flying on the ground...

is wrong...

so I'm riding my bike in the foothills....it's a cloudy muggy but nice day..I decide not to take my camera...so I go up to the creek and looked at the water and the algae on the rocks...algae grows..it doesn't matter if you outlaw felt soled waders..algae will still grow on rocks..and it will emit a slimey oozey polymer that will cause you to slip and break your neck if you're not careful..algae grows..deal with it...

now, on my way back home I see a hawk lying by the side of the road, sleeping..well, upon closer inspection I realized he was dead! I panicked and rode back to my palace and got my camera and went back to the hawk..he was still dead!! Life is cruel I thought to myself but the hawk needn't worry about life now that he was dead....

so I take some pictures and check the hawk without touching or moving him..see, I have respect for dead wild animals unlike a certain someone we know...

there were no signs of trauma other than being dead....no bullet holes or blood that I could see..the red you see in the pictures are actually little flower buds! isn't nature clever??

ok so I tried to piece together a scenerio whereby the hawk died...hit by a car..no signs of that...I noticed a big branch broken above me and the hawk..the tree is rather low and overhanging the street so maybe a big truck came by and hit the branch which could have killed the hawk..another possiblity is the thick power lines may have jolted him... he could have been perched on a 480 volt line and his sharp talon could have poked through to the electrons, thus frying him a bit..shocking his little heart.....I don't really know.... #69, I could use a shoulder to cry on right about now...

but really...I'm not sad, I'm not traumatized, I'm not sickened..I'm thankful that these birds are here, and if left alone, this one will provide some cycle of life food for a scavenger like a vulture or bobcat, or coyote...yeah a coyote..and I just love Carpinteria coyotes, don't you???

Friday the 13th

Friday, May 13, 2011

We’ve started restoring the posts that were temporarily removed and expect Blogger to be back to normal soon. really? define normal

Posted by at 0607 PDT 　

To get Blogger back to normal, all posts since 7:37am PDT on Weds, 5/11 have been temporarily removed. We expect everything to be back to normal soon. Sorry for the delay.

Posted by at 0425 PDT sorry indeed!!

Monday, May 09, 2011

Blogger will go into read-only mode Wednesday (5/11) 10:00PM PST for about an hour for maintenance. an hour? how about 3 days man....3 days!!!

Posted by at 2114 PDT

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

We've identified a problem rendering some blogs containing the popular posts widget. Our engineers are fixing the issue and the it should be resolved shortly.

Thanks for your patience in the mean time.

Posted by Andrew at 01:12 PDT

I'm losing patience....

California Gulls...

from geenarly homeless gulls, to high maintenance Montecito gulls, I wish they all could be...

ok so we got Santa Barbara, Montecito, Summerland and Carpinteria...all nice places with separate realities..and with each passing year the separation is more evident...as are the gulls!

in Santa Barbara, you have two classes: the tourists and the homeless ..and two resident groups trying to protect each...in other words, the residents have pitted the tourists and the homeless against each other..and the tourists and the homeless are the ones who could care less! why? because other than the obvious money gap, tourists and homeless folks are very much alike..

think about it while we visit Montecito next...Montecito..the king's mountain, or little mountain or something...Montecito..the moneyshot...there are more cokeheads per capita here than any other place world..and botox boutiques..but it wasn't always like this..Montecito used to be like Carp, casual and fun...with working class families until disco hit..that's right disco...suddenly, in the 80s, Montecito was overrun with drugged out trustfunders who like to disco...Nipper even opened a disco champagne bar called Nippers that was rumored to be cocaine central for a while.....it went out of business quickly but the dust never settled, and soon coke parties were in vogue in the mansions...when Hollywood heard about that, a bunch of celebs moved in and fucked it all up....as it stands today....I call Montecito "little Monaco" now...

Summerland....back before the "Cottages" were built, Summerland was a place to crash, rents were cheap, you worked at the Big Yellow House with lovely young waitresses..it was a fun place...a place for individuals, poets, hippies, hippie chicks, musicians, students and moms and dads....all hanging out together..there was no class separation....the hilly terrain made living in the old Victorians fun..and you could stay fit just walking to the store...but of course, things change..the usual suspects moved in..wine boutiques, Republicans, botox boutiques..the celebrity wannabes....it got crowded, the Lillie Ave "improvements" were horrendous....Summerland has become the self-conscious step-child of Montecito....

ok, now we come to Carpinteria..or Carp....working class, casual, fun, live and let live..a big agriculture tradition ( Mexican gulls are HOT!!) has kept growth in check....over the years, Carpinteria has struck a near perfect balance among historical, business, recreation and residential interests....homes can be had for as little as $100000 or as much as $20,000,000....recently, the City of Carp announced a budget deficit that required reducing the number of cops in town...the News-Press asked councilman Joe Armendariz, who voted against the cop reduction, about the situation..Joe said the council was "polishing turds" ...obviously Joe knows a lot about polishing turds but really Joe..you represent the City of Carp..clean your act up dude and leave the satire to me!! and I know where the money went...it went to nonprofits..I asked the finance director to give me a figure of how much the city has given to nonprofits..I'm waiting for a reply....
nevertheless, as I gaze out on the Salt Marsh and see some kites flying high, I see the gulls on the beach are so out of reach...

requiem for a heavyweight...

obituary

Jasper the mountain lion cub has died..he was murdered in Buellton by a hit and run driver, probably a drunken old white woman or casino customer....we (Wendy, #69 and me) are shocked, saddened, dismayed, traumatized and basically freaked out by this....

Jasper was a proud member of the Cub Scouts and liked to roam the hills with his mama close by....the Fish and Game warden speculated that the cub was probably hit by the car while on the lookout for #69, who has been known to shoot lions with a paintball gun and snatch cubs from their mothers and try to raise them as her own children...formal charges are pending....Julia screamed: I've spent my life protecting these animals and was devastated by the charges....I am in pieces, bits and pieces!! I am innocent!!!

yeah right, Jules....

anyway, Jasper was born in San Francisco of Norwegian immigrant parents..some say he was inbred, like a Channel Island fox..his mother disputes that notion...but wild cats do that sometime..so do News-Press reporters!

Jasper's family moved, mostly at night, to the Santa Barbara area and settled in the hills of the Santa Ynez Valley.....they heard about a crazy lady who lived in an ark who rescued wild animals to death..the lady's name was #69 and she and other girls thought the wild animals were their children and lived in the forests having Tupperware parties and frolicking with gummy bears.....Jasper, even though a cub, knew that this wasn't the case and wished that they would just leave him and his family alone..he called them the Disney Girls...Jasper was one cool cat..
in lieu of flowers, please send big cash donations to the Animal Rescue Team so #69 can buy a new dress....

Maria...

I just kissed a girl named Maria...

well no doubt you've heard the story that Maria and Arnold have split..that's right split...splitsville, no mas amour por Arnold!!

if you can put two and two twogether you'll know why...me and Maria are an item now! That's right...when I pursue a woman, she dudn't stand a chance I tell ya...and I pursued Maria until she gave in..gave up the goat..the old goat Arnold..the guy who was courted by mafia dude Darryl Issa, elected by a bunch of dimwitted Californians, and drove this great state into a ditch..all the while I was letting Maria cry on my shoulder while Arnold was acting like an idiot....

but wait, there's more! Arnold turned gay! He and pretty boypal Rob Lowe are now, I've confirmed, in a gay relationship!! good luck fellas!

well, nobody need be surprised as all this was bound to happen...Maria and I share some things...both Boston natives...yes'm natives..I will use the term to my advantage when necessary....and when Maria and Arnold bought some property in Carp, right up the road from me at Rancho Monte Alegre, where I used to live in a little pink bungaloo...Olive Carey's former residence..well, I knew I had to make my move..and I did...

now, I will let Maria and Arnold deal with what's next, sort out the legalities.... but Arnold, why grope when you've got a beautiful woman by your side? she deserves respect and love...and I will give it to her...

so now, Maria and I will share the ranch and my condo..we'll have the best of both worlds..our little love nest will be inpenetrable..I will smack any camera within five inches of our faces.....

I will protect her..we'll walk on the beach at Santa Claus Lane, fly kites over the Salt Marsh, fish for polliwogs and catch dragonflies at Padaro Creek....we'll eat at Sly's..and live a simple life together..sorry Arnold, but you've been..terminated!!!

all along the Watchtower....

CAN I GET A WITNESS???? Jimi??

ok so I wonder why the News-Press has found Jehovah all of a sudden....couldn't be Wendy or Nipper....who could it be? who is directing the Right Wing of Heaven into the News-Press operations? is Santa Barbara the new hub of Christian broadcasting??? is the News-Press really Watchtower magazine now??

well, maybe...and the person responsible perhaps is none other than the Director of Operations, Don Katich...so I searched and it didn't take long to find Don on Facebook....

whoa..the little dude gots 400 facebook friends...there's Nipper, Frank Hotchkiss, Abel Maldonado, Grant House, Lanny Ebenstein, present KEYT weatherman Alan Rose, the very sexy Kate Wentzel, former weathergirl from KEYT....and some other folks who get favorable treatment in the News-Press like #69...
so this is the guy who's behind all the right wing nuttiness....it must've been Don who floated that anti-union petition!!! Don Katich is really Dr. Evil!! praise Jesus!!

and one of Don's facebook friends is Steven Kunes, the guy who was recently in the news for all sorts of fraud.... In 1982, Kunes attempted to sell to People magazine a fake interview with reclusive author J. D. Salinger, whom he had never met. Salinger sued and settled the case under the conditions that Kunes was "permanently enjoined from representing by any means that he is associated with or ever met Salinger", barred from "exhibiting, transmitting or exhibiting documents, writing or statements attributed to Salinger" and "required to collect and turn over any offending such documents or writings for destruction". The "interview" was never published.. Steven Kunes was arrested on March 17, 2011 for purportedly swindling his friend, former Café Buenos Aires owner Wally Ronchietto, out of $2,000 for a movie deal that doesn’t exist. On April 23, 2011, Noozhawk, a Santa Barbara online publication, announced that it has removed six of Mr. Kunes' articles from their digital archives as two contained plagiarized passages.

FUCKIN' A... ..I'm cracking the case!!!

wow... so it looks like KEYT and the News-Press have morphed into the same blobosphere...the same incestuous little news circle...

Katich and Gerry Fall both worked at KEYT and they both left to work for the News-Press..what.. are they gay??? and some of that incompetence has stained both media organizations!

really, KEYT is just horrible now and so is the News-Press....so I guess we can thank Don Katich.... and a new addition on Saturday is Ann Coulter's column....she's the poster girl for conservative eating disorders who still has the hots for George Bush and his trillion dollar deadly war foray into Iraq... and she thanks HIM for getting Bin Laden!!!

yes this must be the case..if you find a wealthy benefactor like Wendy McCaw and you kiss her ass all the way up to her belly button, she'll let you run the News-Press.....into the ground!!

I can't believe it! All this incompetence is rewarded with Wendy's ex-husband's money!!!

HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS STUFF???? just don't let any of these folks touch the controls....

I Ching...

the changer and the changed...

so I got my direct mailer glossy brochure telling me to show up at Girl's Inc in Carp for a Life Line health screening....I remember when they used to send the fliers in newspapers, a single pink sheet with the rates and info, and now that they've made so much money, they can afford the direct mail route! basically, LifeLine has a medical van, not unlike the bookmobile, and not unlike a traveling medicine show, and they run a battery of tests on you to see how long you have to live..

but this company gives me the creeps and I wouldn't seek their medical advice even if my arteries were clogged as a Santa Babara sewer pipe!

well, wait just a minute, I read on a bit and maybe I will go to a screening....
Terri Burdette, who wrote the letter and who a has a bunch of caps after her name like BS, RDMS and RVT informs me that the procedure will last an hour, be non-invasive and "socks and shoes are the only clothes which are removed"... removing clothes?? hmmmm..

well, I once visited a Chinese masseuse and she said the exact same thing to me... next thing I knew I was naked EXCEPT FOR MY SHOES AND SOCKS and she was walking on my back, pouring oil all over me and slapping me silly for an hour!

after that the next thing I knew I was speaking, actually screaming Chinese exaltations....ohhhahhhyahhhhchinggchongkungfoo!!! and she said I was healthy as a bull in China store...
ok... so I will go to Girl's Inc and pay $149 for a "screening"...but it better be good Terri because them Chinese girls are a lot cheaper.... and cleaner than you American gals, too!!