the tortoise and the hare...

slow and steady...

it's good to have goals in life...some like the tortoise go after their goals slowly, calmly and if nobody comes and flips them on their backs, they reach their goals and set new ones..some on the other hand run around like a hare after shiny things..the road to Hell is paved with gold....

let's look at some golddiggers

first, we got Lanny Ebenstein and his money issues in Eureka...Lanny, the economic professor, the president of California Center for Public Policy, past president of the Santa Barbara County Taxpayers Association and current editorial writer for the News-Press is like the rabbit...Lanny runs around lecturing on the evils of public pensions and the economics involved, yet Lanny can't hold onto his houses in Eureka and was sued by 14 of his neighbors for operating a pot house..I sure wouldn't do that to my neighbors...I like my neighbors....so Lanny's got a radio show on Wendy's radio station AM 1290 aka Rabbit Radio, co-hosted by pal Joe Armendariz, Carp City Councilman and president of the Santa Barbara Taxpayers Association...

then there's Peter Lance going on trial in Santa Barbara for DUI... since he got busted, he's been running around like a rabbit crying in the pages of the News-Press.....

now we see that Joe Armendariz, the president of the Santa Barbara County Taxpayer Association and Carp City Councilmember, who lectures about taxes and money issues, has some rabbit issues of his own ...

he recently short- sold his house in Carpinteria and now we find he had a court date yesterday after Montecito Bank and Trust filed a lawsuit against him: File Date Case # Party Name 06/6/2011 1381243 Defendant: Joseph A Armendariz 06/6/2011 1381243 Defendant: Karla D Armendariz 06/6/2011 1381243 Plaintiff: Montecito Bank & Trust

now that's a shame, embarrassing Carpinteria again but the News-Press likes to print the money problems of local public figures so why can't I? it's a public service right Wendy? I expect a story on Joe and soon!! it's news ain't it??

do these folks handle our tax money as poorly as they handle their own finances? certainly this is something to consider next voting cycle... something to consider next time they try to steal your paycheck or pension....so what happened to Joe...did he run up a huge bill at Tiffany's then run to Montecito Bank and Trust for a loan...Michael Towbes owns that bank and he's always giving money to nonprofits and Joe loves nonprofits but apparently Towbes doesn't like rabbits who can't pay their loans back!

"The other day I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree"

angry poodles

take your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty dog.....

I was going to do a story on projection but I turned on the tube and there's Peter Lance yapping a mile a minute, yapping to "the Investigator" Robert Eringer who was yapping a mile a minute about how unfair it is to be pulled over for DUI..especially by a woman cop...who yells at them!!! they had their hands all over each other and Lance kept leaning into Eringer....they looked like a couple of drunks on barstools...the show is called "the Rant" on Channel 17....it was hysterical......catch a repeat if you can

Lance was pleading his case AGAIN, reliving the News-Press series, praising editor Don Katich , praising all the poor little victims in his story, listing his elite credentials and screaming about Nick Welsh's "Angy Poodle BBQ" column at the Independent, and all these women who wronged him....Officer Beutel, Mayor Helene Schneider, Joyce Dudley...

Mayor Helene actually was invited to the N-P by Katich but declined to speak with Lance..and Lance was really pissed by that..the guy has women or mommy issues!!

and Eringer was almost in tears about the "abusive women" who arrest drunk drivers....all the while they were excusing drunk driving...and excusing each other...my god these guys are a couple of pussies!!

Lance went on and on about Officer Kasi Beutel and what horrible person she was..he repeated himself every three minutes....he never manned up once about drinking and driving....always deferred responsibility to the cops...and still hasn't filed a complaint against her, that I'm aware of

Lance is starving for publicity and this show made him look absolutely guilty the more he talked!

and check out the pictures..the dude looked wasted!! he was jacked up on something..high on life, Peter?? I called a cop to tail him out of the studio!!

Lance is sweating like a pig trying to blame the cops for his predicament..and he threatened to investigate and to ruin the career of other cops who are "protecting Kasi Beutel" ...and guess what..he's got another three part series on the drunk driving issues....coming up with more "evidence"... he puts out more calls for people to contact him if Officer Kasi Beutel treated them unfairly....

now...Lance says that credibility of the officer in DUI cases is of utmost importance and yet he uses a tainted handwriting expert, three drunks, and HIS OWN LAWYER to plead his case in the NewsPress...and he says he's never met Wendy or Nipper....how is this credible?? it's not.

as he said, if he loses his case he'll get fined, go to Zona Seca for treatment like Wendy's mutts Travis and Joe....and that scares him, which is why he is going to extraordinary lengths to heap some mud on the cops....

Lance looks into the camera at the end and says "a rogue cop is much worse than a drunk driver" which is an admission to his DUI..and by the way, a DUI is ten times worse than rogue cop, who only seem to worry drunks... I guess to them all DUI officers are rogue cops...

Lance and all his rummy red- faced pals need to stop denying their obvious alcohol problems and man up...get some treatment...and get a woman to drive you home next time you can't handle your liquor!

old king crow

ok I'm sick of all this alcohol talk that you people made me write about..I'm not your fucking therapist, you know.....so let's talk nature, my favorite subject...

I have been reading about animals and gardens lately...and people
now, these people seem to have a problem when a critter walks into their garden..a dog, a raccoon, a skunk, a rat, whatever it is that walks on four legs...for some reason, they think these animals are the enemies....and they devise all these contraptions to keep the skunks out..and worse, some still use poison...and worse yet, poison coyotes, the highest life form on earth!! that's right, coyotes and crows in that order..

see this crow..I was sitting on my balcony and he landed in the tree..and visited me for a week...he'd preen, watch me, act silly, plop on a branch and finally flew off....crows are cool!

when I lived on the ranch, I was visited by raccoons who chattered under the moonlight, I had possums visit, rats, cats, all kinds of night roamers and I loved it...but these city folks seem to think they own the planet and will put out POISON to stop some of the animals..of course, that poison ends up in the food chain and kills other animals..this was the MO of the Channel Islands Parks Service and Nature Conservancy who littered Anacapa Island with poison to kill rats and ended up killing falcons, owls and a host of others..ie non-target species..but why target species that are doing no harm??
these fucks from the Parks Service and Nature Con should've been prosecuted...but they weren't prosecuted...they were enabled by all the little shits who claim to be "for the animals"....
unfortunatley, this madness has made its way to the mainland where any means to kill or destroy unwanted species will be employed....

all the animals roaming the hillsides and occasionally checking out the city lights are to be appreciated not feared..they are not pests..they are part of the ecosystem..leave them alone and stop all the "ewww, they all carry rabies" excuses....once in awhile maybe but not always....that's like saying all conservatives are retarded..most are, but certainly not all!

so when a family of raccoons comes down from the pine trees at night, leave 'em alone..it's wild... it's beautiful and who cares about your stupid garden....if you grow food, animals will eat it...if that's a problem, get an in-house garden, otherwise expect the birds and bees and wild animals to come to your yards at night and feast..so plant a little extra....

one of the reasons I love California is the wildlife..it is absolute madness we have groups of people running around trying to kill.....are these people trying to project their feelings of inadequacy onto the animals??

well, the News-Press thinks it knows a little something about projection but I will illustrate tomorrow that they don't know nuthin!

take on me...

AH HA!!

I knew there was a reason the New-Press wanted less people stopped for DUI..I knew it..and here's the reason: it was a marketing ploy to get publicity for a new kind of reporter, called the 'wine journalist" ..... guys who write for the News-Press to get boozehounds to join their new wine club...the Santa Barbara News-Press Wine Club starring the little Wendy and Nipper kiss up Gabe Saglie in honor of the first NP wine/martini journalist: Peter Lance..

you can sign up and get 2 bottles of wine shipped to you for $69/ month!! Gabe will choose the wines and give you personal insight into his selections! what a deal!! and the cops can't stop you.... this is fucking brilliant!!

oh geez..now, you'll recall Nipper has been knee deep in the booze business for years with many unsuccessful attempts to market champagne to yuppies and trustfunders..well, maybe this is his last gasp...a friggin Wine Club..and after trying to charge for access to Nippers.com..an experiment in online money-gettin' that ended in failure as some Russian spammers took over the site and forced Nipper to go to Facebook where you can't sell anything...I mean, the dude sucks as a businessman, hence Wendy as his patron!

pretty girl, why?

thank you News-Press for being, as the editor of Noozhawk says, the gift that keeps on giving!!

now I have to be truthful, there are some incidents where I think drunk driving is ok...even cool..fuck the cops and the law!! if a pretty girl slams her Prius into three parked cars...well, you gotta admire the effort...

on Thursday following her bizarre arrest last month, Warren was charged with DUI, hit-and-run, battery on a police officer and resisting a police officer, PEOPLE reports.

According to TMZ, a police officer witnessed Warren slam a Toyota Prius into three parked cars and drive away. After she was pulled over, she allegedly resisted arrest and kicked a police officer.

And while being booked at the police station, she managed to free herself from handcuffs and attempted to run out the back door before being taken into custody once again. "She was really hammered," a police source told TMZ.

The 32-year-old actress is scheduled for arraignment on June 17 and could face up to six months in jail.

Happy 4th of July to all you wine journalists out there!!

Little Deuce Coupe

you don't know what I got..

because I care and love all of you soooo much, I want you to know that it's ok to pass on the booze this 4th of July! if someone offers you a beer or some shots IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY just say no like Nancy Reagan advised..I'm with Nancy on this one!

ok so we got that cleared up! now what's up with the Rods and Roses show in Carpinteria..the 4th of July parade down Linden later..Andy Granatelli is the Grand Marshall.. and the Brotherhood of Carpinteria whatever that is, putting on the show...it's getting a little repetitive....now I love the cars no doubt but the rightwing element may be stultifying the event....first we need a new Grand Marshall instead of Andy...I suggested Danica Patrick a few years ago and what do I get..Andy Granatelli..Mr. Indy 500...the more I thought about it the angrier I became....angrier than Wayne Scoles!

so I go check out the show and the cars and the girls...wow lots of people and more white trash than last year!! lots of Mexicans too...I guess there's no place anymore for a guy like me....

there's a nice little 1972 Ford Maverick..a neat little muscle car...I didn't see the Shelby Ford this year....but I did see some big ugly guys with tattoos everywhere.. I was thinking about getting a tatoo...a small infinity yinyang thing on my shoulder, to replace the boulder..I think that might be cool...

so I see Mr Indy 500, Mr. Andy Granatelli and ride my bike up to him and shout: "dude..it's time to leave! go back to Italy!!" ..... he was in his little electric cart... Andy , what about all the STP bullshit..that stuff you sold us was crap!! get out and fight like a man!" screamed I....

I reached in and tried to get his cell phone and pull off his hearing aid and grope his wife, but he had a big guy around him for protection....next time fatso..next time...how dare you sully Carprinteria!!

hey Wendy finally printed some letters about the DUI story..although she calls it the Police Dept story...and Saturday is the time to print, on a 4th of July weekend when nobody is looking...

yeah Danica would be a good choice for Grand Marshall and she could stay with me...in the spare bedroom!

one of these nights...

erotic horror story #1

well last night I was out cruising the bars, looking for love in all the wrong places...I started drinking at home at about 6:00 pm with a half bottle of wine then went out and hit the honky tonks, consuming a total of 24 beers and 3 Tequila Margaritas all night!

hell it's 4th of July weekend and I thought I'd celebrate my liberties that we won with our invasion of Iraq..I am a white American and I can do anything I want.. if you don't like it..deal with it!

so it's finally 0100 hrs or 1:00 AM to you civilians..I pull up to a stoplight and it's red..so I stop..then I reach in back of my truck and pull out a sleeping bag and stretch out on the front seat for a spell..and take a little nap! after about five or ten minutes I hear a horn blasting from the idiot behind me..so I get up and there's a Volvo there..A Volvo..so I go back to sleep..

then I hear a tap at my window and I'm getting annoyed at all these interruptions of my rightful drunken REM sleep..but...I get up again and there's a cop standing with her legs spread...hand on her gun...or somewhere around her crotch area...so I thought...after 24 beers things were spinning and it looked like she was massaging her you know what..her hand was going around and around....but later I realized she was writing me a citation! She was manipulating her pen, doodling in a circle, because the ink was not coming out, then SPLAT!! you know how you write when you're standing up sometimes..you put the pad on your thigh...

well speaking of sighs..I took one look at this cop and started sighing and she looked at me and said "what's wrong, cowboy?"

I cried "please don't arrest me for quota purposes, bitch"...

she laughed and said "what will you do to get out of these incoming handcuffs, bub?"

I said '"anything"

she said " you can start by opening the passenger door".... is that police code for unzip my pants I wondered..

I said "ok Missy" ..."hic hic..."

then she slid in and took off her clothes and I slid in...and out... a few hundred times...

Santa Barbara cops are the best!!!

asleep at the wheel

talk about desperate....why did the News-Press feel the need to go to an online publication (Noozhawk) to explain their actions....did they run out of ink??? just discover the internet??

the News-Press wrote a letter to the editor of Noozhawk to defend the "groundbreaking" DUI series the NEWS-PRESS published..do you see the irony here? the News-Press has done such a poor job of journalism, it has to go to other publications with a conservative slant to explain itself..

hey, I was just thinking...why not just invite the Mayor of Santa Barbara, a well-respected woman, to the News-Press offices.... the NP could extend an olive branch to explain their pro forma anti-gov't hysteria and pro-forma drunk driving stance....( hey, if I got lawyers reading this blog I better shape up!)...and why not bring in Peter to explain to the Mayor why he fell asleep at the wheel, stoppin' at the red and sleepin' on the green.....now that would be some needed sunlight .......whoops, how many olives are in a martini??

from the News-Press letter to Noozhawk
NP: During the hearing, officer Beutel went to the extraordinary length of hiring an outside attorney who repeatedly schooled her on how to answer the questions. When a police officer has to “lawyer up” when her credibility is challenged on the stand, it says something about that officer’s credibility"........

gee Wendy, how many lawyers have you "lawyered up" with during your labor law violations?? 100?? 1000?? do you have any clue how clueless you are??

this is just so silly..I mean anyone who agrees to let him or herself be a part of a story in the News-Press, mainly to try to explain away irresponsible behavior, should expect some scratchy scrutiny..consider the history of the paper under Wendy's ownership...everything it does it suspect....

more from the News-Press letter to Noozhawk

NP: "Rather than attacking Lance, the messenger, as some in the media have done, (LIKE ME!!) and while some in the Police Department circle the wagons to defend officer Beutel, the News-Press supports a comprehensive, outside investigation of her cases by an independent third party or special prosecutor. Driving drunk or impaired is a terrible crime. But the prospect that a senior DUI officer is operating outside the law is even more abhorrent."

too rongs dont make a rite Mrs. McCuckoo!

and Lance is not a messenger, he's a defendant in the People vs Peter Lance...if he wants to investigate the cops, he can go for it after his trial.... through the proper channels..I'll be waiting, but so far no one has filed a complaint against the cop Kasi Beutel!!

and Wendy is still not allowing letters to the editor to the News-Press about the Lance series?? I haven't seen one! Wendy, you're a very peculiar girl....very peculiar