Dr. Robert

well well well you're feeling fine...well well well he'll make you...

the continuing saga of Santa Claus Lane

Dr. Kent, I presume....
But he never showed up. Fine! I figured he chickened out..and to top it off, the commission voted 3 to 2 to designate Santa as a "place of historical merit" after my speech. What a salesman I am! I felt good! maybe I should run for mayor!!

What next? Well, next, the shit would hit the fan! I heard that the owner was "really angry" that the hearing happened without him..he couldn’t reschedule his heart patients and claimed he didn’t get proper notice. Which sounded like bullshit! I got plenty of notice. I thought it was all over but the saga went on..and on..and on! More hearings, then to the planning commission then to the supervisors! Holy shit! I gotta do this again? Being a rather solitary creature, I didn’t really want the attention, but saw the value in free publicity.

The next hearing a few weeks later was to decide if Santa should be landmarked. Landmarking would provide the structure more protection from development than mere "place of historical merit" status. That meeting was the fun one! Everyone showed up mostly in support of Santa. The Pearl Chase Society even got involved and created a "SAVE SANTA" website. Some folks were dressed in Christmas garb handing out cookies and candy canes on a hot August morning. Little old ladies were cute and very funny dressed as elves. We spoke to the commission about what Santa Claus Lane meant to us, but first the owner, Dr. Kent spoke. He came armed with a few lawyers and I came armed with a copy of "California Crazy- Roadside Vernacular Architecture" by Jim Heimann and Rip Georges. Kent was miffed at us and the Landmark’s Commission and you could hear it in his wavering voice.. "I am not amused at this display!" he scolded us. After about 45 minutes, he was done trashing Santa. The majority of the commission certainly sided with the doctor and his so-called property rights. I heard he got the property for a song and a dance! Chairman Lex Palmer decided to table (delay) the Landmark status vote until the TORO CANYON PLAN was finalized.

That was a bold move..we weren’t dead yet. The Toro Canyon plan was still in the Planning Commissioners hands and we had a long way to go.

　
Local Media
Nick Welsh of The Santa Barbara Independent Weekly did a cover story on Santa Claus Lane after the Landmarks Commission hearings It was the only real coverage by local media. KEYT television didn’t touch it! At least I didn’t see it. They seem only to cover murders and car accidents! The News-Press had a few articles, but mostly editorials against keeping Santa after billionaire/pro-development Wendy McCaw bought the paper! Randy Alcorn was working for Wendy as CFO and he was writing opinions against saving Santa....Randy was a major suck-up to Wendy, then she canned him! some folks never learn....

planner Heather Baker and supervisor Naomi Schwartz
 

The Investigator
All the while, Dr. Kent and his lawyers and chummy business owners and tenants on the lane were trying convince the public, planning commissioners and ultimately the Board of Supervisors that Santa should go, and they had many reasons…Santa was ugly, Santa made upscale people sick, he was hurting business, Santa was not historically significant. Of course, there were plenty of folks who wanted Santa to disappear.

The poor tenants had to side with the property owners..Hey, I used to be a renter and I know how to suck up to the landlord. Survival instinct!

Kent’s people even sent a private investigator to visit me in Carpinteria. I of course didn't invite him in, but spoke to the investigator, Larry Troxel, for about 30 minutes and he questioned me about my motives for trying to make Santa a landmark against the doc’s wishes.

I told him I didn’t want a bunch of pampered, phony, wealthy morons fuckin’ up my side of town, and also I felt Santa Claus Lane was historically significant to Carpinteria’s agricultural past. He actually sympathized! He was a pretty nice fellow and kinda reminded me of James Dickey, the guy who wrote "Deliverance" and played the sheriff in the movie. My thinking was: " I’ll talk to you, buddy, just don’t get any hillbilly ideas!" Then he disappeared as mysteriously as he appeared. Dr. Kent claimed he didn’t send the investigator, but that maybe one of his "history consultants" did! Ha! I laughed..what a weenie ….so that’s who I’m dealing with.

"Western Seaside Vernacular" (Does that Include the Castle?)
Meanwhile, a developer named Paul Franz was erecting a freakin’ monstrosity on Santa Claus Lane called the Franz Commercial Development. (I’ve heard Oprah Winfrey likes him! Opray made a fortune catering to neurotic white people!) He and Kent were part of the "Santa Claus Lane Business Owners Association". Kent was president. There’s about three or four landowners on the lane who belonged so big fucking deal! I’m the president of the non-existant Save Santa Coalition..at least I got more members. Also, Slimeball Sr. (the greedy guy who tripled the rent to force the Archambaults out of the Padaro Grill) was a member of Kent’s gang, so by association, all the members were slimeballs.


Franz’s huge "upscale" ( for the rich only) building is a cross between a Danish nightmare and a Warehouse..the warehouse looks fine, but the Solvang-by-the-sea addition is U-G-L-Y and juts out in strange angles. That was the beginning of the end of 1940’s casually funky Santa Claus Lane. What the hell are these guys doing, Where the hell was the Planning Commission or Board of Architectural review when this was built? They were right there, saying "YES"!


The new theme on the lane would be "western seaside vernacular" because the lane was located in California , hence "western", and right next to a big ocean, hence "seaside". These guys are brilliant! This is much less confusing than a big, red, fat guy on the roof of a building and the north pole in southern California. Thank god they cleared that up for us! This is another example of wealthy developers controlling wimpy county boards. I have to mildly praise the Board of Supervisors and Planning Commission for holding out this long on the Santa issue, however. It was always an uphill battle..pushing that rock up the hill! (the story of my life) I also wanted to see if my supervisor, Naomi Schwartz, was the peoples' politician or the rich peoples' politician...well, maybe a little of both....