Tuesday, November 16, 2010

pretty flamingo..

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled." The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"
I know that municipalities allow ordinary citizens like me to tour their facilities...just call and set up an appointment and see how your tax money is being spent...well, I wanted to see if private companies could be as gracious, so I called the News-Press to see if I could get a tour..they said: sure c'mon down and bring some hay.... bring some hay?? hmmm...so down I went..into Santa Barbara..to see what changes were happening at the News-Press and why they wanted me to bring hay..and this is my story....
I had a dream last night that I was crossing a bridge..but I was holding onto a beam that was sticking out the back of a truck...ever watch Ice Road Truckers..I dreamt the driver was the super hot Lisa Kelly...that has nothing to do with the News-Press tour I was about to take..but then again, what has anything got to do with anything??
I was curious about the operations at the News-Press..something is up..something has changed...something is different...I went into Santa Barbara and immediately saw that the entire News-Press building was enclosed behind an iron fence! I had heard that Wendy was getting death threats, but figured it was just a rumor..anyway, I go in and get this..they charge 12 bucks for a tour! Ok, so I pay and wander around and see there is no management on site, and we all know that the N-P reporters are pretty bad..mistakes, grammar issues...why, it's getting so you can't tell News-Press reporter from a pink flamingo!!
so I move in towards the central command area and sure enough, there's Nipper..I say: Hey Art, how's it going? he looks at me quizzically and says: oooowww..eeeee..aaahhhh! oooowww..eeeee..aaahhhh!
then I go over and there's Wendy in a Red floral Indian type dress...I say: Hey Wendy, what's up? she looks down at me, then up and twists her head around 360 degrees and demurs: MccccccCAWWW!! McccCAWWW!! McccCAWWWW!!
I dunno... but for 12 dollars, I think I otter get some more intelligent conversation from the private sector!


Anonymous said...

Don't forget Don Katich, director of news operations, and Scott Steepleton, city editor.

I remember Alice said...

Didn't the Red Queen use pink flamingos when she cheated at croquet?

Anonymous said...

Swindled? I personally love reading Don Katich's NEARLY DAILY stories about the latest RIGHT WING NUT at theReagan Ranch. I love a ONE-SIDED, BIASED newspaper. I love poorly written stories. I love DULL photographs. WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT! Oh, I forgot, ITS NOT FIFTY CENTS ANYMORE!