Paradise City

Take me down To the paradise city Where the grass is green And the girls are pretty

I decided to take one last look at Santa Barbara on Monday before election day..

Nov 5-the day that may push SB to the dark side- when the conservatives are predicted to take over the city government ...

so into town I went and I see some issues the conservatives have rightly blamed the liberals for.. like #1 being the red tile-brick crosswalks on Cabrillo Blvd....lots of blame but no solutions..well I have a solution.. I went and inspected the red tiles which have crumbled and broken under the weight of cars and obese tourists from the Carnival Cruises..

 I spot the problem instantly..it appears the bricks are made of the same material as roof tiles! and they just laid the thin brick-tiles over asphalt instead of "bedding" them in and using thicker bricks or stamped concrete..

a simple fix but a sloppy job done wrong the first time probably by a private non-union contractor! but the buck stops with the City of Santa Barbara..

the mosaic right next to the crosswalk is done correctly and it's beautiful!

and remember red tiles belong ON THE ROOFS, NOT THE STREETS!!

next when pretty boy Jason Nelson is elected the first thing he will do is take down the little American flag at the end of Stearn's Wharf and put up a great big one...for like-minded patriots!! and open up an embassy for Afghanistan in the former Ty Warner Sea Center

a sad, dirty cafe

 and Dale Francisco and Frank Hotchkiss will kill the Open Streets thing forever...those Open Street hippies were pushing their luck, anyway...

and the gang injunction will be expanded to include unions!


Randy, ever hear of Windex??

 Frank has come up with another great idea! as part of the "a hand-up and not a hand out" program, the homeless will clean the grime off of Randy Rowse's Paradise Cafe....Randy would never dream of getting his hands dirty but his building sure needs a hose down!! and a paint job! and how 'bout some elbow grease, Randy!!! geez

Lesley Wiscomb will win and she'll give up her job as a Gilbert Gottfried impersonator in Vegas due to a conflict of interest

and then I hear that Bendy hired his step-son Skye to beat the shit out of Jason Nelson if Jason wins

and Mayor Scoles will axe former Mayor Schneider to marry him!!

and lastly, instead of the Pledge of Allegiance before every city council meeting, a passage from Atlas Shrugged will be read...Ayn Rand wrote it and it's about 10 million pages long so it should last a full term!!

Santa Barbara...I wish you guys lotsa luck with the new conservatives ...you're gonna need it!!