Wednesday, December 30, 2009

cheeseburgers in paradise...

I know I've been going on and on about nature lately and some of you don't care about nature, content to sit in front of your computers all day while I try to save the planet..ok..I won't talk about nature anymore..
so I go on a nature hike at the Bluffs and what do I see..three fat girls walking their dogs...I go up the usual trail of ruts and dirt and spy them on the man made trail by the train know that trail? the crushed yellowy rocks that get in your shoes..I don't know why they put these sidewalks in..I guess to allow people who don't normally hike or exercise an opportunity to check out Mom Nature without too much effort and strain...kinda defeats the whole Bluffs experience..anyway, I spy the fat girls and my oh my, they are porkers..I'm 500 yds away and I can hear them yacking and see them waddling behind the dogs, who were leashed..very good! One girl had black spandex pantjeans on and I could see her big fat ass as she ambled over the train tracks..she looked like a cow..a big fat cow from behind. Wow...then I see a fat guy walking behind me. He's carrying some camera gear on his shoulder...he's wearing baggy shorts down to his ankles, his legs are fat like sausages, and he thinks he's cool..Wow..what is going on? Are we starting to let people from Oklahoma into Carp now? Fat southern trailer park people...pork and's disgusting to see that when I'm trying to exercise rigorously on the trails..Oh wait, there goes a cute chick with a hat on..thank God!!maybe the hill folks are just here for the can only hope

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I found one!! a good non-profit! Now, don't get me wrong..if I'm hungry I'll kill to eat..kill, gut, skin and fry like a hawk does..but I won't kill just to kill to kill to kill to kill like the Nature Conspiracy coqui suckers do....
The Good Shepherd Foundation is a non-profit, 501(c) 3 organization, founded in 1949 in California by a wonderful, compassionate woman named Rosalie Gordon. Responding to the cruelty of animal research, also called vivisection, Rosalie waged continuous compaigns to save animals from suffering in the name of science. She labored to stop the sale of homeless animals for use in research, and she started a no-kill humane shelter for abused and unwanted dogs and cats. Rosalie also was a great promoter of spay and neuter programs, and the Good Shepherd sponsored local spay and neuter efforts in California by helping pet owners pay for these services. The Good Shepherd Foundation also worked to protect wild horses and other wildlife in our National Parks and Wildlife Sanctuaries and helped pass the first legislation in the U.S. banning the use of steel-jaw leghold traps. In addition, the Foundation started Childrens Gardens, a pre-school for children with a focus on animals and nature.
from December 1959:
"Kind Friends --"A joyous year of rich fulfillment to you all!"A severely bitten hand (received when a frightened little dog at our shelter misunderstood my attempts to feed it) has put my typing hand out of commission for a while."This had made impossible the preparation of our usual Christmas Bulletin. We are therefore using this means to wish you the joys of the Holiday Season, and to express our loving gratitude for the help you have rendered our little orphan animals in the past."P.S. I have discovered that the operation of an IBM Electric Typewriter (Executive model) places less strain on my injured hand and would enable me to carry on this important phase of our work with far less effort."May I express the wistful hope that Santa might deliver such a machine to us as a Christmas gift, so that I can serve the creatures more effectively?" (signed) Rosalie Gordon, president. Good Shepherd Foundation, Inc., 133 Van Norman Rd.,Montebello.
Saving the Frogs
Recently, the Foundation has been working on the problems relating to so-called "invasive species" and the hazards to the environment, humans, and non-target animals and plants associated with attempts to eradicate and control these populations. Since 2001, we have been trying to end efforts to eradicate Hawaiian coqui tree frogs, which have been under attack by Federal, State and County agencies. Our position has been the acceptance of the frogs, and we have helped balance the anti-coqui hysteria with sound reason and science. To address this issue, the Foundation launched a new program called, C.H.I.R.P., (Coqui Hawaiian Integration and Reeducation Project), and ISCD Press has published a book on the subject, entitled, Panic in Paradise: Invasive Species Hysteria and the Hawaiian Coqui Frog War. We also created a website, , which has helped educate the public about the reasons why the coqui should be accepted as part of the Hawaiian environment. C.H.I.R.P. has been featured in numerous publications and on several television specials, and has helped mobilize Puerto Rico in its efforts to end the war against their beloved coqui. hey..I wonder if the Channel Islands have enough froggies??
now, send some cash to help non-native species fight the native-only cultists!!!

Monday, December 28, 2009

No Opinion!

bananas..bananas are all I have...bananas
well, since the BBB won't punish the News-Press, since the law won't punish the News-Press, that leaves anti-News-Press campaign is working! Travis and Dr. Laura are gone, people are leaving and News-Press readership is down..conservative radio monopolies like Citadel and NextMedia are going bankrupt...people are finally waking to the con artists behind these endeavors. Now, we all know Wendy's claim to fame is divorcing a rich guy and the con is she calls herself a business woman! A publisher even! Well, what kind of a paper doesn't print an editorial section? A bad one, that's what kind. Monday's News-Press had no editorial section, no letters, no nothing! just two full page cryptic ads about NEWSPAPER ADVERTISING!! and after soliciting letters for months about the new city council, they got seven letters on Sunday from the usual anti-city hall suspects!!
so you see, this is what happens when you don't use your gets fuzzy and moldy like this rots like the News-Press is rotting...there is nothing to do but get a new banana and make sure the same thing doesn't do that by consuming it before it rots and making it a part of your nourishment..the News-Press, however, is only poison..poison poison poison..when you ingest poison, the passion goes, the love goes, the life goes..all you got left is a moldy rotten banana, that is dying & crying to be heard..

Sunday, December 27, 2009

goddam Mexicans...

Fan Palms..that is...
so I read story about the Libbey creek restoration project in Ojai...some biologists are going to spend tax money to remove "nonnative, invasive" species..(where have I heard that before?)..among the demon species they list as bad are Mexican Fan Palms. The story was in OVN and the head biologist is Brian Holly..let me break it to you Bri...the restoration is a scam but somehow you managed to convince the city council, Fish and Game, and private property owners in Ojai that it will benefit the creek habitat. Ok, so I got no problem with you planting sycamores and other non-bastard trees, but I do have a problem with you ripping out Mexican Fan Palms and deporting them..why? I'll tell you why: THEY ARE HOME TO HOODED ORIOLES EVERY SPRING!! GODDAMMIT..LEAVE 'EM ALONE!!!!!!!!! GOT IT BRI...LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!
They know, they just know where to grow, how to dupe you, and how to camouflage themselves among the perfectly respectable plants, they just know, and therefore, I've concluded weeds must have brains. ~Dianne Benson, Dirt, 1994
Next, the Mexican fan palms are not nonnative as you claim..Ojai was a Spanish/Mexican land grant so the only non-natives in this story are the boobs "restoring" Libbey Creek!! Now, a preventive maintenance program will keep arundo and other fast growing plants under control, but you guys are intent on poisoning the watershed instead of doing some once-a-year manual labor..lazy bums!!
This next year I will step up efforts to stop you fools from destroying habitats to save them..I will sing the glories of non native species and lobby elected officials, bribe them with gifts and get them to open their eyes to these wasteful restoration projects by over-educated dog-walking gardeners...nature knows best what belongs where, not them...
But make no mistake: the weeds will win; nature bats last. ~Robert M. Pyle

Saturday, December 26, 2009


down on the corner; out in the street..
how I spent my Christmas Day: with all the talk about Christianity, transgender issues and sex these days, I thought I'd try a little experiment this Christmas season...emulate a Catholic I went down to the local laundrymat , stole some ladies underwear, took 'em home and put 'em on...they smelled so fresh and clean! Then I stapled two overcoats together and painted them bright colors; then I made a hat out of cardboard, then I picked up a bible and was off to the races! whoops, I forgot shoes..hmmm, high heels is what I I went over to mom's house and picked them now I'm dressed up like a pastor and ready for anything..."HEAR MY WORDS FOR THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE" I started shouting at the street corner as cars whizzed by..some slowed to look and I would open my coat and flash 'em the goods! I continued preaching at the street corner for an hour and was arrested and thrown in jail! which is where all pastors belong!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

a Christmas Eve Message..

to CALTRANS from St. Mick..stop cutting down the Monterey Pines!!!

A Little fir grew in the midst of the wood
contented and happy, as young trees should.
His body was straight and his boughs were clean;
And summer and winter the bountiful sheen
Of his needles bedecked him, from top to root,
In a beautiful, all-the-year, evergreen suit.

But a trouble came into his heart one day,
When he saw that the other trees were gay
In the wonderful raiment that summer weaves
Of manifold shapes and kinds of leaves: He looked at his needles so stiff and small,

And thought that his dress was the poorest of all.
Then jealousy clouded the little tree's mind,
And he said to himself, "It was not very kind "To give such an ugly old dress to a tree! "If the fays of the forest would only ask me, "I'd tell them how I should like to be dressed,"In a garment of gold, to bedazzle the rest!"
So he fell asleep, but his dreams were bad.
When he woke in the morning, his heart was glad;
For every leaf that his boughs could hold
Was made of the brightest beaten gold.
I tell you, children, the tree was proud; He was something above the common crowd;
And he tinkled his leaves, as if he would say
To a peddler who happened to pass that way, "Just look at me! don't you think I am fine? "
And wouldn't you like such a dress as mine?" "Oh, yes!" said the man, "and I really guess I must fill my pack with your beautiful dress."
So he picked the golden leaves with care,
And left the little tree shivering there.
"Oh, why did I wish for golden leaves?"

The fir-tree said, "I forgot that thieves "Would be sure to rob me in passing by.
"If the fairies would give me another try, "I'd wish for something that cost much less,
"And be satisfied with glass for my dress!"

Then he fell asleep; and, just as before, The fairies granted his wish once more.
When the night was gone, and the sun rose clear, The tree was a crystal chandelier; And it seemed, as he stood in the morning light, That his branches were covered with jewels bright. "Aha!" said the tree. "This is something great!"

And he held himself up, very proud and straight; But a rude young wind through the forest dashed, In a reckless temper, and quickly smashed The delicate leaves.
With a clashing sound They broke into pieces and fell on the ground,
Like a silvery, shimmering shower of hail, And the tree stood naked and bare to the gale.
Then his heart was sad; and he cried, "Alas "For my beautiful leaves of shining glass! "Perhaps I have made another mistake "In choosing a dress so easy to break. "If the fairies only would hear me again "I'd ask them for something both pretty and plain: "It wouldn't cost much to grant my request,"In leaves of green lettuce I'd like to be dressed!" By this time the fairies were laughing, I know; But they gave him his wish in a second;
and so With leaves of green lettuce, all tender and sweet, The tree was arrayed, from his head to his feet. "I knew it!" he cried, "I was sure I could find "The sort of a suit that would be to my mind. "There's none of the trees has a prettier dress, "And none as attractive as I am, I guess." But a goat, who was taking an afternoon walk, By chance overheard the fir-tree's talk.

So he came up close for a nearer view;"My salad!" he bleated, "I think so too! "You're the most attractive kind of a tree, "And I want your leaves for my five-o'clock tea." So he ate them all without saying grace,
And walked away with a grin on his face;
While the little tree stood in the twilight dim, With never a leaf on a single limb.
Then he sighed and groaned; but his voice was weak
He was so ashamed that he could not speak. He knew at last that he had been a fool,
To think of breaking the forest rule, And choosing a dress himself to please,
Because he envied the other trees.

But it couldn't be helped, it was now too late, He must make up his mind to a leafless fate! So he let himself sink in a slumber deep, But he moaned and he tossed in his troubled sleep, Till the morning touched him with joyful beam, And he woke to find it was all a dream. For there in his evergreen dress he stood, A pointed fir in the midst of the wood! His branches were sweet with the balsam smell, His needles were green when the white snow fell.
And always contented and happy was he,The very best kind of a Christmas tree.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Big Bad Randy...

He stood six foot six and weighed two forty five
Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip
And everybody knew ya didn't give no lip to Big John.
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
into Santa Barbara I go to do some last minute Christmas shopping and see if I can catch a glimpse of Randy Quaid at his court hearing...It's a whimsical day, cool and windy and sunny..I felt like Santa on his sleigh!! I see no huge crowds when I get to SB and grab a parking spot in front of the Courthouse and in front of a KEYT cruiser..I go in and look's dark in here..I sit and wait for 15 minutes and finally ask the clerk "where's Randy"..he said he's probably across the street at the other court house, the cheapo "Superior" one.....well, silly me.
So off I go and this place is a little funkier than the stately Courthouse...big windows, smiling faces, pretty Asian girls, cops and's got everything! I ask a few folks if Randy and Evi are in the building and they say he's downstairs in courtroom I go down and look around and peer into the room...don't see him..then I go and sit down, then I go take a pee, then I go take another look in courtroom #8 and there he is, sitting down in the back, partially obscured by a woman behind a camera I start snapping pictures outside the little window on the door...a cop comes out and says ..don't take pictures..well why it a crime to take a picture??..yes, I guess it is as Randy himself would tell me shortly..
so I go sit down again on the bench and out walks a big, bearded, bulging man in a greyblack suit..a dark, it's Randy..he ambles down the hall past me like a big black bear and I say.."I hope they find you innocent"..he says "thanks, man"...then wanders off to the Men's Warehouse..afterwards he comes back and passes and looks at me again, on his way back into the courtroom. I say.."hey Randy, where ya staying?" and "can I trouble you for a picture?" would have been a perfect picture, but he says " pictures..I don't want any pictures"..I say ok..then I feel tears of rejection welling up inside me, but not one showed in my eyes...I thought cousin Eddie was a happy go-lucky guy...but in real life Randy looked a little peeved to be there...still, I was stars, geez!! but I'm not gonna wait and follow him down the street like the other news media, like a little groupie..I got shopping to do!! and I gotsta figure a way to take pictures without anyone knowing..I wonder, has anybody invented sunglasses with a built-in mini camera? or a pencil camera? If not, I copyright the ideas right here and now and I'll get to work with the prototypes!
anyway, I gotta go and shop now....why do people need gifts??
The moral is every picture tells a story, unless you can't get one...

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Citizen's Arrest!! Citizen's Arrest!!

beanie baby Ty vs cousin Eddie...
I make a citizen's arrest against Ty Warner for trying to turn Montecito into his own powder room; for charging nearly $6000 per night at the San Ysidro Ranch; for trying to get out of paying the Biltmore property taxes; whose need for luxury is pathological; for being so greedy and rich that he is now in danger of defaulting on a huge loan: Four hotels owned by Beanie Baby tycoon and Montecito resident, Ty Warner have a $425 million loan due in January, 2010. S&P just put the bond that the loan backs on "credit watch." The loans are on the Four Seasons in New York, the Four Seasons Biltmore Resort and the San Ysidro Ranch, a 38-room resort, in Montecito, California, and the AAA Five Diamond-rated Las Ventanas al Paraiso in Los Cabos, Mexico. Warner may be the next casualty of the commercial real estate collapse. Luxury hotel owners risk defaulting on their debt as the recession cuts occupancies and the credit crunch constrains refinancing.
now, we all know the story of Randy Quaid and his lovely wife Evi, who allegedly skipped out of paying for a stay at the San Ysidro Ranch...but all this time and effort wasted on trying to arrest the fun couple is nothing but a publicity stunt for the prosecutors and Ty..he is trying to soak his guests by charging exhorbitant amounts of money for a night's stay..$6000 for one night!!! It's stupid..nobody but Wendy McCuckoo types can afford that much!! It's blood money! Do you know how many bears were killed last hunting season? 1700! and to continue to portray bears as cute little beanie babies is beyond the reach of sanity grabbers!! beyond the reach...even Pedrobear and his wife Susanbear, who is running for his seat on the assembly or whatever, could not afford a room at the ranch!! so I call again for the citizens of Santa Barbara to FREE RANDY AND EVI and put the blame squarely where it belongs..on Ty Warner's criminal shoulders...disclosure:I stole a beanie baby once and used it for target practice up on Camino Cielo..blew it away

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Breakfast with Dr. Laura...

snowjob at Montecito Journal
so I'm reading conservative rag Montecito Journal and come across their version of Dr. Laura's publicity event at Birnam Wood Golf Club last month, I was mortified! A non profit called CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) teamed up with the Journal to lie about Dr. Laura's career! Conservatism is synonymous with deceit now??
My job is to set these people straight, give them a dose of the truth, the reality... so they don't get in the habit of lying for a living like Dr. Laura does..CASA..for shame!!
the snow:
"CASA gathered at Birnam Wood for a delightful breakfast with a delightful lady..
interim Executive director, a fat lady named Kim Davis, called Dr. Laura a child advocate, a black belt, rides motorcycles, sails, knits and designs jewelry, and has a husband named Lew..the MJ goes on to say that Dr. Laura got on the radio because the radio host liked her reply to his question; and she got her own show because another host was mean to her on the air and made her cry. The audience called in, he was fired, and Dr. Laura was given her own show!!
First of all, Dr. Laura rides her Harley trike like she's using a walker..she's a danger on the road! Her sailing career was sullied when she was busted for cheating at a local yacht race..she blamed her crew and was suspended from racing for three months..Kim Davis calls her a child advocate?? Her own child disgraced the Army with infantle behavior! That son, Deryk Schlessinger, is being accused of creating a MySpace page with cartoon images depicting rape, murder, torture and child molestation, among other things. The page has been removed, but an Army official who has seen it, describes it as "repulsive." Dr. Laura and the Bushies said terrorists were to blame!
Her radio career started because she had an affair with Bill Ballance, a big LA radio personality in those days..Bill even took some naked pics of Dr. Laura to celebrate their infidelities! He later published them....
I mean holy fuck Montecito Journal people, get the story right!! All you need to do is google Dr. Laura to see she's no child advocate..CASA should be ashamed of themselves and investigated for these lies..and they certainly should not be involved in the well-being of children if they exercise such poor character judgement...I will forward this to them and see if they reply....

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Tea Party Twinkies...

geez Louise, they're everywhere and they're high on sugar!!!
Sarah Palin, twinkie Republican presidential hopeful for 2012, cut her vacation in Hawaii short over her visor issues! Apparently she had a visor with John McCain's name on it and she blocked it out with a Sharpie..the press caught on to this and Sarah had to explain herself..instead of buying a new visor, she marked out the old one to make herself less noticeable (yeah right!)...she didn't want the extra attention to bother fellow vacationers...speculation is she marked out John McCain's name to send a message to him that she didn't like the way she was treated on the presidential campaign tour..she wasn't pampered enough and apparently hated McCain's wife, who was treated like a queen!
NEW YORK — Bicyclists planning a protest ride through New York City are calling it their "Freedom Ride" – free of clothing, that is. The removal of clothing during Saturday's ride is meant as a protest over the removal of a bike lane in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn.
Bicycling advocates say the city erased the bike lane from the Orthodox Jewish neighborhood because some conservative residents were upset about seeing women in skimpy clothing ride by every day.
Michele Malkin's jihadist fantasy....
I don't know why people run her columns..but she has spawned some copycat writers like Gina Perry who think America should be run by a bunch of morons, then they wouldn't feel so insignificant. But Michele is like one of those shakey little neurotic pocket dogs blowing everything liberal out of proportion and ignoring the rightwing misdeeds....Abramoff, Madoff, Enron, Aig, Bush and all the conservatives she loves and lies for are saints to her little mind... and her rabid ramblings about Chicago and jihadists and trials is typical of what passes for political insight these days...
Gina's "kill the president" fantasy
and the uproar over Gina Perry's "kill the president" column rages on...Gina falsely claimed that a group called Velvet Revolution had put a bounty on the head of the Chamber of Commerce..the reason she believed that is because she lifted the phrase from a conservative website and didn't bother to check the facts..she ran with it and suggested a bounty be put on Obama's head for all his evil ways!
it seems the conservative club at UCSB is raising money to get Karl Rove to speak to them! they needed $25000 and they have $18000 Can you imagine that? Karl Rove!! What could they possibly learn from this pudgy little liar? they call him the architect of two successful Bush terms, but we know about deluded..these young republicans are like baby lambs being led to slaughter..if you really want to learn something, go live on the streets for a few months, meet the mystery tramp and stare into the vacuum of his eyes....

Friday, December 18, 2009

non-profit spotlight

Channel Island Restoration
and the B word (biodiversity)
biodiversity is a word that makes my skin's used to justify destroying established habitats, killing plants and animals, and poisoning landscapes to encourage a wider variety of plants.. and it ignores the reality of dispersal..animals, water and wind disperse seeds all the can't control that!!

so I heard that Lookout Park in Summerland was being remade into a native-only park meaning they were ripping out nonnatives and planting natives. I took a deep breath and put on my boxing gloves and hit the bag a few hundred times..there, I'm calming down but still pissed. I get the cameras and go down to check it out..lucky for me two guys from the nonprofit Channel Island Restoration were there admiring their work...I went over to the edge of the hillside to take some guy came over and smiled and said "well, what you think?" I looked at him and started screaming "what the censored are you doing!!" his smile disappeared and he said "excuse me?"
I said.. WUT THE censored ARE YOU DOING THAT FOR?" then he stopped talking.. his boss came up and I read him the riot act, too, about the native-only cult, the teaching of intolerance to kids...I went on and on and they stood there and listened..eventually I calmed down and the boss guy, Ken, started explaining what he was doing..we debated back and forth the merits of killing every non native living thing in California and he assured me that's not their purpose..he said he actually tells kids some non natives are good, but I could sense he was programmed against telling too many good things about nonnatives.. The County of SB ag office contracted CIR ( they get money from taxpayers and donations!! double dippers) to rip out arundo on the hillside for erosion control..and that is what he's doing..and planting native plants which will not be a monoculture... biodiversity, a diverse plant community, will help prevent erosion according them..I informed them that the hillsides in Summerland have been slipping and sliding forever and will continue to slide due to gravity and not because of any particular plant, but since the damage was done, I said I'd be back in a few months to take, I get that arundo grows fast and competes better than natives, and some control is ok, but all these nonnatives are not as bad as you think...before I went to Summerland, I checked the CIR website out and they have hundreds of plants on the hit list from olives to fennel to thistle..CIR/experience.htm
all perfectly fine nonnatives that provide food and shelter for many animals, purple finches like purple thistle for their nests! I told the guys that their mission to plant natives is fine, but it seems the extremists have taken over with junk science and intolernace for non-natives..and if they teach this stuff to kids, I'd be all over them...Ken insisted he didn't teach intolerance..we talked about the destructive restoration on the Channel Islands, the killing and poisoning, the fact that some golden eagles have returned, and he said "well... at least the islands haven't been developed."... I apologized for jumping down their throats but said I'd keep an eye on them and the Eucalyptus at the park...cut those down and I'll be back with the army!!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

freedom's just another word...

for nothing left to lose...

Free Willy!
I'm all for rescuing and freeing Willy the Whale!! Call Julia #69 immediately!!
Free John Lackey!
finally the Red Sox did something right for a change! they got a pitcher who can last more than four innings!!
Free Barry!
Cappello celebrates all the money he's made protecting Wendy McCaw from justice... now Barry, regain your sense of self-worth and dignity and drop out of Wendy's pocket..the truth will set you free! and introduce me to the blonde!
Free Randy!!!
Given the laughs I've had watching Randy Quaid play Clark's hillbilly cousin in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation movie, I say we let him walk...Ty Warner has never made me laugh and as owner of the San Ysidro Ranch, charges too much for the rooms and Randy probably thought he was getting the $595 per night package instead of the $5995 honest mistake..I would have withheld payment, too!!
and Ty has reduced the ranch to his own icky doll house..he's a sick rich faggy dude while Randy's a funny dude...and what about Ty's recent debt problems, why aren't the cops after him?? Well, the San Ysidro Ranch is listed as "Rosewood Resort Hotel"..the management co Ty hired to run the place..nothing like the personal touch, Ty!!
if you go...
San Ysidro Ranch, Affiliation Rosewood Hotels & Resorts, LLC

Opened 1893
Last Renovated 2005
Guest Rooms 41
Kings/Suites/Doubles 39 / 33 / NA
Room Rates Low $595- High $5,995
Breakfast Buffet $40Cont. $25-30
Lunch Buffet $45Plated $40
Dinner Buffet $75Plated $75
Coffee Break $15
2-Hour Open Bar $20
Free Ronny!!
as an astute reader pointed out, the Sunday News-Press opinions by Ron Meyer Jr are available for free somewhere online..Boy's Life, I think....
Free Gina..
and Gina was spotted on lower State St, drunk and singing to a lampost!
I was born in the wagon of a travelin' show
My mama used to dance for the money they'd throw
Papa would do whatever he could
Preach a little gospel
Sell a couple bottles of Doctor Good
CHORUS: Niggers, Spics and Queers,
We'd hear it from the people of the town
They'd call us niggers, spics and queers
But every night Jeramy would come around
And lay his money down
and don't forget to read the FREE El Mexicano..the News-Press owned Spanish rag with English classifieds!! that's called dual immersion!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

True Obsession...

salary obsession? the NewsPress needs to start fostering a "fact obsession"....
the NewsPress has long been obsessed with public salaries. Defunct ex-editor Travis Armstrong thought he discovered gold when he published city of Santa Barbara employee salaries in the paper. This information is available to the public anytime, so Travis thought he could lay the recession blame on city employees, instead of on the Wall Street/private corporation corruption where it belongs. Travis often made things up to try to discredit the city of Santa Barbara employees and the unions that represent them..all for political reasons. When the News-Press political endorsements failed at the last election, Armstrong resigned and snuck out of town with his tail between his legs...since his departure, the News-Press has two lackeys writing guest editorials: Lanny Ebenstein and Terry Tyler... two failed city council candidates. Tyler also failed to establish a career with the City of Santa Barbara and has been crying about it ever since he left. He sat on the board of a non-profit called JobSmart, which his wife ran and recently has been absorbed by the dis-Unity Shoppe...they provide clothes for people looking for jobs, or something related to etiquette. Lanny Ebenstein calls himself Dr or Professor and is the president of a nonprofit Santa Barbara County Taxpayers Association, which has a very cozy relationship with the News-Press...both nonprofits are tax exempt and very shady organizations..they don't pay taxes and I do!!
In true Travis Armstrong style, Lanny Ebenstein repeats himself with the city employee salary obsession. Often, he takes things out of context and doesn't include information about salary details. This is yellow journalism and is typical of the News-Press and Wendy McCuckoo. Lanny is a big supporter of "anything goes" free market capitalism..the stuff that nightmares are made of..or should I say Madoff. Lanny doesn't seem bothered when CEOs get millions in severence pay to leave a company after driving it into the ground; he's not concerned when ENRON steals pensions of California workers and then elects a governor (Arnold) who tries to do the same; Lanny is blind to the fact that free marketers are manipulating markets and picking pockets; however, when a person spends 30 years public service with the city and then retires on his own investments into the PERS retirement system, the moneyhounds at the NewsPress have a problem. Talk about screwed up values: Wendy gets rich in a divorce settlement; Lanny sponges off the university system and nonprofits, neither of them has a discernable work ethic, and they complain about the working class??
The city provides essential services and jobs/careers for people who want to work..and they get benefits that increase their chances for success over the long's just a good idea to respect the workforce who provide the services..the military has pension and health care should Walmart, auto workers and everyone else with a career..that fundamental security is what makes us competitive in the real world....the News-Press seems content to cry about salaries instead of understanding what the city departments do and who the real culprits are in the last economic meltdown....very lazy, yellow journalism.
The pictures say it all: Lanny Ebenstein at a city council meeting with right wingnut Gina Perry of the Daily Sound. Lanny was wanking about salaries and pensions and Gina recently had her opinion pulled fron the pages of the Daily Sound for advocating, among other things, whacking President Obama, calling him an extremist! Where's the FBI when you need them?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Happy Trails....

if they're not starting fires, they're littering..or trying to steal your home!!

I hadn't been to Cold Springs trail for I'll go check it out and hike around like Survivorman and see what kind of people are using MY TRAILS..well, Caltrans is fiddling around with the highway again so I have to use the back streets...thru Montecito I go and...where's all this traffic coming from? Big black BMW SUVs and white Lexus SUVs..WTF is going on? Do I have to check IDs and bank statements to see where all you people get your money? divorce, inheritance, work for it, steal it..I dunno, but it's might suspicious..anyway, I get to the Cold Springs trail, a really lovely place above Montecito...the creeks are flowing with crystal clear water, the air is cool and fragrant..and look, some jerk is walking his dog on the trail! his dog!! If you can't leave home without your dog, then you are sick in the head..then I notice a bunch of trash and junk around the trail entrance, courtesy of the Montecito Trails Foundation, obviously made up of a bunch of city slickers...let's see, they got some information about coyotes and bears, some pictures, some fucking business cards, a placard and..what is this bull?? If the MTF is mucking up the area with this junk, then they should be's my notice: KNOCK IT OFF, KNUCKLEHEADS!! I don't need a lesson on wildlife when I hike, I need to see wildlife and less people like you up in the hills!!! PISS ON YOU!! remove this crap NOW!!
Next, I see a Fish and Game notice on a stick: No Fishing!! WTF is that about...normally, I'll support F&G, except when they do stupid things like this...there's no fish here, I've seen some water snakes and frogs, but no fish..what do they think? that this a major steelhead run?? I'll fish wherever I damn well please!! who do these people think they are???
Next, I see a couple of gang members parked in a silver Nissan, rap playing on the radio..I sneak up beside the car and start taking pictures of the scenery..they got all paranoid and took off...ratatat..ratatat..that's what their punky car sounded like!!
We really need to improve the quality of people that come up like John Denver, Edward Abbey or Survivorman, not like the Montecito Trails Foundation trolls....

Monday, December 14, 2009


Toys for Tots..

it's a little numbers game, life is I go down to Santa Claus Lane on Sunday like I've done for the last 14 years, to check out the motorcycle run...this is one event that shouldn't be politicized. However the new guy running it did just I must respond in kind..fuckhead, what's the matter with you??? Asking Dr. Laura to be the Grand Marshall? was that some kind of joke..well yes I guess it I walked down to take a few pictures of the joker, Dr. Laura whose whole career is based on lies and deception. Well, at least she doesn't have to cheat to win at this event!
I found her by the side of the lane..I yelled over to her to turn around but she just ignored me..her whole party, Lew and 3 or 4 peeps, just ignored me..."Hey, Dr. Laura..over's for the camera!"...she turned her back on me... "DR LAURA!!!!" I pleaded..nothing...
so after snapping a few shots, I went on my merry way. Gee, I wonder why she ignored me? Maybe it's because she knows I got her number? Yes, that's what it must be..Jenny I got your number: 867-5309..867-5309... I meander around and notice some cool bikes and one had a little bicycle on the back..what a nice gift! But where are all the people? Last year's event was packed, but this year only about year, get someone else to be Grand Marshall and make the run about the kids instead of Dr. Laura or some other washout....then they all headed out with Dr. Laura leading the way...
s-l-o-w-l-y...very s-l-o-w-l-y
hey why not get Osama Bin Laden next time; or Wendy McCaw!! Better yet, how about no one..just the riders instead of the posers.... after all, years ago some people created a little controversy trying to save Santa and Santa Claus Lane as an historical landmark..they had supporters and detractors, the NewsPress being a detractor..when Wendy bought the NewsPress, she came out with editorial after editorial claiming Santa was just a chickenwire and plaster statue not worth she wants to save the dirt in De La Guerra Plaza! Well, fuck her and her horse and continued thanks to all those who appreciate this place, the name of the lane remains the same, and although the Santa statue is in Oxnard doing very well, the vibe here hasn't changed much... just a casual old California beach roadside attraction that people still love....thank goodness!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

the Royal Scam....

your Honor...I BOYCOTTED THE PHONY UNITY SHOPPE TELETHON!!! I will present facts to support my case of disunity...
my first witness is Kenny Loggins...people smile and tell him he's the lucky one...

Kenny, did you know that Wendy and Nipper fire people for joining the union? would you fire a session guitarist for belonging to the musicians union? and that the Chumash Gambling and Crime Syndicate is sponsoring this year's telethon with poor peoples' gambling losses!!! they threw in $80000 at the last minute to bolster the anemic donations past $400000! you ok with that Kenny?? or are you gonna just stand there and sing??
maybe it started out as a good idea, maybe Kenny Loggins, who was made rich by light rock music fans all over the world, started feeling guilty about it and wanted to funnel some of the riches to poor people...maybe that's why the nonprofit Unity Shoppe was started...
But something happened when they let the News-Press get involved a few years ago..credibility was lost..the News-Press sponsored the event with Wendy's ex-husband's money she stole in a divorce settlement!!! so the criminals and frauds at the News-Press turned the charity into a fiasco with Nipper hosting and Dr. Laura showing up and Wendy not bothering to show up..this year Nipper, who is also supported by Wendy's ex, will be co-hosting...the first thing the Unity Shoppe should do is dis-invite this clown! You would think that the Unity Shoppe would invite a few of the recipients of the charity to co-host it..but no...just a bunch of "celebrities" like fat-ass phony Andy Granatelli! next witnesses are Nipper and Dr. Laura
Nipper and Dr. Laura showed up again....Dr. Laura with her poodle in her arms looked creepy as usual and claimed she's "Grand Marshall" of the motorcycle Toy run that starts on Santa Claus Lane on Sunday the 13th...what used to be the Toys for Tots Run has been overtaken by rightwingers at the Unity Shoppe and if they want Dr. Laura to show up, then they have sunk to a new low....this woman is a wreck and a total fraud!! and why would you want her on the telethon?? with her stupid poodle!! why!!???? unbelievable idiots!
and then this year with the Victoria Hall controversy where the Unity Shoppe, CALM and Ensemble Theater squabbled over some real estate leases...there's some uncharitable in-fighting over money going on! Now, what is curious to me is the people who run these's like secret society of thieves who come out once a year to panhandle on TV! Remember, these are the people who want to pass laws to keep homeless veterans away from their businesses! what a bunch of flaming hypocrites!!
and I have to wonder about the relationship between the United Way and the Unity Shoppe. I used to give to the United Way years ago until the CEO was busted for using my donations to enrich is too easy for these tax exempt outfits to steal. The United Way has a guy on the board of directors who also sits on the Unity Shoppe board. The Santa Barbara United Way pays its CEO $215000/year! The SB United Way has millions of dollars in why don't these two nonprofits join forces if they sit on each others boards?
Unity Shoppe CA 2008 assets: $6,120, what is the ratio of giving to receiving, I wonder....and JOBSMART is now part of Unity Shoppe..this is (News-Press Editorial guest)Terry Tyler's old nonprofit that his wife ran..get this: they give you clean clothes for a job shoes, a sport coat, whatever you need..look, if you need help to get some clean clothes for a job interview, you'd be better off homeless because I sure as hell wouldn't hire you!!! THESE FOLKS ARE CLUELESS!!
It seems to me that the Unity Shoppe telethons aren't helping people to be self-sufficient, instead they do feel-good shows that PROMOTE THE GIVERS and ask for money to allow a fake store to exist for poor people!! The premise being you can shop at the Unity Shoppe Store without paying for it, but it seems like you really are paying for it because you pick the goods out just like in a real store..only the goods are free..but the kids won't feel so bad that their parents are poor when they see them shopping on their follow me? It's like a weird sci-fi psychology experiment with a steady supply of impoverished Mexicans as the subjects, while the rich guys in lab coats (Nipper and Herman's Hermit) look over them with snide approval (gee, I'm glad I'm not as poor as you)!! and this is supposed to supply the poor with dignity?? they don't give a shit..they are poor and free stuff is free stuff!!!
Your Honor, where's the education, the work, the investment advice for the needy? where's the 401(k) plan for Maria Martinez and her family? or is it just another pinata Christmas of beans and rice and an old used doll for little Lupe?
I don't have the answers yet, but maybe you can celebrate me home this Christmas by explaining it to me Kenny, you really need to show some leadership and look into all this.. and until I see some accountability, I BOYCOTT THE SHADY UNITY SHOPPE TELETHON !!! I rest my case right down on this sofa with a nice cup of coffee...

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Mick Von Seagal:Lawman

police log.... 0700 hrs

today I feel like a I COPied these incident reports from the Santa Barbara Police Officers Association....look at all the DUIs from people with homes!! and the report of a couple of homeless guys who helped catch a felony vandalism suspect! or a Brooks squatter!
On 11/6 at 4:00 p.m., Officer Ortega handled a minor injury traffic accident on Anapamu at Anacapa Street. Joshua Levi Bradbury, age 38, had been driving westbound in his 2001 Chevy Silverado pickup when he rear-ended another vehicle. Bradbury put partial blame on an unsecured Chihuahua-mix dog riding in his lap. Officer Ortega placed primary blame on Bradbury driving while under the influence of alcohol. He was arrested for DUI.

On 11/25 at 5:00 p.m., a citizen at Arroyo Burro Beach saw a man stumbling in the parking lot while holding a beer. The man got into a Toyota 4-Runner and drove away, driving over a curb in the process. The citizen called 911 and followed the driver to Solano Court, where he parked and went into a residence. Officer T. Johnson arrived, contacted the citizen, then went to the residence and contacted the driver, William Churchill Smith, age 52. Smith displayed symptoms of alcohol consumption and was arrested for DUI.
On 11/28 at 2:00 a.m., a citizen called 911 to report a possible DUI driver in a black Mercedes traveling up Garden from Haley Street. As a BOL was being issued, Officer Cipres saw the Mercedes C30 weaving its way up 900 Garden Street and cross over the center line. Officer Cipres stopped the vehicle. The driver, Chamil Niroshan Hettiarachchi, age 32 was arrested for DUI.
On 11/28 at 12:45 a.m., Officer Beutel, who works DUI enforcement, saw a black 2009 Mini Cooper driving eastbound from 1st E. Ortega Street at high speed. The Mini bottomed out at Anacapa Street, and continued eastbound. At Garden Street, the Mini ran the stop sign at approximately 30 mph, bottomed out again, and abruptly stopped in the middle of the street with the horn blaring. The driver, Jocelyn Harris Smith, age 23, got out and walked to the sidewalk. Officer Beutel stopped Smith and determined that the second bottoming-out was severe enough to deploy the driver?s side airbag. Smith was arrested for DUI.
On 11/21 at 8:00 a.m., a City Parks employee discovered two large concrete planters tipped over and broken at Chase Palm Park, 323 E. Cabrillo Blvd. The estimated loss for the pair was $1,500. Officer Larson investigated: He contacted a group of homeless people who frequently camp behind the structure. Two of them witnessed the vandalism: Just after daybreak, a man who appeared "angry" walked through the area, tipping over numerous trashcans. Shortly thereafter, Officer Larson detained James Derek Tabor, age 39, who matched the suspect description and was walking in the immediate area. The two witnesses made a positive identification. Tabor was booked for felony vandalism.

On 11/21 at 7:30 p.m., Officer Lazarus handled a disturbance at a residence in the 2100 block of Red Rose Lane. A neighbor reported frequent disturbances at the residence. Police determined that Kellie Lynn Villa, age 31, had struck a male in the head with a vodka bottle. She was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon.

On 11/12/09 at 10:20 a.m., Officer Little responded to the Brooks Photography campus at 801 Alston Road on a call of suspicious circumstances. A week before, employees discovered a room dead-bolted with a lock that did not belong to the school. They forced entry and discovered evidence of someone living in the room: Clothing, hygiene products, damp washcloths, and other personal items. Today, they found a room normally unlocked that was dead-bolted from the inside. They heard noises, but no one would answer or open the door. When Officer Little arrived, employees forcibly removed the lock and out came the suspect: Michael Othello Shirley, age 40. Shirley said he has been secretly living at the school for 3 weeks. He was arrested for vandalism and trespass.
stay safe this holiday season and drive defensively...everyone is armed and dangerous!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Let's Party!!!

like it's 1999! boogie down..boogie down..
A Los Angeles police officer killed in a motorcycle accident last week had been drinking at a bar on the department's training academy campus the night he died and had a blood-alcohol level "well over" the legal limit, a police official said Wednesday.The bar -- like most of the academy facilities -- is run by the Los Angeles Revolver and Athletic Club, a tax-exempt organization that is separate from the department and accepts only LAPD employees as members. Except for the payday parties, the bar is typically open only for officer retirement parties and similar catered events.
the News-Press Thursday edition was full of fun and games..
we get front page pictures of # 69 Julia Di Sieno and Carp politician Joe Armendariz...Julia dodged charges of interfering with the Fish and Game and Joe is always looking for a photo-op and the News-PRess always provides...the relationship between the News-Press and the Santa Barbara County Taxpayers Association is very cozy with president Lanny now writing editorials..Joe was promoting the expansion of BEGA... ie more development/crowds around the Bluffs! Geez, it sounded like they wanted to declare a state holiday!! Obviously, Joe and Lanny have found a benefactor in criminal Wendy...

OK so Julia #69 got off easy but she doesn't look too pleased in the photo..she says " nobody was against what we did" referring to the lion cub fiasco she caused...ahh, Julia, I hate to break it to you but many were against what you did, even the cubs! I think we should put a radio collar on you to monitor your movements so's you don't rescue the hell out of anymore animals!
and we get a letter to the editor from city council wannabe Justin Tevis slamming Dr. Professor Lanny Ebenstein about his support of Abel Maldonado!! According to Justin, Abel is a political hack and didn't do what good conservatives do..tow the party line! Poor Abel..a Republican with a mind of his own!
now, to the pro-News-Press businesses in SB...Wendy McCuckoo is breaking labor laws left and right and if you advertise in the News-Press, then you support her!! Why not show some spine and STOP ADVERTISING!! or perhaps the law is just an inconvenience to you?? pitiful money hounds...
and good ol' rightwing ignoramus Gina Perry had another one of her columns pulled by the Daily was called Obama Thumpers and had all sorts of tangled logic about Goleta Valley Jr High promoting homosexual behavior and leftists running amok in Santa Barbara...honestly Gina, who snatched your brain?? Dec 10, 2009 ... By GINA PERRY — Dec. 10, 2009. Obama Thumpers, not to be confused with Bible Thumpers, are running amok these days. Sinking to a new low, ...
Trail Trolls...
this story covered from Fresno to Kansas City! all these fires were started by a few private sector addlepates ..why not take a public fire safety course and stop trying to destroy Santa Barbara..
were they two guys from the native-only cult of weed whacking warriors or mountain bikers that started the Jesusita fire by very fucking stupidly using spark inducing power tools (brush cutters? hedge trimmers? chain saw?) on the trails on a hot day....citified yard/ garden thinking! The best way to maintain a trail is to walk on it..hike on it...trample it like bears do! and leave it alone...
it's ok if there are weeds nearby, they won't hurt you or your family unless you rub poison ivy on your legs or eat a poisonous some of the folks (newbies) are dumb!!! If you are not smart enough to hike, put one foot in front of the other without causing a major catastrophe, then STAY HOME!!!!!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Travis Armstrong Jr....

good morning boys and girls!!
actually he's a kid and he's an intern at the News-Press..and he writes like he knows something..lissen up you little jerkoff, you don't know anything! Now, let's look at Travis Jr's latest entry: city budget issues, city employees and unions..the kid claims the salaries are unsustainable and wants to prevent SEIU from contributing to campaigns! Back when you were just a gleam in your mommy and daddy's eyes, people were working for the shift night shift swing shift doing things that you wouldn't even dream of or that your mommy and daddy never told you about...I want you to spend a summer internship at a city job cleaning out sewer lines, then you'll be a man and not a little pussy, although I do applaud your writing ability which is better than anyone else at the paper...
Now, the city has been unionized for thirty years with contracts hammered out to protect workers..something the private sector refuses to do, esp the News-Press. The News-PRess is only sustainable as long as Wendy's ex-husband's money or trees don't run that. You are interning at a business that is run by a she-moron!!
geez...I really don't know where these people come from...
did Nipper pick you? you should learn a skill instead of interning at the News-Press because all you'll learn is how to get rich women to support you all your life!!
anyway, Trav Jr, a city worker is an American, a taxpayer, a working class citizen who gets paid for services they provide you... and you can't deny them the right to organize or contribute to a candidate..and you need to learn how collective bargaining works instead of assuming the worst among the participants...a strong union will not allow the city to ignore labor laws like the News-Press has done...the NewsPress will be out of business soon but the City of SB will not...
for the last time: private sector and public workers are different but often work together for the most benefit..the city provides essential services and does business with many local's not us against them as the News-Press nitwits want you to believe! If you privatize city services, and some cities have tried, you will get the Greka Oil syndrome (incompetent personnel and managers who lie and cut corners) and that will eat up ALL city funds quicker than you can say "I'm stupid"...
ok? now your mommy called and it's time for your nappypoo...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

the partridge family..

and a partridge in a pear tree?? what is that all about??

hey I like's the most wonderful time of the year, but I've been thinking about the songs we sing each season and am concerned about the messages we may be sending our youth..I was working yesterday on my old 1950s Goya 12 string guitar..a rough Swedish beauty that Tiger would take a shot at if he could..I tweaked and filed her and now she sings like a songbird..I started roving around the neighborhood like a lone caroler playing folky Christmas songs...then I got to "the 12 days of Christmas" and people started to hurry their kids away from me.. parents gave me dirty looks..I went home and started really thinking about the lyrics to the song and was aghast at the imagery I unwittingly was crooning about!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
I consulted my oracle to find the real meanings to the nonsensical ramblings like eight maids a milking..nine ladies dancing..that's about SEX!! Twelve drummers...that was Santana's drummer at Woodstock doing "Soul Sacrifice" though it sounded like twelve.. and five golden rings.. onions rings!? and a partridge in a pear tree..look I got a bunch of pear trees and have NEVER seen a partridge in them..I've never even seen a partridge..ever! I have seen a young eagle near the highway by the Salt Marsh, perched on a sign! He must've gotten tired of all the harrassment on the Channel Islands!!
Anyway, this partridge song is full of symbolism, religious (some people say the partridge is Jesus!!) and pagan, and I suggest you think about that next time you hear it or sing!!
joy to the world...