Friday, February 27, 2009

It's my blog...

I'll do what I want!
anybody got a problem with that??
Wendy? stick it up yer ass! Nipper? stick it up Wendy's ass!
does anybody else think I'm funny? I think I'm funny..I think I'm the funniest guy I know!
ok..what shall we discuss today? how about spreading some rumors!! yeah..I feel like an editor today..

this is what I heard from a tight little bird:
-Wendy and Nipper are breaking up!
-Edhat is merging with Blogabarbara to become Ed and Barbara's Blog..
-Travis Armstrong is an alien turd..
-Rush Limbaugh EXPLODES!!
-area blogs turn off comments moderation as a free speech exercise!!
-Editor Bird at SantaBarbara'sBlog has a crush on Craig Smith. -the Independent has become dependent!
-Summerland's main drag has almost 50 streetlights!
-the Santa Barbara News-Press painted (finally) their front doors!
-Marty Blum and Wendy McCaw are estranged sisters!
-Iya Falcone and Salud Cabajal had a lovechild named Das...
-Helene Schneider says size matters!!!
-Union bosses castrated!! Balls fried and served at Cafe Luck, which just changed their name to Cafe Lick!
-Gina Perry was arrested for turning tricks on Haley Street!
-Brooks Firestone is senile...
-Harriet Miller died eighteen months ago!! I don't know who they had propped up behind Iya!
-City of Santa Barbara services will be privatized thus eliminating the greedy gov't -workforce.City Hall to become a gambling casino!
-Nipper drowned at the Water Tasting Contest!
there..that should do it! have a real nice weekend....

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Children! Behave!

the Nanny Blog

good morning readers!
did you say your prayers last night? did anyone have sex last night, too..It better not have been dirty! did you brush your teeth this morning? did you make your bed..are you still living with mommy and daddy? did you do as I say and not as I do? NO? then you shall be SPANKED!! I shan't tolerate such behavior among you people!!

the Nanny State...
Wendy and co at the NewsPress complain that we're living in a nanny state simply because people expose the negative environmental impacts of plastic water bottles, not to mention the marketing fraud of expensive designer water...a nanny state! Can you believe that? This from a woman who won't let her employees read internet blogs, who is pro-censorship, who wants to punish everyone all the time, who thinks that city hall is a day care center, who hired Dr. Laura ..the same Dr. Laura who is anti-choice, anti-single women, anti-free speech and wants to regulate bedroom activities of adults, who's got her nose in EVERYBODY'S business..and on and on...these two NINNIES are the biggest NANNIES in California!!

Your Money or Your Life

I've pointed out all the mistakes the News-Press makes when they publish a paper...wrong story headlines, wrong information, wrong this ampersand wrong that..sometimes they print a correction the next day or whenever they figure out where they messed up..
well, this latest mistake was a doozy..and goes to show you what the priorities are at the New$Pre$$... look at the size of this 1/2 page correction for a bank vs the teeny one-sentence-without an-apology correction for writing the wrong headline for a local fallen soldier!

ampersand one last thing...CHANGE YOUR UNDERWEAR!!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

hey baby, I'm your handyman..

getting the upper hand...

The News-Press loves to use the word "handmaiden" to try to denigrate people on the enemies list...well, I have to admit I didn't know what a handmaiden was, except perhaps, as a last resort sex partner..a little lipstick, a little baby oil..a picture of Dr. Laura....but that really does not apply here.
so what is a handmaiden? it's a moth; it's a pretty flower; it is a woman servant; a maid that waits at's a job..a working class wonder Wendy uses it to pee on the peon working class!
but really.. what guy wouldn't want a female to serve him... Wendy treated her reporters as peons until they got uppity and rebelled..I can tell you this, if I owned the NewsPress at the time, you girls would have been my willing handservants and not complained at all!
In Ancient Egypt, the role of handmaiden was important to Egyptian religious practices. One of the early gods, Atum, was supposed to have brought the world into being through self-fornication. In subsequent ritual, a priestess would assist the priest in the ceremony, through the use of a carving representing Atum's penis. These female priests were important within the ritual for they assisted in the creation of the world.
so you see, being a handmaiden is a good thing. This is all in reference to the Santa Barbara mayoral race...first of all, Santa Barbara should do what Carpinteria does, rotate mayors..that way, you give the press a moving target..and it's good for the community... but since that's not going to happen in SB, the race will focus on Helene and Iya. That fat dude, Cushman, from the Chamber of Commerce might run, but I doubt it...the guy can barely move and looks a week away from a heart attack! Iya is way too close to the News-Press, they give her free publicity all the time, Salud supports her, but he works for Wendy's paper "El Mexicano" as a these politicians are getting sprinkled with her gold dust...they are not handmaidens, but Wendy's apple polishers..
So who do you want for mayor of Santa Barbara? a politician, a handmaiden, or an apple polisher?
I'd go with the handmaiden..hands down..

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


unplanned obsolescence....

Wendy posed a dumb-as-usual question...what would happen if all the daily newspapers shut down their websites for a day or a week? Well, nothing's not gonna happen so you can try to prove a lame point..what would happen if I went out and shot a whale? see? kinda the same lameness....
then she concludes that all the bloggers would have to "steal the news" from somewhere else..and she uses this argument to justify charging for both the newspaper and internet access to the NewsPress..double dipping. She says she's a genuis because she charged for the online subscription while other newspapers were offering free access.. she cites a story she stole from the Poytner Institute, instead of doing her own research..which she criticizes bloggers for have NO CREDIBILITY!!
says Wendy:
"Most of my adult life I’ve been involved with advanced forms of communications technology like wireless-telephone and satellite systems," she said. ( i.e., she divorced a cell phone billionaire and got a huge settlement) "I’m looking forward to working with the News-Press management team in further improving this newspaper, as well as finding ways to apply technology to this important form of communication." that was in 2000! The News-Press, which had a daily circulation of 45,300 copies, was the oldest newspaper in southern California. It published its first issue in 1855. In 1999 revenues of the News-Press totaled approximately $30 million. It was acquired by The New York Times Company in 1985. If the revenues were 30 million in 1999, she probably paid around 130 million for the paper in 2000..I bet it is worth about 2 million now..good job, babe!'re a dumbass and that's why your business is failing, that's why you shut down Goleta Valley Voice and that's why advertising revenues are down..'cos you're a dumbass! Your paper takes stories from the Associated Press and reprints what...on line papers/blogs provide links all the time, thus increasing traffic to the other's a symbiotic relationship..if you are going to charge money to access your site, you need to offer more than the paper bought into an industry that had obsolete written all over it...NewsPapers don't have the clout or power they used to..
check out CNN, Huffington Post, Drudge or Ventura County Star to see how online is done right..check out to see a bad attempt at an online news business..remember, that's the one you own!
Dr. Laura used to steal stories all the time and repackage them with her own twisted psychotic ramblings..didn't you notice? SHE USED TO BE ON PAGE 2, but quit in an Operation Family Fund scandal..
Now, you can bitch and moan all you want but the internet isn't going speech will not go away...these are concepts you can't buy, and that frustrates can't control it and, being a control freak, this scares site, SANTABARBARANEWSPRESSBLOG.COM like I said in an earlier post, is always for sale..100 large if you're interested...until then, quit your babbling and go with the can't put a price on everything...esp if it is worthless...

Speaking of Worthless..congrats to Nipper for earning the "Pointless Competition of the Week" award from Rachel Maddow's got a "really weak" rating.

How refreshing!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Green Onions...


Since Nipper is away at a Water Tasting Symposium, I thought I'd have some fun with his website..seems a young lady named Huyen has a problem..she is seeking advice from the Nipperite foodies..actually, her boyfriend has a problem..diverticulitis, which simply means he farts too much and blames it on onions and garlic! Face it make him nervous, his tummy is all in knots... he's not man enough for you..if you want my advice..dump him and come to Mick..I like onions and I could go for a little Asian action, if you know what I mean....
why not buy him a handy new soap gift from store..cheer him up a little!!
the issues:
says Huyen:
Hi guys,
Quick question for you: My boyfriend, 26, was diagnosed with diverticulitis this past summer which effects the GI tract system..and has since become allergic to the onions/garlic family!! This is very tragic for the both of us, since that is pratically my staple base for ALL of my dishes, most curries/soups/stews/stir fry, etc.. I've heard "hing", an Indian herb is potent and a nice subsitute..but do you have any other reccomendations or ideas? Herbs, veggies..anything..Your thoughts are very much appreciated :)
says: SBbulldog
Huyen, take it easy, baby. Your young man is, I'm sure, a vital, otherwise healthy, guy and this may just be an early warning sign. I'm sure that you've read up on all the details. It looks to me that first, you stabilize through dietary changes, then adapt to a sustainable plan.
Take it one step at a time and don't assume that you both have to eat the same things all the time. Get your man well, and see where you need to go.
Water, liquids, fiber, all the right stuff and then deal with the specifics.
Good luck, you are a sweetheart to be thinking about taking care of him.
Ms. B is allergic to shellfish. I love it, but I don't need it. I get it when I want and sometimes she even prepares it for me. Adapt and thrive.
de gustibus non est disputandum
says ccuisine Bon Vivant:
What about using ginger, or fennel? Celery? Elephant garlic is alot less potent- would that matter or it is ABSOLUTELY no onions garlic?
Good luck with that...
says simplyhuyen :
I know I can always count on you two! We know uncooked onions most definitely, and skeptical about the garlic, but will probably test that theory in a few weeks by incorporating small cooked portions bits at a time. Right now, he's pretty weary so we want to take it easy.
Elephant garlic, can that be found at our local farmer's market? I will ask around tomorrow..and excited to see where this leads with new found herbs, spices and discover alternative ways to creating dishes, and playing w/the combo of flavors. I do use fresh lemon grass, ginger, tamarind, dill, fennel on a regular will just be strange without the 5 cloves of garlic and the onion parade to get it all started..but it's not so uncommon, and I'm definitely open to adapting and learning to become more health consciously educated.
Onward and forward!

Confucius say: Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.