ok... you got your Horse Whisperer and your Dog Whisperer, and now you got your Tree Whisperer..do trees talk??..yes, they talk to me...I did a few interviews with some blue gum eucalyptus, sycamore and oaks to see what they think about the invasive species hysteria gripping the bourgeois-pseudo-elitists in town...and here's some of what went down...
MVC: so Euka, I've heard that you are a dangerous tree, an outlaw of sorts, and people are plotting to bring you down..what have you done to deserve this reputation?
Euka: well, I don't quite know what I've done! I think there are rumors that during California wildfires, I seem to be the brightest flame burning...I am the one that strikes the most fear in some firemen, Christians and homeowners because I am tall and good-looking and have pets.... wild mind you, but they always hang out in my canopy...raptors like hawks and owls and Monarch butterflies...these are my pets!
MVC: what is nativism??
Euka: it's another word for xenophobia or racism...
MVC: I heard on the news last night a woman from the Montecito Fire District say "anytime you remove a tree, you remove a fire hazard"....what do you think about that?
Euka: I'm almost speechless...the Montecito Fire District under Chief Kevin Wallace is incompetent. The Tea Fire started right under their noses and they sat on their asses, frozen with fear while it burned..naturally they want to blame trees. What they should be doing instead of expensive remodels to their fire house on Cold Springs Road...have you seen that thing? It looks like one of Ty Warner's monstrosities! Anyway, they should be spending money on fire prevention patrols. Have you ever seen them up in the hills, making the rounds? I haven't....they need a few small trucks and motorcycles to spot real hazards like people building fires in the hills on a hot windy day..that's what they need to do, but it may interfere with their clubhouse activities like playing pool or BBQing! it's obvious they need new leadership...
MVC: have you ever killed anyone?
Euka: personally, no but I'd like to strangle that woman from the Montecito Fire District!! but seriously, I've been around for 70 years in this place and plan to be here for 70 more...I like people coming up and admiring me but I will say, if you mess with me, I'm not above dropping a 300 lb limb on you! I have a right to protect myself!
MVC: indeed you do... hey, why do you think some people hate you so much?
Euka: I was discussing that very same thing last night with Julia Butterfly Hill..she was up on my top branch ru
bbing it real hard! Afterwards, we cuddled and talked. I think people hate me because they don't know themselves...I represent something they haven't faced in their own lives..and instead of facing it, they want to destroy it, they fear it.. Look, I'm a free bird, a rebel and that's what they are afraid of, I think..they like their nature neat and clean and orderly, like their lawns. Anal retentive people are very orderly, so I guess most of the folks who dislike me are assholes..HA HA AH!!
MVC: hey, good one Euka and I totally agree with what you say...I can't fathom the amount of money and time wasted trying to kill non native species, most of which keep coming back...and stronger... that's good because I love fennel, and a responsible program to control any species seems to be beyond their capacity! They just keep on poisoning watersheds and chopping exotic alien invaders like killer zombies!! such arrogance!
Euka: that's true..we're not stupid..the law of unintended consequences is completely lost on these genuises..I support tons of species native or otherwise and we all get along just fine.. I'm not above killing a hornet if I have to but sometimes I gotta ask myself, what the hell is wrong with the human species??
MVC: lots Euka lots.....hey, one last thing: you got Julia Butterfly Hill's cell phone number??
MVC: so Euka, I've heard that you are a dangerous tree, an outlaw of sorts, and people are plotting to bring you down..what have you done to deserve this reputation?Euka: well, I don't quite know what I've done! I think there are rumors that during California wildfires, I seem to be the brightest flame burning...I am the one that strikes the most fear in some firemen, Christians and homeowners because I am tall and good-looking and have pets.... wild mind you, but they always hang out in my canopy...raptors like hawks and owls and Monarch butterflies...these are my pets!
MVC: what is nativism??
Euka: it's another word for xenophobia or racism...
MVC: I heard on the news last night a woman from the Montecito Fire District say "anytime you remove a tree, you remove a fire hazard"....what do you think about that?
Euka: I'm almost speechless...the Montecito Fire District under Chief Kevin Wallace is incompetent. The Tea Fire started right under their noses and they sat on their asses, frozen with fear while it burned..naturally they want to blame trees. What they should be doing instead of expensive remodels to their fire house on Cold Springs Road...have you seen that thing? It looks like one of Ty Warner's monstrosities! Anyway, they should be spending money on fire prevention patrols. Have you ever seen them up in the hills, making the rounds? I haven't....they need a few small trucks and motorcycles to spot real hazards like people building fires in the hills on a hot windy day..that's what they need to do, but it may interfere with their clubhouse activities like playing pool or BBQing! it's obvious they need new leadership...
MVC: have you ever killed anyone?
Euka: personally, no but I'd like to strangle that woman from the Montecito Fire District!! but seriously, I've been around for 70 years in this place and plan to be here for 70 more...I like people coming up and admiring me but I will say, if you mess with me, I'm not above dropping a 300 lb limb on you! I have a right to protect myself!
MVC: indeed you do... hey, why do you think some people hate you so much?
Euka: I was discussing that very same thing last night with Julia Butterfly Hill..she was up on my top branch ru
bbing it real hard! Afterwards, we cuddled and talked. I think people hate me because they don't know themselves...I represent something they haven't faced in their own lives..and instead of facing it, they want to destroy it, they fear it.. Look, I'm a free bird, a rebel and that's what they are afraid of, I think..they like their nature neat and clean and orderly, like their lawns. Anal retentive people are very orderly, so I guess most of the folks who dislike me are assholes..HA HA AH!!MVC: hey, good one Euka and I totally agree with what you say...I can't fathom the amount of money and time wasted trying to kill non native species, most of which keep coming back...and stronger... that's good because I love fennel, and a responsible program to control any species seems to be beyond their capacity! They just keep on poisoning watersheds and chopping exotic alien invaders like killer zombies!! such arrogance!
Euka: that's true..we're not stupid..the law of unintended consequences is completely lost on these genuises..I support tons of species native or otherwise and we all get along just fine.. I'm not above killing a hornet if I have to but sometimes I gotta ask myself, what the hell is wrong with the human species??
MVC: lots Euka lots.....hey, one last thing: you got Julia Butterfly Hill's cell phone number??
4 comments:
I came out to play however the sun was behind a huge thicket of nasty eucalyptus. The stand of YUKs burned furiously to teetering sticks. The red tailed hawk nestlings did not survive. I dearly loved those nestlings as they were nearing fledgling status.
By the way I call these weedy YUKs YUKs as they shed tons of debris or fire fuel while severely pruning the public views of the sun, the sea and our glorious mountains. Let us begin to gracefully cull the heard and stomp out every YUKy seeding that sprouts to sky.
hey Prude..did ya happen to notice any other trees or even houses burning down that night??
Why yes! And the singular and naturally well spaced sycamores and live oaks would have been less severely scorched had it not been for the highly combustible thicket of that weedy patch of YUKs. That incendiary thicket shattered the window panes, scorched the drapes and nearly set the house a flame. The heat from these torche thickets killed wildlife from hundreds of feet away well away from the flames.! And Mick, the name is Prudence.
Well Prudey, the name is Euka! what about all those propane tanks and transformers up there,and hot 100 mph winds?? I think you need to retool your logic a bit...
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