well no doubt you've heard the story that Maria and Arnold have split..that's right split...splitsville, no mas amour por Arnold!!
if you can put two and two twogether you'll know why...me and Maria are an item now! That's right...when I pursue a woman, she dudn't stand a chance I tell ya...and I pursued Maria until she gave in..gave up the goat..the old goat Arnold..the guy who was courted by mafia dude Darryl Issa, elected by a bunch of dimwitted Californians, and drove this great state into a ditch..all the while I was letting Maria cry on my shoulder while Arnold was acting like an idiot....
but wait, there's more! Arnold turned gay! He and pretty boypal Rob Lowe are now, I've confirmed, in a gay relationship!! good luck fellas!
well, nobody need be surprised as all this was bound to happen...Maria and I share some things...both Boston natives...yes'm natives..I will use the term to my advantage when necessary....and when Maria and Arnold bought some property in Carp, right up the road from me at Rancho Monte Alegre, where I used to live in a little pink bungaloo...Olive Carey's former residence..well, I knew I had to make my move..and I did...
now, I will let Maria and Arnold deal with what's next, sort out the legalities.... but Arnold, why grope when you've got a beautiful woman by your side? she deserves respect and love...and I will give it to her...
so now, Maria and I will share the ranch and my condo..we'll have the best of both worlds..our little love nest will be inpenetrable..I will smack any camera within five inches of our faces.....
I will protect her..we'll walk on the beach at Santa Claus Lane, fly kites over the Salt Marsh, fish for polliwogs and catch dragonflies at Padaro Creek....we'll eat at Sly's..and live a simple life together..sorry Arnold, but you've been..terminated!!!
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