Tuesday, March 26, 2013

not fade away

I'm gonna tell you how it's gonna be...

the Rainbow sculpture-a metaphor for a faded city

City of Santa Barbara files for bankruptcy!!

"our sad city has fallen into disrepair and lost its luster" says Mayor Helene Schneider as she wiped away tears in front of the tattered Rainbow sculpture.....

but it was a move forseen by Libertarians, non-profit directors, conservatives and Ayn Rand pantie sniffers everywhere, the City of Santa Barbara filed for bankruptcy in Wendy McCaw's Bankruptcy Court building because it couldn't fund its pension obligations...people who have worked for the City of Santa Barbara in the last 30 years and are now retired are being asked to give the money back...any investments they made while employed with the city and any funds that went from their paychecks into the CALPERS retirement fund need to be returned to the city treasury...

conservatives blamed the public employee unions and especially the fire and police officers..said one city administrator who just bought a $2,000,000 house in Santa Barbara, "why should cops retire at 50 when they can retire at 70??"

looking back at previous city councils, it became obvious that liberal councilmembers were in bed with the unions and lavished expensive benefits upon city employees for political support....

the conservatives claimed that since they lost all their money at the casino, in bad investments, poor career decisions, and private industry fraud and corruption, why shouldn't the city workers suffer too..."it's only fair" they whined...."now maybe we'll win an election!" they squealed

the first order of business for the city brass was to cut the DUI task force and concentrate on removing the homeless from Santa Barbara...says one city councilmember: "oh, we're poor too but there's no reason we need to be reminded of it on a daily basis"

not arresting drunk drivers will save the city money in court costs...

and is Santa Barbara the only municipality to go broke? no..and all these cities had one thing in common: collective bargaining....one city official said collective bargaining is the single-most threat to the financial stability of cities across America because "public workers and unions are commies, you know, because they all work together"

Since 1980, 32 cities and towns have declared bankruptcy, according to James Spiotta, a leading municipal bankruptcy lawyer. Most notable of these were Bridgeport, Conn., population 140,000, which declared bankruptcy in 1991. And, in the nation's biggest municipal bankruptcy, Orange County, Calif., sought protection from its creditors in 1994 after city officials made a series of bad investments.

1975, New York City: The Big Apple teeters on the verge of bankruptcy but is rescued at the last minute, thanks to a loan from the federal government and other measures. 1991, Bridgeport, Conn.: The city, population 140,000, declares bankruptcy after a dispute with the state. 1994, Orange County, Calif.: The county declares bankruptcy after officials make a series of bad investments. It was — and still is — the biggest municipal bankruptcy in U.S. history. 1995, Pittsburgh: The city escapes bankruptcy — barely — by selling its water plant. 1995, Washington, D.C.: The nation's capital is in danger of bankruptcy but is rescued when the White House and Congress establish a financial control board for the city. 2000, Camden, N.J..: The state of New Jersey takes over the faltering city. It's the biggest city takeover in the country since the Great Depression...

next on the agenda is a fire sale..the city's wastewater and water treatment plants will be either sold or privatized and all current public employees will be fired..and fleeced

so when you flush the twa-lay, you gotta run on down to the sewer plant and clean it up yourselves!!


Anonymous said...

Here are some fundraising ideas for the City of Santa Barbara:

Disposable Cash Tax; The City should immediately triple docking fees collected at the harbor from yacht owners who need million dollar pieces of floating wood to get laid.
Gash Fines: Levied on UCSB coeds displaying more than one inch of camel toe on State Street.
Polo Ground Annexation: City uncovers ancient Chumash shell document proving The Monetico Polo grounds actually belong to the city. Polo grounds are A) Turned into homeless camp for public workers stripped of their retirement pension. B). A Public museum devoted to the corruption, rape and drug crimes of the Kirk Douglas clan. C) a gladiatorial ring where Swiss and Italian tourist can watch unarmed homeless vagrants be pummeled to death by Hope Ranch riders on Wonder Horses.
Drunk Driving Vouchers: Freedom for tourists and cowboy and tuxedo hat-wearing locals to spin around inebriated without risk of arrest. Attractive get out of jail free vouchers also allow higher prices to be charged during Fiesta and the Santa Barbara Film Festival.
Newspaper Recycling Initative: IDEA ABANDONED. As of 3/01/13 no local newspapers as a large enough circulation to make this feasible.
Nazi Auto Tax: Anyone driving one of the latest unsightly Hitler Youth-designed BMW or Mercedes must pay a sliding fee based on it level of garishness.
Sea Mammal Blubber Tax: This fee is not not levied on fish -eating mammals, but rather those humans pretentiously addicted to whining about their fates.
Rich Asshole Tax: Huzzah!! The city has been saved!!!

Mick Von Caw said...