there she goes...

there she goes again...
everytime I turn around, there's a picture of Kathy Ireland...there's her face..there's her name..there she is..there she goes..there she goes again..racin' thru my brain..and I just can't contain...this feeling that remains..there she goes again, waltzing through my brain....
I mean, it's bad enough that Kathy's got her hands on the pulse of the fashion world, but what about my pulse?? I WANT HER HANDS ON MY PULSE!! MY THROBBING PULSE!!
and it's bad enough that she uses the News-Press to hock her wares, but there is a saturation point...you can write only so many editorials about county pensions before you start sounding like an idiot...and no editorial in Monday's paper..Lanny? wut up, dude! and furthermore Nipper and Wendy..there's a pilot and a co-pilot, a publisher and a co-publisher...not two co-publishers or two co-pilots...got it?? geez..you two are starting to test my patience!!
and Kathy, there's only so many pieces of jewelry you can sell before you sound like a miner for a heart of gold...
so, to make sense of all this, and to ease the pain in my heart that knows Kathy is so close, so close and yet so far away...I would respectfully suggest she include a new item in her upscale fashion arsenal...it's called NARS, orgasm nail polish..I swear to God, this was in my email and I think Kathy's crowd would benefit from wearing it....while all you gals are sitting around trying on Kathy's jewelry at a sleep-over or whatever, slap on some of this orgasm nail polish and see what happens...see if you light up..I wanna see you bitches lit up like a goddam Christmas
tree....owwwaahhh,ahhh....ikesbikes....oh oh oh shit...OH MY GOD!!...
that'd be narrly!

the Santa Clause

because we need a little Christmas....right this very minute
　
I keep hearing that something is going to happen on Santa Claus Lane..the business owners want some change, the county wants some change, the homeless want some change (get it?), and some folks are getting weary of Caltrans using the lane as a dump for their freeway projects..see, that mountain of rubble they've built..that's not good..so change is coming and unless they forgot what happened last time they tried to remake this area, I'm confident any changes will be modest...
so if we go back to 1998, we see that The Santa statue was still there, the new owner wanted it gone and wanted to change the lane to a seaside villa theme, some folks, including the Pearl Chase Society wanted the Lane to remain the same, or be designated an historical landmark, hearings were held, blood was drawn, surfer Santa was hauled away to Nyeland Acres in Oxnard where he dodges gang bullets, but the name Santa Claus Lane remained..and the rest is history...now, that's the point hereabouts..any changes to the place need to reflect the history..the agriculture history..SCL used to be a lima bean field and this area has a great balance of ag, commercial and residential... the 1950s roadside attraction history.... car culture travelers used to stop here before heading to points north and south....it's a cool little place that hasn't changed much..and the scenery is awesome...mountains and ocean...ok..got it? less is better...
what we don't need here is a manicured Beverly Hills strip mall for botoxed bimbos or I swear I will go ballistic again and cause all sorts of trouble for the business owners...they own the businesses, not the goddam street!! ..Now, a new owner has moved in and finally remodeled the old Lobster House and that's good..rumor has it they will put a little Frosty the Snowman on top of the building as a nod to the past... now that's the kind of business owner who understands the area! It's important to keep it casual and fun and uncluttered, quirky California...after all, this old street is a landmark in its own right...nobody better mess with it!

Nearer My God to Thee...

Channel Islands Restoration Scam...cont'd

so the idea was to restore the Channel Islands to a pre-Columbian state...remove all vestiges of white man's folly and return the islands to a native-only garden...to do this, the nonprofit Nature Conservancy (big supporters of BP) bought and/or stole the islands from the Vail-Vickers ranchers who had set up an historic cattle operation..the National Parks Service was in on the heist also and even sent Santa Barbara County Sheriffs (remember Jim Thomas?) by helicopter to terrorize the ranch folks, specifically, they rousted a teenage island girl..yes, these brave men wanted the ranching operations outta there and would stop at nothing! and pretty soon, you won't be able to enjoy a peaceful morning of fishing!!
so once these criminals got their sweaty little hands on the islands, they came up with a plan to remove all the critters and plants that were called non native or invasive...they set about poisoning/ killing/ trapping/ harrassing thousands of animals and plants to get to their coveted pre-Columbian goal...and now the islands are free of bad plants and animals and have no signs of white folks messing things up!!
well, no..that's not what happened..white folks are still messing things up on the islands, and their theories about removing the golden eagle to help the foxes were debunked by Mother Nature herself..the goldens are back! and they had little to do with the alleged foxes demise....a bigger concern was disease of the inbred little buggers.. Of course, I told you so...the islands should have been left alone.. and now I hear that the staircase ladder on Anacapa Island is ready for tourists again...it cost about $500000 to replace the old corroded stairs....the actual aluminum staircase probably cost about $2000, so the labor was $498000... so in pre-Columbian times, I guess they had aluminum staircases!
　
we can thank President Clinton for enacting the Invasive Species Council in 1999 enabling this madness in government
Florida and California Had the Highest Invasive Species Expenditures
Florida and California each spent considerably more than the other five states on invasive species activities. In fiscal years 1999 and 2000, Florida reported spending $94.5 million and $127.6 million, respectively;
Over half ($154.5 million) of the funding for specific categories of invasive species went to terrestrial arthropods (a category of invertebrates—primarily insects—that includes fruit flies and Asian long-horned beetles). The plant category, which includes terrestrial noncrop (such as purple loosestrife), terrestrial crop (crop weeds such as johnsongrass), and aquatic plants, received the second greatest amount of funding—$70.7 million!!!!
and they wonder why bats and bees are dying....

executive decision....

News-Press to replace Sunday insert Weekend USA with Parade!! and another denoucement of David Pritchett!
　
I swear, the N-P front page on Friday was an odd one... apparently, out of all the lawsuits Wendy has filed against people in Santa Barbara, the one that she is proudest of is the alleged violation of the open meeting law by David Pritchett while he was on the Traffic Committee..and they are using that to try and make sure Pritchett isn't appointed to the City Council..naturally, Scott Sheepleton was on the story, pleasing his owners Wendy and Nipper... the reality is the Judge in the case was bought by Wendy and even Travis wrote that the only reason Wendy sued was because she feared Pritchett was trying to sabotage the News-Press and didn't like his antics during the N-P protests..."Wendy is miffed that local activist and Transportation Committee member David Pritchett was exercising his constitutional rights by protesting her in De La Guerra. The conspiracy theory states that Pritchett wants to redesign De La Guerra Plaza to facilitate more rallies and the City of SB is trying to "punish" the News-Press for editorials"....How goofy is that? they must really fear this guy Pritchett!!
it was another frivolous lawsuit..the kind Wendy loves....she also filed ten suits at the same time against the union and they were all thrown out by an unbiased judge!
next, Nipper informs us on the front page that Parade is coming to the Sunday paper:

PARADE I'm just thrilled with..I've read it in other papers over the years..I think our readers are really going to enjoy it... yeah, unless they too are reading other papers, right Nipper!! Geez, what a dumbass way to try to increase readership, which has fallen to very low levels...why not try to get some real reporters to cover real stories and not all the fluff you keep printing....
and one of the stories that PARADE had is about a purring monkey..a purring monkey...this is the stuff that is supposed to be an improvement in the paper? Nipper, are you insane?? you want more readers? here's what you do: include a Victoria's Secret catalogue every Sunday..that should increase your readership back to levels when Wendo didn't own the paper...

Casablanca....

as thyne goes by..

In World War III Santa Barbara, Dale Francisco, exiled American and former freedom fighter, cello player, single and in his 50's (draw your own conclusions) runs (in his mind anyway) the most popular nightspot in town, City Hall, or Casablanca as the News-Press affectionately calls it...
The cynical lone wolf Dale comes into the possession of two valuable eyebrows. When Nazi Major Das arrives in Casablanca then annouces he's leaving, the sycophantic police Captain Frank Hotchkiss does what he can to please him, including detaining Santa Barbara underground leaders David Pritchett and John Thyne. Much to Dale's surprise, Pritchett arrives with Mike Self, Dale's one time love. Dale is very bitter towards Mike, who stole his eyebrows in Paris, but when he learns she had good reason to, they plan to run off together again using the trains of mass transit. Well, that was their original plan...they finally ended up stuck on the city council with a bunch of others like milktoaster Bendy White and still more who want to crash the party!
Still, Francisco steadfastly clings to his hope of one day finding his eyebrows...
Pritchett: What in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
Dale: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters..
Pritchett: The waters? What waters? We're in the desert... or semi-desert anyway..dumbass!

Dale: I was misinformed.
then Mike Self walks in the room:

Mike:But what about us?

Dale: We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.... but I'm still out two eyebrows bitch!!

Mike: When I said I would never leave you, I was thinking about rotten bananas..

Dale: whatevah... But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Mike, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of 45 little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy town. Someday you'll understand that. Now, go...and here's looking at you kid...

you don't own me...

"people think how I tell them to think" says an animated Charlie Kane
"don't pick Brian Barnwell or David Pritchett to fill the empty city council seat" says a stern Wendy McCuckoo

the rationale used is Barnwell was ineffective and Pritchett had a secret meeting somewhere...actually... the real reason, as the rain told me, is Barnwell's wife was the reporter who revealed on the pages of the News-Press where Rob Lowe's future housing spot on Picacho Lane in Montecito would be.....actually, Rob told everyone at the public TV hearing but was miffed when Wendy's paper printed the address...Wendy went ballistic because horndog Robby was her friend and she doesn't like to upset her little rich friends so she started firing eveyone and that started the saga of Citizen McCuckoo about the rich-by-divorce crazy woman who owns the News-Press and thinks she owns everyone and everything else!! well, Wendy, you don't own me!!

Now, we know that a News-Press endorsement carries about as much weight as a sand fly, but what about a News-Press denouncement? maybe if they denounce people, that will assure a win or in this case a pick..so using this little reverse psychological exercise, David Pritchett should get picked by a News-Press denouncement!
the meeting at council chambers next Tuesday with all the candidate wannabes should be very entertaining!

just the facts

myths: what the News-Press uses instead of facts..

case in point: Scott Sheepleton's ASSertion on the front page that the Employee Free Choice Act would "do away with secret votes during union elections"...as others point out, this is simply not true, but a tactic used by the News-Press and other wealthy anti-worker interests to try to bust unionizing attempts at the workplace..the News-Press is a glowing example why labor law reform is needed!!
　
The Problem: Employers Silence Workers Who Attempt to Form Unions
Under the current labor law system, employers like the Wendy McCuckoo's News-PRess often use a combination of legal and illegal methods to silence employees who attempt to form unions and bargain for better wages and working conditions. When faced with organizing drives, 25 percent of employers fire at least one pro-union worker; 51 percent threaten to close a worksite if the union prevails; and, 91 percent force employees to attend one-on-one anti-union meetings with their supervisors.
　
The difference under the EFCA is that employers no longer have the power to decide if the unionization attempt will go to a secret ballot election. Under the EFCA, that decision would be in the hands of the workers, as it should be. And the employers will no longer have the ability to use the election process to delay, obstruct and intimidate workers in an effort to resist organizing efforts. As the organization American Rights at Work describes it, "[t]he Employee Free Choice Act makes no change to the current union election process. It simply amends the law about majority sign-up to put the choice of how to form a union in workers' hands, not their employers'." But it's not surprising to see the corporations twisting the facts to try to scare workers, the public, and Congress into opposing the EFCA. More often than not, they tend to see the workers as disposable commodities rather than valuable resources. And organized labor poses a threat to their current perception of unmitigated power.
and this:
the News-Press plays a little game using the same guy to write the Our Opinion and Guest Opinion spots...and that guy is....Lanny Ebenstein, who they now say was former president of the Santa Barbara Board of Education! was he??? he was past prez of the Taxpayers Asso, but not the school board...Lanny's latest was about the armory..everyone agrees it should belong to the city..they should just take it, but my question is why the News-Press hasn't done a story on Lanny's pot house/slum lord issues in Eureka, California...Nipper, can you answer that simple question..why hasn't the News-Press done a story on Lanny's pot house problems in Eureka?
wait, I'll be dogged...it looks like they finally did a story with some reality content!! Congrats for reaffirming some journalistic integrity at the News-Press with the hiring of newbie reporter Scott Steeple!