so I go into downtown Santa Barbara, check out the Film Fest because as you know I got a freekin Jury Duty summons! but this time I spend four hours in Santa Barbara...I see some pretty people then I go into the jury meeting room and wait.... I sit in the back ....way back by the exit in case some mental white guy tries to kill us all in two minutes....bambambam!!! I wait as 119 other potential jurors file in...119! oh this should be fun..I'm not at all happy about this but
I'm kinda faking it because I'm seeing some pretty women stroll on....let's see if my phony brooding act will attract any attention..ohhh that strawberry blonde babe over there....yea that's the one I want
we're supposed to start at 12:30 pm and at 12:40 pm the clerks roll in..one perky blond chick in the front of the room and two Mexican gals on the sides..the blonde gal was hot but too chirpy and annoying....she tells us to pee if we need to and then she shows a video about the orgasmic joys of jury duty...well I case the joint and spot some pretty fine babes so maybe
then we all had to go up to the front of the room and get our JUROR tags which took about a half hour...we're all standing in line like a bunch of cattle..it's like a movie cattle call for the Film Fest!!then the clerk babbles on about this and that and says we're finally gonna go upstairs to the court room and the Judge will talk to us...we need to pass through a metal detector..all this takes another 30 minutes...then we go into the court room and it's full so I have to stand and then...oh no holy shit...it's Judge Brian Hill!! I gotta deal with Judge Brian Hill for this trial..I was so pissed I almost jumped over 119 people, the clerk, the lawyers, the alleged criminals and the bailiffs to scream at Hill "why did you let Peter Lance go free dumbass??"
then Judge Hill explained to us in excruciating lengthy detail and often repeating himself what the trial process would be like...he tells us that this process is called voir dire whereby the court gets to examine potential jurors..he tells us this twice...voir dire is French for to see and to tell or something like that
then he introduced the lawyers and the guys on trial to us.. he says the trial will last about six weeks... knowing Hill it will probably last a year
the two Mexican dudes are accused of murder while being part of a gang..oh, how nice ..two gang-bangers accused of murder..GUILTY!!! why waste time on a trial I say..oh yeah, my tax dollars spent to fill the new jail with more ignorant Mexicans..geez
then Hill says he and the lawyers have some rules: Rule #1-don't read the News-Press..he says we can't read the front page because the News-Press doesn't always have the facts right...everyone laughs..then he tells us not to read the Independent or watch KEYT..this is all so we can be fair to the defendants...this is bullshit...does Judge Hill think the jurors are too stupid to distinguish when the News-Press is lying??? the News-Press is lying ALL THE TIME so why can't I read it...then he says don't go on the internet..Rule #2- don't talk to anyone about the trial....what am I supposed to do....go live in a teepee??
then he says those with medical hardships should stay to explain their issues and the rest of us should go and we'll complete the orientation and questioning on Thursday when Judge Hill wants to see if anyone has any biases that might interfere with a fair trial...
well..yeah Judge Hill, I got some and I'll explain it all to you on Thursday...
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