christmasinjail
State Police said they received numerous complaints from residents about Claus flying "erratically" and dangerously close to several homes in the Santa Barbara area.Joanne Delancey, who lives on the Mesa, reported hearing such a clatter that she sprang from her bed to see what was the matter. “What to my wondering eyes did appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. Back and forth in the sky they thrashed, I knew in a moment that Santa was trashed.”
Police took Claus into custody shortly after he landed on the airport's runway, but didn't lay a hand on him per the new police policy: let the trees do the work
"He was very visibly intoxicated,” said Trooper Charles Mugglebeam. “His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry. In fact, his behavior was so erratic that I laughed when I saw him – in spite of myself."
Claus was charged with DUI, public drunkenness and possession of marijuana with intent to deliver. “He had a one-pound brick of pot in his suit and a four-foot water bong riding shotgun in his sleigh,” said Mugglebeam.
A spokesman for Claus said the elf-in-chief regularly practices takeoffs and landings at Santa Barbara airport because the facility is used by "few, if any, airplanes."...."the only reason the airport exists is so rich people can show off their super luxurious jets..they just park them there..I think that's what made Santa angry".."he's been trying to upgrade the sleigh for years, but the Elves union keeps bargaining for unsustainable benefits..and we know who pays in the end"
As for the arrest, the spokesman sounded a skeptical tone. "This is just another example of police targeting someone because he's a white guy and a small business owner....
Santa could not be reached for comment...
thanks to the Central PA Gazette!
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