people are worrying about torturing Islamic terrorists, but what about torturing me? I went into Santa Barbara at 7:30 am-0730 hrs- to make my jury duty appearance at 0800 hrs... I reach the Santa Barbara County Cathouse..
I love these streets..this block...the girls are all dressed up and smelling so good...classic beauty!! such a welcome change from the beer-swilling hillbilly goat gals in Carpinteria!
I make my way to the back of the jury assembly room....I spot some babes and a young woman sits next to me...ohh what an ass on her...I tell ya the thoughts racing through my head, the dirty thoughts..I should be the one on trial today!
but then a 78 year old woman squeezes in next to me and starts blabbing away...I tell her to shut the fuck up as nicely as I could...I am not the caretaker of geriatric evil-doers!!
ok so the torturey part of this whole ordeal is the video they show in the assembly room....a 14 minute snow job about how great jury duty is....same as last year
but today things are moving a little quicker so I'm not feeling so bad...they split us up into two groups instead of herding everyone into one little courtroom..so I go with my group over to Courtroom #3 in the Cathouse .....the wind is blowing through the big black wooden doors of the stately old building..they are always open...I love open doors...it's cool and refreshing and the storm is approaching..I feel like I'm in Spain...it's a lovely day!
Anderle is the judge...he's a nice old fellow but annoying with the "beam me up Scotty" talk...he's talking to his aide about computer stuff to put on the screen so he tells the guy "beam me up Scotty"...geez
and he had his wife in the courtroom..introduced her to everyone..now that was weird...
so we finally get to the case and the voir dire (vwah-deer) is still going on...Anderle tells us it's not a French phrase, but something from the middle ages...Judge, voir dire is French..look it up
there's already a full jury seated in the box..picked yesterday but the lawyers are still weeding them out....more questions from the lawyers and judge for a new batch of prospective jurors today..that's us
I never did get called but I would have been dismissed immediately..the judge asks the jurors to promise him they won't talk about the case, talk to the lawyers, or google anything about the case when out of the court..it's stupid..of course we will... I've already told everyone I don't make promises...makes my life so much easier however some of the girls here, shit, I'd promise them the moon for a piece of ass..serious
so the actual case was a domestic violence... a guy beat his wife and the witness list has a bunch of stoners and boozers on it, according to the defense lawyers....they asked the jurors if they had any bias against boozers and potheads because the crime in question was possibly fueled by and witnessed by hallucinations!!
that's another reason to dismiss me...I don't like stoners and boozers who wind up in court doing stupid stuff while they were high..they are wasting my and your time...
there's a street in Santa Barbara off Milpas called Jauna Maria? does it mean do ya wanna Maria..or Mariajauna??
Judge Anderle did a fantastic job of keeping the lawyers moving on schedule as they tend to wander off on tangents and crazy long questions...and they found a jury around 11:30 without even calling me up there
so I was free...the trial was set to last from now until Tuesday...I kinda wish I had made it up there on the jury....the guy charged with domestic violence looked rather normal but I saw the drink in his eyes ....the People vs XXXXXX..the wife brought the criminal charges against the dude...I forgot his name
but I don't care about justice anymore...
all I want is just ass
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