sunshine of your love

big bang theory...
ok, so a reader posted some questions about sex and put undue pressure on me to answer them..who am I, Dr. Laura?? well no I'm not, I'm a man and I'm white so vote for me!! hahah!!
but seriously, the question that needs to be answered is why do people have affairs or something like that... is it a crime of convenience? is it a biological need? a psychological need? a seven year itch? boredom?..probably all of these and more....do blondes have more fun? do men have more affairs than women..well it takes two to tango, so I don't think so...whether you are a man or woman, or a man who secretly wants to be a woman, like Dale maybe, or vice-a-versa, if you seek, you shall find...
see that woman there? her name is Dagmara Domincyk and she's an actress...if I were married and she came up and asked me to have an affair with her, how would I respond...what would go through my mind?
First, I would probably swallow my tongue..then I would measure the pros and cons of such an adventure...and of course, if I'm in love with my wife, the answer would be "no"...but if I was stuck in a relationship that seemingly would never end when it certainly should have (ever been in one of those??), then I might more easily be lured into a fling with Dag...or if I bored a woman and showed her no affection after a few years, could I blame her for looking elswhere... or if a single guy hooks up with a married gal, who goes to Hell?? can unmarried people have affairs?? can midgets?? hmmmm...
so are affairs simply a measurement of how much you are in love with your spouse or mate? what is love..is it a malady that lasts for a few years and then you snap out of it? just a place to raise the kids? hmmmm...why are some women so goddam attractive that they cast a spell over you and some are just like spit on a sidewalk? hmmmmm...
is monogamy done? is polygamy a better way? how about bigamy? can you have your wife and an outside woman too? if you are a powerful male, will you seek sexual conquests moreso than a powerful woman? I suppose I could try to make a move on Meg as an experiment and see if she'd go for it, but I'm not that type of guy...and Meg's not my type of gal...but wait, have you seen Mike Self lately? she's damn foxy now!! she's growing out her hair and it's got some blondy highlights in it..why do think she did that..for me..is she sending me signals?? smoke signals maybe...hmmmmm
but the fact remains, the sex drive is the strongest of motivators..songs are sung, poetry is written, art is poured onto canvas for women....men want to plant their seed to get the most bang for the buck, and women are looking for the big bang, too....so..I...ahh..uhh, WTF did you ask me all these questions for??? I guess what I'm getting at is there are no answers, only theories, only conjecture...you see, all is fair in love and war..and music and art and biology....
　

the Count of Monte Carlo...

"it's a global world" says Nipper...
oh my God...I hit the crackpot jackpot! Nipper was on TV talking to his pal Robert Eringer, the Investigator...Eringer is trying to get money from the Prince of Monaco, and Nipper's trying to get money from the Queen of Santa Barbara!!
monocopoly
the show was SB Forum on Public Access..I guess the new SB Channels board was bought by Wendy!! After some opening small talk, Eringer interviewed Nipper and asked how the editorial staff goes about endorsing candidates..EDITORIAL STAFF??? What editorial staff Bob..it's Nipper and Wendy writing, in tortured English, about their pet buyable ultra-conservative candidates!!
　
Nipper tells us how high tech the News-Press has become, especially with the online edition.. they proceed to show clips of News-Press TV..the "clips" were low quality and lasted about ten minutes...then Nipper bragged about how great his writers are and Eringer brought up the recent Solvang Danish and Dutch story gaffe on the front page...Nipper said "well, the paper used to be much worse"....the News-Press motto is a "champion of free speech, accurate reporting and a community leader" ....and then they went back to News-Press TV clips, trying hard to sell the online content to public TV viewers....the kicker was Nipper showing a bogus graph of traffic to newspress.com, saying many more people are visiting them...but if you check out Alexa, you'll get the real story: About Santa Barbara News-Press (newspress.com): Daily newspaper serving Santa Barbara County since 1855. Includes local and world news, sports, business, and classifieds.
There are 188,051 sites with a better three-month global Alexa traffic rank than Newspress.com. Compared with all internet users, the site appeals more to users who are over the age of 35; its visitors also tend to consist of childless women earning over $60,000 who browse from work. The site is based in the US, and approximately 35% of visits to Newspress.com consist of only one pageview (i.e., are bounces).
Percent of global Internet users who visit newspress.com is down 15%!　
a global world indeed!!
so I called in after they fixed the phone issues and asked Nipper if the News-Press is a rightwing organization..he said "no"..... geez, Nipper, wrong answer and you just lied to me... then he says the city is broke and we must not surrender Santa Barbara to people who would "disface" it, like the city workers, poor people, Mexicans and the homeless!! then they closed the show talking about the latest restaurants Nipper has dined at....
oh boy, if you get a chance to see the show, do yourself a favor....Nipper is so full of shit that it is obvious he would not be employed unless his rich girlfriend supported his lazy ass!! The guy does not have a clue....and Nipper, FYI, the News-Press is a rightwing organization, and you and Wendy have "disfaced" it.....

American Choppers...

or the Whirly Birds...
so I'm hanging out doing what I'm supposed to do...the weather is Autumn awesome..the moon is full..the constellations are in full view, 'tho somewhat diluted in the light of the silvery moon..when all of a sudden I feel like I'm in Beirut....I hear a rumbling in the near distance, I thought maybe a bunch of Harley riders showing off again..kind of a Last Hurrah before they close shop and build a church in Arizona..then I go out on the balcony and see a bunch of red lights in the sky over the Salt Marsh by the beach...are we being invaded? those are choppers, military helicopters and they aren't going from base to base, they are going around in circles..no wonder we can't win a fucking war with guys like this in the military, harassing civilians!! I saw this same thing a few days ago in the afternoon..a bunch of helicopters going around in circles over the Salt Marsh for about an hour...just going around in circles...they were only a few hundred feet in the air and they just kept going around in circles...ok, I got no problem with military training, but they should let the residents know..we're citizens, we're Americans, no need to terrorize us since we pay your fucking salaries!! I was tempted to pull out my rocket launcher and waste one these flying machines!! maybe it's the full moon, but someone reportedly saw a zebra on Padaro Beach..well, it's Santa Claus beach not Padaro beach..get your history correct or else!! anyway, I'll find out today who is behind this and if dumbass Arnold or Teabagger Tom Watson are involved, heads are going to roll..like Rolling Thunder!!

Message in a Bottle...

Bevmo.. mo drunks, mo litter
the Republicans are running scared trying to tell us that everything is gloomy and the economy is bad..the DOW is at 10800 from Bush's 6000 so it can't be that bad! I mean, I'm doing fine and I know you are too..so don't listen to the Repubs because they are punks....that's the conclusion I've reached when I see hundreds of people rushing to buy liquor at Bevmo, the new booze outlet on upper State St..kinda like a Trader Joe's for alcoholics with "in-store wine consultants" ....hey maybe Nipper got a new job!! excuse me sir, can you suggest a nice wine that goes well with a Big Mac??
but really..what is the attraction?? the attraction is alcohol..the same kind that killed a lady on the Chumash Highway of Death..she was mowed down by a drunken Valley business owner..now this is the new cool for conservatives..killing people while drunk driving and getting as many DUIs as you can and passing these values to their children...
and the poster boy for all this nonsense is John Boehner, who is waiting in the wings to become the next Speaker of the House should voters fall for his "Pledge to America" crap..Boehner, a guy in his 60s who still smokes cigarettes (was supported heavily by big tobacco like Tony Strickland) and drinks to excess..just look at the blubbering crying speeches he makes..the guy is silly...and now there's a story about this devout Catholic involved in an affair with a lobbiest named Ms Lisbeth A. Lyons Vice President of Government Affairs/Printing Industries of America
VP of Government Affairs?? well, there you go!!
Tom and Ernie
I missed the live show with Ernie Soloman interviewing Tom Watson..poor Tom couldn't get a word in because Ernie kept interrupting...I hope Lois Capps debates Tom to expose what a ninny he is..he provided no details about his miltary service; he kept jabbering about evil Obama, said he would follow the Constitution and then had trouble remembering the Amendments... said he'd abolish government jobs because they make more than the private sector..how many times do I have to tell these people: the private sector is for profit and the public sector is for service, so you have to make up your mind early in life if you want to chase the dollar or build a stable career, or you can do both!! I chose to build a stable career and make wise investments and look at how happy and handsome I am!! Then Tom took a swipe at blue collar workers and said he only hires people with master's degrees for his elitist "high tech" company, which he didn't name...well, I don't like all Lois has done but I'll take a nurse over a drama queen Teabagger any day!!
Corner of Shame...
some of the folks in the Carp foothills are confused about the upcoming elections....I see Stoker signs, I see Watson signs, and I see Meg for a New California signs...these are bad signs..these people were born under a bad sign...most of them are plastered on the property at the corner of 192 and Nidever by the Polo Grounds..the president of the Carp school board, Terry Hickey Banks owns it and she's a Teabagger and faux farmer....these bags want a Republican slate that will remove the farm workers from California as Stephen Colbert eloquently pointed out before Congress..naturally most of what he said went over their heads...that means the guys and gals who work on Carpinteria ranches and farms would be shipped back to Mexico if Stoker, Watson and Meg get elected...I see a range war breaking out in Carp among the ranch interests here..the real ranchers vs the gentleman farmers...green acres is the place for me!!

Spy Game

Operation Bug in the Looking Glass

I got an email in the form of a photo, not a word document and I'm frightened Auntie Em..the photo was from the FBI and it looks like I got into some trouble in Nigeria...drug trafficking, money laundering and terrorism! I need to send the Office of Nigeria $250 and they will release $1.5 million to me..those are the laydown rules of the Office of Ministry...now, I tell you this in the strictest confidence... if I fail to follow their instructions, they will take legal action and warn me: we presume you are a law abiding citizen whom (whom?? dumbasses!) would not want to have scuffles with the authority, in and outside America. We are charged with the responsibility of implementing legal norms and our authority is irrevocable so don't dare dispute our instruction, just act as instructed.. and it is signed by the director of the FBI, Robert S. Mueller
　
ok ok ...I'll do whatever you say, sir... and if anyone asks you about me, say "who?" and you'll be safe....but me, I think I'm a goner unless I do as they say...money laundry..or laundry money..that's the issue... see ya later..or maybe never again

Fly Like an Egalitarian...

time keeps on slippin..

I'll say one thing about the Teabaggers..they are ferocious in their efforts to remain ignorant..whether it's the Constitution or Bible or Islam they are talking about, you can bet context takes a holiday...
ok, so here we go again with a News-Press endorsement poorly written by either Nipper or Wendy... or perhaps both of them put on their thinking caps to come up with the piece..

now, some blogs can get away murder: with poor writing, filthy words, irrelevant postings, character assassination whatever the phuck that is, nonsensical meanderings, and perverted thoughts... hehehe..... but the News-Press is supposed to be a professional, class news outfit, with writers who can string coherent sentences together.
but the News-Press has failed numerous times to do this even though their content is tightly controlled.....in their puff piece about Teabagger Tom Watson, they say "he has military background, is a high tech entrepreneur who is highly regarded by his colleagues for his business acumen and decision making skills"....what does this mean??? where are the details? what is his military background? does he get a gov't pension? what is his high-tech venture? who are his colleagues? nobody except Wendy Nipper and Tom knows, I guess. Everytime I've heard Watson speak he sounds like he's psycho!! now to Nipper and Wendy: before you publish another opinion, enroll in City College for a remedial writing or English course. This will help you get your thoughts onto paper and you won't look like idiots...because right now you look like a couple of idiots...look at this..you claim that university students vote in smaller numbers in mid-term elections, so Watson should have a better chance at winning versus Lois Capps...what an ignorant statement.. First Wendy says that the 23rd district is heavily gerrymandered to favor Lois, then in the next sentence says that many Republicans, from Lagomarsino to Firestone, have held office in the 23rd District!! and the "News-Press is proud to endorse Tom Watson to be added to this list"... uuuugghhh!!!!
and another rich lady who inherited her wealth thinks the same way: Nancy Crawford Hall, the conservative fat chick who owns the Santa Ynez Valley Journal still trying to buy Doreen Farr's seat for Steve Pappas..what is with these ladies??

incredible, ferocious ignorance..it's breath-taking!
　

snow job....

Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs...there's Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful, Grumpy and one more.. Slippery (Mike Stoker)
it seems that some Americans have forgotten what made this country great; it seems that some Americans have forgotten the blood sweat and tears their foremothers and fathers have shed to build America...it seems that some Americans are just crybabies too lazy to get out there and do the job..it's easier to collect unemployment or complain about no jobs...well, when I was a kid I worked summers and walked fifteen miles in the snow, climbed over a small mountain, swam across a river, and crawled under a barbed wire fence just to get to my job....I did anything I could to get money, any job that was legal and developed a work ethic that is second to none...and that's what America needs right now: a work ethic...if there was a work ethic, Wall Street would not have melted down, Enron would not have destroyed lives, The City of Bell would be functional and people would not buy what they could not afford...now, I know that circumstances differ and if I had a hot blonde on my arm I would buy her something I couldn't afford, but I'm between blondes right now and my finances are up....
now..work ethics..if you need a lesson in how to work, you need to look at history..and by history I don't mean what hot blonde Fergie & Black Eyed Peas sang yesterday!! the labor movement has tons of heroes but the best heroes that personify the real American work ethic are Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs...Snow White was a princess but she worked hard, cleaning up the house with all the little animals she befriended in the woods...teaching them to sing "Whistle While You Work" and the Seven Dwarfs worked the gold mine really hard with picks and axes...singing Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work we go...all good dudes and a little daffy, but good..well did you know there was an eighth dwarf who was lazy and messy..he spilled oil all over their beautifully landscaped yard, and he cowtowed to rich folks all his life, trying to steal gold from the other dwarfs, ie workers, working class, public workers...this eighth dwarf was named Slippery and he went on to become a freakin' political hack for the wealthy scabs like Wendy McCuckoo and Greka Oil!!
so the News-Press, Wendy and Nipper, in an "OUR OPINION" piece, endorsed Slippery for Assembly...it was the dumbest most uninformed piece I've ever read so I figure Nipper wrote it...he says that Das Williams favors an anti-egalitarian platform and will tax the poor, working families, single mothers and others so public employees can retire in their fifties with $50000 to $100000 pensions" ....Nipper, you dumbass, do you know what egalitarian means?? it means equal rights for everyone which is what Slippery and the News-Press hate!! Wendy fears union working class power and she should because it means she has to raise her employment standards!! Public employees have been retiring for years without problems, the city has been unionized for about thirty years and all of a sudden you blame them...they all pay into their own retirement accounts and when they leave, they withdraw a monthly pension..it's all the cost of people providing services to you..if you don't want those services, if you don't mind sewage running down the street every day or no cops or firewomen, then privitize and get Greka to run things! Nipper, you would know this if you'd ever done an honest days work in your life..the economic meltdown was created by lack of oversight and regulation in the private banking sector and Wall Street...with a few public municipalities in cahoots..the rank and file had nothing to do with it... plug corporate loopholes and tax nonprofits, churches, liquor and tobacco: problem solved... and the stock market has rebounded under Obama...buy low sell high...nuff said.....and don't vote for slippery candidates!!