Tuesday, December 7, 2010

there she goes...

there she goes again...
everytime I turn around, there's a picture of Kathy Ireland...there's her face..there's her name..there she is..there she goes..there she goes again..racin' thru my brain..and I just can't contain...this feeling that remains..there she goes again, waltzing through my brain....
I mean, it's bad enough that Kathy's got her hands on the pulse of the fashion world, but what about my pulse?? I WANT HER HANDS ON MY PULSE!! MY THROBBING PULSE!!
and it's bad enough that she uses the News-Press to hock her wares, but there is a saturation point...you can write only so many editorials about county pensions before you start sounding like an idiot...and no editorial in Monday's paper..Lanny? wut up, dude! and furthermore Nipper and Wendy..there's a pilot and a co-pilot, a publisher and a co-publisher...not two co-publishers or two co-pilots...got it?? geez..you two are starting to test my patience!!
and Kathy, there's only so many pieces of jewelry you can sell before you sound like a miner for a heart of gold...
so, to make sense of all this, and to ease the pain in my heart that knows Kathy is so close, so close and yet so far away...I would respectfully suggest she include a new item in her upscale fashion arsenal...it's called NARS, orgasm nail polish..I swear to God, this was in my email and I think Kathy's crowd would benefit from wearing it....while all you gals are sitting around trying on Kathy's jewelry at a sleep-over or whatever, slap on some of this orgasm nail polish and see what happens...see if you light up..I wanna see you bitches lit up like a goddam Christmas
tree....owwwaahhh,ahhh....ikesbikes....oh oh oh shit...OH MY GOD!!...
that'd be narrly!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Two co-publishers? That so they can claim "I was only following orders" when the Nuremberg Commission comes after them for their Nazi tactics. Maybe co-Oberf├╝hreren would be more appropriate. Hey, lets not forget SS Lieutenants Katich and Steepleton, someone has to carry out the dirty work.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Place an ad in the News-Press and get your photo on the front page, disguised as news. Are there any editors left there? Oh wait, there's Scott Steepleton, but he's busy writing stories about McDonald's plans to begin serving oatmeal. This is old news (reported on the Internet last week) but hey, not too old to make the front page of the News-Press. So what's next? Coupons on the front?