Hello Marylou

good-bye heart...

well the fat lady has finally sung....the Santa Ynez Valley Journal is dead according to the News-Press and the News-Press didn't credit me with killing it..but I did, I think...or is it just a coincidence that my post on the SYFV owner a few weeks ago was so bitng and penetrating that Big Nancy just couldn't deal with it..you want the truth?? you can't handle the truth, can you Nancy??? but I feel sorry she lost all her island ranch land to the Parks Service and tax exempt non-profit-for-profit Nature Conservancy...see it's for for "biodiversity" that the gov steals all this land.....we all know it's a scam by now and a waste of money to restore everything back to a native state...they must think I'm stupid or something!

Nancy, we could have joined forces to fight the real enemies like the Nature Con but you went all teabagger on me!! we could've made some beautiful music together, you and me, but you chose that buck-toothed image-consultant Steve Pappas to give your money to!! maybe, when you're up on the ranch slopping your valley hogs, you can reflect on the why you chose as you did....

well be warned Wendy..the News-Press is next on my Christmas kill list which I'm checking twice...and I didn't know that the News-Press printed the SYVJ but that's what Scott Steeplton says....so that makes Nancy a hypocrite because Wendy supported the Channel Island takeover of Nancy's family island ranch and the animal slaughter by giving money to the Center for Biological Diversity....bad juju all around with these folks!!

oh and I see the SB City Council followed the advice of Peter Lance and the Grand Jury to put cameras in the cop cars so we can watch the drunks! whatever happened to independent critical thinking? the Grand Jury is made up of elderly fat white people who fell for Lance's pitch..the cameras won't stop anyone from DUI, the won't speed up the courts, but it will cost money and any and all video will be open to interpretation....if the cops want the cameras so be it...but I'm afraid this ill conceived decision by the council will open up a whole new bottle of vodka...

and my pal Stephen Baldwin got arrested in New York for income tax evasion...he faces four years in prison hey maybe he can share a cell with biz partner Alexander D'Andrea who's in the coop for impersonating a cop..oh boy, these guys are so funny!!

Faith Hope and Charity
the annual Santa Claus Lane motorcycle run has morphed into a Unity Shoppe thing...used to be Toys for Tots which I've always supported 100%..but when the GOD conservatives got involved a few years ago, I was mortfied they invited Dr. Laura to lead the ride....I haven't been the same since..

and the Chumash are now involved...so it's kinda silly....the Chumash take gambling money and give it back to poor people; the Unity Shoppe encourages poor folks to walk into their store and take things without paying for them...Charity has sure changed, but I still got Hope! and Faith, where the hell is she lately??? she's always the one I seem to chase....

the Miramar Hotel is finally being torn down..the old buildings which I could have lived in quite happily are being squashed by giant Cats....ever since the motel was sold, it's had some bad karma surrounding the owners...first the disco king cokehead Ian Shrager, then Ty Warner who quickly sold it to Rick Caruso who tried to build but was thwarted by some of his neighbors like Elaine from Seinfeld.....

the Miramar has a great place in Montecito history and it's a shame none of the owners could see it...it was basically an elegant dive...the service was good and friendly and simple, but people need to be pampered nowadays so a luxury hotel was planned....now nothing is planned because so many people have dropped the ball....thanks alot Elaine!!

call me

don't be afraid you can call me, maybe it's late but just call me

ok anyone who saw Dinesh D'Sousa's retarded film about Obama and thought it was a good documentary is a douchebag...the News-Press and a guy named John Dickson are perpetrating a fraud on the children of America and I will expose them!!! right now!!

this dude Dickson is a putz and saw the movie and said it was good..he was quoted in the News-Press saying that the movie was "profound" or something like that...it was not profound, it was stupid...see, you'll get straight talk from me, not a bunch of doubletalk!

so imagine if someone called me up and asked for Dr. Robert..
the ethical thing for me to do would be to say "sorry, wrong number"...or I could lie and pretend I'm a doctor and start dispensing medical advice....well that's what Dickson did..instead of being a man, he pretended he was Santa Claus when kids accidentally called his number, thinking it was a Santa Hotline!

what kind of a person would lie like that? a Nipper and Wendy type person, that's who....conservatives need to stop lying to people or they will never win another election!

so it's Christmas season and the News-Press and Dickson is at it again and this time he's got his new wifeypoo to help him ..her name is Frauda Claus...and of course the News-Press did another stupid little story about these quacks

KIDS DON"T CALL THIS NUMBER 1 800 SANTABARBARA because it's a fake..a phony..a fraud..the people answering the number have no ethics and are lying to you!!

Identity theft is a crime..perhaps a crime of passion but nonetheless a crime..help me put these fake accidental Santas behind bars!

the real Santa Claus is a walking contradiction partly truth and partly fiction..he's not a putz, he's a myth...a metaphor... he used to live in Carpinteria....on Santa Claus Lane...

and he would never watch a movie by Dinesh D'Sousa...

wooden ships

on the water very free and easy...

oh poo..I read where the personhole overflowed in Santa Barbara and dumped 6000 gallons of raw sewage into the storm drain and onto Leadbetter beach....I guess it happened during the rains so it's kinda hard to detect unless each manhole cover had some sort of sensor on it that would alert the city which hole was overflowing....so nonprofit Channelkeeper sued the city to prevent this type of thing from happening, ain't it?

well what went wrong Princess Kira?? the sewer that overflowed was recently lined according to reports...so the culprit was a private lateral that had some root intrusion into the main city line....better get to work on all those private lines Princess Kira..you can tax the citizens TWICE now!!

well 6000 gallons is alot of crap but remember, domestic sewage is 99.9% pure..as pure as Ivory soap! it's the 0.1% that needs attention...the overall impact on Leadbetter beach is nil..and what about dogs..they crap on the beach all the time and nobody cares because they just love their precious little dogs now, don't they....

butt to put it into perspective, take a look at Princess Cruises...



A one-week voyage on your favorite love boat can generate
210,000 gallons of human sewage
25,000 gallons of oily bilge water
1 million gallons of grey water
11,550 gallons of sewage sludge
130 gallons of hazardous wastes
Can you guess where a lot of this stuff ends up? If you guessed the ocean then you’re right. The EPA allows cruise ships to dump untreated sewage into U.S. waters as long as it’s three miles from the coast. For most people, that doesn’t seem quite far enough.

geez, three miles off the coast?? from a giant ship?? I think Channelkeeper should stop suing municipalities, stop holding fund raisers, and start looking at them boatswains!!

black and blue

He hit me but it didn't hurt me
He couldn't stand to hear me say
That I'd been with someone new
And when I told him I had been untrue
He hit me and it felt like a kiss
He hit me and I knew he loved me- the Motels

　More than 60 local gentlemen gathered at the fourth annual
Domestic Violence Solutions Men’s Cocktail Party held at the Santa Barbara Auto Group Porsche Showroom at 402 S. Hope St. in Santa Barbara to raise awareness that domestic violence is a crime that affects people all over Santa Barbara County.

ok I read this in (please send them money, make a donation) Noozhawk... a cocktail party at an auto dealership to raise awareness about Domestic Violence....

http://www.noozhawk.com/article/113012_domestic_violence_solutions_mens_cocktail_party/

how stupid is that..first off, domestic violence increases when people are drunk....and driving a Porsche while drunk is too stupid for words....


so whose idea was this....why did they have to raise  awareness of spousal abuse at a friggin cocktail party in the middle of the day, at an auto dealership! who'd they have as a guest speaker, Tony DeNunzio!!!??

I see Loretta Red's name..she's the interim Executive Director of DVS...she ran for city council and now writes for the silly freebie called the Sentinel, published by Montecito Journal teabagger Jim Buckley..and Loretta also writes for the myopic SB VIEW...

wow, I wonder why she's not smart enough to see the connection between booze, drunk driving and domestic violence...

geez what next, a wine bar at city council meetings???

no hiding place

I ran to the rocks to hide my face, the rocks said there's no hiding place...

ok I'll get back to me and Santa later..maybe finish up by Christmas but there's other news...it's not all about me all the time you know..

so I'm reading the Real Estate pages in the News-Press and I see Wendy just bought Nipper a condo for 1.1 million dollars! that's the only conclusion I can reach because I know the News-Press is losing money and subscribers and it's worth much less than Wendy paid for it, so Nipper's salary can't be that huge, can it? he must have a trustfund!! or maybe he started a nonprofit??

anyway the condo is in Plaza Sonodores which I've never heard of... House of the Song of Doris?? no it's in Bonnymede! oh shit..this nitwit is now living in the same place as my kin!!

Bonnymede is located next to the Coral Casino and the Biltmore and is a short stroll to the beach and lower Montecito Village amenities...there's different price ranges from 5 million down to 1 million, depending on the ocean view..looks like Nipper got a low end kinda deal!

but still, this doesn't make any sense...Nipper makes under $100000/year and he buys a million dollar condo?? in a place that doesn't allow dogs??? at least I haven't seen any....

let's see...the average salary of a newspaper publisher is:
Newspaper Publisher: According to PayScale, a newspaper publisher earns $30,648 to $60,549 for one to four years of experience; $29,042 to $67,146 plus for five or more years of experience....

let's do a search on Wendy to see if she could afford to buy Nipper a condo:

Wendy McCawAKA Wendy Petrak

Born: 1951
Birthplace: Redwood City, CA

Gender: Female
Race or Ethnicity: White
Sexual orientation: Straight
Occupation: Philanthropist, Publisher

Nationality: United States
Executive summary: Billionaire

Husband: Craig McCaw (m. 1974, div. 1997)
Boyfriend: Gregory Parker (ex)
Boyfriend: Arthur von Weisenberger (engaged)

and Wendy's epic 1998 Seattle court battle over $2 billion in family holdings with then-hubby Craig produced the state's biggest divorce settlement ever. It was where Wendy learned to wage law using legal shock troops. As we reported back then:

Craig McCaw enlisted 33 forensic financial experts and turned over 147,000 pages of paperwork to Wendy's attorneys in an attempt to prove what was his and what was hers. She countered with 30 experts of her own and 58,000 pages of paperwork, plus sought volumes of confidential records from other McCaw family members. She also served papers on Craig's business partners, Bill Gates and Boeing, who cried foul.
When the legal dust and the feuding McCaws finally settled, Wendy walked away with somewhere around $1 billion in cash, stocks and assets, attorneys estimated, including several boats and planes and four homes in California.

Court records indicate she spent about $3.5 million in the futile effort to punish editor Roberts. But the socialite and animal-welfare activist continues to live the good life in Santa Barbara where today,
according to her website, she "enjoys golfing and resides...with her fiancé, Arthur von Wiesenberger, their cat and two donkeys."

I will get to the bottom of this shady real estate transaction because, well... because I got some inside connections....  and when I'm visiting and I see Nipper and Wendy walking about the lovely gated yet zoo- like grounds with their donkey...hey wait a minute, I could ask them why they endorsed Orla Taitz last year..they would have to oblige me or I'll report them to the Bonnymede homeowner's association...yeah, I got 'em now..they walked right into my trap!! I'm like a spider and they are the flies!!

Nipper and Wendy can run, but they can't hide because there's no hiding place..even down here.....

Captain Love

we love you all, we love you all....

RIP Bob Emmens..Captain Love!!!

The attraction to California was its quirkiness and stunning physical beauty. When my family moved to Santa Barbara in 1966, Southern California was a much different place and an absolute paradise. Moving from Illinois, we had a lot to learn about California Ways. But what’s to learn? Sun, fog, Junior High, California girls....

we lived in a big funky house on a Pepper Hill in Montecito built by a dancer lady...that was a cool house...I grew up there, came of age there, people were always coming and going and upstairs there was a big ballroom with giant mirrors on the walls.. I'm sure the dancers used it..I used it too for band practice.. my father was not too happy about that!!

my band was Captain Love and we thought we were pretty fuckin cool...because we were as our lead singer Bob sang: "I am Captain Love, I am Captain Love"..we love you all we love you all!!"

I played rhythm guitar...Bob held the axe...and Steve on bass...Captain Love!!

and there was good music and girls girls girls... and geezus the Byrds played Santa Barbara Junior High in 1967...I was in love with a beautiful girl named Dani although she didn't know it because she was one grade above me..but that was my introduction to California....I knew I was going to like it here!

there were surfers and greasers.. Santa Barbara was very different from Illinois and it didn’t snow here. Oh yeah.. and it had a constant beach with a mountain view!. Ever since, I can’t be away from the beach for long..I need it to feel free..or connected..to something. I’m sure many who live here feel the same way. Yes, I grew to love California even though at times it wore me rather thin. Marriage, divorce, family dysfunction, parental expectations, high expectations, low expectations, no expectations, silly expectations, private school, public school, death, alcohol, drugs, the ‘60s, homeless, broke, crazy, first girlfriend and sex, spoiled, Montecito, guitars, unspoiled, nine brothers and sisters, step families, high society, rock-n-roll and fuck ‘em all..just everything a young man needs to be a well-rounded citizen!

 ch-ch-ch- ch-changes
The beach at Santa Claus Lane is a popular spot in summer and the atmosphere is fun, funky and casual, and uncomplicated… But things are changing…. The county wants to re-route the on-ramp and put in a park-n-ride and "spiff" things up!

Santa Claus Lane played an important role in the Carpinteria Valley’s agricultural beginnings. This is important because the area surrounding Santa Claus Lane hasn’t changed that much in the last fifty years thanks to agriculture. That simple fact makes it a pleasure to live here. The pleasure will turn to pain if we continue to over-develop and jam in too many people!

The half-mile strip containing Santa’s Village was originally part of a Lima bean farm along the ocean side of the old three-lane highway. The owner, E.T. Auger, built a small juice stand there. The McKeon family bought the property in 1948. Needing an advertising theme, Patrick McKeon named the stand Santa Claus to conform with other nearby Santas like Santa Barbara and Santa Maria and used the theme to attract passing motorists. Brilliant idea!

 During their first Christmas on the lane, his wife June dressed up as Santa and waved travelers to the juice stand (the good ol’ days). The next Christmas, a passing motorist with five children, no money and low on gas stopped at the stand. For $500, he offered to build a Santa Claus on the roof of the juice stand. His offer was accepted and a monument made out of chicken wire and plaster would soon rise from the lima bean fields like a demented Phoenix!

The large Santa grew out of the chimney, wired with a loudspeaker to call out to passing motorists "Welcome to Santa Claus!" People were much looser then and not as anal as they are today!

*A western novelty shop was added in 1951, a pottery shop in 1953, and a café known as Santa’s Kitchen in 1954. A post office substation was established in the date shop where mail could be stamped "Santa Claus, California". In 1954, a four lane divided highway was built and the old coast highway became Santa Claus Lane. The area prospered as a thriving commercial enterprise until the 1970s when tastes changed and fewer travelers stopped on the lane. Many of the Santa themes and associated tourist attractions were removed, and the trend toward remodeling the lane in a Nantucket motif developed. Today, Santa Claus stands as one of the last reminders of Santa Claus Village.

The Santa Claus figure is a rare regional example of 1940’s roadside programmatic architecture. Automobile travel at the time, fostered by the construction of better highways, required the development of large, eye-catching roadside images that could be understood by a speeding motorist.

Back in the1960s, Santa Claus Lane was pretty much the same as it is today. The locals accepted it for what it was..a weird little roadside attraction that was, on first glance, pretty tacky. But somehow it fit. It was so different from all other places in Santa Barbara and that’s why I liked it....and that big red Santa? He was a non-conformist!

long ago and far away

slowly passing sailing ships, and Sunday afternoons....

well I heard that Robert Maxim died...he's the guy who worked so hard to save the Santa Claus Lane Santa statue from being demolished in 2002...well there was a story about Santa that goes into the details about the controversial rebel, the big Red Santa on Santa Claus Lane...

and here it is...

once upon a time, a long long time ago....

A couple of years ago around 1998, I read in the local Carpinteria newspaper "the Coastal View", that a few developers were planning to turn Santa Claus Lane into a Cape Code themed seaside village. They said they wanted to cater to a more upscale clientele and remove the Santa Claus figure. They felt Santa was a deterrent to their business success.

"Oh No!" I thought.. I’ve spent my life running from these rich pompous assholes and they’re following me to Carpinteria! Now they wanted to get rid of Santa, the cool ol’ dude by the highway who had confounded and delighted motorists for over fifty years! This little unpretentious roadside attraction in the middle of some beautiful scenery is going to be "cultured by the vultures" I was aghast! "They’re gonna turn this funky place into Rodeo Drive!" I was mortified! They’re messin’ with the big red man!

According to them, the Santa theme was no longer "appropriate" for Southern California, especially in stuffy ol’ Santa Barbara. As a matter of fact, Santa was unbearably inappropriate for sunny southern California! But that’s the point! Boneheads! That’s why we love him. Santa represents old California like Cannery Row in Monterey, the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz and the Santa Monica Pier. I figured I gotta try and stop these guys! But how? They got more money than I do! I’ll see what I can do…..

Located by the beach between Summerland and Carpinteria right off Highway 101, Santa

Claus Lane was and is a cool little roadside attraction from the 1940’s with a few shops and restaurants. The newest addition on the Lane was the Padaro Beach Grill, which started grilling burgers and fish around 1996. The restaurant was a big success and locals loved it. Paul and Gene Archambault built the business up but the only problem was, they didn’t own the land or the building. So after years of toiling and gaining a loyal clientele, the out- of-town landlord (Slimeball Sr.) raised the rent to a point where the Archambault’s wouldn’t pay it. This dastardly move was preceded by the erection.. erection.. of the Franz Commercial Development. I guess the Archambault’s never had a chance! The landlord’s son (Slimeball Jr.) will take over the building and create another grill to carry on a "local tradition", which I plan to boycott it until I get too hungry! I don’t care what they do now, they won’t deprive me of the simple pleasure of strolling down the lane and enjoying the beach! I’ll mingle with the upscale babes if I really have to…no problem!
 
to be continued.....