Friday, August 21, 2009

Chock Full o' Nuts...

is the Heavenly coffee...better coffee a billionaire's money can't buy...

so I go into Santa Barbara for some coffee at the Finestra Cafe, 15 E Figueroa...this is SB central: police station, Courthouse, Folk Mote Music, gang members, and tourists...and I'm looking for God....
I'm walking along the sidewalk and I come up behind a couple from Germany, the lady turns around and looks at me and jumps from fright! I scared her for some reason..I said "sorry to scare you, I'm just an American"..she and her husband started laughing and now I got two new German friends..If I could get rid of the husband, I'd have one fine-looking German girlfriend!
Ok, enough silliness...I'm still looking for the Finestra Cafe..and while I'm walking I see great big tall Ayn Rand kinda buildings lining Figueroa's like a canyon down here... "young girls are coming to the canyon"...I like canyons!! Look here..BOOM..look there... BOOM..not gun fire, just tall buildings hitting the NO on B...there's nothing wrong with a few tall buildings...unless you're afraid of heights...what happens if the Yes on B folks see a tall building, I wonder? Do they cry??
so where is this Finestra place? Well, first, let me be blunt.... there's two Santa Barbaras: the parallel SB where Wendy and her pet friends reside; and the normal SB where the rest of us hang out
there's a coffee house down here in parallel Santa Barbara called Chock Full O' Nuts which makes more sense than Finestra Cafe if you know what I mean (wink wink). But I'm staring at 15 E Figueroa in normal Santa Barbara and the only thing I see is Jeannine's, the bakery! This is where the health food store used to be..many moons ago..but there's no Finestra much for Christian business skills...I guess it's easier to ask rich guys and the flock for money than actually work for it!
So.. yeah... I was disappointed..I was looking forward to a nice cup of Job! (get it?) Here's some reviews of the defunct coffee shop/church/ propaganda business
...thank God it's gone!! but where are all these Christian hypocrite freeloader cockroaches coming from? they must've followed Dr. Laura into town...on the Parallel Line...

Saturday, August 1, 2009

this masquerade...

some of the candidates are so lacking in real world and government experience, I wonder can they tell a voting booth from an outhouse??
and they want to run the city like a private business? Pacific Bancorp lost $362 million dollars last quarter!!

Well.... maybe I can help... here's a peek at the candidates without the masks....
Dale Francisco: Mr. Von Caw..if you want to speak to me, you'll do so outside the chambers! Is that clear?? Do you understand??!! I said outside the chambers!! I will not tolerate such insolence from a member of the public..Mr Von Caw PLEASE!! Do not interrupt me or I shall jump up and down!
John Thyne:
Happy Hour at City Hall from 5:00 pm to 6:00pm...Thyne was recently busted again, according to KEYT, for another booze-related driving incident, a violation of his probation for a 2007 DUI! Will start new business venture called Thyne and Hotchkiss Wineries... stick to real estate, John...
Olivia Uribe: free Spanish lessons at City Hall on Saturdays for all you English- only gringos! Bueno!
Mike Self: all the streets in Santa Barbara will be torn up in favor of dirt roads! Good idea!
Steve Cushman: the less he says and the more the other candidates say the better his chances of winning... seriously
David Pritchett: free hotdogs all the time...
Bob Hanson (or is it Hansen): we need to dismantle the elitist power structure of the NewsPress media octypus! or is it octopus?
Frank Hotchkiss: according to the Jim Buckley, the goofy neocon publisher of the society rag "Montecito Journal", Frank is a shoe-in for city council..maybe that's why Frank won't join in on the debates, having missed the first one and refused to participate in the second one...
Helene: she will wear Blue Velvet all the!
Iya: free diction and acting classes Sundays in council chambers
Justin Tevis: Justin, your mommy called and it's time for your nappypoo!!
Grant House: quietly sewing together another term..
good luck everyone!