiness...I was high on life

 

so how'd I get stuck with all this lowlife around me? the drunks, the druggies, the potheads, the conservatives...YUCKSVILLE!

I could have been a guru with beautiful young women around me all the time...but I think my luck is changing..I was riding to my hiking place yesterday and saw two girls on the side of the road, behind their car..they were just standing there and one was naked! I swear to Buddha!! I think she was changing clothes but she had a nice tan round butt...I had my camera but couldn't whip it out fast enough to get a shot.. I was trying to whip it out believe me!!

and then I felt a white light pass thru my body and started weeping with happiness...I was high on life..again

 

ok so lately the News-Press, the aforementioned low-life I am now charged to deal with has been annoying me with the Life Section of the paper..I seem to recall the Life section was a good read once but then things changed...the themesare now about fluff....crazy blonde chicks in the valley selling flowery panties, trolls selling beer, religious nonsense, the SB Champagne Club which was written by Scott Steepleton..it seems all these Life articles are written now to please a certain someone or two...and it's true, they are written to please Wendy and Nipper!!

what I think happened is when Wendy fired everyone she also told Scott Steepleton to fire the former Lifestyle editor who was very good at her job...Wendy probably promised Scott that his wifey-poo Charlotte Boechler could be the Lifestyles editor..all Scott would have to do is follow Wendy around like a dog with his balls cut off for the rest of his life and VOILA...it apparently happened for I can find no other explanation..

so Sunday's Life Section has a guy who has proof there's a heaven which he saw after slipping into a coma from bacterial meningitis....he said while his brain was shut down he saw the Kingdom of God and is now preaching God's love....

well, I know when you're in the hospital in serious-ass condtion, they give you drugs like morphine and whatever else to reduce pain or induce deep sleep, so I think the good doctor was hallucinating..

however yesterday Sunday I did see Heaven on my way to the hiking trail...a nice round ass of a young woman...that my friends is Heaven!!

walking man

the walking man walks...


so I go for a hike on a trail and this is what I see at the trailhead....A Coors Light bottle sitting atop the sign!!

see what I mean about beer drinkers...DUMBASSES!!! stumblin around drunk down on the farm...

any other man stops and talks....but the walking man walks...

is she really going out with him?

pretty women walking with gorillas down my street

ok so the latest fad is "craft beer"....apparently these brewers throw in a bunch of extras like marshmellows chocolate chips and rebrand beer as some sort of craft...or is that "crap beer"..

 

it's called craft beer simply because of the smaller volume made/sold than Bud or Coors not because of any extra care in the brewing process....fermentation=alcohol

I am certain an ape could make beer and alot of these independent craft brewers look like apes... fat hairy and dumpy gorillas

An American craft brewer is defined as small and independent. Their annual production is 6 million barrels of beer or less and no more than 25 percent of the craft brewery is owned or controlled by an alcoholic beverage industry member who is not themselves a craft brewer.

The community of small and independent craft brewers has grown as beer enthusiasts embrace new, diverse beers brewed by their neighbors and friends who are invested in their local communities. Beer drinkers are voting with their palates and dollars to support these entrepreneurs and their small and independent businesses.

In 2011, small and independent craft brewers saw their industry grow 13 percent by volume; in the first half of 2012, volume grew by an additional 12 percent. Meanwhile, the overall beer industry was down 1.3 percent by volume and domestic non-craft was down 5 million barrels in 2011.

well I don't drink beer anymore because it made me sleepy and stupid, but if I did drink it I certainly wouldn't drink it from a home-made operations with no quality control..

 

I don't care what people drink-that's there own business..but when they drink and drive it becomes my business due to the injuries, trials, hearings, judes, lawyers and cops all getting involved..that costs taxpayers big time...

so the News-Press has a new Beer Guy type column from some troll and beer "expert"...just go down to skid row and see all types of beer experts...

and the festivals they promote..the Zoo, Elings Park, the Brewhouse, Brews at the Beach, Surf 'n' Suds in Carpinteria..to promote all this "craft" beer..

it's an advertising con, pure and simple..the only reason people drink is for the buzz or to get drunk...

and how bout this: Tour de Beer..it says "grab your bros, get on your bikes and create your own beer tasting route in downtown Santa Barbara while getting some exercise...."

you don't want to exercise while drinking alcohol....it's a diruretic... it'll dehydrate you quick...and drinking while riding a bike is just plain stupid

here's some sage advice not paid for by the breweries: When "beer" and "running" appear in the same sentence, what follows is usually some elaborate description about the value of carbohydrates or calories -- basically an excuse for drinking to replace what the body loses during a workout.

But alcohol consumption -- particularly before or after a workout -- is a regimen most should reconsider.

Aside from the adverse effects of overconsumption, including impaired driving and an inability to think clearly, drinking carries other negative effects.

For example, think back to a recent night on the town that included several drinks. Now, think about what happened later that night, when you woke up and headed to the fridge for some cold water or a soft drink to relieve an undeniable thirst.

That's the alcohol. It takes up shop in muscles where water should be. Once the water is gone, the body needs more.

But its negative effects don't stop there. As alcohol intake increases, blood vessels constrict, reducing blood flow to muscles and therefore reducing endurance during workouts and extending recovery time

the only thing I see brewing is a menace of clueless drunk middle aged bon vivants and trust-funders puking their guts out on State Street..and getting arrested for DUI....

but I'm sure mommy and daddy will bail them out...but I won't