I know some of you younger women out there may have some hopped up romantic inclinations towards me..fully understandable, but I need to point out a few things before you let your hearts go.. I demand that you exercise..at least 4 times a week on the bike or running; leg tatoos are a NO-NO! I demand discipline..if you break my rules, you get spanked.. if you are good, then with all the tenderness I can muster, you get a massage.. that's called justice...I can meter out justice and I can peter out justice, but I'll never cut your head off and store it in the fridge... 
if you look like Lauren Bacall, you're in for free; I sing but I'm no Ricky Nelson..or Ricky Suave even...I 'm just a guy with a computer, a few bikes and a few very expensive, valuable guitars and real estate...you want a piece of me? Is that it? Is that it? Some of you lil kittens still have boyfriends..well that's fine..I used to be someone's boyfriend too and boyfriends are the LOWEST class citizens in the world... we are the statues and the girls are the seagulls..SPLATT!!always taking the brunt of the girl's changing heart...we hang on to the bitter end and then, after regaining our senses, leave when they've diminished us to confused amoeba. Boyfriends have a shelf life of about 2 to 3 years..guys, you need to write that into the contract unless the sex has you so hooked you're like a junkie..then I'll just pray for you..I offer pity but you know as well as I do you get what you deserve..now...what about married women? Married is just another term for "joined at the brain"...you simply can't compete with a husband, ex, separated or present.. no matter how much of a lowlife he is..if he fathered children with her, he'll be like a god and you will be the houseboy..and same thing for the ladies..OK? We straight on all the possible complications of the heart? Now go out there and start shredding..I leave you with a little wisdom from Lao Tsu: Good binding requires no knots....
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