they only come out at night

creature feature

well I went to the Plaza Theater in Carp to catch the Shark Conference sponsored by the city...the night was dark and cold like that Mexican chick I met in Cancun, '87...I drove and suddenly some idiot starts tailgating me with his big SUV..so when folks do that to me I slam on the brakes then speed up...lucky for him he turned so I didn't kill him which is what I would have done if he kept it up...

ok so I get to the theater and folks are walking in and I buy a ticket..in the ticket booth is melon-head Matt Roberts, Parks Director.. I hand him a twenty and he gives me a funky old ripped ten back...subliminal message that he's uncomfortable with me being there!

so I go into the theater and it finally fills up..this is a great little hall...some blonde chick sits in front of me and is contantly turning around and gabbing and waving her hair...it was the highlight of the night..there's some other weird creatures I see with my special night vision spyglass...hey there's Peter Howorth..I get a gory picture and yell at him "Peter, the News-Press is great for wrapping fish"!! he just giggles

and there's lots of old folks and some yuppies but no kids?? I soon find out why...the conference or Colloquium as they call it was pretty boring....Colloquium??

Dave Durflinger, the Carp City Manager did a good job of moderating but the speakers were kinda duds...first a law guy tells us that it's illegal to harass marine mammals, especially you damn dog owners who walk on the beach....you could be fined $100000 if your dog messes with a seal!! hahaha! that's justice baby

next we get some pimply kid from the Channel Islands ummmming and ahhhhing trying to explain about the shark teeth marks on sea lions or pinnipeds as the "experts" like to call them ...you can measure the distance from one shark tooth bite to the other!!! NEAT!! sit down kid and come back when you turn 23 fer Christ sakes...

next a guy with some slides and video showed some sharks....this was like a high school class or maybe a low budget Nat Geo special....the guy was ok in that he said sharks are good but then he says he and his cohorts are working on some weird system to keep sharks from feeding near the shore so swimmers don't have to fear the water anymore..WTF kinda sense does that make..the ocean is the sharks' environment, not ours!! and it is pure folly to try to prevent humans from feeling fear, or measuring risks..it's what keeps us sharp...the fear instinct..the wonder of seeing a shark close to shore...oh no, I'll have to stop these guys somehow

ok so I'm getting a little peeved at all this fuss when finally Peter Howorth from the Marine Mammal Center and the News-Press comes up and starts mumbling anf fumbling with the computer..they used a computer to generate the slides and videos...man this dude is boring and he starts with a slide that says he kinda likes sharks but is concerned that they are feeding on pinnipeds..I got up, let out a grunt that everyone heard and left the theater, shaking my head all the way out the door...

sharks feeding on pinnipeds is a natural occurance, but this guy Howorth wants to save all the pinnipeds, the seals and sea lions from attacks!!

well what do you expect from someone who works for Wendy....