Saturday, December 31, 2016

Help Me Rhonda

help me get her out of my heart

Ronda Rousey likes to get beat up, apparently..I'd get into a ring with her, knock her out in 48 secs and then knock her up.. have sex with's my New Year's Wish!!

knock her out, knock her up!
the local publications have the Year End reviews and as I was looking at the Montecito Journal cover, I noticed it was all white blacks...I know there's at least one famous black lady who lives in Montecto and that's Oprah...and what about Tratoria Mollie? is she black or just a good cook?

I know I won't see Snoop Dog and MJ publisher Jim Buckley hanging out at Starbuck's, and you won't see a black person walking their dog on Coast Village Road but Montecito never used to be so self-conscious or racist....the MJ rag is conservative to the point of absurdity and seems to be trying to protect the insulated whites from the harsh realities of a black world

I can poke fun at this magazine all day and it's really hard to take it seriously..they often repeat themselves with stories about society parties with the same old billionaires and hangers-on..I know all about these people and they are soooo phony and pretentious like leeches...

social gossip from that pompous English dude who always appears on the front page of the News-Press serving dinner at the Rescue Mission at Christmas...make that who care what Rob Lowe is up to nowadays

there's two classes in Montecito now..the super rich and those who take care of their dogs..there's no Mr. In-Between...writing stories about the wealthy won't make you one of them if that's your'll always be their dog-walker...along a Disneyfied Channel Drive


so in 2017, I'll expect more of the same from the Montecito Journal and know full well that the old Montecito is still there..just walk down Humphrey Road or drive up Ashley Rd.and thank God for Mountain Drive where we listened to Hendrix as kids in the 1960s..and Motown was filling the air waves with honey from the Supremes to the Chiffons....the Chambers Bros were doing the crazy brilliant "Time Has Come Today" and Can't Turn you Loose"
Montecito was much wilder and friendlier back then..working class American families having a blast with each other...

the Montecito Journal will never even know about that because it caters to the fluff..and trust funders

Beware Montecito, you have lost your 99% of your soul

Thursday, December 29, 2016

All Along The Watchtower

"there must be some kinda way out of here" said the joker to the thief

it does not pay to be a celebrity nowadays because for some reason they are dying off a joker or a thief or a banker..but not a celebrity...

Debbie Reynolds died the day after her daughter Carrie Fisher died...good ol' mom, always with the last word! but I loved Debbie in "Singing In The Rain" a real classic!

Greg Lake for Emerson Lake and Palmer is gone...fantastic singer, guitarist and songwriter and even Dr. John immortalized ELP in his song Right Place, Wrong Time..'just need a little brain salad surgery'

George Michael died at 53...WHAM was a fun good little band and George was a really good singer...

Carp dude lightweight actor Alan Thicke bought the ranch

and then we got a line of living celebs on Padaro Lane..George Lucas, Conan O'Brien, Rob Lowe, Kevin Costner and probably one just closed escrow a few days ago

the thing about Padaro other than easy access to the ocean and surfing is I wish the stars would stop demolishing the old beachhouses and stop putting in private sidewalks and surveillance cameras on public property..besides, the stars buy these properties, remodel them and never live there!!

I dunno guys, but if I were them...

I'd sleep with one eye open

Monday, December 26, 2016

I Can't Get It Out Of My Head

oh no no no

it was a weird Christmas that's for's Christmas today too..Monday? oh it's Christmas Observed today..oh, I though Christmas was observed Sunday Dec 25th..whatever...

freezing temps, the Winter Solstice, infectious bacteria, neti pots, rain and wind and now it's over..mercifully...I endured more than any man should have to...I watched in horror the Unity Shoppe Mortgage Telethon..they says it's a charity but they need to pay down the note...I witnessed Kenny Loggins try to channel Ella Fitzgerald in song...Kenny, you should get down on your hands and knees and thank Messina for giving you a career! I saw Nipper in gold lame suit with a freaking pony tail..I saw Beth and CJ and all those KEYT folks insisting I'm part of their family..I am not

then one night, some idiot in an old white van was going back and forth on Via Real around midnight..while I was trying to sleep, his van was popping and banging loud like a cannon..up and down Via Real he reason no purpose so I called the cops...they already stopped the van and the guy says his muffler is bad...BANG BANG BANG..then why the fuck is he driving still..I told the dispatch gal they need to impound the van and she said she'd talk to the cops again...

then I see this homeless dude wheeling a portable tent city around, camping on the side walk and totally out of his was symbolic and metaphorical...

I watched the Rescue Mission give food clothes and shelter to folks in need....that was the best part of this Christmas for America, nobody should be sleeping on a sidewalk...we need to resurrect the mental health facilities and take care of people who can't care for themselves..just do it!!

however, Christmas Eve eve was kinda cool and stormy..windy, rainy with flood and wind the wind is blowing cold and the sun is shining hot so that means it's cool outside...I felt good and rested so took off for some last ditch Christmas shopping...not crowded at all and very pleasant riding around town...funny thing is the shopping centers don't have any Christmas least the Mesa and Big 5 didn't....geez how about a few wreaths or trees or lights..well maybe the shopping centers are owned by Jews who don't celebrate how about a Menorah somewhere..get into the holiday spirit!

there's a bunch of people out walking their dogs-no surprise there and some surfers at Leadbetter and I'm driving along when I get an idea to go hunting.. a deer for Christmas would be extra-special...meat and some deerskin gloves and boots! there's a few places I've gone to over the years but the drought dried them up..but with the rain, the creeks are flowing and I was excited..I grabbed my crossbow I bought at Big 5 and headed for the banks of Eucalyptus creek..over by George Lucas's sorry about Carrie Fisher's heart issues..loved her in the "Burbs!

wasn't a fan of 'Star Wars' but while I was driving around I saw this rock formation that reminded me of 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'...

looks just like the one I got in my living room

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Christmas At Sea

The frost was on the village roofs as white as ocean foam;

The good red fires were burning bright in every 'long-shore home;
The windows sparkled clear, and the chimneys volleyed out;
And I vow we sniffed the victuals as the vessel went about..

The bells upon the church were rung with a mighty jovial cheer;
For it's just that I should tell you how (of all days in the year)
This day of our adversity was bless├Ęd Christmas morn,

And the house above the coastguard's was the house where I was born.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016


And useless in times like these I will not be made useless  

so I'm going in 'n out of consciousness from the devil bacteria and copious doses of penicillin..designed to kill the bacteria, the drug also seems to be killing my conscience..which only increases my psychosis...and I'm watching alot of TV....WTF is Jewel doing on that homesteader Alaska show?? last time I saw Jewel, she was roasting Rob Lowe!! but she's a pretty good singer and damn fine looking and Ot Lee's daughter???

anyway, I can't tell day from night or whether I'm black or white...people now resemble sea creatures...whatever I got is something I wouldn't wish on even Wendy!

but I can finally  see the light at the end of the tunnel...I'm rebounding vs the bacteria fuck the bacteria!!

I read the Sunday's News-Press and Preacher Andy is gabbing about California's regulations again..need I remind this quack that California's econony is the 8th largest in the world....that's why we'll never go Republican because the righties will turn Big Sur into The Big Gulp Water Park


then I see the Sunday ad section and at Big Five they got these little animal blankets the gals can wear on cold nights

cute..I think chicks should be sporting these for Christmas

really sexy..really naughty..really nice..really handy

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Wake Me Up Before You Go Go

'Cause I'm not plannin' on going solo


so I thought I had the flu but became suspicious when my treatments didn't the flu I thought I had brought no fever or chills...but I still had trouble breathing through my nose, like is there concrete all around or is it in my head and when I sleep I like to breathe thru the nose, so I couldn't sleep much...I tried the usual drugs but they don't work on sinusitis...actually they made matters worse...for comfort, I watched movies like 'Dances With Wolves'... and the 'Burbs' ..and the Wizard Of Oz....and turned all the lights off but got scared so I turned them all on...I thought I was fucking gonna die..two weeks before Christmas!!

I tried prayer but you can't wave a bible over your nose and expect to be's illogical

so after the second sleepless night, I went to the Carp clinic and the doctor started me on the road to recovery...he said I had 'acute maxillary sinusitis' and I surely did and ran to the pharmacy for some FLONASE and a prescription antibiotic if needed down the road

doctors are educated and I'm not a doctor so I needed a proper diagnosis and I'm a little wiser now..
a heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders 
and now I breathe through my nose again in concert with my mouth....and sleep..I can sleep... glorious sleep

and nasal douches are good....ladies got their douches, and I got mine

Friday, December 9, 2016

Maxwell's Silver Hammer

bang bang Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head

Kelly Anne wanna tell me she's not transgender??

I went to McDonald's in Carp for an Egg McMuffin...I saw a very pretty girl whose smile made my day and we almost touched but she had a husky voice....but the Carp McDonald's has good service, it's a clean store...I got no problem increasing the minimum wage for these folks who are developing a work ethic early on..good for them!

so when I heard Trump wants the CEO of Carl's Jr to head the Dept Of Labor, I almost screamed..Andy "the Putz" Puzder for Labor Secretary...I recall Puzder leaving California for Nashville to get gov't subsidies and get away from California reality, Carl's was not competing well with other fast food joints so Puz made up a bunch of malarky instead of blaming his management style..then he starts advertising hamburgers with scantily dressed girls eating them like they are performing a blow job...


Puzder set himself up with a huge salary, big enough to buy a mansion in Montecito while pissing on the restaurant workers... this pick by Trump is a disaster as he will soon see..Puzder is an imbecile

so General Trump must be picking his Cabinet via the Eeny, meeny, miny, moe" we got an old military guy, James "Mad Dog" Mattis and long since retired, heading up the Secretary Of Defense..Trump says he's the closest thing to Gen Patton he could are we gonna start WWII in January 2017??

then he's got Ben Carson as Housing and Urban secretary..Ben's a doctor, not an urban planner and remember he tried to kill his mother with a hammer!

retired General David Petraeus is being considered for Sec of State..but he's on probation for giving up classified info to his girlfriend/mistress! on probation!!

I saw a picture on Pearl Harbor Day with Eisenhower, FDR and Truman sitting together..a finer trio of American leaders you won't find

but with Trump, it's all for show...


Monday, December 5, 2016

Bless the Beasts and the Children

For in this world they have no voice


so the cold December night gave way to a hot beautiful Sunday morning....I see this she-beast walking down the street with green hair..I ask her where she's from and she says "Idaho"...I says I know you a ho but where you from?? she says "Idaho" ... forget it

then I decided to lay some traps down by the railroad tracks and I'll check them next week....


then I wanted to check the surf as it looks high from my window so after the traps I went to Santa Claus Lane..on the way I saw a dead red fox in the road... thought I heard a blood-curdling scream last night..could have been the fox, could have been my neighbor

the good thing is there's red foxes here, the bad thing is they are no match for a car, and the good thing is the vultures will take care of it....beautiful animals..foxes and vultures

upon doing some research, I think the fox was not a red fox. but it looks like a San Joaquin kit fox or maybe a gray fox with nary a hint of gray on it ..or maybe a little Channel Islands fox that swam over from  Santa Rosa a la 'Escape From Alcatraz' only to get whacked by a speeding car ..hmmmm...I'll look into this for the fox's sake

I get to Santa Claus Lane and they are having the 'Toys for Tots' motorcycle I waited at the corner under the blaring sun and the procession started...hundreds of  bikers tearing by on cool motorcycles on the way to Santa Barbara and points north....

they do this toy run every year...for the children....

it's a grand way to start the Christmas season!

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Hey Carrie-Anne

Hey, Carrie Anne Hey, Carrie Anne When we were at school, our games were simple I played a janitor, you played a monitor Then you played with older boys and prefects, what's the attraction?

It's December..not deep and dark but sunny and warm....drought you know...but the nights are cold.. I need a Christmas tree! I want a Christmas tree! but what I want does not matter anymore so I take what I can get

now as I read the Independent I see some fighting between the News-Press and Indie....that's good...Nick thinks Scott makes up stories and yes of course he does...but if Trump and Wendy team up, they will dumb down everybody within earshot....then America will be up for grabs...remember Wendy doesn't want to report the news, she wants to control the news

but fuck Wendy.... I see Graham Nash will be at the Lobero in April so I got my tickets... a chance to see Graham at the Lobero should not be missed...Nash is a legend, an icon and in the middle of everything musical...a photographer as well... I loved the Hollies and when Graham joined forces with Crosby and Stills, their music got a little more interesting...the songs were top notch and the voices were lovely..that first album had me hooked- mixing the Buffalo Springfield, Byrds and Hollies was genius

then Graham's first solo LP "Songs For Beginners" with Rita Coolidge and Dave Mason helping out...great LP but one song, "I Used To Be A King" was so good..Jerry Garcia giving the best steel guitar performance I've ever heard, Phil Lesh on bass and Graham's soulful vocals....fantastic!!!

so I got my tree..a cool salt cedar but downtown SB is a little hard to navigate with all the one-ways and distractions on the corners like homeless guys fighting, little old ladies walking their dogs, tall buildings like the Alchemy Center...the Alchemy Center???

there's shadows and pretty Asian gals everywhere..where the fuck am I??

I'll let ya know when I find out