so I decided at the last minute to go check out the Wednesday luncheon bash at the Montecito Country Club honoring Andrew Breitbart....and I kinda have to kinda look
conservative so's not to arouse suspicion..I'm white so that's a good start, then a nice marled sweater and slacks..not too fancy...then I'm off in my truck at about 11:15 AM...I get into Montecito and they're cutting down a bunch of trees at the corner of Hot Springs and Olive Mill Road in front of Casa Dorinda...what is up with these new Montecitans..they hate trees!!I arrive at the Montecito Country Club...oooowwwoww, Christmasy decorations...and I park in the guest area...I get out and head inside with my trusty camera....I got my shades on and I scope the joint out..lots of older rich white folks all dressed up..milling about... there was a warm cozy glow of Ty Warner's billions creating a nice ambiance throughout the rooms...I don't th
ink any of these folks has ever worked a day in their lives and the women had this weird musty odor to them....funky!!hey.. there's Loren Mason, school board loser dude...I see Mike Self and start snapping pictures, but the light is so bad some of the shots suck..and I didn't want to bring too much attention to myself with a flash..so on I go and there's Breitbrat in the hall talking to some ladies...oh my gawd, Mike Self is hitting on Andy Breitbart..."I wanna do dirty things to you" she says..what a little slut!!
..then more pictures... BUT THIS GODDAM CAMERA keeps acting up... WUT A P-O-S!!! then an old blondish lady who says she's president of the Lincoln Club intecepts me: "who are you?"..I say I'm Mick and I'm from the the '"Coy Review" in Carp..(I was being coy as a coyote)...she says "where's your press pass"...I pause for a minute.. "press pass, I don't have a press pass, I don't have to show you no stinking press pass!!!
then I capitulated: it's out in my truck...I said I'll go get it when the lunch starts..then she says she's really worried about security because Breitbart has been getting death threats from ACORN!!..I said: really..well, I don't think the ACORN folks is gonna be here today, no suh ma'am!
I think she had me pegged for an assassin!! these country club folks were SO NERVOUS..pacing and following me around, worrying about Andrew...it was hysterical!!
Then I walk away and start with the picture snapping again..there's James Buckley, skinny little dyed- hair Montecito Journal owner and the guy who will introduce Breitbart today..then another intercept from blondie..she really needs to see my press pass....I said ok, just a few more pics please..then another lady rushes over to me as I was trying to get a picture of James
Buckley and puts her hand up to shield him!! geez, these Republican women are tough as nails but the men are wimps..the roles have been reversed here!!!The lady's name is Priscilla from Santabarbaraseen.com...and she was starting to fume...I said: "aww, c'mon, just a few more shots"..then she starts railing into me...this is a private club, a private event, it's sold out...you can't be here!
"but I'm white!!" I screamed....
Then I ask if she's gonna call the police, she says yes..so I say, well, I'll be gone by the time they get here so 'bye!...out the door I go..
geez, I felt like I just got kicked outta high school again!! I haven't had this much fun since my uncle took us to Coney Island when I was a kid!!
so I go out to my truck and as I'm getting ready to leave before the cops come, I see Carp councilman Joe Armendariz..Joe was so polished and spiffed up, he didn't
even look like a Mexican! His Carpo gal pals were waiting for him inside! Then I yell, "hey Joe, let me take a picture"..he walks over and says "who are you"....I say I'm Mick Von Caw.. he turns around and mutters "oh, from that horrible blog"..and walks away, head down...I shout back: "have fun, man!!" but he just keeps walking away, head down, like I just stole his candy or hurt his feelings..sorry Joe..I was just trying to be friendly!! say hi to June and Janice for me! and Merry Christmas!!what a funny day this was!!
8 comments:
Great work! Hahahaha. You have transcended the angry, lone blogger and become a full-fledged papparazi of the well-fed and under-enlightened country club set. I applaud your journalistic INTEGRITY (oh, did I mention your giant cajones?) for putting your ass on the line to expose the little-fucked with pale-blue-eyed, ghastly white-skinned upper class zombies who lurk behind those tinted-window Mercedes and glassy three-martini eyes as they peer out at the non-elites with disgust and FEAR. Thanks for going above and beyond with this latest piece! The best journalistic work in S.B.
I dunno..those Montecito women kinda scare me!
You're the best journalist in town! And Armendariz doesn't even look fat in the photo! You're too kind coy
Next time, I hope you attend and report. Hey, I bet some of us would even contribute money to get you into these soirees for the slick. Wasn't this one $50?
yes!! by all means send money if you want me to continue my little adventures..otherwise I might become a homeless person and it'll be your fault!
the vomen wit her handa up over hera face looks like amabassador barbara bodine please tell me it is not
noa..hera namea is a-Priscilla..geez..WTF are you.. Lawrence Welk??
no ereally just ajokin moralike fader guido sarducci
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