Tuesday, May 31, 2011

memories

pressed between the pages of my mind...

well, I know Memorial Day can be a bit somber as we Americans pay tribute to the dead at cemeteries across America..but did you know Carpinteria has its own cemetery with dead people... it's beautiful! and there was a tribute on Monday....so I rode my horse over to check it out...

hey, there's Lois Capps, our Congesswoman.....looking pretty in red, Lois!
there's some Boy Scouts being introduced to the American traditon.....can't fault that..but if any scout masters make a pass at you little guys or try to brainwash you into rightwing religious doctrine, let Uncle Mick know about it and I'll take appropriate action!


lots of people ..way more than last year..and what a beautiful day...then some guy started talking about God..believe me, God has nothing to do with our wars...we fight for reasons..some good and some bad...but God has nothing to do with it.....so I left...it appears some Americans are still a little cloudy in the head....

so I ride away and go up to the old Young ranch where I used to live....so nice but the plumbing was bad and the houses were ticky tacky..but the land is prime and it's an old Carpinteria Spanish land grant... and I love it!!

but the best way for me to honor the dead is to go on my own little Freedom Ride...no cameras, no security, no bullshit..... just freedom..the freedom to go and ride when and where I want.....on a bike, a horse, a motorcycle...that, my friends, is freedom....and I cherish it....

tomorrow, I investigate Emmy Award winning investigative journalist Peter Lance with a complete investigation....don't miss it or I'll investigate you too...

Monday, May 30, 2011

abstinence....

makes the heart grow fonder

If you are Sarah Palin's daughter and you're at a secluded beach with me on Memorial Day being pressured to have sex, you have three choices: yes, no, or abstain...I will not preach to you youngsters, just be careful with your sex organs..they are powerful things..that's my advice....YES, NO or ABSTAIN....remember these choices because they are germane to the story....

ok so the News-Press never stops giving me a reason to make fun of them...godammit are they stupid....you'll remember the poll they ran a month ago asking their readers about the city workers and union thugs...well they said 300 people responded..that must be a measure of success to the News-Press because they got another poll now asking about county workers!

I think the News-Press is trying rather lamely to drum up propaganda against unions and public workers....ie real Americans....and they have discovered that repeating the same thing in editorials and guest editorials by guest employee Lanny Ebenstein may not be very effective, so they are turning to polls....polls that mean nothing unless you're insane like Wendy and Nipper and Don and Scott.... and Lanny obviously wrote the questions

the thing that made me laugh was the choice of answers...they ask you questions and provide you with three answer possibilities: YES___ NO___ or ABSTAIN______

for example: do you feel safer living in the county that you did 5 years ago? YES______ NO______ ABSTAIN_______

do you think the county unions have your best interests at heart? YES____ NO_____ ABSTAIN____

if you are running a poll, no matter how vapid or silly, you want an answer to your questions....polls give insecure people a feeling of belonging..they are not a measure of anything and do not prove anything...kinda like a lie detector test...but when you ask a question, you expect an answer...offering a chance for the pollee to abstain from responding to your poll question kinda defeats the purpose of the poll, duddin it?? I mean, if your trying to gage the sentiment of your readers, why would you ask them not to respond??

Abstain as an answer choice that doesn't fit in a poll, even a stupid News-Press poll...it doesn't make any sense...

if you sit on the City Council or Board of Supes, you might abstain from a vote for various reasons, but if you are responding to a poll, why would you abstain from answering it??

you could use "abstain" as part of a poll question such as ... do you think Nipper abstains from having sex with Wendy?" YES_____ NO____ HE'S QUEER MAYBE_______

and remember this on Memorial Day....you guests at the News-Press and all your little pals are too stupid to bust the unions...... the American working class and fighting men and women, who often work in gov't jobs after military service, won't allow it.....

Saturday, May 28, 2011

lazy hazy crazy days of summer...

those days of soda and pretzels and beer..

as we enter the Memorial Day weekend, the launch of summer vacations, bikinis, lazing on sunny afternoons....and remember the ones who fought for freedom....it's an important message..a message that gets lost in political posturing....and who has the poorest posture of anyone in the area? correct..the News-Press....
now I've been researching the connection among the rightwingers in town and it appears that Wendy is the chief mouthpiece for rightwing propaganda...

let's look at two stories about free speech: the first concerns a girly student at San Marcos high school who walked out of a class when the substitute teacher said some things about conservatives she didn't like..instead of challenging the teacher, raising her hand and voicing her opinions, this future beauty pageant contestant walked out and ran to mommy and daddy who connected her with the News-Press....and the News-Press ran the front page story "student outs bad teacher"....in this case free speech is seen as "indoctrination" by the conservatives..

then we have a front page story about "Little Man Hate" David Horowitz, who makes money by getting conservatives to pay him for spouting off at the mouth about the evils of Islam and liberal studies at universities...Horowitz used to be a liberal, then turned conservative when the money ran out...he's like a stray dog they adopted and bring out every and then to show the neighbors..but the title of the story was a "Night of Free Speech"....in the News-Press world, it's ok for Horowitz to have free speech rights, but not a lowly substitute teacher at San Marcos High!! in this case free speech is a good thing if it's hate speech!!

there is a connection between David Horowitz, the News-Press and a teabagger group in Montecito called Golden State Alliance for Liberty (GSAL), led by Mary Belle Snowflake, which I will explore later....

but lawful free speech demands everyone have a voice that will not be silenced, no matter how the speech offends you, troubles you, upsets you, makes you cringe..it's an essential right that makes America the greatest place on earth..and woe to those who try to infringe on that right!!!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Freedom Rider...

thanks again to the Montecito "Journal" (Spanish for Urinal) for unwittingly giving me so much dope on the teabaggers

..and it seems the Montecito Cuntry Club has become Teabagger Central lately...first it was Andy Breitbart, who spoke at a luncheon and was fearful someone from ACORN was gonna kill him!! jackass!

yes...another speaker, Cathy Engelbrecht, will grace the GOP cocktail set (alcohol runs heavliy thru conservative Montecito keeping them stewed so they don't have to face reality) with tools to keep students and minorites from voting...she will be at the MCC..ummmm...last night! wow, such short notice...great planning!!


according to teabaggers, if you are a student or minority, you should not be allowed to vote....ot they will sic the California Fraud Team on you

and this chick, this very fine looking Texas blonde lady, Catherine Engelbrecht, is leading the charge to get the word out....registering blacks and students, ie Freedom Riders, will not be tolerated...proving even racists can be pretty, too

remember back in the 1950s when students were riding with black people on buses..from Alabama to Mississippi..they were trying to register voters, black voters, and were called the Freedom Riders..they were beaten, harassed threatened and even killed by mobs of white conservatives, rednecks, good ole boys....racism is a pathetic chapter in America's history, but survives of course, and it is alive and kicking in the Tea Party...... Cathy seems an offshoot of the racists from old..and she is a teabagger...and she's scared...now if you google her name you'll find tons of stuff regarding her shady dealings and accomplices....non profits gone wild...

Corporate Donations, Voter Intimidation
by Abby Rapoport
In an election season with a whole lot of memorable videos, the King Street Patriots have one of the most watchable. The video's best quality—its epic soundtrack—feels straight out of those climactic scenes from the last Lord of the Rings movie. Only instead of returning the ring to Mordor, the people in the video have more complicated goals. They want to stop voter fraud. And get people involved. And keep Houston “conservative.” And keep out ACORN’s “radical army.” It’s a multi-faceted message, I guess.

http://www.texasobserver.org/floor-play/tea-party-group-accused-of-illegal-corporate-donations-voter-intimidation

of course there are plenty of people who gobble this stuff up, who fear the conservatives are going down the tubes...and with the way the conservatives have been acting lately, they should be very afraid..they are watching their party disintegrate into a paranoid hollow shell and they are the ones aiding and abetting!! poll watchers are nothing more than little ignorant goons, little Nazis, who try to intimidate voters...by lurking around precincts in large numbers!

nothing patriotic about them..the last election crazy eyes Tom Watson sent his punks out to look for voter fraud in Isla Vista....WAtson lost because he's an idiot not because of voter fraud...

this is old fashioned vigilantism......pure and simple...but I would love for pretty Cathy to try to stop me from voting.....just try it....please!!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

night shift...

so the News-Press is located in Santa Barbara and that's the place I always write about....that's why the blog is called SANTABARBARANEWSPRESSBLOG...geez..this is hard to understand??

so the News-Press employs an accountant to write editorials, or as they call them "guest editorials"..but obviously you can't have a guest editorial because editorials always reflect the owner's position...it's like having a guest wife or guest husband or guest dog....it simply is not possible..
so anyway if they can have an accountant as guest editorial writer, then I can pretend I'm an accountant for this post..so let's pretend....


when I was working nights, I'd get off work at 6:00 AM and stop at McDonalds, get two Egg McMuffins, hash browns and a couple containers of orange juice...then I'd get a paper and go home..eat and read and go to sleep..yum, it was good...when you don't have a whole lot of time because you're too busy working for a living, fast food is the only way to go sometimes..and there's nothing wrong with that...the only way you'll get fat is if you eat too much and stop exercising...

now, technology has eliminated the need for night workers pretty much in certain work sectors...but the graveyard shift took some getting used to...there was sleep deprivation, social isolation, and other things that prey on your sanity....but as I continued to make money and learn how to use the darkness, I became the Prince of Darkness..and thus, the man I yam today....as a matter of fact, the Beatles song Blackbird was written about me as Paul saw something unusual in me at an early age....really!!

ok so what does this have to do with anything?? well, it sheds some light on why some businesses fail and why some succeed....specifically the News-Press and McDonalds....in other words, your product needs to be accessable to everyone from day trippers to night stalkers.....

Business models

McDonald's Corporation earns revenue as an investor in properties, a franchiser of restaurants, and an operator of restaurants. Approximately 15% of McDonald's restaurants are owned and operated by McDonald's Corporation directly. The remainder are operated by others through a variety of franchise agreements and joint ventures. The McDonald's Corporation's business model is slightly different from that of most other fast-food chains. In addition to ordinary franchise fees and marketing fees, which are calculated as a percentage of sales, McDonald's may also collect rent, which may also be calculated on the basis of sales. As a condition of many franchise agreements, which vary by contract, age, country, and location, the Corporation may own or lease the properties on which McDonald's franchises are located. In most, if not all cases, the franchisee does not own the location of its restaurants.


The News-Press

The News-Press had a Monday-Friday combined average circulation of 27,576, according to the Audit Bureau of Circulation Publisher's Statement dated September 30, 2009. This is down from 45,389 daily in 2000. Owner Wendy P McCaw and fiance Arthur von Wiesenberger are co-publishers, and share "overall responsibility for news and opinion pages and all business activities." Their stated goal is to provide strong, unbiased local coverage of news, unbeholden to any outside interest group. (hahahahah)
now, I did some calculations in my head like an accountant might do and made some assumptions that the News-Press could be losing as much as 4 million dollars per year over the last 5 years or so.... is that what you're supposed to do as a business owner? lose money?

I would like to see everyone succeed in life, so maybe Wendy should adopt Ronald McDonald's business philosophy and start some News-Press franchises!! maybe little coffee houses (property) that sell deep roast and newspapers only....call the coffee houses the News-exPresso Cafe...

Wendy, I'll take a small percentage of the profits should you decide to go in that direction...call me babe and don't treat me like a guest....

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

down on the corner...

out in the street

oh geez here we go again....I've never heard a bigger bunch of babies (no offense babies!!) in my life than the Milpas Association Anti-Homeless Coalition...first they blame the homeless, now they slam a business moving into the old Whitefoot Meat Market property...did any of these people get breast fed as children?? the ego is not the issue now, it's the id..the infantile part of the brain that's never satisfied and always crying "I want I want... gimme.... gimme..

there was a letter in the News-Press (where else) that was from an anonymous resident of the Milpas area..it was presented by Sharon Byrne, the chubby blonde chick from the Milp Ass..the letter goes on and on about how the guy's wife saw a transient peeing at night and how she cried and was afraid to shop at Trader Joe's...and on and on..I mean this is getting redickerous....these business owners need to check out their own properties..the guy from Tri County Produce for example seems to think that his rather ratty store is ok, but a homeless guy or gal walking by is not? Whaddya say.... how about a patch job, some slurry seal and restriping on the parking lot...let's see some pride of ownership, John-boy

so what needs to happen is these folks should go out and look at the area where they live..it's beautiful! I went to East Beach and it was cool.....and I saw some chick's ass hanging out but I'm not gonna write a letter to the council or the News-Press complaining....

then there's the Clark Estate..I think it would make a great homeless center..I'm serious! the Milp Ass would go crazy!!! put the folks to work on the upkeep..then the great beach below and all the way down to the Wharf....some people don't know how good they got it...

I'd rather have homeless folks walking around than these little fucks who create computer viruses...sitting around looking for ways to mess with your files, things you WORK on..they try to destroy..I would support the death penalty for people caught doing this..and I will fire the first round into their empty worthless little heads..

now, I have solved my virus issues ....I booted my computer from the restore disk and it let me return the operating system to where it was a few weeks ago, before the virus hit! and I didn't lose any files.....the computer is like a Time Machine and now we're friends again...I bought it dinner and a brand new antivirus program....it's clean as an East beach wave...

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Ladies Night....

ladies...if you need a private dick, I'm your man!
I got nothing better to do..I'm pretty sick of the internet right about now and am looking for a new job...a private detective would be cool....


there's two cases I'd love to work on..first we got Arnold....while his pals from ENRON were screwing California, Arnold was screwing Maria , the maid and apparently a bunch of other ladies...not that I'm surprised..what surprises me is how Californians keep falling for this Nazi!! anyhoo, Maria has hired a private investigator to probe Arnold's past, which had a lot of probing in it!! Geez Maria, didn't you have some suspicions when the maid's kid looked like Conan the Barbarian???

then I hear that the owner of the Clark Estate by the bird refuge died in New York at 104 years old....
Huguette Clark, the reclusive copper heiress, dies at 104
With her mansions empty, she lived in N.Y. hospital rooms for decades;
the criminal investigation into handling of her fortune continues


I 've always loved the area around the estate....it's so Santa Barbara..lately I've noticed lots of work there, cutting down trees..and shady accountants being investigated for stealing from the old broad...as a young girl she was kinda cute but..... old money is very creepy....like Arnold

Monday, May 23, 2011

Dances with Dolphins

animal emancipation: in order to protect us from more goofy botoxed people trying to protect us, we in the animal kingdom have decide to form a union...we're calling it OSPREY-CIO....

normally, we wouldn't need a union but since people have become so absolutely unreasonable about us and to cut down on the number of nonprofits trying to protect us, a union was our last resort..and we have elected Mick Von Caw as our union steward...

thanks animals! it's an honor to serve you (for lunch hahah!) but seriously, I know where you're coming from..why just yesterday I was reading CASA magazine and saw an article on a new non-profit that wants to protect our local dolphins....it's called POD or Protect our Dolphins....it's run by a woman named Dr. Toni Frohoff who was raising funds selling Mary Frances designer hand bags for chicks!!

I thought this odd since I see dolphins swimming right off shore on Santa Claus Lane, right next to all those septic tanks at the Sandyland gated community, and the dolphins look rather happy and healthy grazing for food..and not one was wearing a Mary Frances handbag!!

neither were the the pelicans and other shore creatures..so why do they need protection?? there's no evidence that anything is wrong with the local dolphins, or the visiting ones....of course, you may see one wash up dead, but death is normal...
local resources are spent improving water quality with professionally staffed wastewater treatment pollution control facilities..and as long as Mother Nature can turn piss into peach juice, the dolphins will be ok! and every single dolphin I've spoken with agrees!!
but they have expressed some concern about SB citycouncilman Frank Hotchkiss who thinks dolphins enjoy eating plastic bags..that was Frank's take on the local plastic grocery bag issue..you can read his guest editorial in the Montecito Journal..it was hysterical and scary!

I think these folks who want to save everything don't get these facts....when they see death it scares them so they want to form a non-profit, get money from other fraidy cats, and try to stop death from occuring...but in reality, they are smothering the dolphins and other creatures so that their lives become like a living death!
so I will represent the animals who are tagged, studied, radio-collared, menaced, killed, poisoned and harassed and used to sell handbags..all for study and/or research....and try to expose every last tax exempt nonprofit that tries to interfere with nature.....
ignorance, nonprofits, faux animal rights hypocrites like Wendy McCaw and mindless consumers like Frank Hotchkiss....these are the biggest threats to wildlife

Sunday, May 22, 2011

ain't superstitious

but a black cat crossed my trail...

so while I was being a smart ass about the end of the world coming on Saturday, Satanic forces were at work behind my back, ready to show me the error of my ways...the day started ok, as peaceful as my version of Heaven, but I felt a tinge in the back of my consciousness all night....my dreams were frightful, restless and a small doubt lingered that things wouldn't really be alright today..Saturday.....

no one really believes in all that ballyhoo about the rapture and end of the world that that old Camping dude was predicting...but ....well.... he did warn me....

so I'm online and checking the ususal things out when all of a sudden....I'm offline... and my screen fills up with red bile from the bowels of the Devil himself...sucker crapped right on my head!! words of warning splashed across the computer....VIRUS ALERT!! YOU HAVE BEEN ATTACKED!! THIS COMPUTER IS TOAST!!

WTF is going on?? I tried to reboot and reload....load again... but nothing worked.....nothing...it was the end of the world for my computer, goddammit!!

so I 'm working on things ..pulled out my secondary computer which is almost new and now it's my primary...I updated all the virus protections and managed to rework things....

then I turn the tube on and there's an old flick: the Cat People from 1942 with some chick (the beautiful Simone Simon) talking like a cat's got her tongue..the hottest speech impediment I've ever heard!! I couldn't understand a word she was saying but she was hot..she thought she was a cat and they wanted to put her in an insane asylum! (which is where I think most of you dog lovers should be) check this movie out... it's got sexual (Jane Randolf's glorious swimsuit) and religious undertones coming out of every shadowy scene....it's brilliant and campy!!

then a crow lands outside my window, followed by a songbird, who sang a lovely tune...darkness and light..on the same branch....

but I'm still here on Sunday morning, the world is still here, my infected computer is in the other room now, isolated, quarantined indefinitely....making funny sounds, sending nasty messages to the screen like an oracle, like an 8 ball, like an invasive Spanish Fly, like that little girl in the Exorcist...... I shudder everytime I go in there, or walk by it....it sits there, mocking me, telling me what a fool I am....telling me things I already know....telling me things I don't want to know.....this is all very superstitious...

Saturday, May 21, 2011

the end of the world...

May 21 2011 (that's today sinners)

why does the sun go on shining, why does the sea rush to shore, don't they know, it's the end of the world.....

Revelation
Chapter 21

And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea.
And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.


And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.
And he said unto me, It is done. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life freely.

He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son.
But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death....like working at the News-Press!


And there came unto me one of the seven angels which had the seven vials full of the seven last plagues, and talked with me, saying, Come hither, I will shew thee the bride, the Lamb's wife.
And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and shewed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God,
Having the glory of God: and her light was like unto a stone most precious, even like a jasper stone, clear as crystal meth!


And had a wall great and high, and had twelve gates, and at the gates twelve angels, and names written thereon, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel:
On the east three gates; on the north three gates; on the south three gates; and on the west three gates.
And the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and in them the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.


And he that talked with me had a golden reed to measure the city, and the gates thereof, and the wall thereof
And the city lieth foursquare, and the length is as large as the breadth: and he measured the city with the reed, twelve thousand furlongs. The length and the breadth and the height of it are equal.
And he measured the wall thereof, an hundred and forty and four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of the angel.
And the building of the wall of it was of jasper: and the city was pure gold, like unto clear glass.
And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all manner of precious stones.


The first foundation was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, a chalcedony; the fourth, an emerald; The fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolyte; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, a topaz; the tenth, a chrysoprasus; the eleventh, a jacinth; the twelfth, an amethyst.
And the twelve gates were twelve pearls: every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.

And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it.
And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof.
And the nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it.
And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day: for there shall be no night there.
And they shall bring the glory and honour of the nations into it.
And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life.
any last requests???

Friday, May 20, 2011

Station Man...

I've been waiting / Can you tell me / When we're leaving? / Midnight train / Now is leaving / Engine screaming / Where I'm going I don't know ...

I went down to State St and the train station and started shouting at the top of my lungs HOW MANY PEOPLE LISTEN TO NEWS-PRESS RADIO AM 1290???? I walked up to a lady and screamed at her DO YOU LISTEN??? I was wearing my new buffalo skin huaraches...I'm not quite sure if they're cool or not...do they look faggy ladies? what would you do if I walked up to you in these shoes and stared at you while you shopped?

and look there's another woman that Arnold did!
well there's gotta be a better way to find out how many people listen to the radio....so I checked online: out of 30 local stations News-Press radio AM 1290 KZSB is located in the ratinsgs at 23... KTYD remains at the top proving rock-n-roll is better for you than conservative talk radio..
No wonder Wendy didn't get acknowledeged at the recent SB Chapter of the National Association of Women Business Owners event honoring entrepreneurs at their awards dinner....


and now the News-Press has a feller named Rooster Bradford on the air....Rooster Bradford!! an old ultra conservative fart who looks like he never got laid in his life, like most of these teabaggers..maybe they should hang out with Arnold!!!

reader (or listener) is never confused by Rooster Bradford, as he makes his positions known plainly and clearly early and often. His mellow voice mesmerizes radio audiences weekly, and now, with "It Is S.A.D.",former prosecutor Rooster lets his fans and his detractors have it right between the pages.
Jim Buckley, Publisher of the Montecito Journal, Montecito, California

Move over Rush! Take note Glen Beck! Talk radio host Rooster Bradford has written a book that proposes to include "social autistic dysfunction" in the lexicon of pathological states. " It Is S.A.D." is a
provocative read for anyone who seeks to understand the cerebral differences between the left and
the right.
Les Carroll General Manager of KZSB 1290AM Radio, Santa Barbara, California
The show runs for one hour. Because of time limitations, no telephone
calls are accepted......"no telephone calls accepted" is code for "we don't like to answer real questions"
the real issue is shades of mediocrity...that's what the business model is for the News-Press....and I think they've achieved it.... in shades!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

the Police....

da doo doo doo da daa daa daa...

ok so SB Mayor Helene Schneider appeared yesterday on Lanny Ebenstein's radio show, AM 1290, a subsidiary of the News-Press propaganda media monopoly....AM 1290 ranks very low on the ratings totem pole, but don't miss the Baron Ron Heron's show with traffic reports every ten minutes!!

Lanny's topic was the cops situation in Santa Barbara..I swear to God, Santa Barbara is turning into the Daddy City...all these sniveling spineless members of Team Wendy want their Daddy Policemen to protect them from the big green monster!!

the notion that Lanny Ebenstein wants more cops on the street to cut down crime or what he perceives as crime is ludicriss dawg.....why? because Lanny was the target of a lawsuit from 14 of his neighbors who said his properties were causing an increase in crime in a Eureka neighborhood..his house was being operated as a grow house and the electrical wasn't up to code among other things....Lanny's got my nomination for Slumlord of the Year....

and after accusing the neighbors of not having their facts straight, Lanny settled with them....ok we know that..

so my question seemed like a good one to ask Lanny on his radio show...he said call in if you want to join the conversation..so I called 564-1290 and some dude answered the phone..he said do you have a question for Helene and I said I got a question for Lanny....the dude said what's your question and I said I'd like to ask Lanny how he feels about 14 of his neighbors in Eureka suing him for operating a grow house.....and being a bad landlord..

the call screener said to me: that's a personal question, do you have a question for Helene that is germane to the subject..I said: it is germane because Lanny caused his neighbors to call the cops many times for his grow house problems.. and he's talking to Helene about cops....if we had more responsible home and business owners, we wouldn't need so many cops!!!

the guy asked again if I had a question for Helene... I said "are you going to let me ask Lanny a question?"..the guy said it's not germane..I said: are you going to let me ask Lanny a question, yes or no.....the guy paused and finally said no...so I hung up....whatever happened to free speech?? the News-Press is protecting Lanny, the little sonofabitch!!

and after listening for a while it was clear that Helene knew tons more about Santa Barbara than Lanny...she smoked him on every topic..here's how Lanny talks.... uh uh uh uh uh duh...

but I say to folks like Mayor Helene why do you give the time of day to these hypocrites? why doesn't Helene just say she will not interview with anyone from the News-Press until Wendy's labor law violations are resolved....would the city do business with a company that is known for such corruption? no!

just say it Helene: I as a Public Official, will not correspond in a serious manner with the News-Press or her affiliates until such time the labor law violations are resolved; and until such time they stop enabling faux professor/ faux economic expert Lanny Ebenstein to write his whacky drivel as guest editorialist..

signed_________________________

sealed, and delivered....

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

dust my broom...

maid in the shade....

so I'm a little ticked off that three actors have moved in close proximity to me..and brought shame to the area...... from Padaro to Rancho Monte Alegre, I can't seem to swing a dead dog without hitting an actor! First we got Kevin Costner who I didn't mind moving to Padaro Lane until the tabloids told us about his masseuse issues...he was getting a massage at a lodge and half way into the rubdown, he started beating off in front of her..the chick was fired because Kevin knew the lodge owner..or something like that....really not appropriate Kevin unless she starts spanking you, then you can beat off in front of her..etiquette dude etiquette!!!

then we got Rob Lowe..a big brat pack sissy and friend of Arnold...supposedly has a house on Padaro and was accused of trying to do the maid...chased her around the kitchen...and of course the tapes of Rob and an underaged girl having sex added to his popularity among his useless fans like Wendy McCaw! Rob says he was an alcoholic which is a sure cure for responsible behavior..

now look, I'm no angel but my really bad behavior was under control at an early age...there comes a time when you need to put away the cigars, the scotch and the married women and start living a purposeful life....

then we hear of Arnold's sexcapades with the groping, the office sex in Santa Monica while he was governor, and the kid he had with the maid while married to Maria....I told you not to vote for this idiot but you went ahead and elected him TWICE you dumbasses!!

there's a lesson to be learned, a moral to be had and a thing I gotta do real soon....I gotta get a maid...

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

dress for success....

what a bunch of little sluts you women are!! you make me say some bad things!!

The SlutWalk was born in Toronto in April after a police officer there told a classroom of college students that they should refrain from dressing "like sluts" in order to avoid being sexually assaulted. The officer later apologized, but he had already spawned a movement. Walks have been staged in Boston, Dallas and other cities, and more are planned across America, including Chicago on June 4.

Some women have shown up for the walks scantily dressed, giving flash mob a new meaning. Others proudly proclaim "Slut" on their T-shirts. That's OK, Stander-Reimer said. Plenty of women dress more conservatively, but they all march under the SlutWalk banner.

"Different women dress in different ways for different reasons," she said. "You can be an intelligent woman and a successful woman and a powerful woman - and a sexual woman. Displaying yourself as a sexual creature doesn't mean that you're asking to be sexually assaulted."

Topless coffee houses....

GARDEN GROVE, Calif. -- Glimpses of bare breasts and more will no longer be offered with $5 cups of coffee at lingerie cafes in a Southern California suburb.

More than three dozen of the coffeehouses are operating in the Orange County city of Garden Grove, and some waitresses have been slipping out of teddies to serve customers in the nude. Additionally, arcade machines have been rigged to be gambling machines.

The Orange County Register reports Wednesday that the City Council has voted 4-0 to ban nudity, gambling and smoking in the sexy cafes.
see, if you defer responsiblity to the government, the gov't will act as your babysitter..and the last thing I want to see when I go into 7/11 in the AM for coffee is bare breasts..wait, wut I just say??

so what's the sluttiest thing a girl ever said to you.....well, once a girl said she wanted me to.... own her Pu&&y!! I can barely bring myself to repeat it here of all places..I was ..shocked! what kind of a thing is that for a dirty slutty girl to say to a nice guy like me??

Monday, May 16, 2011

Mother, May I Sleep with Danger??

sure honey..just don't come crying to me when danger sticks his D#$k up your a%^ and c*Ms all over your fa^^...

Mother...that chubby blonde chick from the Milpas Association PAC is starting to annoy me...she and other conservative teabaggers and the News-Press have teamed up to use the DANGEROUS homeless people to monger fear for political purposes....she wants a police state to control the raggedy people....

Mother may I strangle the News-Press editorial writers?? I keep hearing from the News-Press editorial writer Terry Tyler that if you give a bum a dime, he'll spend it on booze or cigarettes....so he wants to "educate the public" about "enabling" the homeless..first of all, people use the term "enabling" without knowing what it means...if I give a quarter to a homeless person, I am giving a quarter to a "homeless" person..pure and simple..I'm not enabling anybody....to enable someone in psychological terms is to encourage behavior such as an addiction that you are aware is destructive....if your hubby is an alcoholic and you buy him booze and don't confront him, then you are enabler....An "enabler" in this psychological sense is a person who helps the addict, without confronting him about the addicition. ....

if, as a member of the city council, your Mother grants a license to BevMo knowing full well that alcoholics will buy liquor there, and then the alcoholic buys Bevmo booze and drinks and drives and kills someone, is your Mother an enabler, as accessory to murder?? can you assume that everyone who shops at Bevmo is an alcoholic??

moreso than me giving a dime to a homeless guy..but it's easier to pick on the homeless..easier to dehumanize them than a city councilman who drives drunk and gets a slap on the wrist! or an alcoholic business owner who drives drunk and kills someone on the Chumash Highway of Death....no editorials about these issues and I trust we'll never see any in the News-Press...

ok so that should be clear now...giving a quarter to a homeless person is not enabling....denying the right for me to give as I see fit would be fascist, like the News-Press..then Tyler tells us he ran for the city council years ago and really shook things up...as I recall he lost big so I don't know WTF he is talking about...

Mother... I do know that when the corporations stop ripping me off, when the non-profits start paying taxes, when boozers stop drinking and driving (talk about enabling!!), when conservatives mind their own business (I've often wondered as they keep sticking their noses in our bedrooms if they really want to have threesome??!!)....when laws are enforced, when veterans are ignored in the streets, when the war against the working class stops...when these thing happen, when the balance shifts, then maybe I won't have to give a quarter to the mystery tramp.... until then, I shall continue to give when I can, to whomever I please....ok Mother??

Sunday, May 15, 2011

angels and demons....

we shall come over!!

while the conservatives are deflecting blame for their failed policies, teachers were demonstrating around the state about cuts in education......the teachers were protesting at La Colina Jr. High..

a conservative parent named Pamela Andrews didn't like the fact that working Americans were assembling peacefully so she went running to Wendy's News-Press to complain, like Rob Lowe did! and Scott Steepleton, Wendy's chief brown noser city editor, wrote a little anti-union piece.....
Pam, goddammit read the CONSTITUTION if you know what it is: First Amendment..Freedom of Assembly

And know this...


Picketing is protected when it is for a lawful purpose and is conducted in an orderly manner and publicizes some type of grievance. Many groups and organizations use assembly as a way to get the word out.

The right of every single United States citizen to peacefully...
Parade and Gather
Demonstrate support or opposition of public policy
Express one's views
...is guaranteed by the freedom of speech and the right to peaceably assemble.
Pammy claims the unionized teachers didn't have the right to pass out fliers "of a political nature" to people passing by or to tell them to contact Tony Strickland to extend some temporary taxes on help the schools....the teachers were asking state ass member Tony Strickland, the guy who is owned by big tobacco, for help...but Pam Andrews cried they were "demonizing Tony"... what a dumb ass this lady is!
you wanna see demonizing Pammy, read on....

Tony doesn't help gov't workers, he only helps non-profits and private sector corporations..he's a corporate whore.....he'd rather have your kids smoke cigarettes than tax the big tobacco companies who sell their drugs to people who are dumb enough to use them....Tony Stickland is an enabler, but people Like Pam are too stupid to realize it....
meanwhile #69 is writing notes to Tony, too!


May 1, 2011 10:02 AM from the Animal Rescue Team
Dear Sen. Tony Strickland:

Please, we need your help immediately.
Bobcat fur coats have become a hot item among the fashion conscious in Russia, China, Italy and Greece, leading to a big jump in prices and exports for the soft, spotted pelts. The fur’s booming popularity has some wildlife advocates worried about the possible over-trapping of the cats, which are so reclusive that most states do not know just how many exist.....


ok so notes get passed around..if the private sector can send me unsolicited junk through the mail, if newspapers can include unsolicited junk fliers in between the sheets, then teachers can protest outside a school and hold up signs....at the very least
this is just another lame attempt by the News-Press to demonize unions and the working class....but the long phallus of justice is coming soon Wendy, and you won't be able to walk right for a while if you catch my meaning....

Saturday, May 14, 2011

fixin' to die rag....

don't forget to read the fine print...
An agreement between the Tejon Ranch Company and a coalition of environmental groups, announced in May 2008, is designed to permanently protect 240,000 acres
of the historic ranch.
It is the largest conservation and land-use pact in California history. The agreement was finally reached to conclude 20 months of off-and-on negotiations, but only after a marathon three-day bargaining session in April 2008. California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger traveled to the ranch in May of that year to take part in the announcement, but the signing of the agreement was done in private in June.
Former Tejon Ranch hunting guide says mountain lions were killed illegally at the ranch...
Claims made in Bron Sanders' wrongful termination suit are being investigated by the California Department of Fish and Game. Ranch management denies the allegations..

By Louis Sahagun, Los Angeles Times May 14, 2011

Reporting from Gorman, Calif. -- The California Department of Fish and Game is investigating claims in a whistle-blower lawsuit filed by a former Tejon Ranch

employee who alleges that he was fired after he complained about the illegal killing of mountain lions at the company's direction.
"There appears to be legitimate cause for an investigation, which has begun," said Patrick Foy, a spokesman for Fish and Game.

In an interview on Friday, Sanders said the killings were motivated by angry sentiments among ranch managers toward a 1990 law that made hunting mountain lions illegal in California. He said managers also blamed mountain lions for feasting on game prized by trophy hunters who pay up to $20,000 to shoot elk on the historic 270,000-acre ranch, about 60 miles north of Los Angeles.

"In the 6½ years I worked on the ranch, I never saw one state Department of Fish and Game warden on the property," Sanders said.

Tejon Ranch officials denied the allegations.

"We learned of Mr. Sanders' allegations only after he became aware that he was being terminated for cause," said Tejon Ranch spokesman Barry Zoeller. "After learning of the allegations, we conducted a thorough investigation internally and had all parties involved interviewed by outside counsel. Based on that investigation and those interviews, we determined that the allegations were ridiculous and untrue."

Over the last five years, Sanders said in an interview, he personally witnessed "20 mountain lions dead on the ground without a depredation permit." The exact figure Sanders cited was not noted in his lawsuit.

Each state-issued permit restricts the killing to one big cat that poses a threat to humans or livestock. Under state law, the carcass of a mountain lion killed under the auspices of a depredation permit must be presented to the state Department of Fish and Game within 24 hours.
A violation of permit requirements is a misdemeanor punishable by imprisonment in the county jail for up to one year or a fine of up to $10,000 or both.

Sanders said his problems started in July 2005, after he killed his first mountain lion on the ranch with a depredation permit to do so.

But he alleged that when he called in to report the kill, Sanders said, Don Geivet, vice president of Tejon Ranch operations, told him, "Don't call anyone about this, and do not turn that carcass in."
Sanders said, "We got two to three mountain lions with that one permit."

That incident was among several listed in Sanders' lawsuit. For example, the lawsuit says that a few months before Sander's termination, Darrell Francis, the oldest hunting guide on the ranch, used a small-caliber rifle to shoot a mountain lion 12 times without a depredation permit.

In an interview, Francis denied the allegation. "It's a bunch of hooey," he said. "The only time I ever hunt mountain lion is when there is a depredation permit."

The lawsuit alleges that another hunting guide, Leo Fisher, "has treed and killed over 30 lions on the ranch in the past several years, mostly without depredation permits."

Fisher denied the allegations and called Sanders "a bald-faced liar."

Geivet also declined to comment on allegations in the lawsuit, including that he was "not only well aware of the unlawful mountain lion hunting, he actively encouraged the conduct."

According to the lawsuit, Sanders was removed from hunting activities late last year, after he complained about the killings of mountain lions. He lost his job a day after Robert Stine, president and chief executive officer of Tejon Ranch, learned about his allegations of illegal hunting and retaliation.

"The thrust of this lawsuit is that my client was being directed to hunt mountain lions," Costa Mesa attorney Erik McLain said in an interview. "When he complained about it, he was fired."

the Channel Islands "conservation" groups are next!!??

Friday, May 13, 2011

flying on the ground...

is wrong...

so I'm riding my bike in the foothills....it's a cloudy muggy but nice day..I decide not to take my camera...so I go up to the creek and looked at the water and the algae on the rocks...algae grows..it doesn't matter if you outlaw felt soled waders..algae will still grow on rocks..and it will emit a slimey oozey polymer that will cause you to slip and break your neck if you're not careful..algae grows..deal with it...

now, on my way back home I see a hawk lying by the side of the road, sleeping..well, upon closer inspection I realized he was dead! I panicked and rode back to my palace and got my camera and went back to the hawk..he was still dead!! Life is cruel I thought to myself but the hawk needn't worry about life now that he was dead....

so I take some pictures and check the hawk without touching or moving him..see, I have respect for dead wild animals unlike a certain someone we know...

there were no signs of trauma other than being dead....no bullet holes or blood that I could see..the red you see in the pictures are actually little flower buds! isn't nature clever??

ok so I tried to piece together a scenerio whereby the hawk died...hit by a car..no signs of that...I noticed a big branch broken above me and the hawk..the tree is rather low and overhanging the street so maybe a big truck came by and hit the branch which could have killed the hawk..another possiblity is the thick power lines may have jolted him... he could have been perched on a 480 volt line and his sharp talon could have poked through to the electrons, thus frying him a bit..shocking his little heart.....I don't really know.... #69, I could use a shoulder to cry on right about now...

but really...I'm not sad, I'm not traumatized, I'm not sickened..I'm thankful that these birds are here, and if left alone, this one will provide some cycle of life food for a scavenger like a vulture or bobcat, or coyote...yeah a coyote..and I just love Carpinteria coyotes, don't you???

Friday the 13th


Friday, May 13, 2011



We’ve started restoring the posts that were temporarily removed and expect Blogger to be back to normal soon. really? define normal



Posted by at 0607 PDT  



To get Blogger back to normal, all posts since 7:37am PDT on Weds, 5/11 have been temporarily removed. We expect everything to be back to normal soon. Sorry for the delay.



Posted by at 0425 PDT sorry indeed!!




Monday, May 09, 2011



Blogger will go into read-only mode Wednesday (5/11) 10:00PM PST for about an hour for maintenance. an hour? how about 3 days man....3 days!!!


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Tuesday, April 12, 2011


We've identified a problem rendering some blogs containing the popular posts widget. Our engineers are fixing the issue and the it should be resolved shortly.

Thanks for your patience in the mean time.


Posted by Andrew at 01:12 PDT

I'm losing patience....

Thursday, May 12, 2011

California Gulls...

from geenarly homeless gulls, to high maintenance Montecito gulls, I wish they all could be...

ok so we got Santa Barbara, Montecito, Summerland and Carpinteria...all nice places with separate realities..and with each passing year the separation is more evident...as are the gulls!

in Santa Barbara, you have two classes: the tourists and the homeless ..and two resident groups trying to protect each...in other words, the residents have pitted the tourists and the homeless against each other..and the tourists and the homeless are the ones who could care less! why? because other than the obvious money gap, tourists and homeless folks are very much alike..

think about it while we visit Montecito next...Montecito..the king's mountain, or little mountain or something...Montecito..the moneyshot...there are more cokeheads per capita here than any other place world..and botox boutiques..but it wasn't always like this..Montecito used to be like Carp, casual and fun...with working class families until disco hit..that's right disco...suddenly, in the 80s, Montecito was overrun with drugged out trustfunders who like to disco...Nipper even opened a disco champagne bar called Nippers that was rumored to be cocaine central for a while.....it went out of business quickly but the dust never settled, and soon coke parties were in vogue in the mansions...when Hollywood heard about that, a bunch of celebs moved in and fucked it all up....as it stands today....I call Montecito "little Monaco" now...

Summerland....back before the "Cottages" were built, Summerland was a place to crash, rents were cheap, you worked at the Big Yellow House with lovely young waitresses..it was a fun place...a place for individuals, poets, hippies, hippie chicks, musicians, students and moms and dads....all hanging out together..there was no class separation....the hilly terrain made living in the old Victorians fun..and you could stay fit just walking to the store...but of course, things change..the usual suspects moved in..wine boutiques, Republicans, botox boutiques..the celebrity wannabes....it got crowded, the Lillie Ave "improvements" were horrendous....Summerland has become the self-conscious step-child of Montecito....

ok, now we come to Carpinteria..or Carp....working class, casual, fun, live and let live..a big agriculture tradition ( Mexican gulls are HOT!!) has kept growth in check....over the years, Carpinteria has struck a near perfect balance among historical, business, recreation and residential interests....homes can be had for as little as $100000 or as much as $20,000,000....recently, the City of Carp announced a budget deficit that required reducing the number of cops in town...the News-Press asked councilman Joe Armendariz, who voted against the cop reduction, about the situation..Joe said the council was "polishing turds" ...obviously Joe knows a lot about polishing turds but really Joe..you represent the City of Carp..clean your act up dude and leave the satire to me!! and I know where the money went...it went to nonprofits..I asked the finance director to give me a figure of how much the city has given to nonprofits..I'm waiting for a reply....
nevertheless, as I gaze out on the Salt Marsh and see some kites flying high, I see the gulls on the beach are so out of reach...

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

requiem for a heavyweight...

obituary

Jasper the mountain lion cub has died..he was murdered in Buellton by a hit and run driver, probably a drunken old white woman or casino customer....we (Wendy, #69 and me) are shocked, saddened, dismayed, traumatized and basically freaked out by this....

Jasper was a proud member of the Cub Scouts and liked to roam the hills with his mama close by....the Fish and Game warden speculated that the cub was probably hit by the car while on the lookout for #69, who has been known to shoot lions with a paintball gun and snatch cubs from their mothers and try to raise them as her own children...formal charges are pending....Julia screamed: I've spent my life protecting these animals and was devastated by the charges....I am in pieces, bits and pieces!! I am innocent!!!

yeah right, Jules....

anyway, Jasper was born in San Francisco of Norwegian immigrant parents..some say he was inbred, like a Channel Island fox..his mother disputes that notion...but wild cats do that sometime..so do News-Press reporters!

Jasper's family moved, mostly at night, to the Santa Barbara area and settled in the hills of the Santa Ynez Valley.....they heard about a crazy lady who lived in an ark who rescued wild animals to death..the lady's name was #69 and she and other girls thought the wild animals were their children and lived in the forests having Tupperware parties and frolicking with gummy bears.....Jasper, even though a cub, knew that this wasn't the case and wished that they would just leave him and his family alone..he called them the Disney Girls...Jasper was one cool cat..
in lieu of flowers, please send big cash donations to the Animal Rescue Team so #69 can buy a new dress....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Maria...

I just kissed a girl named Maria...

well no doubt you've heard the story that Maria and Arnold have split..that's right split...splitsville, no mas amour por Arnold!!

if you can put two and two twogether you'll know why...me and Maria are an item now! That's right...when I pursue a woman, she dudn't stand a chance I tell ya...and I pursued Maria until she gave in..gave up the goat..the old goat Arnold..the guy who was courted by mafia dude Darryl Issa, elected by a bunch of dimwitted Californians, and drove this great state into a ditch..all the while I was letting Maria cry on my shoulder while Arnold was acting like an idiot....


but wait, there's more! Arnold turned gay! He and pretty boypal Rob Lowe are now, I've confirmed, in a gay relationship!! good luck fellas!

well, nobody need be surprised as all this was bound to happen...Maria and I share some things...both Boston natives...yes'm natives..I will use the term to my advantage when necessary....and when Maria and Arnold bought some property in Carp, right up the road from me at Rancho Monte Alegre, where I used to live in a little pink bungaloo...Olive Carey's former residence..well, I knew I had to make my move..and I did...


now, I will let Maria and Arnold deal with what's next, sort out the legalities.... but Arnold, why grope when you've got a beautiful woman by your side? she deserves respect and love...and I will give it to her...


so now, Maria and I will share the ranch and my condo..we'll have the best of both worlds..our little love nest will be inpenetrable..I will smack any camera within five inches of our faces.....

I will protect her..we'll walk on the beach at Santa Claus Lane, fly kites over the Salt Marsh, fish for polliwogs and catch dragonflies at Padaro Creek....we'll eat at Sly's..and live a simple life together..sorry Arnold, but you've been..terminated!!!

Monday, May 9, 2011

all along the Watchtower....

CAN I GET A WITNESS???? Jimi??

ok so I wonder why the News-Press has found Jehovah all of a sudden....couldn't be Wendy or Nipper....who could it be? who is directing the Right Wing of Heaven into the News-Press operations? is Santa Barbara the new hub of Christian broadcasting??? is the News-Press really Watchtower magazine now??

well, maybe...and the person responsible perhaps is none other than the Director of Operations, Don Katich...so I searched and it didn't take long to find Don on Facebook....

whoa..the little dude gots 400 facebook friends...there's Nipper, Frank Hotchkiss, Abel Maldonado, Grant House, Lanny Ebenstein, present KEYT weatherman Alan Rose, the very sexy Kate Wentzel, former weathergirl from KEYT....and some other folks who get favorable treatment in the News-Press like #69...
so this is the guy who's behind all the right wing nuttiness....it must've been Don who floated that anti-union petition!!! Don Katich is really Dr. Evil!! praise Jesus!!

and one of Don's facebook friends is Steven Kunes, the guy who was recently in the news for all sorts of fraud.... In 1982, Kunes attempted to sell to People magazine a fake interview with reclusive author J. D. Salinger, whom he had never met. Salinger sued and settled the case under the conditions that Kunes was "permanently enjoined from representing by any means that he is associated with or ever met Salinger", barred from "exhibiting, transmitting or exhibiting documents, writing or statements attributed to Salinger" and "required to collect and turn over any offending such documents or writings for destruction". The "interview" was never published.. Steven Kunes was arrested on March 17, 2011 for purportedly swindling his friend, former CafĂ© Buenos Aires owner Wally Ronchietto, out of $2,000 for a movie deal that doesn’t exist. On April 23, 2011, Noozhawk, a Santa Barbara online publication, announced that it has removed six of Mr. Kunes' articles from their digital archives as two contained plagiarized passages.

FUCKIN' A... ..I'm cracking the case!!!

wow... so it looks like KEYT and the News-Press have morphed into the same blobosphere...the same incestuous little news circle...

Katich and Gerry Fall both worked at KEYT and they both left to work for the News-Press..what.. are they gay??? and some of that incompetence has stained both media organizations!

really, KEYT is just horrible now and so is the News-Press....so I guess we can thank Don Katich.... and a new addition on Saturday is Ann Coulter's column....she's the poster girl for conservative eating disorders who still has the hots for George Bush and his trillion dollar deadly war foray into Iraq... and she thanks HIM for getting Bin Laden!!!

yes this must be the case..if you find a wealthy benefactor like Wendy McCaw and you kiss her ass all the way up to her belly button, she'll let you run the News-Press.....into the ground!!

I can't believe it! All this incompetence is rewarded with Wendy's ex-husband's money!!!

HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS STUFF???? just don't let any of these folks touch the controls....

Sunday, May 8, 2011

I Ching...

the changer and the changed...

so I got my direct mailer glossy brochure telling me to show up at Girl's Inc in Carp for a Life Line health screening....I remember when they used to send the fliers in newspapers, a single pink sheet with the rates and info, and now that they've made so much money, they can afford the direct mail route! basically, LifeLine has a medical van, not unlike the bookmobile, and not unlike a traveling medicine show, and they run a battery of tests on you to see how long you have to live..

but this company gives me the creeps and I wouldn't seek their medical advice even if my arteries were clogged as a Santa Babara sewer pipe!

well, wait just a minute, I read on a bit and maybe I will go to a screening....
Terri Burdette, who wrote the letter and who a has a bunch of caps after her name like BS, RDMS and RVT informs me that the procedure will last an hour, be non-invasive and "socks and shoes are the only clothes which are removed"... removing clothes?? hmmmm..

well, I once visited a Chinese masseuse and she said the exact same thing to me... next thing I knew I was naked EXCEPT FOR MY SHOES AND SOCKS and she was walking on my back, pouring oil all over me and slapping me silly for an hour!

after that the next thing I knew I was speaking, actually screaming Chinese exaltations....ohhhahhhyahhhhchinggchongkungfoo!!! and she said I was healthy as a bull in China store...
ok... so I will go to Girl's Inc and pay $149 for a "screening"...but it better be good Terri because them Chinese girls are a lot cheaper.... and cleaner than you American gals, too!!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

the King of Nothing...

all is fair in love and war...

ok so Craig Smith is reporting that some News-Press writers are trying to decertify the Teamster's union...but is anyone surprised? the reason the union was brought in years ago was because of Wendy's erratic handling of the Rob Lowe incident....and lately Craig is starting to report more on the News-Press after a lull...maybe he and Katich are feuding....didn't Katich steal Craig's ex-wife away? or viceyversa? what kind of gal would marry Craig Smith, divorce him and marry Don Katich, or vicey versa?? I'll try to get an interview with her..maybe she's the key to all of this!!!

and most of the Starshine era reporters in the newsroom are long gone...Wendy hired guys like Gerry Fall and members of the Young Miss America Foundation which she practically owns... all major suck ups and it's a fact that the News-Press is a shadow of its former self....it is Wendy's vanity rag so you work there at your own peril....it's like the British heirarchy..and face it the Brits have gotten awfully boring since the British Invasion took us by storm and Diana died....there was a royal wedding recently but I can't name the bride and groom....

so the News-Press operates in a faux nobility hierarchy...money and titles and fluff..Wendy is the Queen and Nipper is the King..Gerry Fall is now the Duke of Earl... Scott is the Viscount..and Baron Ron Heron is the Baron..or something like that

so you see, the union may have no place in the current News-Press because being a sports writer is not exactly a job of any importance...hell I could be a sports writer..here's an example:

Red Sox Suck.... by MVC

two strikes and no balls

the Angels and Red Sox played a game at Fenway that was interrupted by rain..the game lasted about four hours....maybe five I don't know because I fell asleep..the Angels won...

the next day they played in the afternoon and the Red Sox looked like they were still asleep...Big Papi looked like Big PooPoo...and the cathcer Saltallamachia can't throw to second base so they steal on him alot..he must be a Ukranian or gay.....take your mind off your boyfriend and play baseball goddammit!! the Red Sox lost again and despite paying some new guys 145 million dollar contracts, they are still 14 and 17...last place..they suck...

there.. see I can be sports writer too and I don't have to kiss Wendy's ass to do it!!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

wanted: dead or alive

now don't run out and start killing people...it's just a reference to the old Steve McQueen western!

now as promised here are some.... mugshots of Team Wendy members...if they look a little weird it's because I'm taking Tequila shots all night while working on this post...it's another Tequila Sunrise...'member that song bu th eEgales??


and I'm not ash..am..ashmained I got drunk...fucks...I mean folks...just look at the mugshot pictures and imply anything you want...but be on the look out for them cos they're all wanted for various crimes of credibilty!! hic hic..or credulity..if that's even..a word..ohhh my head.....








ohh my eyes...dr my eyes.....but I fweel like singin' somehow....so I posted this and..is it morning yet???