Sunday, December 29, 2013

Walk Like a Man

talk like a man, walk like a man my son...

ok so it's coming on New Year's Eve...some of you will be out partying and sipping won't eat the whole day so that you'll look skinny in your tuxedos...some of you may nod off at a stop's ok because according to our esteemed Judge Brian Hill, when the light turns green, you got up to 30 seconds for a cat nap before you need to step on the gas pedal and go, baby...

you see, Judge Brian Hill, journalism hack Peter Lance and drunk driver lawyer Darryl Genis are trying to make it easier for you to kill someone DUI...and then when the cops arrest you can always sue them and the City of SB for civil rights dare they pull over drunk drivers!!! especially on New Year's Eve!! geez

now, I'm looking over California DUI laws and yes it's true you can drink and drive..up to 0.08 percent blood alcohol level..what does this mean?

Drunk Driving Laws in California
While Driving in the State of California, the following is illegal:


Drivers under 21 may not carry unsealed beer, wine or liquor in their vehicle while they are driving alone. (There are exceptions for work related driving)
Drivers under 21 may not drive with a blood alcohol concentration level (BAC) of .01 or higher.
Drivers Under 21 may not consume alcohol in any form, including cough syrup, and prescription drugs.
Any driver may not drive with a BAC of .08 or higher.
The drive of any vehicle requiring a commercial driver license may not drive with with a BAC of .04 percent or higher
A driver under 18, may not drive with ANY measurable blood alcohol concentration.
Repeat offenders may not drive with a BAC of .01 or Greater
it means you should know your means that if you go to lunch for a burger and a beer and stay about an hour, you should be able to get home without hitting a car, a dog or killing someone...a beer and a burger...I prefer a coke and a burger or a nice vanilla kinda kills the flavor..but the booze industry advertises to a target audience....white males- dumb white males who don't work for a living...apparently, if you drink beer or liquor, you'll be a man...or the buzz will make you feel like a man..but as they say, never send a boy to do a man's job...

now speaking of jobs, if you want to feel like man, try a pretty woman's soothing hand wrapped around your dick...if that doesn't do it, then you are gay, and that's a sin according to that hippie hillbilly alcoholic womanizer bible thumper redneck on Dick Dynasty...or if you wanna feel like a man, do some volunteer work..drinking beer will not make you feel like a man...

ok so this is not about Prohibition, it's about personal responsibility which nowadays appears to be a rare thing..the easy thing is to blame someone else for your stupidity...don't do that, ok?

now if you pour too many drinks you may get poured into taxi, or worse drive yourself home

so let's say I'm a dude who likes to party.. I go out drinking you know to feel more manly...I party for three hours, and I have 10 shots of 78 proof Triple BAC is about 0.14 so I probably shouldn't drive although it may be the manly thing to do.....

now if I'm a chick and I weigh in at 125 lbs and have four Heineken Darks at 5.17 % alcohol in three hours of partying, my BAC is 0.13 and I should stay away from the wheel...

and skinny margaritas


Anonymous said...

That's right, kids. Judge Brian Hill says: "Drinking and driving can be fun!"

But just make sure you take the following precautions:

1) If you do drink and drive. Make sure to do it in a tuxedo and cowboy hat. That way an arresting officer will think your a pretentious looney and he may let you go on the spot!

2) Make sure you have a fat, loud-mouth DUI lawyer ready at hand. Preferably not afraid to embarass himself or the judicial system with cheap "how to get out of a drunk driving charge" with tricks he's learned on YouTube.

3) Get yourself temporary spot as a writer with the Santa Barbara News-Press, which will allow you to write 30 front page stories about your innocence!

3), Be certain the judge trying your case is as cowardly a barrister as you can find! Look for once so afraid of bad publicity, he'll throw his own police department, his dignity and the law under the bus for fear of looking bad in the press.

Yes, kids, you too can drink and drive on New Years Eve if you follow these simple rules!

Anonymous said...

I think we need a DUI checkpoint on EVR in Montecito before ALL the powerpoles are knocked down!