Friday, October 31, 2008

Monster Mash....

crash the bash..
sources tell me a right wing Halloween party will take place at the Biltmore-or-less...hosted by phantom Ty Warner who will be there but fully masked. I'm told the usual Montecito suspects will be attending..Andy Granatelli, Dr. Laura, David Horowitz, and you betcha the Hall congregation will be there to exorcise Halloween demons for ya!
Now, this party is not to be confused with the election boozefest the Indie is pushing, as George Yatchisin says "we could all use a drink"...speak for yourself, rummy!
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah..the Biltmore bash..anytime you go to the Biltmore you will be flooded in the warm white wave of money..old money, bad money, ill-gotten money. I have seen these things with my very own eyes..something is just not right at the Old pier, no surfers, no hippies, no Mexicans!!...just white religious conservatives who are NO FUN anymore!
Have fun on Halloween, dress up as the devil and then vote these religious nitwits out of office on Nov 4..the ill-conceived invasions, wars, the casino economy, the bible-speak nonsense..the bible is a beautiful book of poetry, prose and inspiration that Christians have misused as Islamic zealots have misused the Koran...

vote for the devil on Nov 4!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I Don't Give a Damn....

'bout a bad reputation!

But Wendo does...Hey..what ever happened to Agnes Huff the public relations, marketing communications, crisis management and strategic counseling gal...
Aunt Agnes was brought in to do damage control during the many NewsPress public relations gaffes: labor relation violations, drunken editors, fools on parade, just plain weirdness as Travis illustrates: the reason the city was planning to makeover De La Guerra Plaza was to punish the Santa Barbara NewsPress for writing editorials critical of city hall...Travis supposedly attended law school but must've missed the logic classes:
Logic. A form of deductive reasoning consisting of a major premise, a minor premise, and a conclusion; for example, The NewsPress write editorials, the major premise, the City of Santa Barbara hates editorials, the minor premise, therefore, the city wants to makeover De La Guerra Plaza, the conclusion. whew!
I called up Agnes to see how she was and if she still wears those pointy black shoes...just some Halloween spur of the moment questions..She said "who are you?" I said "it's me Mick..a blogger in SB"..she said "you mean a booger in SB"...I said "yeah... ha ha"...Hey got a boyfriend? I always thought you were kinda sexy in a dark way..she said "I wouldn't date you if my lifeline depended on it"..I said "awww..don't be cruel"... she said "I'll be whatevah! I said.."I like blonde women just like you, do you ache, just like a woman, but break just like a little girl?"..She said..."FUCK OFF and slammed the phone down"..
good night Irene, good night Irene, I'll see you in my dreams....

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Time to Flush....

the Brown Act...

It seems every time I turn around, someone is suing a city council for violating the Brown Act,which started out as an open meeting law, but has been severely misinterpreted so as to violate free speech...anti government folks love to use it to accuse councils of talking or meeting behind their backs. The NewsPress sued the city of SB because some members of some committee had lunch together and may have talked about certain things related to De La Guerra Plaza.. the main target was David Pritchett, a Wendy antagonist..that's why psycho Wendy sued! The city's records are open to anyone who has the energy to walk through city hall doors and ask..the City settled the case and admitted a judge could misconstrue the lunch as a meeting violation, and didn't want to spend money on court costs..upon hearing the news, the NewsPress claimed victory.. TO ALL CITY COMMITTEE MEMBERS: NO TALKING AT LUNCH!
"The Brown Act, the section of state law which governs how government agencies hold public meetings, states that no more than two council members can gather together outside of a scheduled meeting. Three or more council members at the same meeting would constitute a voting majority and is not allowed under the law except when the event is previously placed on a public agenda or under special circumstances."
So if I get elected, I can't meet with three members of the council or it is considered a violation...what if we all have to use the restroom at the same that a violation of the Brown Act....when are we going to start reducing the anal laws and go back to the Constitution as means of governing our state and country?
or maybe all council members and city employees should wear a web cam..we can keep tabs on them 24/7!
It's obvious the Brown Act needs rewriting because it inhibits communication among people...
Hey man, I lost my boat..

The Daily Sound had story about Craig McCaw..seems Craig's boat is missing from it's mooring at Santa Barbara Harbor...Officers said McCaw received a call from someone telling him his boat is gone..then Craig went to take a look and confirmed to the cops it was that's a mystery but I'll be on the lookout and maybe get a big fat reward...I think Dr. Laura stole it...she's always gabbing about regattas and hangs out at the Harbor and works for Wendy..yeah, definitely an inside job! I'll find out why your boat "went missing" Craig, or maybe it's not really many joints do smoke a day, dude??

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Dirty Little Wars....

Wendy and Nipper, REPENT little spread lies like a communicable disease. Here's some penicillin..

Wendy has joined the Wall Street Journal (Rupert Murdoch's rag) in fretting about a "liberal takeover" of America..all things conservative like the precious freedoms to break labor laws, destroy businesses, steal from the poor, abuse and harass employees, running private business with no ethical standards.. all these rights are in jeopardy! Her latest hissy fit is over unions and the secret ballot...workers have a right to unionize..whether they vote or sign a petition is not a big deal...the problem arises when the workplace becomes represented by a union, some workers don't want to join for political reasons.. it happened where I worked...the union was fully involved in negotiating a contract with management every few years...representatives from both sides sat at the table and hammered it out...I paid dues for this, while some workers didn't like unions and refused to pay dues. However, when the contract was approved, my anti-union pals were more than happy to accept pay and benefit increases that I helped pay for with my dues!
How Is AIG Spending Its $85Billion?
AIG sent salespeople on a lavish luxury retreat at the same time it was getting billions in government aid. The retreat at the St. Regis resort in Monarch Beach, Calif., cost AIG $440,000 and came right after it received a $85 billion line of credit. Even worse, it planned another lavish retreat soon after. But when the press caught wind of that one, it was soon cancelled.
The wild goose chase to kill terrorists anywhere in the middle east continues..Bush sanctioned the recent bombing in Syria which killed four children...for that alone he should be arrested..this guy is dickless and brainless...

You neo-conservatives are on notice...this election will crush your sorry asses like a ton of bricks....then I'm coming to get you..
with fire and brimstone!!

Monday, October 27, 2008


ring ring ring ring.....

I pick up the phone and Robogirl starts yapping:
"Hello, a lot of people have been talking about Hannah Beth Jacksons' behavior during this campaign...." "Hello, Tony Strickland is an environmental leader...." so goes the voice for Tony Strickland's campaign..a girl with a snotty attitude..the least she could do is call me live so I could have a little phone sex with her! manners! I wonder who is it..Erin Brockovich? Why does she keep calling me? These are lowball tactics that Travis Weirdstrong or Spendy McFlaw at the NewsPress would use... If I'm in the middle of listening to a symphony on a Sunday afternoon, I don't need someone from Tony Strickland's campaign calling with a recorded message telling me what a piece of trash Hannah Beth Jackson let's connect the dots: NewsPress likes Strickland and hates Hannah Beth and uses every media opportunity to tell me so. They must be donating to the Stickland campaign with all the money Spendy got from divorcing a cell phone vote YES ON G and tax these clowns for abusing the communications code!
This media barrage is not what people use to decide who to vote they? If they do, then this is the laziest electorate in California history..who the fuck cares how Spendy and Travis are going to vote?
Tony's campaign has been pretty silly...he looks like a big dumb Ken doll..and Hannah Beth is just a little less obnoxious, but I'd rather have her on a desert island with me than Tony...Tony's wife? now that's another story....
Here's a little message to the campaigns..I always hang up on your Robomessages because they are stupid..try using a real live girl with a sexy voice next time you call me, and she can talk all she wants..this should only take a few minutes...
now back to the symphony....

Sunday, October 26, 2008

One Way Sunday....

aren't I s'posed to go to church or sumthing??

What happens if I don't? I haven't been to a church service in ages, even though I'm a Catholic (a Cathylicker!) Uh oh..I just sinned!
Churches are nice..they are beautiful..I've seen European churches and American churches and always felt a hush when entering. Now, the last service I attended went like this: you go in, sit down on a bench, look for the bible in the little magazine holder on the bench in front of you, then some guy walks in, dressed to the nines in a flowery robe and starts the service...he speaks Latin, and the folks repeat certain verses; then a half-hearted attempt at a song; then we sit, then the pastor goes into a sermon in English...I can barely hear him, so my mind wanders to the fine ladies in the audience, dressed up and perfumey, with hats..lotsa hats! I got several fantasies going at once so I keep looking down at the ground to control them..there's a blonde woman sitting next to me. What would happen if I slipped my hand under her dress and started a little leg massage? Would she scream? Arrest me? Divorce me? Have people ever had sex in church? Probably, when no one was looking..
Now I hear the Robert Schuller Sr has booted his son Robert Jr from the Crystal Cathedral ministries for a lack of shared vision...I bet he caught him having sex in the Cathedral...guys, you really need to get away from daddy's influence at an early your own man..don't let Dad disrespect you!
John 5:23 "That all men should honour the Son, even as they honour the Father. He that honoureth not the Son honoureth not the Father which hath sent Him."
Is religion good? Why do Christians see things as black and white? Why are they afraid to explore human nature? This is why:
"Where did psychology come from? It came from people like Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, who determined to find answers to sin issues and life, by excluding God. Carl Jung was heavily involved in the occult. Freud wanted to exclude any reference to a need for God or an acknowledgment that He existed. Is it Biblical to uphold psychology in Christian circles simply because 'Christian' and secular leadership does?"
Matthew 6:24 "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."
Matthew 7:17-18 "Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit."
In other words, if the source of some idea or thought came from the occult, the idea or philosophy cannot become good. It cannot come from God simply because someone embraces it and they claim to be of God. It can not change trees or roots."
Oh, I didn't know Jung was an occultist! All those archetypes were from the devil?

Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd. Bertrand Russell

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Ransom Note Saturday...

you there! I'm talking to you...

you are



Friday, October 24, 2008

Oh No!

must be the...Season of the Witch....

when I look out my many sights to see.......Halloween is near and the spookier the better...up in the eastern sky after sunset there's the Pleiades star is GORGEOUS and called many things..the name I like is "seven sisters" and you fellers out there know why...also up there is the Brocchi's cluster, west sky, also called the "coathanger"...a handy instrument back in the 1970s!
The Exorcist always sends a chill thru me..especially the scene they cut out..the Spider Walk... (altho we used to call it the "crab walk" in junior high gym class) that's the one that scared me the most...WTF were they thinking?
here's a little treat:

Then I noticed these shadows on the wall outside! Religious symbols appeared..while I'm watching the devil's spider walk! Freaky man...I'm possessed now...

you got to pick up every stitch....

Thursday, October 23, 2008


Loose Sweaters Mean Flabby Tits...

coffee may reduce the size of yours.... (altho the inverse may be true for men!)
where do I start...if they are too big then I feel intimidated..if they are too small, then I feel cheated..if they are just right, I'll follow you around like a dog..or a baby...or a dirty old man...or a fine upstanding citizen...or

how many cups of Starbucks do women drink..4 or 5 a day from a big gulp; then they go to a plastic sugeon for breast augmentation..always after this procedure the breasts look funny, too round like baseballs...nature does a better job..leave them alone you easy living self-centered bitches....
but seriously...
Women who drink coffee as a pick-me-up might discover it keeps their breast size down. Even if smaller breasts aren't their cup of tea, there's a great tradeoff: a lower breast cancer risk.
"Drinking coffee can have a major effect on breast size," said Helena Jernström, an oncology researcher from Sweden's Lund University whose team discovered the connection.
The team found that about half of women have a gene that links breast size to coffee intake, The Local reported. Healthy, premenopausal women with the gene who drink three or more cups of coffee a day have smaller breasts. Those women also have a lower risk of breast cancer.
this post was presented as a public service...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

go ahead and JUMP!

no.. wait! don't happy

Does reading the Santa Barbara News-Press signal a suicide response in middle aged women? Well, according to a new study, it is possible. My goal is to prevent suicides and to confront the black dog...
The other question is should we stop people from killing themselves..the answer is Yes, of course..clinical depression can mess with the thought processes and magnify problems..and you gotta hold on for dear life to get out of the tunnel..but there is a light at the's called don't be afraid...

healthier you!

Now, back to the NewsPress..I've read feature stories about middle aged women wearing jewelry, shopping at Luis Vitton and other ghastly frivolities and I've been sorely tempted to cut my own throat after reading the paper, but I know that would not help anyone (except my enemies!). I know the main readership of the NewsPress is rich white women over 50...not a bad group, pretty good in bed (so I've heard), but a little screwy in the head.. and now I read that: Middle-aged women drive rise in U.S. suicides
Overall rate grew 0.7 percent between 1999 and 2005, researchers report
WASHINGTON - U.S. suicide rates appear to be on the rise, driven mostly by middle-aged white women, researchers reported on Tuesday.
They found a disturbing increase in suicides between 1999 and 2005 and said the pattern had changed in an unmistakable way — although the reasons behind the change are not clear....

Well, the reasons are clear to me! The NewsPress is responsible! The constant drivel, stupidity, meaningless stories, lies, repetitive editorials, temper tantrums, unionphobia, fish stories, spineless advertisers, Dr. Laura and other mindless columnists are driving women crazy!
and you may live to tell about it!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Harley Davidson and God's Special Favors...

"drop kick me Jesus, through the goal post of life"
guest editorial by X-List celebrity, Mr. Brian Ehler

If I pray to Jesus, will he give me what I want? How about that 1965 Corvette..or that woman who keeps showing up in my dreams? Nope...oh well...
The Harley Davidson dealership wants to expand...bigger flags, bigger buildings..what's it all mean? A while ago, they enlisted Dr. Laura to cheerlead for them in her NewsPress tidings. She did and said they hold charitable events, loved god, and were nice so should be allowed to do as they please. HD owner Marty Cherry chimed in "God will take care of us".... well he may very well, but he forgot about all those Iraqi children that we dropped bombs on...
None of this sits very well with the Carpinteria Valley Association, who have pointed out the laws that HD consistently breaks...traffic and zoning in particular. Some HD supporters are calling the CVA "vigilanti/ees...
I would like to thank the Carpinteria Valley Association for keeping up with the Harley Davidson and other developments in our area. I have seen Harley Davidson employees use the Via Real/Highway 101 loop to test run the motorcycles. Some of the bikes have the noisemakers installed & were speeding and it prompted me to complain to the cops. The fundraiser-for charity- event last year was nothing more than a pro/war/Iraq occupation rally with America’s #1 hypocrite, Dr. Laura, as "special guest". It was another stunt pulled by the Harley Davidson folks. I have no problems with rallies in Carpinteria, but don’t try to disguise them as charity events. A bigger flag does not mean you are more patriotic nor does it grant you special favors from Jesus. Harley Davidson should strive to establish a legal business and not a beachhead in Carpinteria.
this building next to McCormix is for sale, which used to be part of the Harley building next door..they service bikes here. I was snapping this pic and two guys came running out to question me.."who are you; what are you doing; are you a surveyor;"...I said I'm just a guy taking some pictures, then I asked if the building is for sale or not, they said.."maybe".....very mysterious, these conservatives... nice car though, don't you agree, God?
God? God? Jesus??

I'm praying here!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Brother Crow!

my love, she's like some raven, at my window with a broken wing...

the crow is a much maligned bird..some folks look at him and see themselves. Depending on who themselves is, they either see a chatty, noisy, messy opportunist; or a sleek social leader who disposes the dead, weak and dying and flies away into the night...I once watched two crows quickly dispatch a dying bat while I was trying to figure out whether to call animal control and worrying about rabies..
the crow, the raven are amazing creatures and I give you Edgar Allen Poe's classic to ponder..

The Raven
[First published in 1845]
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December, And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrowFrom my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -This it is, and nothing more,

'Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream beforeBut the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token, And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice; Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -'Tis the wind and nothing more!'Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore. Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!' Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.

'Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;For we cannot help agreeing that no living human beingEver yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door, With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'Then the bird said, `Nevermore.

'Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disasterFollowed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore Of "Never-nevermore."
'But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linkingFancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yoreMeant in croaking `Nevermore.

'This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core; This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er, But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er, She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censerSwung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent theeRespite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sittingOn the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floorShall be lifted - nevermore!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

What a Kookie Little Paradise...

click the *kookie!

Ya know, I was just thinking..well, not thinking really, more reflecting. Aren't we all lucky to live in the Santa Barbara area? It's beautiful..the mountains, the ocean, the fish, the big houses, the pretty people, the gangs, the foodies, the homeless, the well heeled and deranged..we got it all!
and look at our celebs! A- Listers all! We got Brad Hall. His dad was a preacher in Montecito at the church by the Miramar that says "bide a wee and pray"..I went to school with his sisters (one's name is Julia, like his wife...hmmm) who were pretty blondes and a little weird..real religious and pious, like Brad..Brad gave us a movie "Must Love Dogs".. a bonefide riveting classic..and then there's his wife Elaine (Julia Louis Dreyfus) who went from Seinfeld to sitting on the Heal the Ocean board of something.. although she knows nothing about water, she's got a winning smile! Then there's Hillary..the Heal the Ocean king..sorry, but she looks like a guy I know..she gets a lot of money from some of you doing tests on water quality that you already pay for with your taxes!
and Dennis Miller..a joke-cracker-failed -game -show host with no discernable talent who knows a lot about a little and is a FOX NEWS/Bill O'Reilly/Iraq occupation pimp.. are these the people you want peddling influence around the city like some expensive hookers?
Well, why not? Someone has to come in and shake up the apple cart! Why not an actress, a director and a washed up comedian! These celeb folks know more about our local water quality and planning issues than the professionals who actually work in the field..and they just do by virtue of..of..of..well, they just do.
I'm proud of them for sharing this California space with me..with all our problems, it is still a great place to live and comforting to know we've got such smart entertainers protecting our kooky little paradise...

*(sung by heroine Jo Ann Campbell)

Saturday, October 18, 2008


you're starting to annoy me...your head looks like a big.. pumpkin!

Citizens Planning Association Executive director and Elaine look-a-like Naomi Kovacs now says she's going to appeal the Miramar to the Board of Supevisors... Naomi..drop it, forget about it, go ride a bike, go have some sex, have a some damn thing!

Citizens Planning Association wants your slow down development, but all these groups opposing the Miramar, from the NewsPress to the actresses, have one thing in common..a victim in being victimized by the big mean Los Angeles developer...

You can't go to their website without getting hit for some cash..
Donate Online Today!
Make a contribution to Citizens Planning Foundation or Association. Just click on the appropriate link below! Donations made to CPF (a 501c3) are tax deductible as allowed by law and help fund our education and outreach efforts. While donations to CPA (a 501c4) are not tax dedutible, they are vital to further our advocay work. blah blah blah

Advocacy Work??..who are they trying to kid? ME??? Look at a little history before I get hysterical! A few members of the CPA like former council member Gerry Dewitt and Mayor Lodge helped open the flood gates to growth by voting for state water and the defunct desal plant in Santa Barbara. Now this group seems to be wholly focused on preventing the Miramar project from going forward. The CPA needs to stick to real threats of growth, like state mandated housing, over-development at the beach, excessive and wasteful water use, protecting agriculture, stopping eminent domain abuse and quit worrying about a relatively small project like the Miramar...FILL IN THE HOLE!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Goleta Dummies!

Travis is back and the first thing he does is call Goleta voters stupid!

then he warns the residents of Goleta Valley to expect a"bunch of deceiving campaign literature to show up in their mailboxes" all courtesy of the Goleta Valley Chamber of Commerce, whose members are on Wendy's enemies list...
I don't know about you, but when I read political mailers I know the people who write them are sincere and always tell the can that not be..look how shiny and glossy they are. I always save them and put them in my imagine my surprise when I read Travis' column.. he says "Goleta candidates must reject chamber deception"...mailers will trick voters into supporting Blois and Gilman and confuse voters into believing certain groups support Goleta Water Board candidates Mills and DeWitt..
"No one should argue against a tough campaign battle, but they shouldn't try to confuse Goletans"

Fun in Goleta..
The stoplight at the corner of Hollister and Magnolia buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged Goleta friend of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving!"

When my husband and I arrived at the Goleta car dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side..."

I was walking down Hollister Ave when a Goletan came up and asked: If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

thank God you got Travis to set you straight (as it were)..

Thursday, October 16, 2008

WTF is Joe the Plumber??

he's my boss!

You need to know how to talk like a plumber if McCain gets's some help..

landscape irrigation lines are made of schedule 40 pvc..use schedule 80 in heavier duty situations...schedule 80 is also good for transporting liquid Cl2 ( industrial bleach)

when you flush your toilet, where does the doo doo go go? if you live in the hills it goes to a septic tank..if you're civilized it goes to the local wastewater treatment plant

did plumbers start the hip-hop trend of wearing pants below the ass crack? You betcha!
what is normal city water pressure? usually 120 psi..

What's psi? pounds per square inch

what is a pressure regulator? a device that regulates water pressure into your house..usually set at 60 psi

what is a water hammer? a pressure surge in a pipe that can do a lot of damage..that's why you should always close valves slowly..

plumbing terms

Bottoms Up!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Who am I...

and what am I doing here?

Politics can be brutal. The insults fly from both sides. Words that the political candidates speak are used like swords to cut their own throats. Each side is ready to pounce on and devour any little action they can exploit. Even if it means twisting the truth.Admiral James Stockdale asked in the 1992 Vice Presidential debate, Who am I? What am I doing here? I watched John McCain at the last debate as he wandered around the stage like a confused old man, and I thought of the admiral...this does not bode well for McCain.....he has claimed to be a Teddy Roosevelt Republican..if he was, I 'd vote for him. But he is not...and Obama is too stiff..he needs to loosen up and to swing back at MCain and politics it is ok to hit women..if someone called me a terrorist I'd smack 'em! Tonight's debate Obama should go right over to McCain and smack him upside the head..

Now some of you out there may think I'm a peon, another idiot taking potshots at people and hiding behind a computer screen..I yam wut I yam..but I'd wager to say I'm a better American than you..I practice free speech more vigorously than any local blog I've know why? Because the other guys are hung up on manners and society's rules and other people's feelings.
Not me... I'm a true American..a Roosevelt American ..and who among the bloggers in SB could get city council candidates to come over for pizza and politics...that's why you should vote for me..

or else Satan or Saturn or some other bad dude will eat your children....

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Woman has Food Orgasm!!

I am the eggman, they are they eggmen, I am an oyster...coocoocachoo

A poster named Christine at gets juiced up over food at the Harbor Festival!
here's some quotes:

"So excited!
"I already know exactly where I am going first, second and third....Bbq'd albacore, then oysters, then uni, then chowder- rest, check out boats, then going for the crab boat."
"Lord help me!"
"Make me jealous. I love fish, esp. shellfish. Insert boat ride"
"It was exquisite- a tad bit windy- but if you were there last year- it was so damn HOT, that wind was a better choice.
First off- oysters- fat and juicy- almost hard to eat because they were so, well the word girthy works for me...the tied to the tent bottle of Tampatio was great. 2 for $4.00.
Next was a smaller than last year cup of $2.00 Brophys chowder. Delicious, and chock full of oyster and other bits, perfectly cubed potatoes. It ain't good until you are wearing this stuff."
WOW! dinner at 8 babe?

Monday, October 13, 2008

Unendorsing NewsPress Endorsements..

Breaking News!! officially unendorses Santa Barbara News-Press political endorsements!

Why would anyone care what the News-Press endorses? Who do they think they are..special beings blessed with superior intelligence, telling you how to vote because you're too stupid to figure it out for yourself? Well..maybe you that's where blogs come in! I'll tell you how to vote and you'll like it!

Measure E/City of Buellton..NewsPress says's good for citizens to take things into their own hands when the city council displeases them. The measure lets citizens vote before a city can expand its borders.. I say NO..just write it into the general plan or vote for slow growthers...Measure E is totally unnecessary!

Measure F/ a counter to Measure E! What is up with the folks in Buellton? Pea soup on the brain? NewsPress says NO..I say YES!

Proposition 8..what's the NewsPress say? I dunno! Are they going to support gay marriage when Dr. Laura tries to sell the traditional family values? What a fix they are in withTravis being gay! I say NO on Propostion not write discrimination into our California constitution...marriage is a weird institution anyway..why shouldn't lesbians profit like Wendy did??

Proposition 2..improving the lives of mean like: stroking the chicken lovingly before you whack his head against a rock? News-Press says YES...I say NO.

Measure G (City of Santa Barbara)..a cell phone tax...gee, I wonder why Wendy opposes that given all her divorce money was from cell phone stocks! This is a way to give some of her ill-gotten gains back to the people! God Almighty..I love America!!

Propositon 11..there is no such thing as fair redistricting..leave things alone. This is an attempt by rightwingers to spread their evil more uniformly thruout California... NewsPress says YES..I say NO

see? I'm here to help!

Sunday Drivers...

she rides Harley Davidson..trike, that is

It was a beautiful I decide to go on a bicycle ride..the normal route..down Padaro up to Highway 192/Foothill..then back home..a little 7 miler...I usually see some Harleys on highway 192 and since the Harley shop is in Carp, many more folks are using the foothills..but still not too is a gorgeous ride even with the extra I'm riding past the organic farm when I hear some rumbling behind me..this was a low rumble, not the usual chopper racket I hear..I look behind me and two riders are on big Harley Trikes..the front rider is..guess who..Dr. Laura! I laughed at her as she passed..her hubby was close behind..the funny thing was the look on Dr. Laura's face...even with the big oversized helmet on and dark sunglasses, she looked absolutely terrified..and Norman Bates' mother grasping the trike handlebars for dear life like a little statue... I wish I had my camera..the other funny thing is they were only going about 25 mph! I almost caught up to them on my mountain bike! HA...

She had mentioned in her No-News-Press column a few times about almost getting into an accident on her Harley..well, Dr. Laura, you are gonna kill someone or get killed if you don't change your riding technique..loosen up and try going a little faster... after all you are on a rural highway..or better yet take up something more age-appropriate a golf cart...
ps..I found this pic in a mag and it looks like what I saw on Highway 192!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

psycho killer...

Qu'est-ce que c'est....

Every now and then I work up the courage to get into Santa Barbara...a little shopping, a little "how do" to is a risk though..I could be attacked by a sociopath..not Wendy or Travis or Dr. Laura at the NewsPress, but a little gang member with nothing to lose might decide to rob or kill me..or I could come out of Borders and step right in the middle of a melee... brain-damaged ten year old Mexican kids led by cowardly Mexican men to do battle with bats and knives instead of playing soccer or something...shaved heads and prison garb..the least they could do is sing and dance once in a while like in "West Side Story"...and where are the city cops??..nowhere to be found when I'm in town!
And the homeless...who do they think they are walking around like they are people? They scare me because poverty scares me..altho I will say they are very nice when they talk to me...if I'm going to be "God blessed" by someone, I feel it is more sincere coming from a homeless woman than, say, a Christian! and of course I give them a few quarters when I can because I know some right wing wacko somewhere doesn't want me to..and as Phil Ochs once said.."there but for fortune, go you or I"..
Well, I was walking through De La Guerra Plaza and some kids were playing congas and flutes and doing a little dance..very physical and energetic..and very entertaining on a Saturday afternoon and somehow I felt less afraid..the kids are alright!
I also noticed the NewsPress building could use a new coat of paint...
and someone needs to remove that graffiti!!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

to all my friends...

do you love beer?

No I don't..I used to drink it but it made me tired and my eyes bulged eyes is what we called it...Elings Park is host to a Beer festival in get this, a bunch of people driving to the park to celebrate and drink beer..after five or six glasses, some idiots will get in their cars and drive onto the streets of Santa Barbara..well what a brilliant idea for festival fun!
The cops should set up a DUI checkpoint at the park entrance!

The Independent even has a little contest:

Write a little essay about the wonders of alcoholism and win free tickets to the event!
..and here's the pitch!
About the 2008 Santa Barbara Beer Festival..Fun never felt so good
Newly managed by a committee from the Santa Barbara Rugby Association, the 2008 Santa Barbara Beer Festival's goals are simple: to help promote two local nonprofits and have a lot of fun while doing so.
Please join us Saturday, October 18th, from 12:00 to 4:00 p.m., when the fields at Elings Park will be transformed into Santa Barbara's oldest beer festival featuring the best microbrews from the central and west coast. For just $30, you'll get a glass and an afternoon of unlimited beer tasting. We look forward to seeing you there!

unlimited beer tasting!! Well, you won't see me there you drunken hooligans...I'll be working to shut down this stupid event...

Friday, October 10, 2008

Where's Waldo?

Travis..where you at, buddy??

How long has it been since we've heard from editorial here and there, but mostly a terse note on the editorial page: daily editorials will resume next week.but will they? I've seen this note many times in the last few appears Travis ducked out after the KEYT video aired..where'd he go..back to rehab? I said NO NO NO...back to Zona Seca? NO NO NO.. did he get married before the prop 8 vote and now he and he are on their honeymoon?

Did Wendy and Nipper decide to muzzle their boy for awhile? Are they starting to act like responsible business owners? DO they see the writing on the men's room wall "for a good time, call 1-800-TRAVIS"..or maybe, just maybe he is REALLY going to clean up all the dirty politicians in Santa Barbara a la Travis Bickle in "Taxi Driver"!

With Travis gone, who is watching the newsroom? Michelle Malkin? Look at her..she keeps trying to tell me she's a conservative American but I'd tell her to keep away from John McCain because she looks Vietnamese, something that could have gotten her shot 40 years ago...

Front page: the California Lottery has cooked up a scheme to attract more suckers. Here's the deal: a Santa Barbara Gas station is teaming with the California Lottery to promote a "scam the public" event. All you have to do is buy $10 worth of lottery tickets and you get a $50 gas card...the deal was limited to 200 people. Some drove down from Santa Maria in SUVs! Where did all these stupid people come from..not my family tree! Probably yours!
The NewsPress was complicit in this scheme by announcing the station's location on Tuesday.

Sports Section..I read it in 4 seconds!

Then we had more whale stories... and.... Dr. Laura's back (!!) from her cruise and immediately tried to tie together Oprah Winfrey, death and feminism at UCSB in a wordy nonsensical column!
WTF do I read this paper for?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Rate the Stars!

oooh...a celebrity!

We are so fortunate to have so many famous people living or who have lived among us. I thought it would be fun to rate them..give them a report card..."A" students or flunkies?

Ione Skye..I don't know where she lives..but she's a good actress and Sunshine Superman's daughter..A

Dennis Miller/Montecito...LOSER! Bush flunkie, can't hold down a steady job as a game show host or sports show host or a dog walker, but very witty... D

Carol Burnett/Montecito..a comedy legend..loved her in "Annie"..B

Sean Hannity..used to live in Santa Barbara..Hannity's weekly show on KCSB was canceled after less than a year when management charged him with "discriminating against gays and lesbians."
Sean Hannity, Fox news anchor known for his right wing bias, has the professional qualifications of a ..well..a chihuahua. After getting his high school diploma in 1980, young Sean went on to study journalism as a bartender in Santa Barbara, California. After mastering both the Midori Hopper AND the Godiva Peppermint Kiss, he studied at the Rocco cement company doing odd jobs in construction. HE THEN WENT ON TO FOX NEWS.and he's been sucking Rupert Murdoch's dick ever since..In 2005, Jerry Falwell, chancellor of Liberty University awarded him an honorary degree...F+

Kevin Costner/Padaro Lane..well... what would you do if a pretty girl was massaging you?? Whip it out!! Open Range and The Postman were good..B-
Julia Louis Dreyfuss.. she's like a tick burrowing into my arm! Elaine was funny...C

Ellen...sometimes here sometimes not..she's a-ok! B

Alan Thicke/Carpinteria..get outta town! F

Dr. Laura/Santa Barbara...was-not has-been super nova loser...F-

Arnold/Carpinteria..bad governor, bad actor, walks like Frankenstein..D

Joe Walsh.used to live on Buena Vista in Montecito..plays a mean slide..good ol' Joe..I used to deliver his morning paper years and years ago! B

Burl Ives..used to live on Buena Vista in Montecito..old folkie..I used to deliver his morning paper years and years ago! B

Rob Lowe/Padaro Lane..super nitwit perv/brat/punk and Wendy McCaw's friend! Whipped it out around babysitter! D-

Robert Mitchum..long time dead but a Montecito resident... Thunder Road; Heaven Knows Mr. Allison..great mojo! A-

Olive Carey/Carpinteria... great B Western actress, wife of western great Harry Carey, Sr..lived in Carpinteria on the ranch until she died...then I rented her little pink bungalow for a few years and ghosts were everywhere...A+

now, I vant to be alone....

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Bush Appoints Terrorist!!

to oversee destruction of American financial markets!

After the gov't bailed out Wall Street on the backs of taxpayers, the Bush folks appointed a terrorist to complete another 9/11..instead of using planes to kill Americans, they are using Bush policies. These policies have been supported by every right wing lunatic who failed to call out Bush when he fucked up..instead they made excuses and tried to protect him. The majority of politicians have failed to see that the guilty must pay, not be payed off!
From the Iraq invasion to Katrina to Wall Street..the exploiticians and neocon cheerleaders have held hands with George Bush while he tried to DESTROY America..and he keeps trying. It is unpatriotic and anti-American not to call out our leaders when they fail at their appointed duties!
Did Obama hang out with terrorists? Did Palin hang with a witch doctor? Sure, but George Bush and Dick cheney ARE terrorists..they are so wrapped up wasting money chasing ghosts in Iraq, they have become the metaphor for that which they seek to destroy: the axis of evil! Next time you vote..THINK!

vote, n. the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool himself and a wreck of his country..A.B.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

A Bold Fresh Piece of Stupidity...

downright squirrelly...

Awright..I've been picking on Dr.Laura and Wendy et al..let's see if I can take some self-abuse as I, to paraphrase an irate reader, disgust against myself..
First off...I'm an idiot..flunked out of every school I attended. I messed up my first marriage by drinking too much, my second marriage by having an affair with an 80 year old woman... I was the spring and she was a dry gulch.. I've been single ever since and get my jollies by squeaking the squirrel on my neighbor's roof at night! I'm a loser!
I'm on, I got a good pension..and I hate dogs..the little shitbags hump my leg and spread disease on our beautiful beaches...then they lick their asses and lick their owners faces..geez, don't we have a Health Dept in Santa Barbara?? Shouldn't that be illegal? It certainly is immoral in my book.
People hate my guts, esp my family, who treat me like dirt because that's what I am....
My father used to scream at me in the morning:

Why did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast? Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate ! !
I plan to write a book and sell it on this's called: "A Bold Fresh Piece of Stupidity" by Mick Von Caw with an intro by certified sex harasser Bill O'Reilly. I've never done anything worthwhile in my life and this blog proves it...
there..ya happy now???

Monday, October 6, 2008

Special Election Section...

Listen up you little faggots!

If you think I'm gonna vote no on proposition 8 so you can get married you are crazy! I'm a proud Catholic and the bible says "NO FAGS!" .. marriage is a sanctuary set up by our lord Jesus between a man and a woman...a child deserves a mom and dad, not a dad and a dad or a mom and a mom or a dike and a dad..the "nuculer" American family is the last best hope for is a healthy nurturing place even if dad is psycho and if d-i-v-o-r-c-e was illegal, it would be even Disneyland.
You gay people need to get back in the closet and close the door on your disgusting make me sick. You will go to hell! The one good thing is two gay guys can't have an abortion, so I support that.
You should come to my church where we turn queers into normal people..I'll pray for you and who knows, you might meet a potential husband or wife will be heterosexual even though sex is evil says my pastor, although in confession, he breathes funny and groans when I talk and tells me I'm cute?! Then he asks if I'd like to have a session with the wise master!! That's why I don't like confession anymore...I think he's homo...
But you better get straight! We need heroes more than ever and my heroes are Ronald Reagan and Billy Graham..God fearing Christians who loved their families and America and tried to protect us from the most evil of evils.... ourselves...
NO on 8!! I mean YES on 8!!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Sunday's Sermon...

are you hung over and puking you guts out? GOOD!! you can thank Debra Saunders...

she's a conservative columnist with some sage advice for young people..a tit full of tequila is good for teens!
"At age 18, an American can enlist in the military, vote, sign a contract, get married, have an operation — hey, in California, a 14-year-old can have an abortion without telling her parents — but he cannot buy a beer. Not legally, anyway.
How can we trust 18-year-olds to vote or run for office, but not to legally buy a beer?"
Now, how can she logically tie drinking to voting, enlisting or getting a married? She can't cos she's a dope!

The message she should be sending to teenagers is: Question your leaders, followers, educators, parents, and yourselves to create your own code to live by..not easy but well worth the effort. In order to do this, you need a clear head. Schools should be teaching drug and alcohol theory.. If you have inclinations to follow some famous folks down the drugs and alcohol use and abuse road, fight it, duck it, and keep moving. Keep your eyes open for the ways this culture tries to hook, wine-tasting rooms, lame traditions passed down from college.. then start to evaluate what it is they are asking you to do.....poison yourself!

Why do people like booze? Some folk will tell you that it's because drink tastes terribly nice - particularly to a person who's 'into' fine wines or (maybe) Real Ale.
But the actual reason why the grog is so fantastically popular is because it's a DRUG - and a very agreeable one. It's the effect of alcohol on the brain that makes it so pleasant.
What does it do to the brain? Well, you may have heard that it's a 'stimulant'. In fact, that's totally untrue. Booze is actually a DEPRESSANT or SEDATIVE of brain function - very like the general anaesthetics which are given to people when they're having surgery.
So if it's a depressant, why does it make you feel jolly? Simply because it begins by depressing the parts of the brain which is responsible for RESTRAINT and INHIBITION. Once these are 'damped down', you start to feel uninhibited and free-and-easy. You're much more likely to laugh, and joke, and dance - or even do something slightly silly!
But if you have a bit more booze, then the drug starts depressing the bits of your brain which deal with co-ordination and speech.
And if you have quite a bit more, then sadly the alcohol will depress your brain so much that you end up unconscious - or even dead.
MYTH: if used in moderation alcohol is jolly good for cheering people up, and for easing the social wheels - particularly over the Christmas / New Year holidays. Depressants don't "cheer you up".
Unfortunately, alcohol is addictive.
And alas, regular drinking of substantial quantities of booze can very easily damage your liver, your heart, your brain, and other organs. Among the biggest threats is cirrhosis of the liver - which (quite honestly) is a pretty awful illness to suffer from.

Hey a little Captain in ya??

Saturday, October 4, 2008

You've Got Mail...

well..I finally heard from a lawyer

I woke up this morning from an awesome dream, then read my email..and now I know what it feels like to be Wendy McCaw, or anyone else who gets their money for nothin'...the fuzzy people
This is for your attention:We wish to notify you again that you were listed as a beneficiary to the total sum of €4,600,000.00 (Four million Six hundred thousand Euro) inthe intent of the deceased (names now withheld since this is our secondletter to you). We contacted you because you bear the surname identity andtherefore can present you as the beneficiary to the inheritance sincethere is no written will.Our legal services aim to provide our private clients with a completeservice. We are happy to prepare wills, set-up and administer Trusts,carry out the administration of estates and prepare and administer powersof attorney. All the papers will be processed in your acceptance. In your acceptance ofthis deal, we request that you kindly forward to us your letter of acceptance, your current telephone and fax numbers and a forwarding address to enable us file necessary documents at our High court probatedivision for the release of this sum of money.Yours faithfully,Ruben Gonzalez.

knock off the BS Ruben and send the check!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Avocados and Indians

Ahau' everybody...

I love's the only place that hasn't been paved over with development due to a strong agricultural history, from the lima bean fields on Santa Claus Lane in the 1950s to the greenhouses in the hills to the avocado is a great place to hang out...and there's are plenty of mini-controversies to keep us happy..councilman Joe Armendariz drunken car crash while speeding thru the windy Montecito hills; Joe's cleaned up his act and now drives a shiny new Mercedes! The stars have moved in too, although I will try to make life difficult for them if they sully our good name. Rob Lowe and Arnold are on probation. I've teamed with a few like minded individuals and formed the "Carpinteria Alliance" to keep our town, not that I even live here, from turning into Goleta!
This weekend the CARPINTERIA AVOCADO FESTIVAL will take place...that's the original name until some outsiders changed it to the CALIFORNIA AVOCADO FESTIVAL...these dickheads will pay for diluting our little party. Anyway, it's a good old fashioned festival so come on down and if you see some ugly fuck with a cheapo camera, it's just me!
The ongoing controversy that keeps us all happy is the high school mascot issue..which is growing far beyond anyone's expectations...pitting neighbor against neighbor, wars of words, battle cries and intrigue that now involves the Board of Supervisors office, according to my soul sisters at
Of course, it will all work out to everyone's satisfaction. Iris Dement once sang: "I can see the sun setting down on our town, our town, goodnight"...If it starts to set on Carpinteria, I may have to step in and clean house....

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Banned Blogs Week?

I plan to put forth legislation to control content on all blogs, and in books and newspapers in the Santa Barbara area.. I will decide what is appropriate...consider yourselves warned!

Banned books week in Sept 27- Oct 4. Celebrate your freedom to read! Banned Books Week is the only national celebration of the freedom to read. It was launched in 1982 in response to a sudden surge in the number of challenges to books in schools, bookstores and libraries. More than a thousand books have been challenged since 1982. The challenges have occurred in every state and in hundreds of communities. People challenge books that they say are too sexual or too violent. They object to profanity and slang, and protest against offensive portrayals of racial or religious groups--or positive portrayals of homosexuals. Their targets range from books that explore the latest problems to classic and beloved works of American literature.
Here’s the list of the "10 Most Challenged Books of 2007" in descending order:
"And Tango Makes Three," by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell"The Chocolate War," by Robert Cormier"Olive’s Ocean," by Kevin Henkes"The Golden Compass," by Philip Pullman"The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn," by Mark Twain"The Color Purple," by Alice Walker"TTYL," by Lauren Myracle"I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings," by Maya Angelou"It’s Perfectly Normal," by Robie Harris"The Perks of Being a Wallflower," by Stephen Chbosky.
And Lindale, Tex., banned "To Kill a Mockingbird" from a school reading list in 1996 because it "conflicted with the values of the community" — leading one to wonder just what Lindale’s values are, and why anyone would want to live there. If they banned this book then there would be no movie and I wouldn't cry at the end like I always do!
To celebrate the week, the American Library Association -- not to mention publishers, booksellers, and me -- encourage you to pick up a banned book -- and enjoy!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

The Dr. Laura Channel!

fresh as a daisy...

Did you catch Dr. Laura's new show on YouTube? It is a must see. Dr. Laura covers the gamut of topical issues..from modeling her own line of cruise wear to giving no-nonsense advice on personal matters. She'll answer questions and even handles the camera herself...
I was so excited to watch her new shows but was shocked when I thought I saw what happened when she thought the camera was off...she started talking about Sarah Palin and kept rolling her eyes and went "yuck" and stuck her finger down her throat in a faux-hurl! Then it appeared she started making fun of certain Alaskan children by making funny faces..disgusting....Dr. should be ashamed of yourself! Hey..maybe I was dreaming!

But why would Laura promote herself on YouTube? Because she can't get a show on TV, obviously..Dr. Laura Schlessinger's syndicated TV show may have been short-lived, but that isn't stopping her from heading for YouTube. The Dr. Laura Channel will feature fresh weekly video content, video blogs, answers to listeners' questions, and behind-the-scenes footage shot by Dr. Laura, Take On the Day, Schlessinger's syndicator announced Tuesday (Sept. 23).Schlessinger, the most-listened-to female radio Talk show host and the third most-listened-to radio Talk program in the U.S., airs on more than 250 radio stations...(long live payola!!) She also writes a newspaper column for (muttonheads) at the Santa Barbara NewsPress, streams her radio show, does podcasts and even (masturbates) her little poodle doggy!! The Dr. Laura Channel will feature fresh -as- a -daisy- (douche) video content posted weekly by the popular air personality, including video blogs of Dr, Laura not seen anywhere else, answers to listeners’ questions, and occasionally, behind-the-scenes footage shot by Dr. Laura (playing with herself.. )

Geoff Rich, President of Take On The Day, the production company co-owned by Dr. Laura and Mr. Rich, said everything not in parentheses: "This is a great opportunity for Dr. Laura to reach many more people than those (jerkoffs) who listen to her radio program every day. We're trying to get something other than (white trash) to watch us and we’re excited to be partnering with the leading video website to help Dr. Laura’s fans and interested followers find exclusive, freshly (douched) content every week. We look forward to creating more interactive opportunities for visitors to The Dr Laura Channel on YouTube."

parenthetically yours!